Vision Quest
an Aaaah! Real Monsters Fanfic
by Save Fearow
Author's Note: Because Ickis and his dad are hilariously awesome together, that's why. I love how Slickis' unflagging optimism is counterbalanced by Ickis' doubts and insecurities. Not really life-changing although it has some minor bearing on later stories, primarily a casual father-and-son outing. If you want some more "modern day" stories I have a few ideas but am currently open to suggestions as well.
Perhaps the best days were in springtime, during those rare moments when Slickis -didn't- have a scheduled appearance. Yesterday's half-marathon had been amazing (and the after-race banquet was almost as memorable as the awards ceremony) and tomorrow would feature a fishing derby followed by a Squirmple tournament (they'd adapted the idea from human billiard parlors. Slickis could run the entire table before his hapless opponent made a single shot. Sometimes when he was feeling charitable he did let the rival "break". They usually broke again after Slickis' handily beat them but he always strove to be a good sport about the whole thing.) After that Slickis would be going out-of-town for a few competitions and while his agent Lerkayner claimed it wasn't good for the public image to take Ickis along, Slickis still felt his son was too young a bonsty to be left alone for a weekend. Although, Ickis was always lobbying for increased independence so maybe Slickis -would- start pulling back soon, and Ickis would probly get used to the idea of looking after himself more often. For today it was enough just to play Sewerball with his boy.
"Now watch closely, Ickis. I'll pitch it underhanded so it's nice and slow. Try to hit the tomato as close to the center as you can, alright?" Slickis instructed. Ickis nodded vigorously. Slickis lobbed the tomato and Ickis swung, far too late. Slickis sighed.
"Maybe next time?" Ickis offered tentatively.
"Sure, why not? Now really, keep your eye on the tomato Ickis. See how Daddy does it?" Slickis grabbed the extra lead pipe, tossed the tomato straight up, swung the pipe and connected with a loud smack.
"That sounded awesome!" Ickis cheered.
"Ha ha, it IS very satisfying. Now did you see what -I- did differently?" Slickis quizzed. "I hit that tomato when it was about 12 inches from me. You've got to time your swing to make contact. You're waiting much too long to react, Ickis."
Ickis squinted. "But how can I see it when it's that far away?" he questioned.
"Ickis, that's not a big distance at all. The hydrant in the park must be at least 5 times as far away as the tomato would be." Slickis reasoned.
Ickis glanced around in all directions. "What hydrant?" wondered Ickis.
Slickis frowned. "Son, how do you know when I wake up in the morning?" Slickis asked.
"I can smell breakfast being made! That's usually the firs' thing you do!" Ickis recalled.
"The most important meal of the day. Although lunch is pretty good, too. And you really can't leave out supper. Or dessert." Slickis noted.
"Can I help tonight? I wanna help, I can do it! I won't even set nothing on fire that's not s'posed to burn if I get another try!" Ickis offered.
"Um, let's focus on one thing at a time." Slickis suggested. "How else do you recognize me?"
"I can smell you! Your fur smells like dirt an' slime an' success." Ickis detailed.
"Why is success the last thing?" Slickis wondered.
"It's your scent's most prominent feature." Ickis supplied.
Slickis beamed. "That's m'boy." he agreed. "Anything else that stands out?"
"I can always HEAR you. I like listening to you Dad cause -you- don't say mean things. Not like the groupies, I been told to get lost an' not stand so close to the Great Slickis." Ickis remembered.
"They really -should- be more sensitive and polite." Slickis concurred. "But when do you -see- me, Ickis?"
"Is this a camoflauge question? Y'know I hate when you do THAT, I don't care how many monsters wanna demonstration!" Ickis pouted.
Slickis sighed. "It's jus' a reg'lar question. When I'm standing here in the park, am I blurry or am I very distinct?" he clarified.
"Blurry. Ev'rything is blurry. You're the red blur an' the grass is the green blur. All'a the trees is brown blurs." replied Ickis.
A memory flitted through Slickis' mind.
"Yaggoroth! How could you?!" Squelia whined.
"What? You told me Mimbo and the other girls didn't like how your glasses look, so I painted the lenses black! They look smenky now, don'tcha think?" Yaggoroth defended his actions.
"They don't look like ANYTHING!" Squelia hissed angrily.
"Sis, you're just mad cause now you can't describe how squishy Mr. Slickis looks. 'Yaggy, do you think his fur is naturally grimy, I bet it's grimy, but maybe he conditions it. If I knew Mr. Slickis' brand I would buy it for him, I really would!'" Yaggoroth mimicked.
Squelia snarled and pounced at her brother, missing him completely. "Ouch." Squelia whimpered, as she rubbed her head.
"Would you like me to take you to the infirmary, Squelia? They can bandage that, and then I would escort you to class or anywhere else you want to go." Slickis offered as he helped her stand up.
Squelia clung to him. "Mr. Slickis, that sounds incredible. You're so gallant." she declared. "Um... it isn't any trouble, is it? You're kind to volunteer, but if I made you go out of your way..." Squelia began.
"It would be my pleasure." Slickis assured her. He nuzzled Squelia briefly, then scooped her up and carried her down the hall.
"You're welcome!" Yaggoroth called after them, a bit louder than necessary.
Back in the present day, Ickis was staring at Slickis quizzically. "Dad, are you okay? What are you doing? Why did you go all quiet?" he wondered.
"I just thought of something we're gonna do today. C'mon son." Slickis instructed.
"But I -liked- this! Sewerball is FUN. I don't wanna do something new, I bet I -hate- it!" Ickis protested, although he trotted after his father anyway, dragging the Sewerball bat along.
"This is important Ickis. I should've taken you to the optometrist already. Every bonsty ought to have his eyes examined before the 40th birthday but we're only a couple of months late so no harm, no foul!" Slickis proclaimed.
"If you -wanted- fouls we coulda just stayed in the park an' played Sewerball! I woulda hit one eventually." Ickis complained.
"We'll go back there later today, I promise." Slickis insisted. "You don't mind doing a favor for your old beast, do you?"
"It's not a hard favor, is it? Cause I -tried- helping you train for the marathon race an' I tripped at the finish line, an' I -tried- helping you forage but I jus' got my paw stuck in the sewage, an' I -tried- helping you cook but that jus' scalded me an' set off the alarms..." Ickis recalled sadly.
"This favor won't involve any first-aid kits. Probly." Slickis determined.
"Okay Dad." Ickis allowed. He glumly followed Slickis through the sewer drains.
"It's not much further Ickis. There are a couple other shops underground. Maybe we'll visit one of them afterwards, buy some little treat." Slickis bargained.
"I don't care if we visit the Monster Hall of Records an' I heard that's the most boring place -ever-, outside of bonsty school. I just wanna go back to the park." Ickis argued.
"Bonsty school is really for more affluent monsters. The Academy is where you'll get most of your education and it'll be terrific. I was the best scarer in my class!" Slickis asserted.
"Yeah, but when do I ever do things that you do? I can't even loom yet." Ickis admitted sadly.
"You'll get the hang of it. You're very young still, Ickis. It takes time to find the things you're good at. I never even considered professional scaring before I started following the Gromble's instructions. Ah, here we are!" Slickis announced happily.
"Oh good. A nice blurry building where you can't play nothing. Jus' what I was hoping for!" Ickis quipped.
"Excuse me. My son needs an eye exam. Is the optometrist available?" Slickis asked the clerk.
"It will probly be about 10 minutes. Have a seat." the clerk responded.
"That's terrific! Anticipation is wonderful, Ickis. Sometimes it's even better than the actual event!" Slickis declared.
Ickis' ears drooped. "Now I'm sure I'm gonna -hate- this." Ickis groaned.
"We can play a waiting game. I'll name a challenge and the monster I defeated in that event, and then you name ANOTHER monster who lost to me, one whose name starts with the last letter of the monster I named, and we'll go back-and-forth. What do you say, Ickis?" Slickis offered.
"Okay! There's lotsa monsters who are nowhere NEAR as good as you an' I betcha I can name them all!" Ickis predicted.
"Good. I'll start. Academy Valedictorian. Mimbo." Slickis began.
"Academy Sewerball League Championship. Ogherik." Ickis piped up.
"Howl-Off. Kreepla." Slickis responded.
"Guess Which Paw The Toenails Are In! Ayelka." Ickis countered. "Same letter, Dad."
"Jus' fine. Manhattan Monsters Half-Marathon. Aproplus." Slickis supplied.
"So not fair, that was yesterday!" Ickis pouted. "Gorblats. Skagglitor."
"Chin-ups. Rawlam." Slickis mentioned.
"Wave-riding. Makrig." Ickis noted.
"Pie-eating contest. Grungy." Slickis declared.
"That's his nickname, it doesn't count!" Ickis protested.
"Grunjin then. Still started with G." Slickis countered.
"N... um, I know an N!" Ickis floundered.
The optometrist opened his office door and glided into the room. "Who's the bonsty who needs his vision tested?" he called.
"Uh, Monsters Weekly Essay Contest! 'Field Of Screams'! Nesdak! Beat THAT, Dad!" Ickis finally announced.
"Group scare. Most humans frightened in a single venue. Kopachin." Slickis answered.
"Aaaah! Not another N, I jus' did that!" Ickis whined.
"How about 'taking an eye exam'? Does anyone pay attention to -that-?" the optometrist joked.
Slickis nudged his son. "Let's go, Ickis." he directed.
"Why bother? We aren't going back to the park." Ickis groused.
"First things first. Jus' stand where the monster tells you to and answer all his questions as best you can." Slickis instructed.
"Stand behind this line, no behind it! Read the first letter of the chart." the optometrist began.
Ickis looked at the ground. "...I can't read." he whispered.
Slickis smiled apologetically. "I only jus' started teaching him that. He knows the alphabet out loud very well, but uh... we haven't made so much progress with the written aspect." explained Slickis.
Ickis buried his face in his paws. "I told you I would -hate- this!" Ickis sobbed.
The optometrist sighed. "I do have other tests I can administer for young bonstys. Can you tell me which direction I'm moving my claw in?" he asked, waggling his claw to the left.
Ickis wiped away tears. "When are you gonna start that?" Ickis inquired.
"Hoo boy. And you couldn't have dragged him down here sooner?" the optometrist wondered.
"We've been busy." Slickis answered a bit testily.
"Wait here. I'm going to get some of the sample lenses. Then you can tell me which pairs are better or worse." the optometrist ordered.
"This is going great, Ickis. We're almost done." Slickis claimed.
"I can name a contest you would lose. Defining 'great' cause that is NOT the right word!" Ickis muttered.
"He's just going to determine what kind of prescription you'd need." Slickis detailed.
"Prescriptions -aren't- great, they all taste horrible! Don't you 'member me telling you so?!" Ickis whined.
"Yes, at least once a year. This a different kind of prescription, one that has to do with vision only. -Plenty- of great monsters wore glasses." Slickis insisted.
"You don't!" Ickis retorted.
"I don't need them, but..." Slickis began.
"Here. Try this pair." the optometrist offered. "Those are 20/40 lenses, so they aren't very strong. How is it, any better?"
Ickis tentatively slid them on. The room was slightly more in focus. "Better." he mumbled, before removing them again.
"Try these on next. These are 20/70. That's fairly average. Better?" asked the optometrist.
The edges were still blurry, but Ickis could pick up several more distinct shapes. "Better." Ickis repeated. He took them off sulkily anyway.
"This next pair is 20/140. I don't usually keep much stronger prescriptions in stock but I could have a pair like this ready in 15 minutes, tops." the optometrist explained.
Ickis scowled but obeyed. "They're bet- waaah! Dad, Dad, what -happened- to you? Why are your ears all tore up? Who did this, was it that Gromble teacher? He sounded sooo mean! Did he hurt you? Tell me where he is an', an' I'll bite him! I got REAL sharp fangs!" Ickis roared.
"Ickis, it's all right. They've been notched like this for awhile now. It wasn't that bad, honest. Nobody hurt me, everything was a complete accident, okay?" Slickis reassured him.
"Well I didn't -think- anyone could beat you." Ickis allowed.
"Of course not. I'm the Great Slickis." he replied.
The optometrist's eyes widened. "Are you really? I've heard fantastic stories about you!" he gushed.
"They're all true!" Ickis exclaimed.
"Er, the Gromble did exaggerate about the Liberty Bell. I did break that, jus' not in the year that he said. No one in my class was old enough to scare back then. I know there are alot of rumors swirling around in the human world, but if you stick to the facts, you'd know there was no record of a crack before 1846. That's when the Gromble took us there for a field trip, he doesn't do to many of -those- for some reason." Slickis noted.
"But you scared the humans an' you broke it!" boasted Ickis.
"Whoa is a sound of terror, not surprise." Slickis professed.
"Would you sign an autograph?" the optometrist begged.
Slickis grinned. "Would you give a celebrity monster discount?" he bargained.
"I charge 85 toenails for a prescription that severe. The frames cost extra." the optometrist described.
"I've got 100 toenails I'm willing to spend today, and I'm saving some to buy Ickis a snack." maintained Slickis.
"They're usually more... but you WOULD make that autograph out personally?" the optometrist wheedled.
"For 95 toenails, everything included, you can be a respected colleague and I'll even offer you best wishes." Slickis reasoned.
"Best wishes AND prosperity." insisted the optometrist. "The name is Dr. Frenkoll, that's 2 L's on the end."
"Deal. Go pick out the frames you like best Ickis." Slickis declared.
Ickis sighed. "Do they have any that are invisible?" he asked.
"No, that's impossible." Dr. Frenkoll claimed.
"Can they blend into my fur? Like camoflauge you could wear?" Ickis persisted.
"I don't think camoflauge and glasses would work well together. In fact, I believe that would defeat the entire purpose of the skill." predicted Dr. Frenkoll.
"How about a nice round pair?" Slickis suggested.
"Fine, go with what Dad wants. He always gets HIS way." Ickis pouted.
"Sounds perfect! Here are your toenails and if you'll hand me paper and a pen I'll have that autograph for you as well." Slickis promised.
"Of course, Slickis! Absolutely! Can I be a most respected colleague, or I am overstepping my bounds?" worried Dr. Frenkoll. He pulled a notepad and pen out of his labcoat and handed it over.
"That's perfectly within your right to request that. 'Best wishes and prosperity to Dr. Frenkoll, a most respected colleague. Sincerely, the Great Slickis.' There you are, have a putrid day!" Slickis proclaimed.
"Thank you! That's amazing, even your penmanship is flawless!" Dr. Frenkoll marvelled.
"Yeah I won an award for that too. We'll be back for the glasses soon. Are you ready to go, Ickis?" Slickis asked.
"Yesss! It's only what I been wanting since we got here!" Ickis huffed.
"Great, everyone's happy!" Slickis declared. "Let's have some phlegmonade, and you can have another chance to beat me at the alphabet game."
"I'll win this round, jus' watch me!" Ickis bragged.
Ickis was still wracking his brain for another N monster when Slickis returned with their orders. "2 phlegmonades, cool and refreshing. Do you want to start over with another letter?" Slickis offered.
"No!" Ickis snapped. "I almost got it! Push-ups. Nawgast."
"Penmanship. Trawlf." Slickis answered immediately. He finished his phlegmonade in one gulp.
"Deep sea diving. Falpir." Ickis replied and started to chug his phlegmonade.
"Smaller sips, Ickis. You'll choke on that." Slickis remarked. Ickis sputtered in protest, then started to cough. Slickis clapped him on the back briefly and the choking fit subsisted.
"Jus' for that I declare you the loser of this round!" Ickis gasped.
"But I had an answer ready! Life-Guard Certification. Reppib." Slickis replied.
"You took too long!" Ickis persisted. His ears pricked up. "Hey Dad. When some grown-up monster says 'that was worth meeting his snorbly son', what does snorbly mean?" he wondered.
Slickis frowned slightly. "Slang is always changing. That's not really a term I was familiar with back in school." Slickis claimed.
"I bet it's something awful." Ickis lamented.
"For 95 toenails, it better NOT be." Slickis muttered. "Don't look so glum, Ickis. It's your turn, you could -still- pull off a victory, B's a fairly common letter."
Ickis sighed. "I quit, you're too good at this." admitted Ickis.
"It's time to head back anyway. Finish your phlegmonade and we'll go pick up your glasses." Slickis detailed.
Ickis pushed the mug away. "I'm not thirsty, can't possibly finish." Ickis lied.
"Then you won't mind if I have a sip. That was a very excellent drink." Slickis commented before swallowing the remaining phlegmonade.
"Daaad! I wanted that!" Ickis moaned.
"Sorry Ickis. You told me you were finished so I didn't think you'd mind." Slickis explained.
"So not fair! You -knew- I was only stalling!" Ickis accused.
"I can't know that for certain, I can only guess." Slickis insisted. "C'mon, Ickis. Let's go get your glasses and then we'll go back to the park."
"Yeah!" Ickis cheered. He paused, considering. "An' those tomatos better still be where we left them or I'm gonna sulk all the way till bedtime."
"I'm sure they'll be there. But on the off chance that they're NOT, I still think that it will be -very- difficult to sulk through supper. I'm fixing muckaroni and if you're a good boy I'll let you help boil the sewer water." Slickis noted.
"I can do that! All I gotta do is pour the water in a pot, turn on the stove, an' stare at it till the bubbles form." Ickis outlined.
"I'll be the one touching the stove but you can watch all you want." Slickis clarified.
"Doesn't sound like that would be much help though." Ickis realized.
"And yet it is! It's a big responsibility but if you can't handle it yet, I'll take on that job too." Slickis volunteered.
"No no no! I toldja I'd do it, I'll do it! I promise!" Ickis persisted.
"Thank you Ickis. I knew you could be responsible." Slickis declared.
Ickis beamed. "I'm responsible for -everything!-" he claimed.
Slickis struggled to keep a straight face. "That means more than you're aware of, I think." Slickis remarked.
"Huh? What don't I know? You can tell me, Dad! I wanna know!" Ickis persisted.
"When you're older, I'll explain -everything- to you." Slickis hinted.
"I'll be ready for it." Ickis vowed.
"Slickis, you're back! I told you that was Slickis. He considers ME a most respected colleague." Dr. Frenkoll bragged to his clerk.
"Of course. I respect ALL monsters I do business with. I can only hope they would give me -and- my son the same respect." commented Slickis.
If Dr. Frenkoll had picked up on Slickis' grievance he gave no sign. "Your son's glasses are ready. Just a reminder that if anything happens to then in the first week only, I can replace them free of charge but after that you'd need to pay the full retail price." Dr. Frenkoll cautioned.
"You heard Dr. Frenkoll. Be careful with these, Ickis." Slickis instructed.
Ickis sighed. "Yes Dad. I'll be good." he replied half-heartedly. Ickis frowned as he put the glasses on.
"You look so... so..." Slickis searched for the proper adjective.
"Stupid." Ickis pronounced.
"Not -quite- the word I was looking for." Slickis admitted.
"How 'bout looking for the exit? Oh, there it is! I found it!" Ickis remarked sourly.
"Couldn't do that before! Doesn't that fill you with pride?" Slickis prompted.
"Not -quite- the word I was looking for." Ickis echoed.
"Triumph then." Slickis decided. "You look very triumphant."
Ickis stared at him. "Are you sure you -don't- need these?" Ickis questioned.
"From here I can see inside the confectionary parlor window next door. They have 39 flavors. Would you like me to read out loud every beverage, refreshment, and dessert the signboard advertises?" Slickis inquired sweetly.
Ickis scowled. "I'm NOT letting you borrow -my- Sewerball bat. If some stupid human took yours, thinking it's garbage, that's too bad." Ickis opined.
"I'd have to go scavenging again in that case. You can come along if you want." offered Slickis.
Ickis hung his head. "I can't even be mad about that, it sounds like too much fun." Ickis recognized.
"Glad to hear it! Thank the nice monster and then we'll be on our way to the park." Slickis noted.
"Thanks ALOT." Ickis acknowledged, being sure to stress the final part. Slickis ruffled his son's fur, which only annoyed Ickis further.
"Very nice, Ickis. G'bye, everyone." Slickis cheerfully announced.
Ickis tried to remain downcast as they headed back to the park but he couldn't help being cheered by the prospect of Sewerball in the park. "Yay! Ev'rything's still here! Pitch me a tomato now, Dad!" Ickis pleaded.
Slickis glanced around. "Hmm, they aren't any humans nearby but the sun is already going down. We'd be lucky to get one hit in and still be home before it got too dark." Slickis proclaimed.
"Please Dad? You promised! An' if you break your word, not only will I be mad about THAT, I'll also 'member how the stupid optomawhatsit AN' his clerk both called me snorbly after we left again. I betcha it's a -mean- word like gweebie an' brat an' stupid-whiny-always-underfoot-bonsty-you're-gonna-lower-the-approval-rating!" Ickis blurted out.
"I really wish Lerkayner would stop teasing you like that. I'm sure he meant that in the nicest possible sense." Slickis stated.
"You jus' agree with him cause he got you that dumb ol' book deal! I bet a really NICE agent coulda done the same." argued Ickis.
"Maybe. But he's the one that kickstarted it. Lerkayner saw me rescue that nursing home full of monsters and tracked me down for an exclusive interview 3 days later so I have to give him credit for the effort he's taken." Slickis conceded.
"So jus' cause he was firs' he gets to be a jerk? That's not fair, I was there BEFORE that interview! I was even part of it, an' I wanted him to go away!" Ickis recalled angrily.
"You were jus' fussing then. All you needed was time to get used to it, that's all." Slickis theorized.
"I -had- hoped he was gone for good. We didn't even SEE him again for more'n a year after that." Ickis grumbled.
"Book deals take awhile. 2 years isn't bad for a publication schedule and I -know- you don't want to go back to what life was like PRIOR to that biography." Slickis gently reminded him.
Ickis shuddered. "No Dad." he mumbled.
"We got alot of good out of that book and things will only continue to improve." Slickis predicted. "Now get into your batting stance Ickis and I'll pitch you one last tomato of the day."
"Yeah! I can do this!" Ickis announced.
"Bend those knees a -little- more, good. Let's see that grip. Left over right, knuckles aligned, choke up a bit more, elbows down, there that's perfect! Keep your front shoulder tucked in. Don't overstride cause here it comes!" Slickis hollered as he launched the tomato.
Ickis watched excitedly, stepped and pivoted, being sure to rotate his hip and extend the movement back to the rear foot. He led with the knob of the pipe pointing towards the tomato, then swung decisively, making sure to follow through with the motion, extending his arm after hearing the spectacular squish of tomato meeting pipe. Ickis squealed and bounced up and down in delight. "I did it! I did it! I toldja I would, Dad! You were watching, right? You saw the whole thing! I -clobbered- that tomato!" Ickis exclaimed.
Slickis laughed. "You sure did! That was wonderful. Now aren't you glad I bought those glasses for you?" Slickis asked.
Ickis lowered the pipe slowly. "Well, maybe I could wear them for Sewerball." he consented.
"You'll wear them all the time." Slickis persisted.
"But whyyy?" Ickis whined.
"Because I'm the Dad and I know what's best for you." replied Slickis.
"No way!" Ickis countered.
"Yes way!" Slickis responded. "Let's go home son. It's getting late." He scooped up Ickis and the bucket of remaining tomatos and began carrying everything home. Although Ickis felt he was too big to be carried he decided not to complain THIS time. At least he got to hold on to the Sewerball pipes.
~~~The End.
Author's Note: Why is everything 'good' for bonstys so annoying? Ickis will never understand! He does understand that he loves spending time with his awesome but frustratingly easy-going father. It should be noted that despite his classmates' tendency to dismiss him as uncoordinated, a loser etc. Ickis WAS shown to be good at Sewerball. Slickis is probly a 'natural' athlete who learns to visualize movement as soon as they are described and develops fast muscle memory to retain certain poses. Ickis has some of that kinestic learning potential, but I think he also makes physics work for him, inwardly calculating pitching speed and distance (especially if he can actually -see- the pitch.) It would probly be an absolute even match if they faced each other in a game of Squirmple. Slickis goes by the look and feel of a shot to determine whether a ball will go in the pocket, Ickis factors in the angles and trajectories. Since they'd both run the table every time, it would all come down to who won the coin toss and had the honor of "breaking". Slickis would probly suggest they switch off, keep things fair and balanced. Ickis would gripe some, but ultimately allow it because Slickis is the Dad after all and Dads tend to get the last word in. It's practically a pre-requisite for the job.