1

"So have you decided which school you're gonna apply to?" He asked.

"Yeah, the same one as you." I tell him. "Let's be honest with ourselves, we'd be clueless freshman without each other. We're like Boke and Tsukkomi, inseparable."

"If we're going to be honest with ourselves then who's the Boke here?"

"You." I say putting on my poker face. "And before you say 'no', think of all the weird crap you get into that I try to bail you out of."

A silence went on for a couple seconds before he sighed. "That's not the point, I didn't get accepted into any of the High schools we applied to."

"Really? That sucks, what are you going to do now?"

"I didn't say I didn't get into a high school, I said the ones we applied to." He said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Dad managed to get me into a free private school. He even made you a copy of the application, they should still be accepting them."

A free private school? Is that even a real thing? Sounds like a scam to me. And isn't copying records like that illegal?"

"Do you want the copy or not?" He sighed waving the copied papers over the line.

"Fine." I conceded, sighing and pinching my nose to prevent the incoming headache. "Out of all the retarded things it's this . . ." I said after I set the phone into its receiver.

"...told you it was a scam..."

"This wasn't my idea! I didn't know this place had a dark creepy forest, a blood red ocean, and a haunted buildings!" He said waving arms animatedly.

"It was your idea, it was you and your family's fault, so take responsibility." I huffed crossing my arms. "It was all on the pamphlet."

"It could've been photoshopped by the art club or something."

"Excuses excuses, and they only prove my point." I say waving him off. "Let's just get going already."

"H-hey, wait up!" Tsukune cried out, as I walked into the dead forest leading to the school. "Don't leave me here man, I swear there is something wrong with this place."

Of course I naturally gave him my most deadpan stare. "A place called 'Youkai Gauken' with a blood red ocean, free boarding, a dead forest, and only now when you arrive do you realize how badly you messed up in going here."

"Ah, yeah..." he sighed.

A full moment of silence passed by us before I decided to cut that awkward moment.

"Two humans stupidly applied to a haunted school where the likelihood of them dying on the first day is extremely high."

"Shut up man," he said weakly jabbing at my arm. "That story might actually-"

A sound of chains was echoing through the forest, Tsukune had frozen still while I remained unaware of the coming danger... actually I was apathetic to his apparent fear of everything.

"Get out of the waaay!" Of a flying bicycle, on a crash course towards my head.

It was quite interesting, apparently Tsukune took on the first impact of a tire when said rider lost control of the bike after a nasty bump in the ground. They tumbled away with maybe a few bumps and a cut to show for it. I took a metal frame of a bicycle to the back of my unaware head and landed on a misplaced tombstone. Why the hell do they have these hazardous things? People die when they are killed you know.

A normal person would be conked out, period. As for a hard headed person like me? I got a nasty cut from the edge of the tombstone.

And it fucking hurt.

"Son of a bitch." I said through clenched teeth and a massive headache.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"

No, I'm not okay, my head was bleeding dripping onto the surprisingly warm ground staining the ground black, or was it red? Either way my extremely cute girl senses were tingling like mad. I needed to open my eyes and see the beauty who would one day awaken my beast.

Bright pink hair and emerald-green eyes furrowed deep in concern holding a certain innocence to it...

Who faced Tsukune whom had a bit of dirt and a small cut on his cheek.

'You cheeky little shit.' I thought in bitter jealousy.

I want to get this out right now. I do not hate Tsukune. I DO hate the amount of crap I deal with when in close proximity of him. Anything bad that happens to him happen to me thrice fold. It's like a monkey's paw except my best friend being the drawback itself.

I'm pretty sure those two were in their own little world as I reached for the first aid materials in my duffel bag. I make sure to carry some for emergencies like this. They leaned towards each other for a passionate and out of nowhere kiss, as I applied some alcohol around my cut. And just when I was about to wrap up with some gauze...

Tsukune is screaming Bloody Mary like he hasn't gotten out of puberty and running around like a headless chicken. I'm actually quite serious about that.

As the good friend I am I grabbed him by the sleeve (after I put on my bandages of course) and told him to stop screaming. It involved the words: "Tsukune, please shut the fuck up. I landed on a tombstone after being hit by the metal frame of a bike, while you were off in lala land. Please tell me your amazing excuse as to how you can run around being so inconsiderate of your injured friend."

So I may have been a little bit peeved with him. I'm pretty sure it's the headache. And justified. Barely even noticeable.

"I-I didn't... It was... oh, your head!" And pink haired girl was in front of me faster than my best friend. "It's a sad day when a stranger shows more care than your best friend."

"Yeah sorry about that, I'd be more concerned if I wasn't bitten." His voice reaching octaves higher than it should have.

Didn't realize I said that out loud.

"I didn't mean to, I just... well I was a bit anemic I smelled your blood…"

"Alright, makes sense now." It really didn't but I'll choose to ignore it. "Let's pick up our stuff and be on our way."

It was no wonder why I didn't see Tsukune try to catch up. At least not until I saw them again.

Beginning of the year assembly is usually the same, it wasn't much different other than a creepy guy with glowing eyes I couldn't comprehend and the whole 'try not to die' spiel. He reminded me a bit of the bus driver.

And so we went to our assorted homerooms. I sat near the door for maximum escape effect. I found the classroom rather quickly due to lack of distractions.

I have places to go, things to do, and nothing is getting in my way.

Already there were few people there, the teacher who had just left to go do... something. Something quite pleasant too, by the way her tail was wagging. I think I already like this teacher, she certainly is ballsy to anally masturbate in class.

Off in opposite corner of the room was a group, one girl surrounded by a couple of guys; flirting, blowing kisses all that jazz. She even noticed me and sent me a wink of my own.

'Not interested.' I thought as I continued to scan the room.

A girl dressed waaay out of the norm when it came to uniforms, instead choosing to wear a large purple sweater with a black tanktop underneath, quietly writing in a notebook. She looked very dazed and looked everywhere the entire time. Perhaps she was drawing instead?

More and more students were piling in all with different and more unique hairstyles. I swear that one of them had rainbow hair.

'Hell even a guy in a Hawaiian shirt showed up! Seriously I'm going to ditch this tie as soon as I get the chance.'

Morning bell rang both Tsukune and Teacher arrived at the same time, one taking their place at the front the other in the back corner near flirty. I'm not exactly good with nicknames. I go for description rather than detail.

A school meant for integrating into the human race actually condones killing humans if they are found on school grounds.

What the actual fuck did he sign us up for?

I wasn't scared for myself (I was) but I was absolutely pissed at whoever decided, 'let's ruin this guy's life by sending him to youkai school even though he gave human responses.'

Seriously, fuck you attendance staff.

This time it wasn't Tsukune's fault. When it said race he had naturally put Asian. When it said race, he gave a human response. If only we had read a bit more of the fine print because when it said Youkai so many times it probably wasn't the name of the school they were referring to, it actually meant youkai species.

My face was normal as it ever was. Tsukune however, looked whiter than the human body should have any right to be. The guy next to him actually looked directly at him and gave him 'the look'. I'm sure we've all been given the look at one point but I never expected Tsukune to get the look from another guy.

Kudos to you Tsukki, for getting a guy's attention instead of a girl's.

He went even whiter at my hand gestures. In and out people. In and out.

But just when the teacher was asking for questions, our most beloved pink haired girl came rushing through the door.

"Sorry I'm late! I had to take care of something with the Headmaster."

"Well then," the teacher or as she would like to be known as Ms. Nekonome. "Why don't you introduce yourself then." She said in a voice a bit heavier in weight.

Hardly anyone took notice of her sarcasm because said girl waltzed forward and gave a small bow. "My name is Moka Akashiya. I hope we can all get along."

That day was probably the loudest any of the first year boys had ever been cheering shouting and praying to whatever deity they believed in thanking everything for the fact that they are alive to witness the most Kawaii moment in history.

I don't think it was particularly special, but one dumbass had to ruin it for everyone else.

"M-moka?" Our lovable idiot Tsukune had to go and fuck it up.

She gazed around before her eyes landed on her target. Her eyes glowed and every man (minus me) had to shield themselves from the sugoi.

"Tsukune?"

You could hear their hopes being crushed.

"Hey Moka." His awkward response was tinged with regret as soon as he noticed all the attention's on him.

"Tsukune!" She beamed as she skipped to her crush and grabbed onto him like a long lost lover.

Cue bloodbath. Every guy went from extreme euphoria to forming a KKK with the cause of killing Tsukune. Shedding tears of actual blood in pain.

What a lovely first day.

After our first and only class of the day, we wandered the campus to memorize where our classes are and later put our stuff in dorm rooms.

"Don't these look great!" Moka cheered, pulling Tsukune by the arm from place to place.

Old buildings covered in vines with chipped paint, and a few ridiculously large spider webs that cover the stone bricks.

"So much character it'd be criminal not to artistically capture in paper and pencil." I said, full sarcasm ahead. The buildings look like that cheap apartment you buy but never actually go to.

Being the good Samaritan that I am, I decided not to join the TTT (Tsukune Termination Troupe, dumb name by the way). Instead I followed them, introducing myself and apologizing for ditching them in the woods. She was quite forgiving about the whole thing and can 'understand what I was feeling'.

"Really? You can draw?" she asked paying more attention to her surrounding

They all gave me the look of unrighteous fury waiting to be released the moment Moka forgets all the attention she previously had on Tsukune. Eyes shone, daring me to make a move on her after she had stuck her claim on Tsukune.

I gave my prideful smirk and upped my posture, trying to goad someone into overreacting. "I'm no Pablo Picasso, but I take great pride in my ability in drawing people. Wanna see my favorite?"

I've never seen Tsukune look so depressed and angry at the same time, ever.

Let's bring his face back up, shall we?

I pulled out a photo of me and Tsukune at the end of our junior high, and my sketchpad. The differences were small, very easy to see for an expert but my drawing was more 2D. There was more emotion in my face than in the photo. And we were in a blank background.

"It's my pride and joy. A token of our friendship made through careful lining and perfections made by two people." I said feeling the softness of cloud nine. "I made it over the break with Tsukune's help." Not really.

The problem with some of my sketches is that they are disproportional most of the time. Whether it's scale, body proportions, or all of the above I couldn't seem to get it right.

But when I tried drawing my best friend, I got as close to perfect as I'll ever want. He added minor details like the shading.

She went starry-eyed, he was more relaxed and rubbing his neck bashfully as he always did when embarrassed. Considering he did nothing except exist and color, he was just basking in my glory.

I felt my starving ego grow, along with the surrounding malice. But enough gloating. "Well I'm off to the dorms gotta put this up somewhere."

The day ends and I found the urge to add to my pride. Maybe because I made a new friend but Moka's visage seemed appropriate.

And so I started the outline. A lithe form on my right

My eye twitched in annoyance as the knocking on the door continued. I am not awake, and if someone can't get that message, they can receive a boot up the ass and a middle finger.

I got up choosing to move quickly and quietly my head throbbing more than usual due to tombstoning and waking from a good dream of a harem of 5 girls.

Seriously, fuck you.

Opening the door shows Tsukune's troubled face. He knows how much I value my sleep and wouldn't dare wake me without good reason.

"I'm leaving." And I wanted to deadpan and do it hard but I can't. I'm too tired for this shit.

"And why is that? You were so excited to spend these last few years with Moka." I asked despite already having an idea.

Never mind, I don't have an idea, I already knew.

"We are at Youkai Gakuen, a school of yokai, by yokai, for yokai. We're just humans, both way over their heads." He started. "I know for a fact that staying because I have no real reason to fear anything would be a lie."

Tsukune has every rhyme and reason to run, he's human, not athletic, unconfident, and lacks any sort of strength that he can truly feel for himself.

"You're human as well and have nothing to guarantee your safety. Your punch is as strong as my dad's chili. Your awareness from headphones and phone addiction are shit. Only thing you have going for you is emotional control that requires therapy for lack of expression."

He really has nothing going for him here. He doesn't even have a real reason to stay. "I get that one day you are going to be a great politician, but I'm still staying. You sure you want to do this?"

"You don't get it! There's no reason to stay! Nothing here for us to accomplish! It's do or die depending on if whether we stay or go." He snarled.

"It's do or die no matter what you do." I calmly tell him suppressing a yawn."Nothing is going to change if you leave."

"What?!" Stop screaming

"Think this through carefully. You went to Youkai Gakuen and left on the second day. Why is that? A human won't be able to put the pieces together. But any monster with two brain cells will figure it out." I tell him. "Let's get something straight Tsukune. I'm going to stay. This is a nightmarish school full racist creatures. Out there it's not much different, except they know something's wrong with you."

"Then I guess I'll see you later," he said turning his back on me. "I honestly hope you live through this hellhole."

A mistake. He knew it was a mistake and yet. . .

I got dressed, uniform without the ridiculous tie. And chased after the guy who had left a confused and almost crying Moka, whom I grabbed by the hand. And continued running after the idiot.

"Wait what are you-?"

"No time to explain!" I cut her off immediately. "If we let him go he'll be in serious trouble."

"You're not going to leave? Aren't you human too?"

I growled hating the word. "Is this really the time for that? If he leaves it's going to be too suspicious for any youkai to take at face value. He'll die because the entire Youkai faction is going to know he's human the first time he applies for a job."

I felt more resistance as she grinded both of us to a halt. And she said it.

"What ARE you?" She screamed at me.

"Does it matter?! He's my friend going off to make a stupid decision. He's your friend. I'm your friend. And right now one of us is going to make a stupid decision."

"We weren't even friends!"

It didn't take a genius to figure out what I did next.

"Well then FUCK OFF. And don't bother trying to make friends if this is how you treat them."

I ditched her. Adding an annoyed huff at her ironic felt that he had to leave because of people who think like her, act like her. I should have known that we wouldn't get along, so I kept running harder and faster than I would ever admit after the one friend that needed me the most...

...but I ran into a living figure of bones and I was sent flying into the air.

And before I could land, I was burning...

...

I was bleeding, the ground was absorbing my still flowing blood there was a large bruise and a bit of torn clothing.

It was a scene I wanted to keep to myself.

The sky was an eerie red, the ocean gained a purple color. It was a hellish scene fit for a dead man.

Shining silver hair that makes the world seem brighter, and a soul piercing red eyes that felt like they were more than just for show.

I was in hell.

I knew this girl, but at the same time I didn't. Her eyes were sharper than anything I'd ever felt. She was glaring at me, and it hurt to know.

...Or it could be gratuitous amounts of blood coming from the left side of my body. Seems way more legit than evil eye.

"You left me." She said softly. Abandonment issues? Is that really what's going on here?

"No, let me correct myself." Well she hates men I guess? Girls are- "You left another me." She said voice growing a bit louder. Girls are horrible inconsiderate people.

Especially considering that "I never left anyone." I said filled with much contempt. "You were simply being unreasonable for not going out to look for my friend."

Her eyes narrowed further, the urge to run quickly rising.

"You lie, you had abandoned Moka." She said giving me the harshest of looks.

"I can't abandon someone who I was never there for." I said glaring just as harshly without the power she contained. "You heard it loud and clear. She wasn't my friend, just someone who hated humans."

"Don't get smarmy with me." She said jabbing at my still wounded left rib. "I need you to do me a favor. Look after the other Moka will you."

I was still wincing at the fact that she was messing with my injuries so much. It wasn't a favor, it was an order. Still considering she was kinda hot and I wanted to try it... "Only if you look after my idiot."

With a hum, and a clink of a rosary reattaching she fell forward...

Into my fucking bleeding side. God damn it! Determining by the moans she was letting out she may be licking up the blood.

The sky turned blue and ocean turned red, and I had 2 bodies to haul over to the infirmary. Oh wait it was 3, me, Tsukune, and naked guy. Moka is out for the count because resealing power is exhausting, no one is around to see this awkward mess.

"Fuck my life."

2

It's the 3rd day and already I'm known for my growing amount of bandages. The nurse was actually a decent healer and managed to give me enough painkillers to let me move without further injury. The giant bruise looks more like a scar and I still have my first day bandage it was pretty much a given due to the fact that objects flying are a constant at Youkai. Might as well keep what I got.

I actually got up a bit later than usual and already I'm behind both Moka and Tsukune. And by the time I catch up Tsukune's running off into the distance.

"Let me guess... Blood?"

"I couldn't help myself! He just smelled so good." She said with a blush on her face.

"Eh, whatever. He'll be back soon, let's head to class."

I must have developed an eye twitch when I got here. It's really the only explanation as to why I haven't gotten Tsukune into some wrestling moves I wanted to try out.

He was almost late coming in with the flirt from the day before, after 'going to the infirmary'.

Someone end my virginal suffering. She looked like a mess, with ruffled clothes and a triumphant smirk that seemed to pierce through anything. Tsukune lost his V-Card on the third day. Bro-con is going to be livid about this. I sure as hell was.

It as a fairly normal class, students were chatting whenever the inattentive teacher went off into a daze about fish. It happened quite often too considering her choice in class material.

If it wasn't obvious that Ms. Nekonome was a nekoshou it should be. The woman couldn't stop talking and daydreaming about fish. Her ears and tail are often out for all to see, and any unfortunate soul who happened to point it out got clawed in the face.

"She's a real live bipolar cat."

I earned a scratch to the face for whispering my thoughts out loud.

Nothing really out of the ordinary happened that morning. Tsukune snapped out of whatever orgasmic haze he'd been in and actually paid more attention. Moka had just been switching between silently staring at Tsukune and the girl he was with. As for our last contender she simply sneered at Moka whenever she wasn't looking.

For fuck's sake, why me?

I found Moka crying her eyes out... again... and at the worst time too. I was hungry, and I needed food, stat.

I could've just left, just like that, but I had a deal ("deal" read as "order") to uphold. I'd probably die if I didn't.

"Moka, what's wrong with you." Quick and decisive actions need to be taken, especially with DID vampires. I wasn't exactly the best at comforting but I'll try not to be a dick about it.

"Tsu-tsukune... he... he..." She was hiccuping in between words trying to get out whatever the idiot had done. "He was using me... We weren't friends..."

"Then we find him and get answers as to how he plans on getting a new best friend in a matter of a few hours."

"Huh?"

"Think about it. When and why would Tsukune talk to someone who wanted to use him to hurt you?"

"It's just I take..." We didn't have time for that.

I grabbed her by the hand and again dragged her out of her slump, both literally and figuratively. It might actually become a recurring thing.

"If he really isn't your friend not only will we both have to find new best friends but at least we still have each other."

It was something that was supposed to be comforting. And hopefully make her less depressed. That's all they were, lip service for the desperate.

She grasped my hand more firmly and stopped struggling, instead running with me...

...And I definitely wasn't enjoying the sight of bouncing boobs.

Does she seriously not wear a bra?

She had apparently had Tsukune's scent memorized (wink wink, nudge nudge), and was now leading me towards the infirmary?

Oh hell no.

With a burst of newfound speed, I kicked open the door startling the lone teenagers in there.

I cleared my throat for the scolding they would both receive.

"No fucking or masturbating in the infirmary!" I pointed at the bluenette.

"Tsukune! You must always carry your condoms." I said pointing out his empty hands. "And above all else... Why did I find Moka telling me you were using her and no longer her friend!"

"Shouldn't that have been the first and only thing you say." said Tsukune, deadpanning in the arms of the very flustered succubus. It's unmistakable with that tail of hers.

"Obviously not. I'm pretty sure you two already had sex in this room." I said nodding sagely. "The ruffled hair, the dazed looks as you entered late into class, even now embracing as lovers. There's no doubt about it, we've found your secret girlfriend!"

There can't be fault in my logic. If there was, the problem is way more serious than I thought. "Seriously Tsukune, you have the worst taste in girlfriends. Can't you pick someone decent like Moka? I mean it's only our first week." I said rubbing away the headache.

And just as I said that I ducked to avoid the 5 extremely long fingernails that threatened to take my head.

"Moka this, Moka that. I'm sick of hearing about that goody two shoes vampire." She said glaring daggers. "I am Kurumu Kurono, and this was supposed to be my year where all the boys worship me."

I let that sink in for a few seconds.

"So a succubus wanted control of the entire school? You certainly failed at keeping my eyes on you." I said getting back up. "I lost interest as soon as I saw the crowd of boys at your desk. You can't keep a guy so you want a harem? That's actually kinda sa-" I jumped back, her nails scratching only the surface of my nose, as I tumbled back.

"Shut up Shut Up SHUT THE FUCK UP!" She screeched punctuating every word with an attempt at cutting my head off. "I'm sick of your shit!"

She nailed me directly in the stomach but still I moved away. I need more bandages. An d learn how to shut up. I can't exactly going around pissing off every person I meet anymore.

I had no idea what Moka and Tsukune were doing but right now it looked they were kissing. God it pissed me off so badly, loses his V-Card and he's all that. I've been in this game way longer than he has.

I was bleeding out, and Kurumu didn't know when to quit. So I had to come to an executive decision . . .

Fuck this shit, I'm out.

I turned my back on her making sure to crouch before doing so to avoid anymore cuts, and tried sprinted out of the building.

Mind you I was being chased by a succubus and bleeding so some movements were a bit faulty and she was flying after me. It didn't take too many twists and turns to find out I had not lost her at all. If anything she looked raving mad, clawing at anything that got in her way. If I turned around I could probably see some T&A. But alas I was going to die.

For I had tripped.

When you trip and fall, it is expected for the body to ache a bit. When you fall with injuries it hurts even more.

I wasn't getting up, I knew that for a fact. Because it hurt like a bitch.

I couldn't move, the adrenaline running out, the blood again leaking into the surrounding area, this time in large quantities. Everything ached again, except I was used to it.

Then I felt the urge to run again. Just like last time it was not something to be ignored.

It was Moka unsealed.

I got the rundown from Tsukune. Moka's rosary seals away her true form and personality along with a portion of her power. Apparently he was the only one who could actually take it off, tested when either me or Moka tried.

So why did she reseal herself? She could've helped me drag Tsukune's less injured body to the infirmary.

Earlier they weren't kissing like I thought they were. They were trying to take off the rosary.

Kurumu was also distracted by the oppressive force. Which I wanted to take full advantage of. I got up taking off the bandage from my head wrapping it around my chest.

And like a bullet she struck, kicking her opponent away like a football. Kurumu was certainly flying like one.

"Thanks for the save," I said, feeling more relieved than ever before.

"I honestly could care whether you live or die." She said. "I protect your idiot and you protect mine. Isn't that how the deal works." (read "the deal" as "my order")

There goes my twitch acting up again. "Sure, that's how things work. I also thought that if one was died the other would have to worry about the dying."

"As if you could protect a vampire" she scoffed, grabbing a frantic Kurumu by the tail, before swinging her around and throwing her into a tree outside.

Huh. That was interesting. "Where's Tsukune?" I asked thoughtfully.

"Heading this way." She said with a flick of her hair. "Just let me finish up here." And she stalked off towards the fallen succubus.

Tsukune was, like Moka said, running in our direction.

"Hey buddy how-"

He didn't stop to chat he ran right past me, past Moka, and stood directly in front of the fallen succubus. With arms outstretched and his face set in stone, he rushed in front Moka just to prevent whatever may happen next.

"Just like last time. That idiot." I said to myself.

Even though it's been 2 years, I guess some things never change.

Like this not being a damn manga or anime.

"I need to borrow something."

I spun around a bit confused before four fangs bit into my neck.

It hurt. It hurts. It really fucking hurts. I can't put into words how badly it hurt me.

After only a gulp she released me. And everything went black.

I can't express how glad I am to be alive.

I don't know how close I was to death, but I know that I briefly went into hypovolemic shock, suffered mild anemia, and still feel like shit. Luckily someone was generous enough to hand the doctor some type O blood packages. At the end of the year I might have a page in the yearbook for most injured.

The sun was setting outside, I missed lunch and I might miss dinner as well.

"This sucks" I frowned into my hands.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

The door slid open, and to my surprise it wasn't Tsukune or Moka who came in, but Kurono. Or was it Kurumu?

"I brought you some food. I figured you'd be hungry from all the blood loss."

I nodded and my stomach growled in agreement.

She held up the small bundle in her hands. It was two lunchboxes the other probably made for either herself or Tsukune. She set them on the small table next to my bed. Separating the two and opening them. Small onigiri and omelette along with octopus sausages.

And it smelled good.

"Itadakimasu" I chanted digging into the food without thought.

It was all awkward silence from then on. I certainly wasn't going to change that.

"Umm..."

It seems Kurumu wasn't one for silence, despite our awkward.

"So, you're Tsukune's best friend?"

And she wasn't good at trying to make conversation with a guy she tried to kill. Actually I don't think anyone would be.

"Yep. Ever since middle school. Inseparable Boke and Tsukkomi." I said.

"So who's the Boke?" She asked with an impish grin on her face.

"Tsukune of course." I waved away. "With all the craziness that happens to him, I'm the only guy who can take it with a straight face."

"I figured you were the Boke because of earlier."

"It's hard not to misunderstand. I knew you were a succubus the moment I saw you, not literally of course." I said closing my eyes nodding sagely. "What am I supposed to assume when you are late to class with ruffled clothes and satisfied looks? Not to mention all your flirting on the first day."

"When you put it like that it sounds undeniable. Still that was really harsh what you said back there. Iḿ sorry things ended with me losing my temper but"

"But nothing. It's hard trying to look after a DID case and a pacifist." I interrupted. "From my point of view I skipped lunch to help figure out how my best friend could betray them. I run into you two in a bed. Overall it looked like you were just using him."

"But I changed my mind."

"Have you? Tsukune is really trusting and if you break that trust..." I said trailing off. Not that I could actually do anything.

"It won't happen a succubus's love is unbreakable. I would never do anything else to hurt my destined one."

Hold. The Fuck. Up.

"Your destined one." I said trying to understand how the fuck she came to that conclusion. "Is Tsukune, because..."

"Protecting me against the unbeatable, knowing he wouldn't win. He's brave and kind enough to stand up against the impossible." She said "and hopefully I can learn to love him more as he will love me."

'Insanity Levels are over nine thousand.'

"And since you're his best friend I was hoping to nurse you back to health." She said shyly looking from me to the lunchboxes.

I think I get it. "You want to know what his favorite foods are."

"Preferably sweets, those are my specialty."

"I guess I was wrong. Tsukune definitely has an amazing girl. Moka's got nothing on you, I think."

It was the start of a beautiful friendship. One revolving around setting Tsukune up for a wedding so I can be best man and he can stay Kurumu's man.

I got back to my dorm room satisfied and exhausted despite having slept for a couple hours. So I did some homework to further increase my boredom until I got an aneurysm.

It was nice. Then I want to draw. And so I did.

The remastered masterpiece now has an outline of a sealed Moka leaning on me without a face nor the features to define her. I touched up on that and added the frame of Kurumu lying her on Tsukune's shoulder.

It was so hard not to draw melons for boobs.

3

It's been a few days since the Kurumu Harem hiccup and things have calmed down. For the most part.

Kurumu made true with her claim by shoving her chest in his face every morning. Moka being the Otome that she is tried prying her off her "friend". When asked if she would do the same for me she said "yes?" with great reluctance. As if trying to be a good friend without making someone jealous.

Someone cry me a river.

I play moderator in their antics. Preventing Tsukune from dying in marshmallow hell, giving Kurumu Tsukune preference in gifts, and as for Moka . . . What do I actually do for her? Other than tell her to stop taking so much of Tsukune's blood, even when she asks for it. It is scientifically impossible for him to be alive at this point. The guy looks like a zombie every morning, it's a wonder he was alive enough for testing.

We aren't exactly the closest of "friends", and I use the term very loosely for our relationship.

I digress. The days rolled on until we had to the club festival. The very bane of my existence and the importance in Tsukune's life.

I'm sure I said this before but I'm not good with people. And joining a club involves interacting with people. Now add Moka + Youkai Clubs adoring fans. What do you get?

A shit ton more people than necessary. Club invites from Acupuncture, Potion making, Human Discovery, and even the Beauty Appreciation Club. I even was pulled to the side to be asked to join the TTT. Which turned into a real thing.

How did they even get that established within the first week? And why are they dedicated to both the people I'm watching out for?

I politely declined telling them I'd keep both clubs in mind when it came to a final decision. I wasn't lying either. Appreciation of beauty is always . . . appreciated. And eliminating Tsukune doesn't sound appealing, but everyone likes a spy amongst the ranks.

We've been wandering for about half an hour. And still no interesting clubs. And by interesting clubs I mean ones not interested in molestation, acting murderous, or just being outright horrifying.

Where exactly did they plan on throwing those baseballs? My junior hurts watching them try and hit the ball the ball into whatever unfortunate soul happened to be looking at Moka.

Very accurate, they were with aim.

Our heroic normal people (me) left off at: "So Newspaper club is a no-go? I always wanted to be a part of interrogation."

"Don't you mean a investigation?" Tsukune asked narrowing his eyes.

"Same thing. Reporters are like sharks snapping at you for any and all details."

"Nah they look too nice for that."

"They look nice enough but they lead you on like a lost puppy." I close my eyes rubbing the bridge of my nose. "Then they grab at any detail and twist it into something more."

"I'm telling you man that's not it."

"You're only saying that cause the female reporters look cute." I counter jabbing my finger into his still chubby cheek. It's unbelievable that this guy is going to be 16 and still has so much baby fat.

"That's not true. Moka's way cuter than those girls." He said not realizing the confession he gave.

A face full of boob entered both mine and Tsukune's vision. Whilst two arms wrapped around our heads.

'So this is what marshmallow hell feels like ' I thought. 'It's a good thing I'm not struggling, this feels too nice to NOT stop feeling.'

Struggling is what causes you to lose oxygen so much faster. The proof clearly being me on cloud nine, and Tsukune was drowning. But within the very same 7 seconds we were let go (yes I counted).

I was extremely disappointed, Tsukune was extremely relieved. There was simply not even enough boob for me to feel. I really need a girlfriend like Tsukune's.

"Moka, why are we here?" I said watching the 'beach balls' fly.

"We're waiting for Tsukune to decide whether or not to join the swimming club." She said shivering at the sight of the splashing water.

"And why aren't we waiting from the bushes or going to check out the last of the stalls?" I said watching Tsukune get more boob to skin than necessary.

"I don't even know." She said stalking off into the opposite direction.

"So are we doing Newspaper club? I seriously don't like the idea of swimming club." I said catching up to her.

"Of course. Let Tsukune have his fun with those big boobed bimbos and Kurumu." She said with a huff. Jealousy is a bitch after all, and she clearly had Moka in her grasp.

It was at this moment, Tsukune knew, he fucked up.

"Somebody help us!"

The deadpan was so strong on my face. The worry in Moka's reached maximum moe as she dragged me back to the pool. Where we were met with mermaids neck in and humping any male in the pool . . . and Kurumu.

Never forget the girl-on-girl action. Or rather girls-on-girl. It would be wrong to discriminate.

"If this were any other day we'd be screwed." I said dragging out the cardboard cutter from my pocket. "Luckily I remembered to bring repellant."

Tsukune and Moka have a bad habit of getting into unnecessary trouble, usually ending with the pulling of a rosary and a swift kick to the head. You can bet your ass however my problems won't end with that.

Considering I have to watch over two idiots instead of one, I have to have some sort of insurance that doesn't involve a kick. Or getting my ass kicked

It took a few nights of scanning the rulebook. One to make sure that I read it correctly, and two so that I have full protection against any idiot that says I'm breaking the rules.

Weapons are allowed at this place. Destruction of property is not. And there are no rules against humans, nor active killing of anyone suspected of being human, but rather something that is done that the teachers simply don't put a stop to.

Those are the three things I paid attention to as the very sharp blade harshly ejected from my hand into a fin.

The effect was immediate, screeching that stopped everyone in their tracks as the little Mermaid transformed back into human form just to remove the blade from her leg and direct her gaze towards us.

"Kill the bastard!"

They all started transforming back into human form and climbing out of the pool rushing towards us.

Water rushing up from their bodies onto the pool deck caused massive ripples strong enough to cause some of it to fly out of the pool. Near us where Moka was now actively shrieking and scurrying backwards.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out why. Human culture says holy water is most effective against a vampire, but no one questioned water itself. Moka couldn't stand water because it's her weakness, not out of a petty fear of the past.

Now I feel like an asshole.

I pushed Moka back and high kicked one of the many that rushed me. Another grabbed me by the lifted appendage which earned em a jaw breaking twist of the head.

Seven of them were clawed into submission as Kurumu flew above her destined one's head.

They all started transforming back into human form and climbing out of the pool rushing towards us.

Water rushing up from their bodies onto the pool deck caused massive ripples strong enough to cause some of it to fly out of the pool. Near us where Moka was now actively shrieking and scurrying backwards.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out why. Human culture says holy water is most effective against a vampire, but no one questioned water itself. Moka couldn't stand water because it's her weakness, not out of a petty fear of the past.

Since that was not me. Another little piranha-mermaid-thing took a bite at my arm rendering it completely useless due to pain.

"Kurumu get Tsukune outta the water." I said using my other arm to punch and push any fish person in my presence.

It caused more blood to spurt of my arm and land on some of them and they greedily licked up whatever they had on each other. If only it weren't blood and their faces were in human form.

It'd be a pretty . . . "nice" scene. Hell even now they looked like they were melting. It was really weird having them look at me like that. I really wish I saw Moka's reaction to tasting my blood. Because this situation is . . . awkward to say the least. Some of them were even completely reverting back to human form as they held their faces in content, probably a foodgasm. Or is it bloodgasm?

Either way they were immediately kicked away by an even more irate Moka. Well more angry than her mostly passive aggressive persona would be willing to show.

Hell despite her weakness for water I'd figure she'd be melting due to even having Tsukune touch her. He did just get out of a pool of bisexual piranha-mermaids after their "swimming lessons".

Cheeky bastards, the whole lot of them. All swimming in more than just water.

I was now being caressed and shielded from the vampire queen of the school (by the way someone actually crowded around the school about it. The name just stuck). The matter would be as touching as when Tsukune protected Kurumu. Except I'm not him and these ladies only want my blood.

Irony, you too, are a bitch. Except you want my blood too.

"You really don't know when to quit do you?" She scoffed flicking away a stray piece of hair.

The few that were still in the water were actively splashing water all over the place forcing Moka to back away.

Anyway, what's her face, leader of mermaid-people or whatever still had my blade in her hand was also splashing water and blood from the pool all over the place.

This simply won't do.

I ran around anyone on the pool deck trying to reach the diving board. Stepping on hands didn't stop me and curious, murderous looks are being thrown left and right as I jump onto the diving board doing a flip before drop kicking the shit out of crazy blade wielding mermaid.

I really wish someone was recording that. Awesome movies will be made from that.

Knocked unconscious she stopped flailing and let go of my cardboard cutter before it was once again in my grasp.

Of course I was underwater and no one was there to save me from a stray set of teeth.

Correction: no one could save the girl with said stray set of teeth.

I swung my weak arm which held my blade though it was slow, there was no a long light cut to show for my efforts.

I forgot to mention something. I am quite possibly the slowest swimmer of the generation. So any mermaid could just grab at me and drown me to my almost death.

Nonetheless I continued my slow swim out of the pool, clothes heavy from not even chlorine just pure water.

Nonetheless the red sky was a comforting sight for me as well as the pile of fish people and Moka walking off into the dark forest. Yet despite the sky turning blue again, Moka hadn't resealed herself.

Wait are those sparks?

I thew my blazer to the side as well as my dress shirt which were uncomfortably wet. Exposing my scarred ribs and pierced chest. It's a miracle that I'm healed at all.

I'd take off my pants but that'd be awkward as fuck trying to explain why I'm naked.

I inhaled sweet sweet air and released the pent up aggression.

"Newspaper club, anyone?" Tsukune then slapped me.

Such a long day I had. So much going on, a moment of badassery that I really wish I had got on camera, club fair, and other shit I can't remember. And best of all I got to join the Newspaper club like I wanted.

I found a little present for me from a secret admirer. Probably one of the fish people who had a lick of my blood. Instead it was a CD. It came with a note.

"'Your amazing moment was caught on camera with the collaboration of a dog. Please enjoy your video and place outside your door when finished'. What the hell does that mean?" I said. "I hope they didn't make porn for me."

Insert disc into DVD player. And watch amazing moment in dramatic angles.

A face set in determination.

A running pace through a bloody floor.

He leaps towards the diving board. It bends down with his weight.

He leaps, doing a flip, silhouette blackened by the red moon.

Gravity takes him and places his foot on the monstrous female, quite possibly giving her brain damage.

It. Was. Majestic.

Whoever made this, with whatever dog they had, was fucking awesome. Kudos to them.

I prepare for sleep, and have more dreams about more awesome stunts. I was going to be remembered for greatness.

4

Classes ended and we go to our respective clubs.

We had, as planned, joined the newspaper club. It only took a couple of murderous mermaids and pestering. But I guess it all worked out in the end. Miracle healing helped my arm gain all feeling back, which eventually is to say it hurt like a bitch.

Still have no idea how anyone doesn't even suspect Tsukune to be remotely human, super healing is an inborn trait of all species dammit.

And it is hard trying to make a pacifist seem monstrous.

The video I watched yesterday was quite interesting. I even returned everything back into its encased package and left it outside my door. By morning it was gone but I have no regrets knowing that it exists.

Besides that, I think there's something wrong with newspaper club.

"Are we the only ones in the club?" Moka asked. The four of us sat in desks in the multimedia room.

"Hopefully we'll have our alone time together while the other two are out." Kurumu squealed burying Tsukune's arm in her cleavage.

"I guess the club was about to be disbanded before we joined." I said deadpanning. "No wonder she was self advertising."

"I blame you for this." Tsukune deadpanned at me. "Didn't you find it suspicious how there was no stand for the newspaper club."

"There might have been one. We might not have seen it though." I deadpanned harder.

"You were the one who wanted to join. I'm pretty sure you would notice the club without our help."

Our deadpans clashed against each other, trying to show the other who is the better Tsukkomi. Alas none can withstand my blank all seeing eyes, and Tsukune turned away after seeing the cosmos in my eyes. And turned back after realizing Kurumu's cleavage was closer than he remembered.

This is why Tsukune sucks at card games.

Our eccentric cat teacher had simply waltzed in, literally waltzed with an imaginary figure, and gave us a cheery "Welcome to the newspaper club!"

There was an awkward silence before I filled it with an awkward slow clap. She took it with pride giving a small bow before continuing. "I'd like to apologize for the large space."

'No, I really do appreciate it. A good habitat for the Tsukkiomi.'

"But do not worry, my first years. You do have your senpai to help you with anything you need to know."

"Senpai?" Tsukune asked dumbly.

He stepped in bouquets in his hands. Hand on his head giving his most charming smile.

"Hey Tsukune." I whispered from behind him. "We found a wild drama king."

"I heard that!" He said indignantly. "Anywho, my name is Gin'ei Morioka, 2nd year and president of the club. Please call me Gin"

"Nice to meet you." We chorused all at the same time. Funny considering none of us are ever on the same page.

"I was expecting two young ladies to join my club, and had prepared a personal gift from me." He said holding out the flowers for 'two young ladies'. "Alas I was not able to find gifts for the other two. I was not aware about you joining."

"Gin'ei I told you specifically, before the club fair began that a boy and girl were interested. You even set up the desks."

I heard something crack, I suspect it was his lie falling apart. Also how did she know anyone was interested at all?

Oh right, she can't be a complete ditz. She's still a teacher.

"Anyway, I may not be here most of the time. So be sure to ask him about anything before coming to me." She continued all shits and giggles like. "Make friends with your senpai." And she trotted off to who knows where.

She threw Gin into the vampire's den of curious freshman as to how much of an asshole he really is. Pray to the Nekonome god before ye is smited, you douche.

"That was embarrassing." No shit. "But welcome to the Newspaper club, where finding the story lies within carefully formatting plans to infiltrate the psyches of our peers." He said with a serious face.

My excitement grew at being able to accomplish my lifelong dream.

"We may run into a few walls, people aren't particularly open around here. But we can persevere to get the full story."

I should tell you something before I continue my dialog. Whenever I get excited enough, I tap my foot extremely quickly and sometimes extremely loudly. I like to think I've made the habit less obnoxious, but there are some people who think it's annoying.

It was that habit... "Nah I'm just kidding, it's not that serious." That almost forced me to stomp my feet in anger at my moronic senpai. Though to be honest I already had a shit impression of him.

"But still we have a serious story to cover." He said recovering a bit of respect from me. "A serial pervert who peeps on girls in the locker room."

"That sounds like a good one." Kurumu said getting closer to Tsukune. "I won't allow anyone but Tsukune to see my goods."

All three of us felt our minds crack a bit at that sentence, all for different reasons.

"I agree. Except no one is going got be showing anything of theirs to Tsukune." Moka cut Kurumu's embrace to halt hugging Tsukune 'protectively'.

Three cracks. Two larger than the first one.

They got into their little girlfriend spat as usual. And so me and Tsukune naturally tuned them out. Our senpai however took a bit longer to shake out of his stupor. But it took a pat on both his shoulders and shaking of all of our heads.

It wasn't worth it. Was not worth the thought of interfering.

"I have a question before we start our investigation." I said completely ignoring Tsukune moving to prevent the girls' argument from getting physical.

"Go ahead and ask it." He said looking at the tug of war involving Tsukune and the girls.

"Are you the serial peeper?" Every occupant in the room stopped to stare at me, as if I was incredibly stupid.

"It's a valid question. I don't know what he does in his spare time." I said trying to shift the attention off of me. "It happens all the time in man- I mean literature."

Everyone simply dismissed my ideas. And went on with the investigation.

Step 1: Make people aware of the issue.

We basically went around making posters and hanging them in popular places . . . Or so I thought.

"Is this high enough?" Moka said shaking a bit on top of the small ladder.

"Not quite." Our 'beloved' club president said from his seat. Behind the girls. Looking upwards. It didn't take rocket science or experimentation to figure out what he was doing. I didn't bother calling him out, instead taking a picture with my complimentary gift from the perv himself.

Tsukune also happened not to know what he was looking at. And his small yell of surprise and embarrassment. Acting like he wasn't checking out all the girls in swim club. His reaction actually caught the girls' attention who happened to gloss over the leader of our operation.

"Is something the matter Tsukune?"

If his blushing and stuttering didn't answer their question. Gin'ei seemed more than willing to help out.

"Nothing at all. Tsukune was just taking a peek up your skirts." If that didn't warrant Moka slapping Tsukune out the open window and running out the door I don't know what did. Kurumu simply hopped down from the stool now modestly holding her skirt down.

"Great job asshole." I muttered to myself as everyone else was distracted.

Step 2: Investigation.

The misunderstanding notwithstanding, everyone knew we had bigger fish to fry. Moka and Kurumu were off investigate the guys and we guys were left to investigate the girls. Why couldn't the girls do all the investigating and the guys put up the posters? And it gets better?

"Please tell me why we're here." I asked.

We didn't go asking girls for testimony or anything like that. We snooped around to the back of the girl's locker room.

Things were not looking good for us.

"The plan is simple. We stake out in the area until we find the pervert. I'll go find another place to scope out. You two stay here, inspect the place if you deem it necessary."

My mind zeroed in on his retreating frame and parting words.

'This motherfu-'

"So what now? Should we check out the place?" Tsukune asked taking peeks around the trees.

"Have you learned nothing about Gin? He's trying to set us up. Make us, or more specifically, you."

"No man. He's fine. He apologized and gave me a better camera than yours."

"Is it brand new?" I asked.

"Ano..."

I snatched the camera to look at the contents on the digital screen.

Pantyshots, nudity shots, and worst of all private bedroom shots. And almost a full roll of girls in them too.

"Case closed Tsuk-Tsuk. We found our criminal."

Except he wasn't near me anymore he was looking at the tall camera stand before deciding to take it down himself.

A loud shout of "I found the pervert" from Gin'ei later and we are in the cafeteria tables aligned in rows in front of a stack of them and the teacher of PE, Mr. Kotsubo at the top presiding as the judge for Tsukune's trial. All prepared by the drama club.

I don't know when this was set up or even why, but I had been forced by said club to dress for the occasion. Blue suit and red tie. They even gel the hell out of my hair to make it more professional, albeit making me look like a hedgehog. I was made the defense attorney of Tsukune while Gin'ei was the prosecutor for our trial.

Though to be honest he rocks the red business attire. He really looks classy. Of course Kotsubo even got into the act wearing a black robe.

With a pound of his fake gavel he began. "Now presenting the trial of Tsukune Aono; Serial peeper."

'I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to declare that

"The prosecution is ready, Your Honor." Said Gin giving an English man's bow.

"The Defense is ready, Your Honor."

"Would the prosecution begin it's opening statement?"

"Tsukune Aono was found near the crime scene where a small camera was placed at the windowsill of the girls locker room. He then tried to pin the blame on the defense."

He looked to me.

"No. The prosecution, the defendant and the defense were investigating the matter of the serial peeper. We were trying to keep a lookout in areas he might appear."

"Prosecution?"

"This was merely the opening statement. I also have a witness to prove his perversion."

"Very well bring in the witness."

And Moka walked into the center of the Lions den willing yet unwilling to condemn her friend.

"Witness, were you perved on by the defendant?"

"Y-Yes." She said quite solemnly.

"I see. I find the defendant..."

"Objection!" I said banging my fist on the table. "You can't declare a verdict without hearing the all the testimonies."

"We have physical evidence. Pictures of the defendant in compromising positions with cameras holding... more proof. Even this witness claiming the defendant's perversion."

"I have reason to believe that Tsukune couldn't be the criminal from a single fact." I say getting ready to pull my trump card. "He can't even handle this next witness."

"Wait I thought this trial was an opening act for the drama club?"

It was a true blue weapon of mass erection. Kurumu Kurono flying at top speeds to insert face into cleavage.

From there a bomb of malice flooded the room as Tsukune tried desperately to escape the marshmallow hell.

"Witness Kurono, please take the stand to prove the defendant's innocence."

"Of course."

Step 3: Cross-examination

She told of her many nosebleed - worthy escapades, the weak hearted passed out from sheer embarrassment, the strong passed out from blood loss.

"And that is why Tsukune should be set free."

"I see..." his honor said wiping away the now stopped blood. "And he wasn't interested in camera play?"

A few more passed out.

"He was too embarrassed for it. Besides he doesn't have any cameras."

"But your testimony contradicts everything this trial was based upon. Why the hell am I wearing this robe then? Why is there even a trial if we all know he's guilty?"

"The whole point was to prove that the cameras aren't Tsukune's." I said with a copyrighted smirk. "Yesterday we had just joined the newspaper club."

The look of fear entered the prosecution's eyes. "Where gifts were handed out. The girls got flowers and the guys got two sets of cameras."

The realization now realized by the girls. "Camera's that were already filled to the brim with data."

The judge finally understood. "This data starts from about a week ago. This gives Tsukune no time to take the pictures up on joining the club because the pictures were already taken."

Everyone finally gets it "I accuse Gin'ei Morioka of framing Tsukune Aono for the peeping of Youkai Academy. With this picture of him looking up two innocent girls skirts as proof of this." I said holding the photo from earlier.

Pitchforks, broomsticks, and softball bats were raised, ready to attack the frame pervert who was now shaking at the stand.

And he laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

He settled his insane laughter to say his last words.

"I still have proof that he was peeking into the girl's locker room."

"What?!"

Weapons were raised at the two men inquisitively. Wondering which one to punish.

"This picture says a thousand words." He says holding up the photo. "And they all show Tsukune holding up this camera to the window."

"May I have a copy?"

"Of course. You have lost your ground I may as well show you why." He says throwing the picture at me.

Caught between my two fingers I inspect it.

"It's a fake." I declared. "Without a doubt."

"Date and everything is unedited. You simply can't deny the facts."

"Not the picture itself, but the way you are portraying it. Notice the blurs from near the window. Meaning that Tsukune wasn't setting it up, rather he was taking it down. And to further disprove your theory I have a picture of the prosecutor himself setting this all up. Sent by an anonymous source."

The pictures contrasted each other like night and day. Literally. Tsukune taking it down in the day, Gin'ei setting it up at night.

His eyes were overshadowed by his bangs. "Damn it, Snow Ball."

"It's over Morioka. You lose."

And with a mighty roar he leaped over the growing crowd at the prosecution stand, I mean table, towards me. Impending doom increased when he turned into a werewolf midair ripping his classy suit. With claws aimed at my neck I fell on my ass as he flew over me, and leapt back at me now a mighty punch he sent me out the closed window, glass shard burying themselves in my suit. The aerodynamics of my hair however sent me a bit farther than usual and I skidded across the ground.

Fucking werewolves. I really hope this wasn't the dog that helped with that awesome video of me.

Taking out my knife I look around for a werewolf who was rampaging inside the cafe. Honestly why did I look around like a dumbass? What was I expecting to see? That he had chased me out here like a true warrior or some shit like that?

Instead I watch as people are thrown left and right. Gin clawed and tore at everyone in sight. The teacher was KO'd before he could actually do anything important. Kurumu was... somewhere. Moka and Tsukune were off somewhere, probably trying to take off the rosary.

Same old sky change colors bullshit happens. I really want to know the physics behind the moon showing up and the color changing.

And Gin'ei was apathetically kicked out the school. It really is interesting considering he never had the chance to gain power from the moon. But for good measure...

I limped over to him with the thought in my head. I reached his not dead corpse "Smile for the camera Gin." and stepped on his wolfy balls. His howl echoed off in the distance for good measure.

We had just finished step 4: Asskicking verdict.

On the front cover of our newspaper was the semi-dead form of a werewolf named Morioka Gin'ei. We didn't exactly go full creative rainbow with the cover title though.

"Shitty club president, is shitty."

I kid. The real title was: "Perverted Poodle Prosecuted" though he was still a shit club president.

The guy was in the infirmary for a while. He had taken massive damage to the crotch and stomach. Which is odd considering how he was kicked in the stomach. Neither me nor the dog commented on how that happened.

Still I even got my own part of the newspaper. I was apparently nominated Ace Attorney in the trial. And said poodle was nominated as best dressed. I was also invited to switch clubs due to the fiasco. My dramatic finger pointing was attention grabbing which was good enough for them. My invitation for the TTT however, was retracted, though considering they still want him dead and I saved his ass from vengeful women, it wasn't too surprising.

At the end of the day we got our rightly deserved apologies. Except for Gin, because fuck that guy.

4

Our next big thing would be test results. It's really depressing when your biggest concern is testing and not preventing your very fragile friend from dying.

With the combined efforts of me, Tsukune, Moka, and Kurumu, we struggled (except Moka) to grasp the concepts of Math (except Moka), the analysis of whatever the hell we do in Biology (except Moka), and over complicating the matters of the English language (except Moka and I), and combining English matters and Science matters to get Reading and Writing problems (Moka and I are the exceptions).

It was somewhat disastrous considering we had a problem with SEAT PLACEMENT. A small kotatsu and there are four spaces for four people. Yet somehow they managed to screw that up. Moka wanted to be on Tsukune's right side considering that's the hand he writes with so she could help point out the incorrect solutions and guide him to the correct answer. When she said guide, she literally meant taking his hand and writing with him.

After noticing this after a couple of minutes, Kurumu decided she was not having any of that. So of course they get into an arm wrestling match that shatter the surroundings and forced me and Tsukune into my room.

This continued for about a week of studying for testing. Well me and Tsukune were studying. At this point I was ready to completely give up on them. On the last day before testing they actually took things seriously and decided to help us out.

What nice people.

After much cramming into the night we slept and Kurumu remembered almost nothing. So she was metaphorically fucked.

Bow-chika-bow-wow.

Testing was easier than imagined. It always is but you can never be to sure about matters like this.

And the next day the results were posted.

The optimistic went from the best to worst, pessimistic went vice versa. Me and Kurumu were realistic and went to the back. Moka and Tsukune were slightly less realistic and went to the front.

The bottom was 38,000th something something or other. I really didn't care but I started my climb up. At one point I had left Kurumu behind at 14,250. Until I met up with Tsukune at 1,716. And stopped at 318.

I was actually quite surprised I never expected English to get me so far. I guess it is the Worldwide language. I continued going up to where Moka was at number 7. Supposedly it's a lucky number and I guess fortune will be shining down upon her this semester.

"Yo. How's spot number 7 feeling."

"It wasn't too hard, but I'm really surprised about the number 1 spot

#1 Yukari Sendou

"Is that someone really important because I have no idea who that could be."

"Apparently she's someone who skipped a whole bunch of grades."

"Meh."

"You don't think that's impressive?" She asked eyes narrowing a bit.

"It's not that." I said waving away her concern. "I don't know what kind of person she is so I can't say whether that's a good thing or bad. I reserve my judgment until our first meeting."

My judgment was reserved for only a few minutes. It was a classic three man group putting dents in the pillar around the small girl. I imagine she's about half Tsukune's height.

Considering this was school I should've known there was more than one group of assholes getting hard from hurting others.

Or getting wet. Ladies can be quite venomous too.

"Back off!/Get away from her!" Tsukune/Moka said/shouted.

"Well if it ain't Moka and her boyfriend."

"What? Are you supporting the little witch?"

"You trying to start something."

They talked as if they were triplets or something. It's annoying considering the threat level Moka is. Then I decided to back them up with Kurumu. Threat level increase 10 fold. Moka's pretty weak compared to her unsealed self. But when she gets serious she can send you flying. And Kurumu is . . . She has claws, I guess . . . She can fly and stuff so that's cool too.

I got nothing, neither does Tsukune, won't even bother trying to defend humanity.

I digress. Eventually we had the whole courtyard on our backs ready to beat the ever living shit out of these douché bags.

"Tch. Don't get comfortable witch." And they stalked off. The crowd parting, surprisingly not going up to murder the assholes. I guess the universal love for Moka can only go so far.

"Well that sucked, I guess." I said rubbing the back of my head. The crowd dispersed to do whatever the hell they did in their free time.

This is the part where I should have stopped reserving my judgment.

Geniuses usually feel a sort of kinship with other geniuses whether through relatability through experiences, or through shared ideas.

I can't even begin to guess which one Yukari is a part of, partially because she was currently nuzzling herself in Moka's boob and partially because that's all she's been doing besides glaring at us from time to time. It was quite an awkward experience for all who had continued to watch the scene.

I simply didn't give a fuck.

Ugh. Just hearing the quirky witch's words were disturbing. It involved a lot of lesbian sex, vibes, and other types of bullshit plays that should NOT involve the word sexual.

"Umm Yukari." Tsukune our resident hero started.

And our resident witch found it necessary to say, "It's Sendou to you. Only my Moka can call me by my first name." And she continued to nuzzle Moka's boobs. At this point I think she's motorboating them.

"Right..." he said in an oddly familiar tone. "I was going to say that Moka looks awfully uncomfortable. Could you let her go for a second?"

There seems to be a lot of bipolars at this school. Yukari just went from extreme content to full on tiny fury. I'd find it adorable if it weren't so fucking annoying.

"Moka is MINE!" She screeched hurting my ears a bit. "I'm not going to let someone like you put your hands on her."

"Isn't this overdramatic?" I asked trying to diffuse the situation. Of course no one was paying attention, they were watching a little girl wave around a heart shaped wand, and may I add was repeating 'magic wand' bullshit.

And before I knew it cleaning supplies burst out of the janitor's closet, flying at Kurumu 2 speeds in our direction. Specifically my head.

With a loud clanks metal dustpans hit my head. Brooms punched my gut forcing the air out of my stomach forcing me to the ground.

After their collision with me. They simply slowed down to avoid anymore collateral damage and smacked Tsukune a bit.

"Fucking . . . bullshit magic . . . is . . . bullshit . . ." I muttered softly before succumbing to the darkness, where everything ached.

Everything was a blur from then on. I was carried to the infirmary. By whom I don't know but I heard muffled voices. The repeated 'alone's and the 'hunt's. There were apologies and again impact happened on my stomach forcing me awake.

"..."

"Did we kill him?"

"No... he's alive." he said.

"Where are... my... box openers..." I said. "Must... kill..."

"We took them away incase you decide go on a witch hunt." The identified voice of Kurumu echoed in my head.

Urgh. I feel like shit.

Out of nowhere Tsukune sucker punched me.

"What the HELL do you think you're doing?"

"I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry I'm SO sorry. It wasn't my fault." He said before going in for another sloppy punch... which I caught, and lifted the guy off the ground and slammed him onto the ground forcing the air out of him, made laughter erupt from the little witch at the window.

My anger had reached its peak and I broke the door after slamming it open, suplexing the fuck out of the tiny bitch.

I'm still pissed.

"This is not child abuse. This exacted justice. A punishment from the vengeful." I said tossing her through window onto the impromptu bed.

So pissed.

I walked away. Out of the building and into the dead forest, where nothing but silence awaited me.

Much better.

The silence was welcoming as the sun set giving it a golden glow before the sun set a little lower turning everything red. I sighed in content, letting the shadows crawl over me.

I know it's a barrier to hide away from the human world but couldn't they make it, I dunno, more human? And what's with the obsession with red?

In the distance I heard more magic wand bullshit, and a few slurps.

I've fucking had it. Had it with magic, with tentacles, with being pushed around.

Just like last time I kicked off letting rage push my body farther and faster. I jumped going for a double kick towards the person holding the magic wand. Apparently I jumped higher and hit harder than expected because I sent the guy's face 3 inches into the ground.

"You cocky little shit..." and I was sent head first into a tree. It was so much better when I was doing the hitting.

My head was bleeding again. It was the third time that year that it happened. I may have brain damage or something. Again time seemed inconsistent since I never really rested after metal utensils flying at Kurumu speeds. There was some crying. And again I was carried back to the infirmary. And injected with some shit. Probably morphine.

And then nothing but a dreamless sleep. And during that time I had a lot of time to chill out and think.

What am I doing at Youkai Academy?

5

Yukari wants a threesome.

The most horrifying revelation since coming to this school is Yukari wants a threesome, involving her, Tsukune and Moka. Forget getting burned at the stake, forget getting eaten alive, fuck all that shit.

No one must ever pick up a crop, butter or soap. Especially don't touch the soap.

My face had contorted into such horror as she did more magic wand bullshit to show us her mental image of it.

No. Just. No.

No words can describe how fucked up her imagination is.

Excusing the multiple mental scarring, I've been updating my drawing since I've arrived at the school but Newspaper club has prevented more from being added on a daily basis. I've finished up Moka's and Kurumu's parts but never got around to making Yukari or Gin'ei. Particularly since I didn't like their 'unique' ideas of fun.

I also got new compilations of epicness. I've had many kickass moments involving my hops and the buildup to make it happen. Every time it came to my door I resisted the great urge to squeal. I one time got Tsukune to come over and watch. His tears were quite entertaining considering he didn't get anything like this. Albeit he found it a bit creepy for some reason that people are stalking me.

Pfft. As if. There's just a person out there who happens to be knocked out of the way and catch moments of glory.

The compilations however make less sense. There's no explanation as to why the hell I have a collection of clips involving me. All of them taken at high and low dramatic points of view.

So I came up with an idea to help me identify my stalker/pen pal.

I wrote a letter.

It was simple to the point. I thanked them for the video and asked if we could possibly meet in person or if I could have their name. I did get a response.

"I have always admired you from afar but alas I cannot bring myself to tell you upfront about me. I wish that you would simply wait until the time is right to present myself." I said reading aloud to no one in particular. It's a habit for whenever I'm feeling lonely.

"Guess I'll find out later." I said getting back to homework and agonizing over whether or not to draw Yukari.

In lieu of going MIA for newspaper club, I missed some incident when the girls thought Tsukune was leaving and their respective fan clubs were ready to attack him. It was a simple solution as always: unseal, kick, reseal.

By extension of Tsukune they moved to his best friend.

Which brings us to three guys prostrating themselves before me.

Me being unaware of the events of yesterday, I had no idea what was going on when they all in unison shouted.

"""Please teach us how to become closer to Moka-sama!"""

My brilliant response was a quiet whisper of "what the fuck"

"You, who befriends with the three beauties." The chubby guy on the right raised his head tears flowing quickly down his face.

"You the one who prevents Tsukune from getting all the girls in the school."

"You the undying saint who upholds righteousness."

"""Teach us your ways!"""

More guys showed up hearing their speech also began prostrating themselves before me. In the midst of their praising you could notice the whitening of my skin as I constantly whispered "what the actual fuck".

I had no idea what to do at the time. I never had a cult following before. But the ticking clock forced me to run to homeroom.

And so I sat down at my usual spot near the front and the gazes of the few men who caught the speech and praises outside gave me smiles I really couldn't understand.

Not once was I shaken when I constantly repeated (under my breath) the words of the day. Not once did I actually notice anything important besides schoolwork.

Now I have actual reason to say this.

"What the hell is this?" I said looking at the different profiles of girls.

Newspaper club happens after classes. And not once was I disturbed by Tsukune, Yukari, or even Kurumu. But never did I stop repeating the phrase.

Until we are given these profiles.

"Why it's elementary my dear Boke." Gin'ei chuckled. "It's a missing persons list." My cry of "I'm a Tsukkiomi" went unnoticed.

"Missing persons list?" Kurumu 'intelligently' replied.

"Around the school students tend to go missing for long periods of time." He added to his nonexistent context. "but I've noticed a recent pattern and increase in missing girls."

"Is this going to be another investigation?" Tsukune groaned remembering the last one.

"I don't think I'll be able to join in this one though." Moka said. "I have to run some errands this week for the art teacher."

With that one statement 3 spirits were crushed, and one was raised to the high heavens above.

"Go on ahead. We'll hold down the fort." Gin said giving a clearly fake charming smile.

"Who exactly is this we business." I muttered to myself as I watched Kurumu and Tsukune bond in marshmallow hell. With the addition of Yukari, brass wash bins now appear whenever he's about to die.

On this day Tsukune was first accused of pedophilia by an unknown source. He would continue to be accused of it until the end of our four years.

The unknown source was me but who really cares.

So investigation 1.1 began with actual interrogation, or in this case, careful questioning.

We got a lot of really useful bullshit about their likes, dislikes, crush on some messiah vampire that owns the school. I don't even have to guess who it is. Moka's the only known and popular vampire on campus.

After basically gathering what could amount to a bunch of wasted time we laid down the facts.

"They all like Moka. They all like the art teacher and they've even been skipping classes to go there. And considering that Moka has been doing favors for the art club for a while. Do you know what this means?"

"We're transferring to the art club?"

"Very funny cow-tits."

"It's sarcasm washboard-chan."

"It means Moka has been doing more than just favors for them." He said closing his eyes taking a sip of coffee that wasn't there before. "She could be forced into helping them, or worse, modeling for them."

"Don't you have the order reversed? And if she is helping with the kidnappings how come she isn't acting a little more . . . ya know... guilty?" I said playing Devils advocate. "Plus the disappearances started happening before her arrival to the Art Club."

"Her standoffish behavior, the way her eyes are constantly shifting about. There are other signs of guilt such as being over cautious around us too."

"No this only applies to you." I said debunking that idea, crushing him under the weight of reality.

"Even I would be like that when you're around." Kurumu added making reality kick him while he's down.

"Moka doesn't actually act like that around us." Yukari added RKOing (Reality Knock Out) him onto the floor.

I swear the guy is being overly dramatic, sitting in the corner poking some new grown fungi. It's not even real, it was left by the ironic art club.

"But you may be onto something with the idea of visiting the art club." I said rubbing my chin. "They must've been attracted by something other than Moka."

"Wait . . . Where's Tsukune?" Gin said looking away from his corner.

Lo and behold, the guy was nowhere in sight, but then again he's been quiet and mopey for awhile.

"Eh I'm sure he'll be fine. He's a big boy." I say laughing it off.

"Where the hell were you?" I asked frantically shaking him.

"I was a- err . . ."

"We can't have you flaking out on us man." I paced around him. "We need your game face not whatever the hell this is." Referring to his pouty face.

"It's just that . . . this week . . . isn't this a special week?"

. . .

"That's what this is about?" I asked despite knowing the answer.

With a nod of his head I sighed turning around...

And I slammed my head against the wall. Hard.

Breathe in, breathe out, in, out.

"Tsukune, you aren't supposed to talk about your birthday before your birthday."

"So everyone already knows?"

"Do they know? You certainly didn't tell them. Even if they did they probably won't tell you since they didn't want ask me and it would come off as creepy."

The girls did actually ask me when his birthday was and I may have dropped a hint. But he doesn't need to know that.

"I guess you're right . . ."

"All that matters is everyone who remembers is going to do something for you." Which is almost everyone he knows.

"Thanks man. I really don't know what I'd do without you."

"I can think of a few things but hey. You're the boss here." I said rolling my eyes.

He frowned a bit and his face was filled with . . . determination? "I've been thinking."

"About?"

"Confessing to Moka. I want to be closer to her and stuff." He said with growing conviction. "I know it comes as a bit of surprise . . ."

"Not really..."

"Wait. You already knew?"

"Tsukune, a blind man can see that you like her. Everyone makes the assumption you two are dating and will one day get married and I'll be the best man at the wedding." I say thinking of the possible image. I always wanted to know what those were like.

"Exactly who have you been talking to?"

"Every person that wants to get with Moka."

"So you've been sending people after me?

"Dude just calm down for a second and think. I am without a doubt your best friend. We live across the hall from each other, I defended you in court. Why the hell would I send monsters after you?"

"When you put it like that..."

"Point is... I forgot what the point is but I have something to ask you."

"Shoot."

"Have you met three guys who formed an unofficial Moka club?"

"Oh those guys..." cue back flash that will conveniently be skipped. It boils down to stalkers shows up. Mess with Tsukune a bit. Get their asses kicked.

"Well that's an interesting story, but for some reason I was praised as their messiah."

"How did that happen?"

"Since I'm friends with you and Moka I am somehow the bridge between normal people and the beauties of the school."

"I'm a normal guy. Why aren't I a part of them or a messiah?"

"Everyone thinks that your harem is growing." I shrugged. "I'm just an unfortunate soul caught in the machinations of your harem."

"Life is so unfair."

"Life as your best friend is unfair. I just went from backup punching bag to the Messiah of a cult that wants to make Moka and any other beautiful person theirs." I sighed. "Enough bullshit let's do this. Open the door peasant."

He sighs at my usual antics and slides the door open.

It had the usual after school club activities that you'd expect from a typical art club. Free drawing, modeled drawing, and piss-poor excuses known as abstract art.

"Moka?"

She posed at the center of it all. Looking around nervously.

And was also clothed. Damn it I'm not disappointed!

"Mystery solved, let's go Tsukune."

"What mystery? We came here to investigate the missing people."

"We came here to stop you and Gin's pity parties. The art club investigation can continue later when everyone has a clear head." I explained. "Not to mention we already have Moka investigating the art club."

"We do?"

"Not really. She's more of an experiment than anything. A test if you will."

"Why would you put Moka in possible danger like this?"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't she say it herself?" I asked ready to slap the stupid off of his face. "She's doing favors for the art teacher, if you're so concerned we can always just snoop around after almost everyone leaves blend in with the crowd hide one floor up before descending upon the room ready to smite the unfortunate."

"You can use all the flowery words you want," he said eyes turning stone cold. "I won't forgive you for using Moka like this."

"So am I supposed to force her out of there? Make our relationship more strained than it already is?" I growled. "If you want we can just as-"

"No. YOU listen to ME." He said forcing me against the wall. "I'm done playing the sidekick to your stupid games. I won't stand around and hope for you to get along with her."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"YOU! YOU and your SELFISH way of thinking!" He shook me my head banging against the wall.

"I'm being selfish? Tell that to my-"

"Don't bullshit your way outta this one." His eyes darkened "I'm trying my damned hardest to stay on your side but you make it so damn hard."

"So I'm selfish for making SOMETHING hard for you? It's my fault?" "Then that makes you scum. I've been miracles outta my ass just to keep you alive. I've lost more blood than Moka ever takes from you. And you have the nerve to say I'M selfish."

"You ARE. Why do you have to make things so difficult for me? I told you what I'm doing, so why do you keep doing this?"

"THEN WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK I'M DOING WRONG!"

"I WANT YOU TO STOP RISKING MY FRIENDSHIPS FOR YOUR DUMB PLANS!"

"STOP BEING STUPID AND REALIZE I'M THE ONE HELPING TO BAIL YOU OUTTA THE BULLSHIT YOU HAPPEN TO GET YOURSELF INTO! STOP BEING SUCH A SELFISH BASTA-"

Slap*

It echoed in the now quiet halls. A red hand print laid bare on my face. It stung but I got the message...

"Alright Moka... I get it..." I sighed rubbing the mark. "I'll see myself out of here. I won't bother you."

I turned my gaze on the onlookers who hurried about their business.

6

Hands in my pockets I moved through the partying crowds to the cliffs. The red sea reminding me of red wine and the dark barren grounds of dark chocolate. The finest of desserts in the upper echelons of society.

"I hate being angry." I say furthering my anger. "It makes me hungry."

A small cold dainty hand rests on my back.

Purple mid length hair cascaded down to her shoulders. Ice blue eyes stared at me before drifting over to the sea.

I ignored the pang in my heart and did the same as her and looked out at the sea.

Despite her silent comfort attempt I can't help but wonder about her intentions. Every genuine comforting moment I've been given can be counted on one hand.

"Why do you continue to do it?" She asked softly.

"Hang with Tsukune? Or something else?" Why am I...

"Why do you continue to put yourself in danger, without thanks or reward?" Her eyes now focused on me. Why do I...

The wind blew softly allowing me to cool off a little more.

"I don't know anymore." I said. "At first it was out of habit. We came to the school together because we knew each other. Now he doesn't need me." Why do I feel...

I sighed. It was always something I knew would happen. It was expected to happen. I can't hold his hand forever, no matter how much I need to.

"Are you lonely?" Her words tickled my ear. "I don't mind staying with you."

I nod feeling a calm like no other wash over me. I felt as long as I was with her everything would be okay. But all good things must come to an end.

"I'm have to go save their asses sometime right?"

"I know, I've been watching you."

Wait, what.

"Always there to help him and his friends." "Despite his kind nature not once does he think of your true value as his best friend. How you've always been there for him."

"I see it though, your tired eyes and overused bandages. How you wince every time too much force is applied. You, like me, hide how you feel because it hurts to care for people as much as you do."

"I want to help you, because you are like me, and I like you."

I stiffened, eyes wide in disbelief. I had never gotten a confession before. The pounding of my heart was loud.

Someone likes me. A girl likes me. It's a dream come true and a nightmare waiting to happen.

Can I...

16,106 words

(A/N): This is not a self-insert, never planned on it, never want to try it. This was a 9 month project in the works and if there were errors, it's because I hadn't gotten together with a beta. Let me know what you think.

~ Roxas

(Edited 02.27.18)