Disclaimer: All hail Pterry! Bruno Heller owns the Mentalist. This is slightly cracky.
This is a follow-up to Dreams Mysteries Love Lost by tromana, in which Jane strikes a deal with Death: he wants to go back so he can tell Lisbon he loves her, and Death lets him. But Jane hasn't followed through on his side of the deal yet…
-o-
Death of Rats was not looking forward to this day at all. Usually, he reported quickly, and got his small token of approval (he didn't care much whether it had nougat or not). But today… today was different.
"He what?" Miss Susan was not often moved to italics, and as such, Death of Rats finished his report and scurried away as quickly as he could, nougat notwithstanding.
Miss Susan thought hard for a minute. It was two minutes to recess, anyway. Now all she had to do was phrase the question in such a way that she would get the proper answer.
"Would you rather go outside to play for recess or take a field trip?" Two dozen faces of assorted colors and levels of grubbiness brightened.
There. That's a no-brainer.
-o-
Madam Frout frowned at the stack of papers on her desk. They were the only papers remaining, and for good reason: they were the most dreaded. The short essays of Miss Susan's class. And what kind of a teacher would give their children short essays with set beginnings, anyways? Creative writing assignments, free verse poetry, even a prompt to write a comic about, but short essays were things of the last century, relics of a time when children learned through work, not play.
Still, she had to read the things.
She steeled herself for whatever came next (unicorns, most likely!) and reached for the top papers on the stack, and began to ruffle through them…
-o-
We went to: the sea of bee I. Ther wuz no watr, ther wuz just peeple, but the big man gav us bags with crisps insid. They wer good.
I liked: the majic stufe like the crisps in the museeum case, theye were goode. Miss Susan sade theye were too salty bute thee big lady withe red haire sade we cud eet them and Miss Susan didnt say no. Thee lady wif red haire showede us thee majic box with thee moving pikshurs in it, there was camels but I donte thinke they were reele camels becuse everybody knows thee reel camels donte walke nise, theye bite yu and kicke yu.
We went to: thee Ancient Keeew. It did not look olde. I askd a man what a Keeew is, he sed it is a long line when you ar waiting four shopping. He askd me what I was doinge, I tolde him we wer on a feeld trip. He gav us gold things but they wernt gold they wer litle badjis.
There was: a man with curly hair he showed us triks with cards he made a dime gro out of my eer, but then he got in truble with Miss Susan and then she sed he didnt do whut he sed he wud do and then he was in even moar truble.
There was: A moving pikshir in a bocks, the tall lady showed us. The short lady stoped it, shee sed it was bad paulisee, she told us not too tauk too stranjers, so we stoped tauking too her.
I liked: it when tha bald man came in he had a funny face he was not happy he sed whats going on heer. The Pat Rik man sed sumthing and the other pepl people people laffed but not the funny man. We laffed too but im not shur wy, so they laffed more. Angus was angree angrie becus he thought they wer laffing at us but Miss Susan sed that they wer surprized we understud the joek. It was fun but not as fun as going too Genua, I liked the chees ther.
Then: The mad man sed time too go but Miss Susan didnt say so: then there was a madder man that the big man was draging, he was lik my dad when my mom ses one too many pints and he was yeling and so then Miss Susan sed time too go and then we went back we were a litle late but Miss Susan sed thats alrite.
Then: The laffy smily man went with the short lady and Miss Susan sed Men lik my mothr but not lik when she is mad when she is. Kind of happee.
-o-
"Yes, well, I gave Lila a lesson in silent e's. She's rather over-fond of them."
"Where is the Sea of Bee Eyes?" said Madame Frout.
"Pardon?" said Susan. Madame Frout could feel The Look coming on.
"Well, perhaps you could work on spelling," was all she said.
"We will," said Susan. "That will be all." And she left.
Wait, aren't I supposed to say that?
-o-
He'd taken it rather well; apparently, the death of Red John made all the difference. The children had been disappointed at the lack of active combat, but the "magic" vending machine had tipped the field trip in her favor. And Patrick Jane had actually listened.
"Don't try to cheat Death," she'd said.
"What?" he'd feigned.
"DON'T TRY TO CHEAT DEATH," she'd said.
"Oh, that," he said. "I thought you looked a bit familiar."
"Coward."
"I'm on it. Lisbon? Can we talk in your office for a minute?"
"Jane! What's going on?"
"It's not my… can we talk?"
"About what?"
Susan sipped her lapsang souchong (after Patrick Jane had told her the name of it, she'd found its resemblance to Lobsang so amusing she couldn't resist taking a bag), and smiled to herself.
"Come on, Lisbon. I'll fix it with Bertram later."
"All right."
She'd let them figure out the rest.