Part One: (Na Na Hey Hey) Kiss Him Goodbye

He didn't know when she was kissing him, that she was kissing him good-bye.

He was too enraptured by the sweetness he tasted, by the softness of her lips, the feel of her hand on his shoulder as she leaned down to press her mouth ever so gently against his.

He should have known better, the bitter heart inside him whispered. He should have sensed it, the farewell taste and feel of her lips.

Two years, not much of a difference in ages. Or maybe not much of a difference if they'd been older, not thirteen and fifteen but eighteen and twenty, or twenty-two and twenty-four, or even sixteen and eighteen if he was honest with himself.

More honest than he'd been that day, that magical, wonderful day.

The day she kissed him good-bye even while he exulted to himself that things were finally starting, that it was a wonderful beginning for the two of them, the past behind them and the future just starting.

Then she'd broken the spell by saying the words, by pulling back, her luminous blue eyes gone sad and distant, a frown puckering the skin between her eyebrows. Even a tear trying to force itself free of the prison of her eyes as she blinked rapidly to keep it in check. "I'm sorry."

That was all she said, two words that confused him for a moment until he understood. She was sorry about the kiss.

He tried to doubt her, to make himself believe that he was misunderstanding her, but he knew, oh, he knew all right. And when she spoke again he knew for sure, no chance of fooling himself when she continued: "I shouldn't have done that, I shouldn't have kissed you, not like that, like there's something more between us than being friends."

She continued speaking, but he couldn't hear her, not clearly, as she rambled on about being caught up in the moment and giving in to a momentary weakness, a desire to please him even if it wasn't something she wanted for herself. They were all half-drunk on success and the satisfaction of seeing Zuko crowned Fire Lord and his speech promising reparations and reconciliation and an end, finally, to the war that had been going on for far too long, too many years and decades.

Then she was gone, walking at first, then running, finally allowing her tears to fall, and he allowed himself a good cry as well.

Because that kiss was good-bye to any hopes he had for a future with her, a future holding more than friendship and comradeship and all the other stupid ship words except the one he wanted: relationship.

She didn't love him, not the way he loved her, and she'd just told him, in so many words spoken and unspoken, that she never would.

"I love you like a brother," her Ember Island actress counterpart had declaimed, while the woman (!) playing him added: "As it should be," in self-satisfied tones.

Because, like Katara, the rest of the world couldn't see him as more than a little boy when it came to emotions, never mind that he was also the Avatar, that he was also the master of the four major Bending techniques as well as the lesser-known Spirit Bending, Energy Bending, whatever the sages and philosophers wanted to call it. In spite of everything he'd learned and accomplished, to the wider world he was still a boy who couldn't possibly understand the meaning of true love, not yet, not for many years to come.

The wider world, and Katara.

Katara, who would never feel the same love for him that he did for her.

He opened his glider and flew away, needing to be alone with his misery as never before.

oOo

"Don't ever try to break up with me again."

Mai's words rang through Zuko's memory as clearly as if she was speaking them again. He'd kissed her so eagerly after his crowning, after his speech and the speeches that followed, after the diplomacy and the public celebrations of the formal end of the Fire Nation war.

He'd meant it, that kiss, was eager for the taste of her lips after having abstained for so long, but when it ended…something was wrong. Something was different, and he hoped he succeeded in hiding it from her, that distressing realization.

The realization that it wasn't Mai he wanted to be kissing.

It hit him hard, a gut-punch that took his breath away, although not in the literal sense, of course, or she would have noticed something was wrong, would have questioned him and forced him to concoct some kind of lie to soothe her.

When had this happened, when had his feelings changed so completely? And how had it happened without him realizing it? Was it when she saved his life after his sister nearly killed him? When he threw himself in the lightning bolt's path without hesitation because the thought of Katara's death was so much more painful than the thought of his own? Before then? After?

He couldn't answer the question no matter how hard he tried. All he could do was tell himself it was crazy, that they were too different, that he was the Fire Lord now and expected to marry a suitable Fire Nation noblewoman and produce suitable Fire Nation babies to be heir to the throne and follow in his footsteps when he was gone.

A suitable Fire Nation lady like Mai, with impeccable credentials and family connections and an understanding of what would be expected of her when someday they wed and started in on producing those suitable Fire Nation heirs.

When had that thought ever disgusted him as much as it did now?

And how was he going to break up with her after tacitly agreeing not to, without starting a feud between her family and him?

With a growled curse he slammed the drapes shut and stalked over to his bed. The moon wasn't helping, all it did was make him think of her and how shocked and unhappy she'd be if he ever let her know how his feelings for her had changed.

Either way, whether he kept those feelings to himself or declared them (Hah! Fat chance of that! his mind mocked him silently), he had decisions to make and even though he had some small amount of time—no one seriously expected him to be married at seventeen and so soon after ascending the throne—he felt as if he had no time at all, because the hard decisions would have to be made now.

Mai or Katara? Head or heart? Declaration of love or permanent silence?

Sometimes, Zuko concluded as he buried his head under a pillow, life really sucked.

oOo

Mai was floating. She'd spent so much of her life bottling up her emotions like she was going to sell them at market sometime in the future, so much time being what everyone else wanted and expected of her that it was impossible for her to do as her inner self wanted and dance down the corridor to her rooms. Dance and sing, wave her arms and kiss everyone she passed, on cheek or forehead but not on lips, no, lips were reserved for one man and one man only.

"Don't ever break up with me again," she'd mock-warned Zuko before pulling him into that fabulous, long-awaited kiss. But she meant it; no more doing things "for her own good," not if she had any say in the matter.

Which, she thought smugly as she entered her room, she did. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, finally allowing a broad, triumphant smile to emerge from her tightly closed lips. Closing her eyes, clasping her hands to her breast, she relived the moment again and again until dizziness overcame her and she gave in to the urge to dance, pirouetting her way across the room until she collapsed on the bed in gales of delighted, wondering laughter.

No one would recognize her now, not her friends or family, especially her mother. Mother would collapse in a faint to see her quiet, composed, perfect daughter twirling and giggling like a giddy five-year-old with too much in the way of birthday sweets rushing sugary disorder through her veins.

Zuko hadn't immediately told her he loved her, but that was too be expected. They weren't even eighteen yet, either of them, and although the Fire Lord could certainly marry whomever he chose whenever he chose, she knew Zuko would honor tradition and not take a bride until he'd passed his majority. Nor, she decided after a moment's cursory deliberation, would he take an underage bride, so that meant another year after he turned eighteen. But surely he'd announce the betrothal before then? Let the people and councilors and Fire Sages know he'd already made his choice?

She kicked off her sandals and threw hairpins to the floor with gay abandon, giggling at the thought of the shocked expression on the housemaid when she saw the uncharacteristic mess the next morning. Let her wonder, the silly thing; she would have something interesting to gossip about with the other servants for a change.

Curling up in the middle of the bed, hugging a pillow to her chest, Mai lost herself in daydreams of her future as the Fire Lady, as Zuko's wife, until sleep finally claimed her and the daydreams became true dreams, filled with kisses as sweet as the one she savored in memory from earlier that evening.

oOo

Why oh why had she kissed him? What had possessed her?

Still sobbing, Katara found a quiet corner in a musty storeroom at the palace's lowest level, where she could reasonably expect to be left in peace.

Peace. Hah. Left in turmoil was more like it. She'd done something so monumentally stupid, kissing Aang, practically feeling his hopes rising every second she allowed the kiss to continue, then pulling herself away and stammering awkward apologies and attempts at explanations and finally running off instead of staying and facing the mess she'd created.

She hadn't meant the kiss to be anything more than an overture of friendship, a confirmation of what they already shared, but he'd turned his head and she'd placed her hand on his shoulder and suddenly the kiss had become something it was never meant to be.

A kiss that had aroused hopes that were never meant to be, either. "Stupid!" she berated herself as she slumped in a corner, knees huddled to her chest, hands tugging agitatedly at her hair.

Gradually she calmed down, forced herself to replay the moment not to torture herself, although it accomplished that aim quite nicely, thank you, but to make her analyze her actions. Why had she done it?

"Who were you really kissing, Katara?" she asked herself, and the question stilled her. Who had she really been kissing? Certainly not Aang. She was fond of him, loved him, even, but not in the way he wanted her to. Never in that way, boy-girl, man-woman, happily ever after and a wedding after a suitable time had passed. But she'd wanted to kiss…someone.

She shied away from telling herself who she really wanted to kiss, because that meant examining why she wanted to kiss him, and that was a whole other can of roach-worms she did not want to open.

"I'm such an idiot," she moaned, feeling the tears threatening to overflow once again. And she was, because she'd hurt Aang by being swept up in the romance of the moment. Not the romance of being with him, poor boy, but the romance of having reached their goals. The war was over, or at least ending, the Avatar was safe from the dangers and threats that had plagued him ever since she and Sokka found him in that ice berg, and Zuko was…

Zuko. There it was, the name her mind shied away from even as her heart cried out in triumph. Zuko. That was who she wanted to be kissing.

And wouldn't Mai have a few choice words to say about that if she ever found out. And Sokka, oh how her brother would rant and rave at her. Sure he'd mellowed about Zuko but not that much. And what would her father think, Toph, Zuko himself? Surely he'd find it awkward, to say the least, if Katara were to admit to him that she wanted to kiss and be kissed by him.

Surely he'd laugh?

A/N: OK, anyone who's reading my other Zutara stories "After the Happily Ever After" and "In Time of War," please don't heap abuse on me. This is one of those shameless plot bunnies that wouldn't stop bugging me until I got it down on paper...and I've several chapters already finished so I'll be posting them fairly swiftly. I am also still working on the other stories, I promise. R&R if you like it so far!