On tumblr: post/35629978241/downton-abbey-december

On AO3: /works/561316

Disclaimer: Downton Abbey and its characters are by no means mine, although I wish they were.

New Year's eve is cold. Not icy cold, but still cold enough for snowflakes dancing around outside. Thomas watches them and thinks that they look even more graceful than the people dancing inside. It's a typical 31st of December in Downton; the whole Crawley family is chatting and dancing with the servants, the food is excellent and the house is radiating an aura of warmth and welcome.

There is a soft sound of snow crunching, and someone is stepping beside him. Thomas doesn't care; it's his last cigarette this year, the last hour before another year of serving and surviving and he plans to spend it quiet.

However, the someone seems to disagree with his plan, because in the next moment the cigarette is taken away from his fingers and falls to the ground; the gloomy orange fading into black in the cold snow.

Thomas looks up, expecting to see Sarah and ready to make a snarky comment, but it's Jimmy.

"What was that for?"

Jimmy just shrugs, but watches Thomas very carefully. His blue eyes are very dark, his skin very bright in the cold. A few snowflakes are already resting in his hair…

Since last year Thomas has apologised for a lot of things; for ignoring personal space since Jimmy's very first day, for touching him more often than necessary, for listening to Sarah and not to his own reason, and for kissing him.

He never apologized for feeling drawn to Jimmy, though, because that's something he has no control over. It is also something Thomas is still feeling, and it makes him happy. Looking at him, listening to Jimmy playing piano… It's all Thomas needs, and it's all he will ever get.

During the last months, he had sometimes thought that something had changed in Jimmy. There had been secret looks across the table, or through the hallway coming from him. There had been a hand on his arm when Jimmy came to ask him something. Smiles, when Thomas made a comment to something someone said at lunch, which lasted longer than when Jimmy smiled at Ivy or Daisy.

All very subtle and careful, more careful than Thomas could have ever managed to be. But then sometimes nothing for weeks. Thomas had often wondered if his mind tricked him. He is still not sure, to be honest.

But they had become friends over the time. It is a different kind of friendship than what Thomas had with Sarah; it is more intimate, but not intimate enough that Thomas tells about Crowborough or Edward Courtenay. They never talk about love.

Their friendship is… polite, reserved. Sometimes they sit in the kitchen until late, playing cards, talking about their families and God-knows-what-else. And sometimes Thomas wants to apologize again, just because Jimmy is a wonderful person and Thomas sees a bit of himself in the younger man, even though he never was as smart as Jimmy. Apologizing to Jimmy feels like apologizing to his younger self. I'm sorry I messed it up. I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you wanted. I'm sorry I failed.

He wants to be there for him, to be his friend, because there is no other way Thomas could ever make it up to Jimmy.

Because Thomas is still in love with him.

"You smoke too much!" It sounds reproachful. Thomas snorts amused, but doesn't look at him, watches the snowflakes instead.

"Thought you are a footman, not a doctor, Jimmy."

"I have other reasons."

It sounds so serious that Thomas frowns at him. Jimmy is standing very close, their arms are almost touching.

"Namely?"

The look in Jimmy's eyes is unreadable.

Then, slowly, but still fast enough to surprise Thomas, he leans in and presses his lips on Thomas'. It is a short, slow kiss. Only lips, nothing passionate, not even a confession or a promise that there could be more. It's 'just a kiss', and more than anything else it scares Thomas, because he has no idea what to say or do or even think.

Jimmy draws back very slowly, looking at him expectantly and leaving the valet with a blank mind.

Thomas doesn't dare to move. Any action would be a reaction to Jimmy's action and Thomas-

"I don't like the taste of smoke."

Thomas stares.

And Jimmy stares back, quirking an eyebrow at him, waiting for Thomas to answer. Problem is, Thomas has still no idea what to answer. But he must look really silly, because suddenly the corners of Jimmy's mouth twitch, and he bites his lip, trying not to laugh.

This takes Thomas so by surprise that after a few seconds of shock he has to smile as well, but unlike Jimmy he doesn't possess the strength the young man has and he has to put a hand on his mouth to stop himself from laughing loud. Jimmy sees it, and then they are laughing together; not loud, but bodies shaking and faces blushing from something different than the cold.

After a few moments, the laughter fades and they stand there, not quite sure how to look at each other or what to do. From the corner of his eye Thomas can see that Jimmy is still smiling. And that's… that's good, he supposes. That what just happened was one of the last things he ever thought could happen, doesn't really matter at the moment.

"I still haven't forgiven you for what you did that night", Jimmy says suddenly, sounding serious, but there is a soft look in his eyes. "However, I understand why you did it."

"I'm sorry."

"Yes, me, too." Jimmy sighs. Then he adds: "Promise you wake me up the next time."

Next time.

It's impossible to describe what those words do to Thomas; his heart jumps a little, though.

"I promise."

Jimmy studies his face for a moment, maybe trying to make sure that Thomas means it.

He does. He has promised a lot of things to a lot of people in his life already, but this time Thomas means it.

There will be enough time later to speak about all this, he knows. But at the moment Thomas only wants to stand right there,

Jimmy by his side,

watching snowflakes.