Disclaimer: Without Prejudice. The names of all characters contained here-in are the property of ER, NBC, etc. No Infringements of these copyrights are intended, and are used here without permission. I swear I don't own the company, the show, or these characters. Italicized lyrics belong to Sinead Quinn.
Tear don't you fall, eyes don't you cry,
Need to get me round this corner,
I can't break down, break down.
Pride don't cave in, head don't let go,
While I'm open and you can read me,
I can't break down, break down,
Break down, break down.
"I CAN'T BREAK DOWN"
by Sinead Quinn
"Neela, it's Ray. Just calling to make sure you're doing fine. Um, anyway, hope to hear from you soon. Bye." Neela clicked the answering machine off. She laughed at the idea that Abby still used one instead of voice mail. That was the ninth call from Ray in a week. Not that she was really counting.
She sat on the couch, wondering if she should call him back. After all, he was the first one to offer help and he was the one that tried to tell her and without prejudice, he listened to her on the roof as she nearly broke down over the news.
She was all sorts of confused as she laid her head back. Why was she so thankful to hear Ray's voice after the ER was shot up? Why was she scared that he had been caught in the crossfire and been hit? She held the phone up and decided to give him a call. Of course. Bloody voice mail. She thought as it went through. "Um, hi, Ray. This is Neela, but of course you already knew that. I'm doing fine, actually." She felt the tears form in her eyes. "Glad that you survived the OK Corral ER. Well, I'll see you on shift then. Bye." She hung up the phone and looked to the ceiling. "Why was that so bloody difficult? I mean, it's just Ray." She spoke to the ceiling lamp. "It's just Ray."
Ray just sat in the dark of the doctor's lounge, replaying her message. She doesn't sound fine. He thought. She's going to break at any moment. Shit. I'd wish she'd let me help. But, I might complicate things, according to Pratt. Ray leaned his head back. He wish Pratt hadn't been so harsh when he said that he'd only complicate things. He spent the next couple hours wondering what it meant.
Then the shoot out happened. Ray had no time to think about anything, just focused on saving lives. The guard was going to be okay. And Jerry would survive. Barely, but they all knew he was not one to quit easily. Jerry's absence was felt. They often called him "The Gentle Giant." He made everyone smile and he knew how to handle Ray and keep him in line.
Pratt came in. "You okay man?"
"I'm fine." Ray stood up and rubbed his eyes.
"You don't look it."
"Gee, thanks, Pratt. I was wondering if I was the only one who thought I looked like shit today." Ray's comment was short and snappy.
"Whatever's going on, don't take it out on me." Pratt defended.
"You're the problem."
"Pardon?" Pratt was surprised.
"Look, Pratt." Ray sighed. "I like you and you're a great guy and I'm glad you were able to be there for Neela, but on the same token, where do you get off telling me that I'd only complicate things for her?"
Pratt smiled. He knew that Neela saw Ray as more than a roommate and more than a friend. He never said anything to Michael or Ray. Or to Neela for that matter. He just knew. Ray and Neela never had to say how they felt for each other because everyone already knew. "Look, it came out how it shouldn't have and I apologize for that, but Neela trusts you more than she does anyone else and the last thing she wants is for you to see her weak. She's a strong woman, Barnett, and she prides herself on that. With you? Dude, she'd break like glass against concrete. She doesn't need that or even want that right now, got it?"
Ray only nodded. She should have trusted her husband more, and both she and Ray knew that and he now vaguely understood what Pratt meant by he'd only complicate things. Ray walked out and grabbed a chart. He pouted at what he saw. A bounceback. He sighed and went to Exam three.