Disclaimer: I do not own the A-Team, but I wish I did! Now please enjoy the story!
Author's Note: This is my take on why Murdock acts like a child. This is a little sad, and has a curse word or two in it. I also wrote this to show the relationship between Murdock and Face. I love how good of friends they are! Thank you for taking time to read my story, and reviews are welcomed. Please enjoy!
The A-Team had finished a mission and they actually didn't end up in debt. Everyone was exhausted, though. It was a mission where they had to grab a Vietnam POW camp commander. It drained the energy out of the whole team, having to deal with the painful past. It certainly took it's toll on Murdock. As a result, his eyes were glued to the TV where Woody Woodpecker was dancing across the screen.
"Who-who-he-haha!" Murdock kept yelling. He kept running across the room, hoping on beds, knocking over chairs, and just being obnoxious.
"Sit down Murdock!" Hannibal groaned.
"Stop it fool!" BA yelled.
"Why do you insist on acting like a child?" Face asked the pilot angrily. Face was the most patient with Murdock, but even he was getting annoyed. The stress from the past few days built up when his team all turned on him. His anger just came out of nowhere.
"Because!" Murdock burst out. Hannibal, BA, and Face all took a step back from the captain. He never got angry at them, so his shout caught them all by surprise. "The more stuff I got up here," Murdock pointed to his temple. "The less likely my thoughts wander to that little place in Vietnam!" Murdock paused to look at his team. What could he do to make them understand. "For some reason, my mind makes the most ridiculous connections. I'll see some kids playing at a park, and that'll remind me of when I was a kid when I used to play baseball at the park with all the neighborhood kids, and that'll lead my thoughts of how they used bats in the Vietnam camps and then before you know it, I'm a shuddering mess remembering all the horrible things that happened over there. I'm not sure even Face knows exactly what happened to me, that's how bad it is! I don't need you guys knowing what really happened to me or you'll never look at me the same again. And I can't have that happen to me from my family." Murdock looked like he was close to tears. "You'd never let me fly again! You'd think I was a little piece of broken glass incapable of surviving." Murdock kept going. Once the first sentence left his mouth, the rest of his bottled up thoughts came pouring out.
"Murdock, I-" Face started.
"No Faceman! You all wanted to know why I act like a kid, so I'm going to tell you." Murdock was now glaring at his family, and the team looked a little scared. "For all the conections my mind makes, it helps to know all this cartoon stuff to distract myself when my thoughts go towards the jungle. Instead of going to bats in the Vietnam camps they used on us, I could go to the episode where Woody Woodpecker uses a special bat to win the baseball tournament. I act like a child to keep the harsh reality of torture away. Do you still want me to stop acting like a child? I'll be like a whole other person. I won't talk as much, and always be consumed by fear. Do you really want that?" Murdock gave each member of the team a hard look. No one said anything for a long minute. "My own head is like a living hell! My thoughts constantly buzz around my head, almost too fast for me to realize what I'm thinking about. When I think of something good, like when we have Thanksgiving dinner together, my mind doesn't stay focused on that, and focuses on the turkey. Like how they just had turkeys roaming around the camps. All the cartoons give my head a chance to focus on something else other than that dark time back in Vietnam."
No one said anything as Murdock stared at the team, his eyes watering up. He felt betrayed by his team. They had NO idea how hard it was to deal with all the stuff rolling around in his head on a daily basis. They didn't understand. The modern world of medicine didn't understand. They thought the solution was to lock up all the crazies in one building and drug them for the rest of their lives. They thought that just talking about what happened would help, but how would it when the mere thought would paralyze Murdock in fear?
Suddenly, Face took a few steps forward, and wrapped his arms around the distraught captain.
"Why didn't you just say something?" Face whispered in his ear. Murdock hesitated for a moment, but wrapped his arms around Face too. It felt good to let all that go. He let the tears spill out of his eyes, feeling safe in Face's embrace. "I'm sorry Murdock. I should have never gotten mad at you." Murdock could hear the tears in Face's voice. The con man gave Murdock one last quick squeeze and backed away.
"I'm sorry, fool. I need to be more patient with you and try to keep my rage down," BA apologized.
"There's one more thing I need to say, and that's when BA calls me fool, or crazy man." Murdock was getting angry again. "Do you really think it doesn't bother me when you call me those names? I'm trying to hold onto my sanity, and when you call me those, I lose a battle in the great war to reclaim my sanity, because with each word you call me, I start to believe it's really true." Murdock hung his head, his anger dissipating, was replaced with despair.
BA was silent. Murdock never let it show how affected he was by everything.
"It's okay Captain, we'll get you some help." Hannibal placed a gloved hand on his shoulder and looked at him with warmth in his eyes. Murdock just stared back, wondering if he truly understood. "Let's get you back to the VA."
"I'll take him!" Face volunteered. Hannibal nodded at the pair, Face grabbed Murdock's arm and took off to the Corvette.
Murdock hated the VA! He was always so lonely there. None of the doctors could help him, not even Dr. Richter. The best any of the staff did was sedate him and leave him in his room to rot. And what did Hannibal mean by get him some help? Would Hannibal personally go to Dr. Richter and tell him about Murdock's outburst? Or would he do nothing? Did he just say something to Murdock to get him to calm down? The Colonel just didn't understand.
The drive to the VA was silent. Murdock would occasionally look over at Face, who was stealing glances of the pilot. Face was looking at him differently now, and it bothered Murdock. Face was his best friend. He was supposed to understand him and not let anything change his view of him.
"If you have something to say, say it." Murdock finally felt tired of all the looks he was getting and the silence.
"I just feel bad Murdock. I never knew how bad this was. I just don't know what to do. I don't… I'm…" Face stumbled over his words, not sure where to go. Face let out a little whimper.
"It's okay Faceman. Vietnam broke some of us. It's not your fault I can't be fixed." Murdock sighed. "Let's get back to the VA. If we hurry we can sneak in when the orderlies change shifts so they won't notice I was gone." Murdock passed Face a weak grin.
"Who said we were going back to the VA?" Face grinned at Murdock.
"Stop messing around Face. It's been a long day. I just want to go home." Murdock placed his chin on his fist, and gazed out the window.
"The VA is not your home. I thought you could stay at my place for a couple of nights. Get some life back in you. What do you say Murdock?" Face pulled into his driveway and looked at the pilot. He finally realized that Vietnam took more from him than he liked to let on.
Murdock felt the tears start to well up again. Even if no one understood what Murdock went through completely, Face came the closest. Each day he spent out of the VA, he regained some of his sanity. Each day out of the VA he spent with his team members, he gained even more of himself. He felt grounded to reality. Vietnam wouldn't mush together with where he was at the moment. At the VA, the doctors thought it would help Mr. Murdock by talking about the horrible nightmares that occurred in Vietnam. They were wrong. Murdock spending time with his family is what helped him.
"Thank you Face. You don't know what this means." Murdock reached over and squeezed Face's hand. The conman seemed caught off guard, but adjusted himself quickly.
"Your welcome Murdock. Let's go order some pizza. Pepperoni and mushroom! Your favorite!" The pair exited the car and walked inside the house. Face ordered the pizza and Murdock sat on the couch. He appreciated the moment he had to his own thoughts.
Green leaves flashed before his eyes, and gunfire sounded in his ears.
"Not today," Murdock mumbled to himself.
"Okay Murdock!" Face said as he came into the room. Murdock's green leaves and gunfire disappeared. "Pizza will be here in about half an hour. Let's see what's on tv." Face grinned brightly at Murdock as he joined him on the couch with the remote in his hand.
Even though Face didn't know what Murdock goes through, he always knew what to do to help.
"Thanks Face," Murdock grinned at his best friend. Even though Face didn't understand the pilot's troubles at the moment, he was starting to, and that was all it took to make Murdock smile.
Thanks for reading. All reviews are appreciated.