I know, I know, Alice in Wonderland spoofs are completely overdone, but I just couldn't help myself! So here's Ralph and his adventures in Rapist-I mean, Wonderland.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN LORD OF THE FLIES AND I'M NOT FUCKING WILLIAM GOLDING. I AM NOT DEAD. I'M TOO COOL FOR IT. ANYWAYS, KAPEESH? GOOD.
A light, somewhat refreshing breeze gently ruffled Ralph's golden hair. His blue eyes peered out from behind a cluster of ferns. He had originally tried to camouflage himself, but that didn't end up well, so he settled for hiding rather conspicuously in a bush. The prickly leaves tickled Ralph's nose, making him sneeze like in all the cartoons…okay that's kind of broad, but anyways Ralph sneezed and flipped the foliage off, angry at its ability to make Ralph sneeze when he was trying to spy on Jack! Or really he was just being a creepy fuck of a gun and waiting for Jack to by chance wander by because he has that huge of a crush on him.
Breezes started coming by less and less often until the air became completely stagnant. Ralph could practically hear his heart beat under his fantastic pecs as he waited for Jack, his beloved. However, he never seemed to come by!
Just as Ralph was about to leave in a dramatic huff, a small creature popped out of nowhere. Confused, Ralph rubbed his eyes and stared at it harder. It appeared to be Jack, but he had two tall, white ears atop his head with baby pink insides. He turned his amazingly gorgeous head towards Ralph, winked, and bounced off. This is when Ralph realized that he had a round, fluffy tail.
"Hey! Wait!" Ralph protested as he hurried after Jack the Bunny. He certainly didn't think seeing Jack would end up this way, and this was just weird. Ralph wildly batted palm fronds out of his face and hurried after Jack in a rather ungainly gait, trying hard to catch up to him. All of a sudden, Jack disappeared. Huh? The blond boy swung his head left and right, trying to detect any sign of Jack with no success. Up? Left? Right? Being the idiot that he is that, quite frankly, shouts too much, he didn't think of looking down, the only other direction left. Correction, he didn't think of it until a good five minutes after Jack had disappeared.
"Oh…" Ralph stared deep into the hole. It was wide, and seemed pretty deep. The eroded soil surrounding it started to further crumble, and pieces of debris started falling down the treacherous hole. Now, Ralph wasn't one for making stupid decisions on purpose, but he decided that maybe following Jack might lead to a very interesting adventure…or night in bed, he would be fine with either, and while he knew that the now rabbit-ized Jack would show up soon, he wasn't too patient and desperately dived into the hole.
Bad ending is bad. Review!