AN: Just a little one-shot. Takes place in between "Dance Until Dawn" and "Dance Through the Pain". Tony-centric.
Summary: Holding her in his arms, her heart beating against his own, had never felt more right, and it all just slipped out.
Disclaimer: I don't own "Skins".
These Words I thought I'd Never Say
Panting heavily, sweat running down his back, Tony has never felt so utterly and completely spent. So exhausted. All used up. But he still finds the energy to pull Tea to him. He's never been one to cuddle, but she comes so easily into his arms, every part of her fitting perfectly with every part of him, and he thinks he gets it. It's noce to be close. To let someone be close.
Her breathing slows, levels out as sleep slips in to take her from him. But she stays with him too, stays safe in his arms. Perfect.
His hand rises to brush a stray lock of hair from her face, a gesture of affection he's not sure he's allowed anywhere but the darkness of his bedroom or hers. And he realizes he would never let anything hurt something so beautiful. Broken, thin little cracks running through her, but still beautiful. All the more so for the would be flaws. So breath-takingly beautiful.
He can't remember if he's ever told her that. Ever called her beautiful. Mentioned that he think, knows, that she's absolutely beautiful. He's sure words like hot and sexy and fuckable have left his lips, but beautiful? Had he ever told her that she was the singular mostpainfully beautiful thing in his world?
He doesn't think he has. Doesn't know if he'd be allowed to. If she'd want him to. It's something a boyfriend would say, and he's not her boyfriend.
But he wants to be.
"You're beautiful, you know." He whispers in the darkness, even though she can't here him. Maybe that's why he says it. Here, now, while she's sleeping, content, in his arms, he can say anything. She won't rebuke him. Or mock him. Or reject him.
Or, just maybe, thank him.
"Tell you a secret?" Tony pauses, hesitates, because what if she wakes up while he's spilling his guts? What it she's just pretending and she hears and he can't take this back? "I did this really, really stupid thing, Tay. Like a few steps shy of causing nuclear meltdown stupid. And you're gonna be so mad when you find out..."
Tea stirs in her sleep, and Tony freezes. Mouth open, mid-sentence, eyes wide and panicked. But she doesn't wake up, just snuggles impossibly closer to him. Still asleep.
He hopes.
"See this stupid thing? I didn't mean to do it. Had actually been trying to avoid it my whole life. It just sort of...well, happened. I don't know how or where or when, but it did. And now I can't stop it, Tay. I don't even think I want to.
"I fell in love with you, Tea Marvelli, and it's either the best thing that's ever happened to me. Or the worst."
He stops, finds himself without words. What is he supposed to say after that?He went all sappy, bleeding heart on her and he's got nothing left. But he feels better. Lighter. All at peace without that wonderful-horrid-beautiful-tragic secret bottled up beneath his chest. And holding Tea in his arms had never felt more right.
"I love you." He murmurs again, his eyes easing closed as he falls out of this half-delusional dream and into sleep. Soothed by the sound of her heart beating against his own, together in perfect tandam.