Positive.

That is what the little + meant on the pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand meant.

For other women and mothers to be this would be a joyous occasion where there would be squeals of laughter and tears of joy as they are closer to getting their bundle of joy but instead for me it's the total opposite.

This stick is a symbol of my impending doom and failure; it's just part of the series of unfortunate events occurring in my life and the emotion i feel is one of sorrow and disappointment.

I just stare at the stick hoping the sign will change or praying for a miracle I know that won't occur.

The first teardrop hits my denim clad leg and that's when I realize I'm crying.

My tears are those of confusion, sadness, despair and some hope. Hope that maybe this baby will be the miracle that holds the mess I call my life together. The absent gold band on my left finger tells a story already that my marriage is over. My life is further put into a tailspin especially with this pregnancy.

A knock on the door brings me back to reality. A tiny voice calls out, "Mommy" and that's when I get up off the ledge of the bath and go to the mirror to fix my makeup so no one will ever know why I am crying. I hide the pregnancy test in my stash of female products in case anyone comes searching. Double checking everything before I exit to make sure it's alright I leave the bathroom.

I open the bathroom door to my 4 year old son, Jonathan curious eyeing me with his green eyes trying to decipher what's wrong. Just like his father, always picking up on the little things people try to hide. I quickly put on a smile and say "yes sweetie" while swooping him up into my arms and tickling his sides. His light giggles can be heard as I carry him out of the master bedroom down the hall to the park in Rosewood where we were headed before that bathroom incident.

At the park I watch from the bench as Jon plays with Hanna & Caleb's 2 year old son, Phillip clearly the leader of the two during this playdate. I'm so immersed in watching my son that I don't even hear when Hanna asks me her question.

"How are the two of you holding up?" She inquires. Hanna is referring to part one of the series of unfortunate events that is my life. The fact that my husband or soon to be ex-husband, Ezra Fitzgerald walked out on us 3 months ago after five years of marriage. The Truth is I understand why he did it, I just don't approve of the way it was done where he took his stuff and left a note stating he wanted a divorce. Over marriage/relationship was doomed from it started in the bathroom years ago. It's a pity it took us years to realize it.

"We are managing fine, it's just a bit challenging juggling both motherhood and a job on a full-time basis with no support" I say, hoping she will let this conversation go and start on something else that is not my mess of a life related.

"That bastard, screw him for leaving you here all alone to do this by yourself, it's not fair Aria" She vents

I know she is right but if there is anyone to blame for this marriage failing I am just to blame as much as he. We both hurt each other to the core and have done things we shouldn't to each other.

I think mid-vent Hanna realizes I have stopped listening completely and she starts on the new but familiar topic of Rosewood's cutest children, their parents and preschool. Inwardly I thank Jesus that she has changed her topic.

"Did you see the amount of makeup CeCe put Phoebe in for a play?" Hanna says "It was totally inappropriate". Phoebe Alison DiLaurentis is the 2 year old daughter of Jason and his ex-wife CeCe DiLaurentis. She is two years old and looks just like Alison did as a child (based off the pics of Ali at that age) the only difference is that she has Jason's signature green eyes.

"So true, the poor child had on enough makeup to put on both of our faces" I reply

"I am all for beauty but that was too much she is just two, I would never do that to my daughter" Hanna states, " I wonder what Jason thinks about this seeing he is the more sane parent out of the two"

At the mention of his name my stomach gets into knots. I have been avoiding him ever since that night two months ago. The awkwardness of the situation just would have been too much. The last I heard from Spencer, Jason has been out of town for a month now on some business pertaining to his law firm.

"I wonder what he would think too Hana" I reply.