The liquid sun drenched the room through the half-drawn concertina blinds, flooding the emptiness with acrylic warmth. Emma stirred in her sleep as her dreams which were worth a thousand explanations came to an unruly climax. With a start, she jumped and automatically reached out for Will's muscular body to calm her anxiety, only to be hit with the realisation that he was not there. Groggily dragging her head off the cold pillow she sighed heftily, knowing that this shouldn't have come as a surprise; Will was always somewhere where her presence was not these days. How and why things had become like this she couldn't fathom. Or rather she didn't want to remember. Most would call it denial.
Matters had become difficult (to say the least!) between Will and Emma, ever since Terri had announced she was pregnant. Emma's good heart knew that she had no right to feel resentment or envy towards Will's wife. But she was jealous, so green with yearning for a life she would never know.
Will had been on the brink of leaving Terri. One more put-down from her, or incredulous insult and he would have been out that door. Under the blanket of darkness, Emma would think about Will and crave his love, attention and warmth. However, now in her dreams she saw his illuminated face when he told her that he was going to be a father. Never in their four years of friendship had she seen him more alive.
And that is why Ken is now her fiancé.
On a rainy Thursday afternoon, Emma sat alone in the teacher's lounge, reading her favourite 1990's play, 'Arcadia'. Rose tinted nostalgia always brought her back to this book, of which she had studied at university with her best friends. Now the bluntness of the unchangeable tugged and clawed at her heart. Once the jam is stirred into the rice pudding, it can't be unstirred. Realisation hit her hard that cold day; she couldn't change or undo the fact that Will would have a child that didn't belong to her too.
Terri wasn't all that different to Emma, not really. Both were threatened by each other. Both inhabited cruel insecurities. Both loved Will. Except Terri was vindictive and manipulative, totally juxtaposing Emma's kind and fiercely caring nature.
Will saw Emma at their usual table; excited that for once Ken didn't linger around her like an irritating fly. He sat down opposite her in the cheap plastic chair, feeling hurt by her ignorance as she read that book – again. Minutes passed and she didn't acknowledge him. The best part of Will's days were the unchanging lunch hours that he spent with Emma – regardless of whether Sue or Ken joined them – but recently she had become distant and sharp and so very un-Emma.
"That's the fifth time this year you've read that book" Will broke the silence, trying his best to sound light and carefree, the way he used to. More than anything he just wanted Emma in his life.
"Yep" she whispered, her eyes remaining glued to the book. "It's uh- it um..."
"Emma-nem!" Ken called from the coffee machine, "want a coffee?"
Will knew that Emma detested the taste of coffee. He also knew that she didn't love Ken, and for that he was disappointed in her.
Frost glittered the grounds on the morning that Quinn Fabray cried upon her shoulder in the transparency of her office. Quinn was a sixteen year old girl, whom like Terri was pregnant. For once Emma pushed her mysophobic tendencies aside and held the girl securely in her arms, the way that her mother should have been doing.
Throughout her life, Emma had longed for a loving mother who would love her unconditionally, whether she had OCD or not. Her dreams never prevailed for her mother was a bitter, politically zealous woman, whose only familial devotions concerned her 'normal' siblings and her father. Quinn's mother and father were the same; always setting high expectations for their daughter who, try as she might, just wasn't their perfect princess.
Emma learned what unconditional love meant that day. She couldn't help but love the girl who needed her so. Not many people had needed Emma's love.
"Miss Pillsbury" Quinn sobbed into the green silk of Emma's shirt; "I have nowhere to go! My parents have kicked me out, I can't stay at Finn's house – it wouldn't be fair to him now that he knows he's not the dad, and Puck's house... His sister is awful and I can't pay rent!"
Emma sighed, both at Quinn's situation and how easy it is to get caught in webs of lies. "There's absolutely nowhere you can stay?"
Quinn shook her blonde locks.
"I know that this is unconventional, but I have a spare room."
With all the commotion of new life and life-changing events, Emma couldn't help but think back to her book, 'Arcadia'. When we have found all the mysteries and lost all the meaning, we will be alone, on an empty shore.
Quinn was the only thing saving her from that shore. Emma used to pride herself with knowledge and books, her brain like an encyclopaedia – she knew a lot. But Will was the one to give all of that knowledge meaning and use and without him she was lost. Then again, hadn't she always been ensnared by that maze?
"So, I don't see you and Mr Schue together much these days." Quinn commented nonchalantly as Emma prepared their healthy evening meal. Surprisingly Emma and Quinn became close over the next few weeks; they would converse like friends, like sisters, like mother and daughter. Quinn felt safe and Emma felt wanted.
"Well, having a baby changes everything" Emma replied.
"Clearly I know this." They both laughed; despite everything they were kind of happy.
Their predicament was kept secret from everyone, except for glee club - Quinn's other family. Emma through Quinn was integrated into the club – it started when she would wait for Quinn outside the choir room, but then they invited her in and Will insisted she stayed.
Emma would watch Will teach, inspire, dance and sing. She fell in love with him even more and they once again grew closer. Will's heart would leap heaps and bounds as Emma played guitar and sang in harmony with Quinn. He was despaired at the fact that he would never be able to tell Emma how he really felt. He had other responsibilities coming his way.
Quinn was not oblivious to Will's love for Emma. It pained her that she was the one keeping them apart. She was the one providing Terri with a baby to appease Will. It plagued her thoughts many a night – Emma was helping her and she was helping destroying Emma.
"Does Quinn know about your engagement to Ken?" They were in the choir room before practice; craving this time just as much as lunch time.
"No." Emma replied quietly, obviously not wanting to delve into that topic.
"Shouldn't you tell her?" Will couldn't help but feel jealous towards this man who was so flippant about such an amazing woman.
"Yeah. Maybe. I don't want to keep secrets from her but it's just..."
Will put down the sheet music and sat next to her on the piano stool. He wrapped his arm tightly around her shoulders, breathing in the jasmine scent of her red hair. Tears began to stream down her face – she didn't want Ken. She had never loved anyone less.
"I don't l-love him, Will" she cried. "Everything is such a m-mess!"
Will gently hushed her; trying his best to let the happiness he felt over Emma's confession dissipate. He rocked her slowly, closing his eyes and wishing that everything was different.
"I'm here for you Em. Always."
Quinn quickly but silently closed the choir room door after witnessing the exchange between her two favourite teachers. She had to close off the deal with Terri.
It was a snowy Sunday evening in December. Emma had just got back from her Italian class (two new foreign exchange students had joined McKinley and Emma wanted to be able to speak to them in their native language to make them feel more at home), when she nearly tripped over some bags and a suitcase at the front door.
"Quinn? QUINN?" She shouted, absolute fear coursing through her at the thought of losing someone else. "Quinn?" Emma found her curled up as much as she could in her bed.
"I-I'm so sorry Emma."
"Hey" Emma climbed into the bed next to Quinn and embraced her. "Hey, listen to me, everything is going to be fine... You are a wonderful girl and this baby will be lucky to have you as her mother..."
"You don't understand-"
"I'll help you take care of her. You'll never be alone..."
"But Emma-"
"I'll leave McKinley so that you can both stay here on an official, legal basis..."
"I'm giving my baby to Terri!"
Emma stopped stroking Quinn's hair. Everything was silent, save for Quinn's breathing.
It's the best possible time to be alive when almost everything you thought you knew is wrong.
"Pardon?" Emma screeched as she got up and paced the room frantically.
"Terri thought she was pregnant, told Will and then found out she wasn't-"
"Miscarriage?" Emma cried, wringing her hands together.
"No. Pretend. Hysterical. She convinced me to give up my baby for her and Mr Schue, so that they could be happy..."
"W-what am I supposed to do? This is going to kill him!"
"I couldn't keep lying to you, I just couldn't... You've been so great to me, mom-"
We shed as we pick up, like travellers who must carry everything in their arms, and what we let fall will be picked up by those behind.
Emma gathered Quinn into her arms once again, wiping away the troubled teen's tears. "You don't need to worry anymore sweetie. I'll sort this. I promise. I promise. And I'm not letting you leave. Everything will be okay."
Et in Arcadia ego...
A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I used to write all the time but gave up due to exams, so this chapter may be very rusty in terms of decent writing, for which I apologise greatly. I know this storyline has been done before, but since most fics at the minute revolve around season 3, I decided to be nostalgic and go back to the good ole days of season 1!
I am hoping to continue this, (if you can stand to read yet more babble!). Any reviews would be a dream :)
Disclaimer: The characters etc belong to the GLEE people and the writing in the bold italics belong to Tom Stoppard, the brilliant author of 'Arcadia'.