I wake up, my body shaking from the fear of yet another nightmare. I look at the other side of the bed to the absence of Tobias' warmth. He's not there. I get up and walk around our rooms; he's nowhere to be seen. I sit down on the edge of the bed and put my head in my hands and I let a few tears drip off my nose onto the bed making a small wet spot. I shake my head and stand up walking over to our dresser; I take out a few blades and stare at them.
"I am selfless, I am brave" I whisper to myself as I sit down onto the bed again.
"I can't keep dealing with this Tobias" I say out loud as I take the blade to my skin watching as it splits open and blood starts to run down my leg, when my leg is covered I move to my arms. I stand up and go to the bathroom looking at myself.
"I'm pathetic" I say shaking my head with a laugh. I look over at the door and strip myself before jumping in the shower letting the water burn me. I clean myself making sure not to touch my cuts as I still let them bleed letting the water mix the color making it a pink color. I hate pink. I laugh at myself as I get out of the shower. I wrap myself in a towel and walk to the closet and pick out that dress, the first one. The one Christina bought me.
"I'm not going for pretty, I'm going for noticeable" I say quoting my best friend.
"Oh Christina, please forgive me" I whisper as I put the dress on. I walk over to the big mirror and look at myself, I'm so pale. I slowly start to do my hair, it's grown back to a nice length again, it's a little past my shoulders. I dry it and then slowly curl it.
"Why not look pretty for my last few moments" I say with a little conceited smile as I start to add a touch of make up to my red eyes.
"I wish I hadn't cried" I say with a sigh. I grab a pair of flats and put them on and take one last look at myself and put on my little fake smile. I take a picture with Tobias' phone and send it to Marlene and I tell her to show him. I then walk out of the rooms. It has to be around 7, breakfast time by now. Everyone has to be eating. Tobias must've stayed in her rooms all-night. I laugh and take my time walking down the halls.
"Hey Tris" I see Uriah smile at me. I wave and hold back my tears. "Bye Uri" I whisper under my breath. I'll miss him so much. I can't deal with this though. I can't take this pain. I'm a lost little girl who just wants her mom. I should've never left. Maybe, I'd be dead already, in her arms. I smile thinking about being in my mother's arms once again. My will be father looking down at me with that sad, proud little smile. Caleb won't be there, the damned traitor.
"Heading to breakfast?" I hear someone ask me and I shake my head. I wonder who it was. I just keep walking. I walk forward, to the top, with a purpose. Once I'm outside. I look over the edge of the building. I hear footsteps running up the stairs, and I know who it was that asked me if I was heading to breakfast.
"Tris, what are you doing?" he asks me and I laugh slightly and I look back at him and slowly turn. I show him me. The real me.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" I say snarkily as I turn back to the edge and close my eyes and feel my mother and father again. I look up at the sky and say a quick prayer. An apology for what I was going to do.
"Tris, don't do this" he begs me. I look back at him.
"Goodbye Tobias, you've hurt me for far too long. I can't deal with the pain, the scars trailing up my arms and legs" I whisper to him. I see the look on his face as finally realizes how much he has really hurt me, without his knowing. The ignoring, the whispers, the signs, I've seen them all. I've had the feeling of him cheating on me with Marlene, but I'll never know, I guess.
"You have done nothing, but hurt me. Just….just go to Marlene. Did you get my picture?" I ask him quietly and I see him gulp. Oh, I guess I just got my answer. I laugh quietly and look down to the bottom, under the railroad. I think back to initiation, that girl, her sister screaming. I shiver.
"I hope you're happy" I say as I take a step towards the ledge of the building.
"Tris" he grabs my arm but I only shake him off.
"It's for my own good, this way I'll never have to go through your pain again. Even if I stayed I'd see you everywhere. You knew, you understood, you lied, and you hurt me." I tell him taking another step forward. I take one last step forward and I feel myself falling.
I feel the air all around me; I feel my dress go up as I travel like a speeding bullet towards the bottom. I've done it finally; he'll be gone, never to hurt me again.
"Tris why I loved you" he yells to me as he tries to reach for me.
"I still love you, always will," I get out before I feel the shock of my head crashing into the pavement. I feel the searing pain of my body smashing and then I fade out. I take one last look up to Tobias watching me. I smile slightly knowing that he feels the pain I've been feeling.
I slowly open my eyes and I look around.
"Momma, daddy?" I call out looking around. I'm in a hospital bed, but I don't know where. Nothing hurts. My last moments come rushing back; at least I think they're my last moments. I see momma come running and I know they were the last moments. I look at her and smile reaching up for her. I look at myself in shock, I'm perfectly fine, but I'm little again and my parents are young. We've been given a second chance, where ever we are.
"Tris" my mother says as she wraps her arms around me holding me tight as she starts to cry. Daddy gives me a small smile. I know they must be disappointed in my way of getting out, but they're glad I'm home.
"I've missed you guys so much, it was so hard" I say as I slowly start to cry on my mother's shoulder. My mother smiles and so does my father and we all just hug. I wonder what Tobias is doing then again, I don't care. I'm home finally.