Hi guys! Kerrianne was always a character that really interested me. She was just such a freaking good, angsty teenager caught up in all of the drama in season 3. I kind of loved her. I have written her before, as part of my longer stories, but this one really focuses on how Kerrianne felt about re-meeting her father for the first time. Enjoy and feel free to review! I welcome feedback! Thanks for reading!
Kerrianne was just about ready to explode. She was a teenage girl, which meant that she was used to feeling a constant stream of strong, contrasting emotions, but even so, the events of the past month or so had pushed her past her limits, and she was just about at the end of her rope. There were just so many things around her that were changing right now. What was once her normal, acceptable, somewhat oppressive life was now gone, and what it would be replaced with she didn't yet know.
It had started about a month ago, when she had come home from school to find her Ma crying, yet again. This time though, her tears weren't because of Jimmy. After a few tissues and a calming cup of chamomile tea, her Ma came out and told her that her Da, her real Da, had been in some sort of accident. She could remember her Ma taking her hand and looking at her, eyes full of tears, saying, It doesn't look good, Kerrianne. Once Kerrianne had calmed down and gone to change out of her school uniform, her Ma had gotten on the phone and gotten ahold of Jimmy, telling him that she needed to make a trip to America.
For as long as she lived, Kerrianne knew that she would remember the massive, knockdown, drag out fight that this phone call, this demand, had caused. She was used to fights. Jimmy and her Ma fought constantly, over every little thing, but this one had been awful. She had turned on her iPod, but even that hadn't drowned out the screaming, hadn't blocked out the horrific threats and taunts and sounds of hands hitting flesh. Kerrianne wished, more than anything, that she was brave enough to just do something, anything, to stop it, but she couldn't, so she just stayed in her room, hidden away like the coward that she knew herself.
All the fighting and yelling and screaming must have been worth it in the end, because her Ma had come up later and told her that she would be staying with Maureen for a few days. Her Ma was headed to California to see her father, and Jimmy would be escorting her, which both relieved and terrified Kerrianne. She had been glad that she wouldn't have to stay here, alone, with Jimmy, but she was terrified about what would happen to her Ma. Kerrianne begged to be allowed to come too, but even as she pleaded, she knew it wouldn't work. Jimmy would never allow her and her Ma both to be that close to her father at the same time. She knew this, but that didn't mean that she didn't hate it. Her father, her Da, could very well die, and she shouldn't be stuck at Maureen's.
Kerrianne had no idea what had happened in America or what had finally pushed her Ma over the edge, but from the second she had stepped off the plane, it was clear that there had been some sort of shift. There was a guard, one or more of Jimmy's men, with them at all times now. The guard had taken away her cell phone and computer with no explanation at all, and now she was stuck in the house at all times. The good news was that Jimmy no longer came around anymore, while the bad news was she had absolutely nothing to occupy her time except silent brooding.
In the absence of any sort of digital entertainment, she had taken to watching her Ma. They couldn't have long, drawn out, specific conversations, because of the guard that would report immediately back to Jimmy, but Kerrianne was dying to know what was going on. She noticed her Ma start making subtle changes. She packed and stowed specific sentimental things, such as photo albums and small family heirlooms. She made sure that there just happened to be a bag of clothes for both her and Kerrianne sitting discreetly in the closet. She and Maureen visited more often, and her Ma always sent Maureen home with a few extra things hidden away in her purse.
Kerrianne had no idea what was happening, and she had been afraid to ask, until her Ma came into her room one night, about a week after she returned. She lay next to Kerrianne and whispered to her. Her Ma said that they were leaving, that they were finally getting away from Jimmy. She confided in Kerrianne all about her trip to California and everything that had happened. She told Kerrianne all about her Da, about what it had been like to see him and be with him again. Kerrianne could tell pretty much immediately, just from the way she talked, that her Ma was still in love with him and probably had been all along. Despite the awful circumstances they found themselves in, it did Kerrianne good to see her Ma smile. They had stayed up for hours just talking softly and planning their great escape. Her Ma explained that it would be risky, and they had to wait for just the right moment.
That moment came within a couple of weeks. Their guard had come charging into the house, begging for help. His brother, a boy Kerrianne's own age had, had been injured and those in charge had refused to get him any help. Kerrianne knew this boy. They went to school together, passed each other every day in the halls. Kerrianne had no idea that this boy was apparently an IRA member, willing and expected to die for the cause. This blew Kerrianne's mind. The IRA was an ever present thing in Ireland, but it was her Ma's world, Jimmy's world. They were adults and this was an adult fight. This was not her world.
They had ended up at Maureen's place. Now that they were here, now that they had actually made it out, Kerrianne found that she was scared. More than scared; she was terrified. The violence of the IRA had touched somebody all too close to her. A schoolmate, somebody her own age, had been violently affected by this, and his life would never be the same because of it. On top of that, she and her Ma had just left Jimmy O'Phalen. She may have been young and a little bit naïve, but even she knew that you just didn't leave Jimmy. She knew that he would come for them, and she knew that it wouldn't be pretty when he did. It wasn't that she didn't trust her Ma; she did. She knew that staying would have ended badly, but there was the chance that leaving would end badly, too.
They hadn't stayed at Maureen's long. Father Ashby came to get them and put Kerrianne and her Ma at the rectory. It was small and ugly and cramped and Kerrianne hated it. She couldn't honestly see how this situation was any better than their last one. They still had a guard, she still wasn't allowed to go out or do anything, and her life was still in constant danger. She knew that she was being petty and stupid, but she was miserable and she was pretty sure that she would eventually end up going stir crazy before too long.
She kept herself entertained by eavesdropping and learning as many things as she could about what was happening. She had overheard a lot of conversations in the past few days. People thought that just because she was wearing headphones, then that must mean she was listening to music and couldn't hear them. All Kerrianne did was let them believe this. Some people (like her mother) might have called this being sneaky, but Kerrianne just called it brilliant. It was through this brilliance that she learned that her father was coming. There was something going on with a baby being kidnapped and some sort of fight involving the IRA and the Sons of Anarchy, but Kerrianne didn't care too much about any of that. All she really cared about was that her father was coming to Ireland and she would see him again.
It had been a very long time since she had seen her father; right around ten years, actually. More importantly, though, it had been ten years since he had seen her. She and her father had been very close before he had gone, 'thick as thieves' her mother liked to say. Back then, she had been barely five years old; just a cute little kid. Everybody liked cute little kids. Now, she was fifteen years old and too tall and she never knew the right thing to say and her ears were way too big. Jimmy often called her a 'snotty teenager'. Would her father agree? One thing was for sure; she wasn't all that cute and she wasn't all that little anymore. What would he think of her now, ten years later? What if he had moved on with his life and didn't have room for an estranged teenage daughter? Would he even want to stick around and get to know her, not as a little girl, but as the person she was now? She really didn't know.
All of these changes had set her on edge. It seemed that she wasn't safe, no matter where she was. She didn't have a home anymore, because if she knew Jimmy, it would have been ransacked and utterly destroyed the second he found out they were gone. She was confident that she had absolutely no friends left now, or at least she wouldn't after word got out about all of this IRA crap. She was bored out of her mind with absolutely nothing to do. She was also simultaneously really nervous, excited, and self-conscious about seeing her father for the first time in ten years.
She was really beginning to wish that she was one of those girls who could just shut off her emotions all together and be calm and collected and confident and charming at all times, like her Ma was, but that was pretty much a hopeless endeavor for her. She tended to internalize everything and stay sullen and quiet until everything just exploded. She had had a panic attack earlier this morning because she couldn't figure out what to wear. She was seeing her Da for the first time in a decade and she had no idea what the right outfit for the occasion was. She had ended up spilling to her Ma about how frustrated and confused and scared and nervous and excited she was, and about how she thought that she just might explode soon. Her mother had really taken her by surprise when she had smiled and hugged her, saying, "That would be the Telford in you, Kerrianne".
Her Ma had done the best she could to calm her and had helped her pick out some clothes. Right now, they were in the back of a cargo van on their way to Maureen's. Her Ma had told her that McGee and the Belfast guys would be there, which meant her cousin Padraic. Everybody was being extra cautious, because apparently nobody was safe right now, so Maureen and Trinny would be there, as well as Cherri, probably. Finally, the Sons of Anarchy from California would be there, which meant her Da and all of his friends. It seemed to her like there would be a lot of people around, which made her that much more nervous. If she had been given the option, she wouldn't choose to have this reunion in front of an audience.
Rather than focusing on her nerves, she sat in the van, trying her very best to recall each and every memory she had of her father. She never really talked about it with anybody, but she remember things about him. She remembered him taping oven mitts to her hands when she had come down with chicken pox at age four, so that she didn't scratch and end up with scars. She remembered playing hide and seek, when he would always pretend he couldn't find her, even though she was giggling like mad. She remembered that he used to make her pancakes on Sunday mornings, and let her watch cartoons before church. She remember how he hadn't even gotten mad at her when she had gotten pink finger paint in his hair, and had, in fact, not bothered to wash it out for a day or so. Her fingers drifted to her left elbow and glanced over the scar that had come from the time he taught her how to slid across the wood floor in her socks. A smile ghosted across her face. Yeah, she remembered her Da.
"Are you okay, my girl?" her Ma asked softly, taking her hand. Kerrianne did the best she could to nod and smile, but it probably looked more like a grimace. Her mother laughed softly and said, "Yeah, me too. Everything will be fine. He's going to be so happy to see you, Kerri. Just wait and see."
It looked like she wouldn't have to wait very long. The van began to slow and finally came to a stop; she took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Her Ma squeezed her hand, and then a moment later, the doors were opening and light was flooding in and her Ma was climbing out. Kerrianne steeled her nerves and reminded herself that she was fine and she could do this, and then she stepped out of the van.
She didn't notice the overcast skies or the large group gathered around, nor did she notice the guns all over the place. What she did notice, instantly, was her Da jogging towards them, a smile on his face. He stopped in front of her Ma and kissed her, and it struck Kerrianne as odd to see her mother made so damned happy over something so small. Kerrianne couldn't remember the last time he Ma had looked so glad and relieved. It was only a matter of second before her Da's eyes turned and were focused on her. For the first time in ten years, she found herself face to face with her father. I have his eyes, she thought.
He was tall, and she suddenly knew exactly who was to blame for her own height. He had dark brown, almost black, hair that had been turning grey for a long time. There were scars across his face that hadn't been there in her memories, and she knew that these had come from Jimmy; had heard Jimmy brag about it on more than one occasion. He looked older, but then again, so did she. He had obviously changed some, but she could still see him in there. He was still the same man that she remembered.
"Hi, how're you doing?" he asked, and it struck her that he sounded just as anxious as she felt. It somehow made her feel a little bit better.
"Fine," she muttered. She wished that she could think of something more intelligent or impressive to say than fine, but it was the best she could come up with. At least she had managed to open her mouth and say something, and all without throwing up.
He was smiling at her like he couldn't really believe what he was seeing, and she thought that was probably a good thing. "Jesus, look at you," he said, his hands sort of gesturing to her slightly.
She smiled at him, because she was all too familiar with that whole awkward, not quite sure what to do with your hands kind of thing. She decided right then and there that she liked him. She was still feeling incredibly strange and out of her element, and now he was moving towards her and, ever so slowly, he was wrapping his arms around her. She wasn't usually a fan of other people touching her. She even shrugged off gestures from her Ma. It wasn't that she didn't like other people, just that years of too long hugs from Jimmy had given her a healthy respect for personal space. She had to remind herself that this was NOT Jimmy hugging her. This was her Da, and he was being so incredibly gentle and she could hear that his heart was racing as fast as hers was and he smelled exactly the same as he had when she was small and he was the center of her world.
Kerrianne found herself wrapping her own arms around his shoulders and inhaling deeply. This was her Da and she was hugging him and goddamn it, she had missed him. She felt her Ma join the hug, and just like that, this family was whole again. The years that they had been apart didn't matter. The fact that they were all in mortal danger didn't matter. All that mattered was that her family was together again. Kerrianne was suddenly aware that she was crying, and she wasn't sure why, because for the first time in a long while, she was certain that she was happy.