Blue. It used to be your favourite colour, until dad left. It was his favourite, maybe that's why you hate it. Maybe it's because it separates your skin from his, a thin layer of blue. It taints every nearby surface. He told you once that it turned invisible after 24 hours. Will the cleaners still scrub away that blue?
It covered nearly every inch of him, his chest draped in a blue ocean, his ocean. He was drowning in his own ocean. It covered most of you too. You stare at it oddly mesmerised. Panic sets in, images of your little sister start to protrude your mind, shattering the well crafted walls of defence with almost no effort. You were meant to be watching her, you were meant to protect her, you were meant to die that day. Mum couldn't take the grief and dad left, not that you could have blamed him. Mum hit the bottle hard, she hit you too. You can remember Sarah's eyes as they screamed for you, her big sister, to save her. You can see that reflected in his eyes.
You didn't know you were crying until his blood soaked hand streaked your face in a pale blue. Blue. It leaks from his mouth as he whispers gently, ignoring all your directions not to.
"It's okay, there's nothing to be afraid of."
God, he's so beautiful, it's heartbreaking. Even when painted in blue he's so fair. His brown eyes, having captured many a mission and sight in their time, focus to capture you. Swimming his eyes it all comes flooding back. He's drowning. He chose this. You can read it in his eyes. He chose to save you, he forgets that he's not replaceable anymore.
"There's too much blood, I can't stop it."
"Poetic isn't it? I'm drowning in my own lethal sea of blue with the one I love."
Shut up. You won't let him leave. You'll keep his head above the water as long as he needs. Although he's never aged a day, he seems worn. You take his tie and try to make some kind of attempt to stem the flow of blood. There's too much, not enough time. He'll be ok, he has to be.
"It's been a pleasure." No. Hold on, you idiot. You've never believed in God since Sarah but you're praying for some kind of miracle.
"Why? You knew he'd shoot you."
"I've lived long enough, I've seen enough. I'm tired." He offers you a smile, you forgot when he started sighing.
"You knew that I was designed with this in mind, to minimise casualties, to minimise the amount of lives lost." He still smiling and you have to resist the urge to slap him. He's dying and yet he's smiling.
He's dying.
He won't wake you up in the morning with a cup of coffee made with just the perfect amount of cream. He won't leave cheesy notes on your desk so he can watch you start work with a smile. He won't play pranks on Hank with Gavin's help. Him and Gavin had grown close over the last few years.
"Hank. He won't- he can't live without you."
"Bargaining won't help, darling. It's just not my choice. Go and see the world, go and live." But it was his choice. He knew the outcomes, calculated the possibilities. He betrayed you, he's going to leave you, alone. He's leaving you for a sea of blue.
"You did choose, Con. This was one of your 1's and 0's and you chose to do this to yourself, your choosing to leave me. What about my choice Connor? I can't live without you. You promised." Tears sting your eyes, begging you to close them. You fight to keep them open, you have to stay there with your husband.
"You've been all I could ever wish for. No star could even try to do your beauty justice. You'll live again, just without me. I can live with that. I couldn't live knowing I hurt you. I love you too much for that."
There's so much you need to say, so much he doesn't know, so much he doesn't notice. There's not enough time, the world's turning blue and he's holding the paintbrush.
"I'll never love the same without you, Connor. You taught me what love is and I'll try to smile even if it's only for your sake. You remember my vows? I'll love you even when the sun stops shining and the world plunges into darkness. The world's turning dark and I can't stop it. I'll love you forever."
The world is blue, the colour that took everything. Blue. The colour of the sea that swallowed your dear sister. Blue. The colour your father used to love. Blue. The colour of your only love's wedding suit. Blue. The colour of his blood that now taints his lips. He's a beautiful tragedy. Even in death, he's the most gorgeous sight. Blue against the pale white of his skin, a perfectly tragic contrast.
The LED on his temple spins beneath the blue and fades into nothing as his final breath dies upon his lips. You curse the tears on your cheeks for washing away the traces of him. Who knew death tasted so sorrowful.