Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan/Shingeki no Kyojin
I'm a coward.
A complete and utter coward.
I can only imagine how the soldiers are acting towards me now, kicking the crystal, yelling profanities and tears at me, blaming me for deaths of loved ones.
But I am conscious.
I am in my own little world within this crystal, safe inside the confinements of my own mind.
I can relive the days before this all happened, from back when I lived with my father to the very moment when I beat up Eren…
…To the very moment when Armin would look at me with those terrified eyes.
I would dream too. And every time, it would be the same exact dream. I always try to wrap my head around the concept of it, but I can never understand it….
Yet I can at the same time.
It would start out with the day Father told me that the world was my enemy, and then it would shift to my trainee days with Reiner and Bertholdt and the others. After that I would be shown Marco's corpse, and Jean standing over it in disbelief. I would feel tears in my eyes by then, and I would apologize repeatedly in my head. I would turn away from the image, only to be faced with Mina's headless corpse, and the rest of the destruction of Trost.
After those images fade, I would be faced with the scene where my secrets were revealed, when Armin, Eren, and Mikasa would glare at me, disbelief and anger burning in their eyes. The laugh I emitted would echo in my ears, empty and insane. Then, I would see my battle with Eren in our titan forms, but from someone else's view point. I would see the damage I caused, the people I killed, the yells of people dying, injured, and terrified. The blood, would fall around me, I would be surrounded by the corpses in the church I fell on during the battle. It was painful to watch my actions, so very painful.
Suddenly, I shift to my point of view, just in time to see the crystal encase me fully, blocking me out from the world. After that, everything would blow away, like the wind was sweeping everything from my mind. I would find myself in what feels like water, the liquid pale, opaque, and blue; everything else a hazy white. It would reach my waist, and was cool to the touch. My military gear would be gone; I was just in my white hoodie and pants. The water rippling around me, I would look up to see Armin smiling kindly at me. But his eyes would betray his sadness and hurt, his feelings of betrayal and of hope that the truth was false. Even so, he would reach up, delicately placing a red flower in my blond hair, its stem resting just behind my ear. Imitations of that flower would then fall around me, along with the crimson petals floating down. But they weren't alone. Looking up, I would see that patches depicting the wings of freedom fluttering down to me, all stained with the same red of the flowers. I hold my hands out in front of me, catching the symbolic patches, the red spreading to my hands. They would pile up in my palms, some falling to the water around me, accompanied by the flowers that were already floating gently around my figure. Tears would fill my eyes, and I would try to hold them in, to show no weakness. To show the blankness around me that I don't regret my decision. But I did, very much so. Some tears would fall into the water, sparkling like sorrowful gems as they flowed, leaving trails down my face.
Then, my vision would blur, the tears making it difficult to see. That's when the dream would end, I would wake up, my mind disoriented from the long dream.
That's when I would feel tears on my face once more, and remember every event leading up to my crystal imprisonment of myself.
A/N: Yeah, this was just a drabble inspired by a picture I found that can be viewed here: art/Annie-451561121 (just copy and paste the URL, the picture should be the first result in google. Fanfiction keeps messing it up for some reason)
And... yeah, not really much to say about this, except that I don't really like the beginning. Oh well, I figured you readers could ahead and like, I don't know, interpret this any way you want really. Anyway... R&R please! Reviews are greatly appreciated!