1x02

She couldn't sleep.

The day had been so stressful. Every moment had been about surviving. From agreeing to be Camila's mule to racing through Dallas streets with that guy- James. She was exhausted. She was sore. And all she wanted to do was sleep.

But that was the problem. She couldn't sleep. Her mind kept replaying her last day in Mexico. She kept hearing the phone ring- telling her Guero was gone. She kept seeing Tony's scared little face. Running from Epifanio's men. Getting to the safe house.

Gato.

She could still feel his hands and his breath and him. She had taken a shower. She had been given clean clothes. But it wasn't enough. So she got up from the cot she was sleeping on. It was dark and quiet. Most of the other girls were asleep unless they were 'working'. So she slipped out of her section of cages and wandered.

She didn't expect to find him there. She figured he would be at his own place by now. But there he stood, stray curl falling into his eyes. She knew he had heard her. She hadn't thought that she needed to be subtle. But he didn't look at her. His eyes were focused on a spread of papers on the table in front of him.

"You should be asleep."

She bristled at his tone and the meaning behind it. She wasn't wanted here. Well she didn't want to be here. She wanted to be in Mexico, in her home with Guero beside her. She wanted to not be living the life she was at this moment. But life doesn't give people what they want all the time.

"What are you doing?" It was her way of telling him she wasn't leaving. It was her way of saying she wasn't one of the other girls who obeyed his every order. His eyes met hers for a second, annoyance and something else she couldn't quite name visible for her to see. It made her nervous.

He slowly slid one of the papers over for her to see. She stepped closer to see it properly. It was an inventory- the amount of product ready for distribution and what they were keeping in reserve. Another sheet had prices with names beside them. "People get greedy. We have to be careful." She nodded slowly.

Then he was gathering the papers up and organizing them. She knew the moment was over and stepped back. Except the prospect of going back to that cot made her chest tight. The thought of her memories being turned into even worse nightmares made her hands shake. And she could still feel Gato on her skin. She wanted that memory gone. She wanted the memory of Guero's last touch gone tonight too.

So she stepped closer to James. He glanced at her curiously, but didn't say anything. Not until she stepped into the space between him and the table. Not until her hands came to rest on his chest. "It won't make you feel better." She was surprised. Most men she had experience with would accept her offer without a word. At least not one that wasn't demeaning. But it didn't matter. She needed this and for some reason she knew he wouldn't hurt her- not in any way that mattered.

"I don't want to feel better. I want to feel someone different."

Then she was pressing up to kiss along his jaw. Her hands roamed across his chest, mapping the feel of him with her hands. He was hard muscles and warmth. But she didn't care about that- not really. Her hands went to the shoulders of his leather jacket, pushing it off of him. He let her. When her hands dropped to the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it off, he let her. But that was all he did. He stood there, unmoving, while she did what she wanted.

It frustrated her. It made her so angry. Because when she didn't want a man to touch her- he had. And now, when she almost needs hands on her, he won't do anything. She pulled back. She knew her eyes were blazing. She knew she must look pathetic to him. But she didn't care. "What's the problem?"

He huffed out a sigh and ran his hand down his face. Then he pinned her with the same look he'd given her before he told her to blow the job. "Whatever this is… you don't really want it. Go back to sleep, don't go back to sleep- that's on you. But this…isn't happening." Then he was picking his shirt up from the floor where she had dropped it and shrugging it back on. He grabbed his jacket and the papers from the table and stepped back- eyeing her carefully. "Goodnight Teresa." Then he was walking away and she was left in the dark- alone.

She went back to her cot.

She pulled the blanket around her.

She didn't let herself cry.

1x03

She thought things would be awkward between them. But James acted as if nothing had happened the night before and so Teresa followed his lead. She went with him and the other two girls to the store. Then she went with him to the delivery after Camila's little test with the DEA agents. The deal with Lopez had been more than she expected. She had been threatened before, that wasn't new. But the way James had followed her lead- Guero had never listened to her opinions about business. He had always wanted to protect her.

Not that James didn't. He was responsible for her and that meant keeping her alive and unharmed. But still… It was nice to be recognized as something other than a girlfriend. He had trusted her experience. He had trusted her instincts. And she may not trust him or consider him anywhere close to a good person. But he had seen more than her body.

So when they had been driving back to the warehouse after her meeting with Camila she asked him to pull over. She could tell he didn't know what she was thinking but he pulled over anyway. She reached over and put the truck in park ignoring the weight of his eyes on her. Then she slid across the truck and climbed into his lap. He watched her- face impassive- while she undid his jeans. He didn't move when she reached inside and took him in her hand. He didn't speak when she stroked up and down the length of him- making him hard.

But he stopped her hand when she moved to undo her own jeans. His grip was firm but not painful. That was a change from the last man who touched her. She pushed the thought away and let out a heavy sigh. "Why do you keep doing this, Teresa?" His voice was even and there was no hint that he was concerned with his dick being out or having her straddling him on the side of the road. He was as cool as always.

But she didn't want him cool and collected. She wanted him to lose some of the control he always had. And she wanted him to get her body to relax so her mind could too. So she didn't answer him. She gently twisted her hand free of his grip. There wasn't much room to maneuver but she managed to get on the floor between his knees. The steering wheel nudged her spine but not enough to be uncomfortable.

Then her mouth was pressed to the warm skin at the base of his cock. One hand was pressed to his thigh to keep her balance and the other went to slide her fingers along the length of him. Her lips and tongue followed the path her fingers travelled. She felt the pattern of his breathing change, but he didn't move- didn't make a sound. It was frustrating and arousing simultaneously.

She felt his hands tangle in her hair and for a moment she was sure he would give in. But he wasn't. He was pulling her back up. His grip was firm, but not rough and he applied just enough pressure for her to get the idea and settle back unto the seat beside him.

"Why are you doing this? I know you don't really want me. So whatever this is- you need to stop."

Her eyes went to his cock. He didn't seem to really care that his dick was out. It was like that fact was second to his need to understand her. He casually tucked himself in his pants, not rushing or fumbling. Then he zipped himself back up and put the truck back in gear. She looked at his face and for a second she thought she saw concern instead of his usual blankness.

Anger washed over her. She had just needed one thing. Just a few moments of pleasure to take the edge off of the pain. But he couldn't- wouldn't give her that. She had been willing to get him off. And wasn't that really what all guys wanted anyway? A pretty face, a warm body? So how dare he pretend to care about her motives? How dare he ask in the first place? She hadn't been allowed to ask about Gato's motives or her disgusting old boss' motives. So why should she have to answer to him about hers.

She flung herself back to her side of the truck- put as much space between them as possible.

Fine, she didn't need him to make her feel better.

She didn't need anyone.

1x04

Her neck still hurt from where Batman had tazed her. There was a cut or two on her face from when he broke the car window. But she didn't use the ice sitting on the crate by her cot. It felt like too much work to pick it up- to hold it. Besides, Brenda had patched her up when they got to the motel she and Tony were staying at.

She was just so tired.

The other girls were asleep. They had stared at her with the usual bitchiness when she walked in scratched up with a bag of ice in her hand. Not one of them had asked if she was okay. Not that she expected them to. But the isolation just made her miss Brenda- even more now that she was in Dallas, too. It made her miss Mexico, even with all of its dangers.

She missed Guero.

The sound of the warehouse door opening caught her attention. She glanced around to see if any of the other girls had noticed, but they were still sleeping peacefully. She didn't know how anyone could sleep peacefully in this place. Then the sound of a gate on the other side of the building had her up and moving. Just because there were guards didn't mean she trusted them to keep her safe.

As quietly as she could she opened the gate to the cage she was in. It squealed a lot louder than she wanted it to, but it was still quieter than usual. She didn't close it back- it was always louder when you closed it. Instead she made her way to the other side of the building- back to the room Camila had put her in for their first meeting.

She hated herself a little bit for being able to recognize him so easily. James' back was to her and he was leaning against the table she had almost been turned into a sex slave on. She knew he heard her- she hadn't been trying to be quiet. He didn't turn around. He didn't even glance over his shoulder.

"Go back to sleep Teresa."

She ignored him. Stepping further into the room she made her way around the table. He was using the flashlight on his cell phone to look at some blueprints. There was nothing to tell her where the house was or who it belonged to, but she tried to memorize it anyway. She was learning that it was best to pay attention to anything she saw. Especially with James. He was so quiet and hard to read. He only gave you the information you needed to get a job done. But Teresa wanted, and needed, more than that if she was really going to survive this place.

"How many girls have died?" That got his attention. He looked up at her and she could just make out some kind of emotion in his eyes. Then his expression changed and he got a mildly confused look. He was a good actor when he wanted to be, but not right now. "On the way to the airport you said that Aveline wasn't the first girl to die. How many have died?"

He spread a hand across the blueprints. On anyone else she would have called it a nervous thing. But not James- it seemed more like guilt. "It doesn't matter how many. Just make sure you aren't next." He dropped his gaze back to the paper in front of him. But she could tell his concentration was broken. After a minute of staring he rolled up the paper with a heavy sigh. Turning to leave, he gestured for her to follow him. She hesitated. He hadn't wanted to be anywhere near her outside of a job and now he was…what? "Look, you're safe with me. Hurting you doesn't get me anything."

She couldn't help herself. "That's never stopped any of the other men I've dealt with." He didn't even blink. Just stood there waiting for her to make up her mind. She took a careful step around the table leaving enough space between them so he couldn't reach her. But he didn't try to. He walked out not even looking to see if she followed. "Where are we going?"

He didn't answer- just led her to a side door. There was a guard outside the door. He nodded at James but then stepped forward to block her path. "She's with me." Teresa wanted to be annoyed- and she was- but it was nothing new. She was a prisoner and these people were her jailors- even James. Especially James. But the guard let her pass and she made sure to hold her head high as she did. She wasn't going to let them intimidate her- her fear was her secret.

They got to a small sports car and James opened the driver's door. Teresa couldn't help thinking Brenda would love to drive this. She started to walk around to the passenger side, but his hand on her arm stopped her. "You're driving." She stared at him for a moment- trying to figure out what he was doing, but it was too dark to see clearly. Slowly pulling her arm out of his grasp she slid into the driver's seat. James waited until she was in comfortably and then closed her door. She watched as he made his way to the passenger's side and got in- handing her the keys as the door closed. "Go until you run out of gas."

She looked at the gas needle. It was at a half of a tank. So she drove. She drove until she could almost forget that she had to go back. James didn't speak. He didn't even look in her direction. His eyes were closed, one hand on his thigh, the other tracing invisible patterns on the window. She didn't know why he was doing this, but Teresa didn't really care either. A smile formed on her lips and she didn't try to will it away.

It was hours later when the gas light turned on. She had no clue where they were- she had been taking turns at random, not paying attention to anything. But when she looked up, there was a gas station not too far away. She drove to it and pulled in. She had thought that James might have fallen asleep, but he was reaching for the keys as soon as she put the car in park. She watched him get out and pump the gas, then she watched as he went into the station and bought some things.

When he came back, he motioned for her to switch seats, so she did. A part of her was reluctant to let him drive. It had been a sense of freedom she hadn't realized that she missed. But she didn't dwell on it. She settled into the passenger seat and when he got in the car he handed her the small bag of things. "Water and orange juice. I got you a bagel, too. Plain. Hand me the barbeque chips. The rest you can choose from."

She turned to look at him. He was a killer. He was a cartel lieutenant. He was the person who locked her cage at night. And she hated him. But he was also the person who almost blew a job to keep her breathing. And he was the guy who trusted her instincts for no reason. And now he was giving her midnight joyrides and buying her snacks… The two images in her mind of this man didn't match up.

So she didn't think about it anymore. She ate her bagel in silence. She drank the juice, but saved the water. She left the chips for the girls at the warehouse. Then she let herself fall asleep.

She was in her house in Sinaloa. She could hear a phone ringing downstairs. She got up from her bed and made her way down the steps. They were different. The marble was gone and replaced by rotting wood. But she kept going. She reached the place where the ringing was coming from, but there was nothing there. No table, no phone, nothing. She walked around the rest of the house until she reached the kitchen. Guero was there. Smoke was coming from his skin and his clothes were charred and black. His hair was burned uneven and short. 'You don't know me Teresa. But Guero is dead.' His mouth was moving but it wasn't his voice.

Then the floor gave out and she was falling.

She tried to scream but nothing came out. Then she was in a room surrounded by a thousand Gatos. He was behind her and on top of her. His hands came from every direction. And she couldn't breathe- the weight from all of his bodies was too heavy. Then she heard Epifanio's voice, 'I can't help you Teresa. I'm sorry.' Then it was just hands and weight and darkness.

She screamed.

"Teresa!"

She jerked forward. The seatbelt cut into her chest as it locked in place. But she barely registered it. Her eyes flew around the space frantically and she could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she tried to get her bearings. She forced herself to take a big, deep breath and hold it- even though it felt like there wasn't enough air in the world.

"Teresa. Look at me." James. She recognized the voice. She turned her head slowly and looked at him. His face was blank, but she could see concern in his eyes. His hands were stretched out like he was going to touch her, but he didn't. Her mind told her he had probably tried to wake her up, but it was a passing thought. "Take a breath."

She had forgotten. Her chest burned but she hadn't related it to lack of oxygen. She let out the breath she had been holding and drew in a new one. Let it out. Then she was breathing normally- if a little shaky. Slowly, James reached into the back seat and grabbed the water bottle he had bought for himself. She knew it was his because hers was on the floor by her feet. He opened it and handed it to her- wordlessly telling her to drink.

She did.

Then she undid her seatbelt and climbed into his lap.

She expected him to do what he had done all the other times. Push her away. Tell her it wasn't happening. But he didn't. Instead he reached down and slid the seat back as far as it would go. Then he lowered the back of the chair so they were lying almost flat. His arms settled around her and his hands rubbed gently at her back.

Her eyes burned with tears, but she didn't cry.

And he just held her until she was ready to go again.

1x05

She could have killed him.

She was so pissed at him and it didn't even make sense. But he had sat there and held her back when that man was being murdered. James could have stopped it- they both knew that. But he hadn't. He had just watched as if it was nothing. And then he had tried to lecture her on what it meant to be in the cartel. As if she didn't already know. As if she hadn't already lost too many people she loved because of this world. But he had been wrong. It wasn't her world. She had never wanted it to be her world. She had wanted Guero.

Guero is dead.

She clenched her fists against the pain that lanced through her at that thought. She couldn't live like this. She couldn't survive if the thought of him hurt her this much forever. She went to the bathroom as if moving would keep the pain from following her- swallowing her. She stripped off the dress James had brought her. A part of her wanted to tear it apart. She wanted to return it to him as broken and worthless as she had felt in it. But the other part of her- the survivor- told her to be careful with it. She might need it one day. She might need him one day.

Her mind went back to the other night. The way he had held her in his lap on the side of the road. They didn't talk about it. They didn't even mention it. But she knew he watched her more carefully. He had started showing up around the time the warehouse shut down. He would go to that little back room and she would meet him. He brought her coffee and she knew he drugged it so she could sleep.

A part of her resented it- this caring side of him. He didn't have the right to take care of her. And she didn't want or need him to. She had been surviving nightmares for years without him. But she still went and she still drank his drugged coffee and she still pretended not to notice him watching her as she moved to her cot each night.

She looked at the red dress again. He probably wouldn't be bringing her coffee tonight. Pulling on her regular clothes Teresa stepped out of the bathroom and into the main space of the warehouse. A group of guards were huddled in the corner talking amongst themselves. Teresa moved to walk passed them when one reached out and grabbed her around the waist. Her instinct was to fight- to push him off of her. But she stayed calm. It wouldn't do any good to make a scene- none of these people would help her anyway.

"This one, she thinks she's too good for us. But I know Valdez gets her every night. Wonder how good she is for him to keep coming back." His hands slid over her body and she had to fight not to gag. The other guys looked nervous but excited and she hated each of them in that moment. The guy holding her spun her around and pulled her in close. "How about you give me a little taste of what you can do, huh?" Then he was pushing her down to her knees, one hand gripping tight in her hair, the other going to his zipper.

"Teresa, get up."

The guy froze. She took the opportunity to push herself away from him- staggering as she got to her feet. James stepped up behind her- hand at her back to help her catch her balance. She wanted to look at him but she was acting on instinct now- and instinct said don't look away from the thing that wants to destroy you. And right now, James wasn't that thing.

"Look, man, we were just messing around. We weren't really trying to go for your girl." She felt a new tension in the hand at her back. It almost distracted her from the words coming out of that pendejo's mouth. She wasn't James'. She wasn't anyone's anymore.

James dropped his hand from her and Teresa glanced at him from the corner of her eye. He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it, then handed it to her. "The stuff is on the table- I'll meet you in a minute." Then he nodded towards the back room. She hesitated for a moment, trying to figure out what he was thinking. But that was impossible tonight. So she took a long drag of his cigarette and handed it back. The taste of the tobacco calmed her and she wondered if he had known that it would. She turned and walked away.

It was ten minutes when he showed up. He walked up to her and pulled her out of her chair. It was a surprise, but he wasn't rough so she didn't fight him. He tilted her head to the left, then the right. Then he checked her arms. "Lift your shirt." She glared at him. She knew she couldn't trust him, but she had thought he was different when it came to this. "Teresa, lift your shirt." She did, slowly. But he didn't touch her; he just looked her over with the same blank eyes as before. He brushed her hands away and let her shirt fall back in place. "He won't touch you again."

"Thank you."

He nodded and somehow it managed to be dismissive and reassuring at the same time. "You've got a big day tomorrow. Drink your coffee and go to sleep." Then he moved to sit in the chair he usually sat in- the one across from hers. He drank his coffee and she drank hers. She didn't realize that she was falling asleep until he picked her up. She jolted in his arms, but James just tightened his grip. "Relax. You're safe." It was a lie. Something in her mind told her that she was never safe. But it was fuzzy and she couldn't think of why she thought that.

Her head fell onto James' shoulder and for a moment she felt like maybe she was safe. Then her mind registered the sound of one of the cages opening. Her eyes blinked open and she saw the guy from earlier. He had a split lip and a bruise on his jaw. She frowned as she tried to remember if it had been there before. But she blinked and he was gone. She was being lowered onto her cot and then James was walking away.

"Thank you."

She was asleep before he walked through the door.

1x06

Her mind kept replaying Brenda's words- his words.

It shouldn't be like that. The person who meant the most to her shouldn't be saying the same things as the person who only saw her as a business tool. But still she heard them, their voices overlapping. And it made something in her ache a little. Because her worlds were colliding. And she couldn't stop it.

She walked into the warehouse and immediately her eyes went to the corner where the guards all sat. They hadn't talked to her or touched her since the other night, but she was still cautious. But none of them even looked at her. So she walked passed. The cages were full and most of the girls were sleeping. They still glared at her, but it wasn't so overwhelming now. They were used to her.

Or maybe they think you're James' girl like the guards did.

She dropped her things off at her cot and wound her way through the cages to the back room. She stopped in the doorway. Camila was there, sitting in James' seat. And James was… not there. "Teresa, come sit down." She tentatively moved closer, eyes never leaving Camila as she moved to her usual seat. "James is running behind. I thought we could catch up until he gets here."

It was interesting to Teresa how Camila always made her threats and demands sound so polite. Teresa sat in her chair and waited for Camila to speak. She wasn't going to volunteer anything. That was dangerous in this world. She didn't have to wait long. "You know, Teresa, this could all be simpler if you would trust me- the way you trust James." The smug tilt of Camila's lips told Teresa that there was more behind her words than she was letting on. Camila leaned forward. "He takes care of you, doesn't he? He keeps you safe. I can see why you feel close to him."

"We aren't close."

But her answer only seemed to amuse Camila more. The older woman sat back and let her eyes rake over Teresa. "No. You two aren't close." The words were cold suddenly. And Teresa didn't understand what Camila was trying to imply. "His job is to keep you alive. His job is to teach you to do the things I need you to do. Until I say otherwise." Teresa's spine straightened at that. She didn't trust James, but they had an understanding. And that meant more to her than all of Camila's attempts at a relationship.

Footsteps came from down the hall and Teresa knew it was James. She watched as he turned that corner and Camila came into view. His steps never faltered and there was only a moment of confusion on his face before it was wiped of emotion. Camila smiled her slow, mean smile before she turned in her seat to face James.

"Camila."

"James. We were waiting for you." James moved to stand beside the table. He placed Teresa's coffee in front of her and set his in front of Camila. "That's not necessary. I know this is something special for you two." Teresa hated the way Camila made it sound dirty. Like drinking a coffee was the same as fucking. But if James was bothered it didn't show. "Tell me, where did you two go the night you took the Camaro?"

Teresa looked at James. She hadn't known where they were that night- she had just been driving. And she had fallen asleep again after her nightmare. "We ended up about an hour from Austin." Teresa hadn't realized they had gone that far. They had never even gotten on the expressway, she had just been driving.

"Who gave you authority to take Teresa?" She thought she saw James' jaw clench, but Teresa couldn't be sure. But she did see the deep breath he took. So did Camila. "Teresa is a special case, as you know. I won't let you put her at risk. She doesn't leave Dallas without my permission." Teresa felt her hands shaking in her lap from anger. But she kept quiet as James nodded. Then Camila stood up. She took a sip of James' coffee. "I'll leave you two, now." Then she placed the cup back on the table and walked out.

James didn't move for a while and Teresa realized he was waiting for her to be out of the building. When the echo of the door closing reached them he turned to face her. "What did she say?" She shook her head. Nothing Camila had said was true and it was all mind games anyway. James stared at her in silence for a minute before finally sitting down. He pushed his coffee to the side of the table and nodded for her to drink hers.

She didn't. She stood up and moved around to his side of the table. She could see the question in his eyes. But they both knew what she was doing. She didn't know why she was doing it this time. But did it really matter? She slid into the space between him and the table. And he let her. Then she pushed his jacket off his shoulders and down his arms. He let her. And when she leaned in and kissed him, he let her. He kissed her back.

It wasn't like with Guero. It wasn't like in movies or books. There were no fireworks, no butterflies. It was just a kiss. A really good kiss. The kind that you want at the beginning of a one night stand. She slid into his chair and straddled him. She had done this more times than she liked to admit, but this time was different. He wasn't a stone beneath her. He was in this too. His hands rested on her waist to keep her steady. And her hands curled around his shoulders. It was fast and wet and so good she almost convinced herself that he was who she truly wanted.

Then he pulled back and her mind cleared a little. His thumbs were rubbing the skin right at the line of her jeans. His breathing was fast and a little uneven but other than that he seemed as unaffected as always. "It's late. You should go." His voice was a little huskier than usual, and she liked it. She almost shook her head, started the kiss again- but he gently pushed her away.

She stood up and stepped away from him. She watched as he grabbed his untouched coffee cup and hers too. Then he stood and gestured for her to go first- like he always did. When they got to the end of the makeshift hallway he paused. She turned to face him, but his eyes were on something behind her. Glancing in the direction he was focused on, Teresa saw the guard from the other night. He was watching her- so closely he didn't even realize that James was watching him. And the look in his eyes told Teresa that he was just biding his time- waiting until James wasn't looking out for her anymore.

"Night, Teresa."

She walked away, eyes still on the guard.

"Goodnight, James"

1x07

He didn't show the next night.

Her coffee was waiting on the table, but he wasn't there. So she took it back to her cot. The other girls looked at her like she held the key to freedom, but she ignored it. They slept at night- without nightmares. She didn't. And if James was willing to bring her drugged coffee, she wasn't going to feel bad about the sleep she got.

She laid down and listened as the other girls all fell asleep. She could hear the rasp of the girl she had gotten medicine for. It was better, and her fever was down. She'd be able to move around soon. Teresa focused on that uneven intake of breath and the equally unsteady exhale that followed until the drugs kicked in.

It was early when someone woke her up the next morning. Early enough that the sun wasn't up yet. Her instincts were dulled by whatever James put in her coffee, but not enough to keep her from fighting. She swung out at the person above her. But she hit air. Then her hands were caught and pressed against her chest.

"Teresa. It's just me."

It took a minute for her brain to register who the voice belonged to. But she stopped struggling. James' hand slowly let go of hers and he pulled away. She took a deep breath to steady herself and then sat up. He nudged her shoes with his foot so she put them on. He motioned for her to come with him and she got up and followed him out of the cage and across the warehouse. When they got to the side door that led to the cars she slowed. "Where are we going?"

"I don't know."

He turned so that his back was against the door and tossed her some keys. He opened the door and let her go through. It occurred to her that he always held the door for her and the other girls. His hand at her back reminded her to keep walking. Teresa noticed that the guard didn't stop her tonight. She still kept her back straight as her made her way to the car, though. She got into the driver's seat while James got in on the other side. "How far can we go?"

"We have to be back in 3 hours. Go where you want."

So she did. And like last time he didn't speak. He just sat quietly with his eyes closed. She made sure to stay in the city, but she took side streets. She stopped at a Taco Bell and ordered the Nacho Bell Grande. It was nowhere near what real nachos should taste like. But she smiled as she ate them. The look of disgust on James' face when he found an onion in his burrito had Teresa forcing back a laugh. And when it was time to head back to the warehouse, she almost didn't mind.

She stopped a block away and parked the car. James raised an eyebrow in question, but didn't comment. She stared down the empty street and wondered what it would take to finally get away from this place. She had enjoyed the drive. It was a gift and she knew that. But she didn't want driving around Dallas to be a gift. She wanted it to be her right- something she could do without worrying about Camila turning on her or James hunting her down. She glanced over at the man beside her.

"Why do you do this?"

He didn't look up from his phone. She hadn't even noticed him pull it out of his pocket. "I know what it's like to be trapped in a place you can't get out of." It seemed so simple. And it was- it really was. But it wasn't enough. Because he was risking Camila's wrath just to take some girl out in the middle of the night. He gave a heavy sigh. "The other girls, they don't feel the same way you do. They don't see the world like you. If I keep you locked up here," he said gesturing to the warehouse down the road, "you'll lose that drive you have to stay alive. So if letting you drive for a few hours keeps you sane…"

Teresa stared at him for a long moment.

Then she drove back to her cage.

1x08

They didn't sleep that night.

No one did. Tonto was shot. The deal with the guys from Florida went… so very wrong. It wasn't supposed to be like that. They weren't supposed to get caught. She wasn't supposed to shoot anyone- kill anyone. She had done her part. She got the maid. She got into the hotel room. She did everything they asked her to.

So why was she the one who had to kill that guy?

James had sent her to bed hours ago, but she couldn't close her eyes. She kept seeing that guy- dead, blood pooling on the hotel floor. So her eyes stayed open. She listened to the doctor as he checked on Tonto through the night. And then Camila was asking for her. Asking for the maid's information.

She couldn't do it. She couldn't let them kill that woman. She had promised that no one would get hurt- that it would be clean. But she knew James was right. Robbery wasn't the same as murder. Stealing some cocaine was one thing. But she killed that guy. And James had killed the guys he was with. Teresa couldn't help wondering when this had become her life. Maybe it always had been.

She and James stood in a back room. It was so different from the one they usually spent their nights in. But maybe it was good since the circumstances were so different. She listened to James talk to the sheriff on the phone. She deleted the picture of the maid's information while he did. She had memorized the address- she could get to her if she needed to.

"I know you lied to Camila." Teresa froze. She tried to think of what she could say or do to get out of this. Then she realized that silence was the only option. She couldn't react- because she never had before. So she kept her face controlled and her mouth shut. "You got that maid's information. It was the first thing you did." He walked closer to her until there was barely any space between them. But she instinctively knew he wasn't trying to intimidate her. That wasn't how James operated.

"Camila will cut you loose if you get caught by the cops. She can't cover for you- not with this. But if you tell me where to find the maid before Denny does, I can fix it." Teresa held in a scoff, because really? He would fix it? By killing that woman. And that's not how Teresa wanted anything to be fixed for her.

She watched his frustration grow as she stood there in silence. And it just made her angrier. He couldn't expect her to just let him kill some innocent person. That was never going to happen. He stalked passed her to get to the door. Her arm shot out to stop him without her thinking about it. And when he spun around they were so close that she could feel the heat from his body. His eyes were dark with frustration and something about it dragged along her skin.

Then she surged forward and caught his lips with hers. She was angry and so was he. But he kissed her back- hard. His mouth was rough against hers. And the grip he had on her waist was going to leave bruises. But she wasn't any gentler. Her hands fisted tight in his hair- tight enough to pull a hiss of pain from him. One hand left her waist and came up to grab her jaw. His grip was firm but she knew he wouldn't leave a mark on her face. Still the sudden burn of his hand along the line of bone made her gasp.

His tongue was dancing with hers in the next second. She bit him- just because she could. Because this didn't change anything. And she knew he felt the same because she was suddenly no longer touching the ground. He had his arm braced under her ass to hold her up even as he spun them so that her back hit the wall. Her legs wrapped around him and the jolt of want that hit her had her tearing her lips from his to catch her breath. But he wasn't happy about that. The hand at her jaw tilted her head so he could attack the sensitive line of her throat with his tongue- teeth biting when he got to her shoulder.

Her hands let go of his hair to push at his shoulders. Even through her haze of lust and anger she recognized the way he immediately put space between them, his eyes checking that she was okay even as the frustration still burned in them. But she wasn't stopping him. She should have been, but she wasn't. Her hands dropped to the button of his jeans and undid it- then she was yanking his zipper down so she could get to him.

Her hand wrapped around him and she watched as his face contorted into a mask of pleasured pain. He was hard, but she wanted him harder. So she stroked him as best she could with how little space she had to move. But right when she got into a rhythm he braced her against the wall more firmly and pulled her shirt over her head. She moved to pull her arms free so she could get back to what she was doing, but he twisted the shirt just enough that her hands were caught.

"No." His voice was deeper than she had ever heard it- raspy and dark and wrecked. "You've been fucking with me since you got here. It's my turn." That wasn't what she expected. She wasn't even sure that was what she wanted. But she didn't fight him. Because he was right- and somehow she knew he would make this good for her.

He glanced at the door to make sure it was closed- it locked automatically. Then his hands were undoing her jeans and tugging them off her hips. He helped her get her boots off then held her securely as she kicked her jeans off of her feet. Her panties followed. Then his hand was between her legs and she knew he could feel how wet she was. The way his jaw clenched gave it away too. She brought her arms down around his neck, her shirt still keeping her from using her hands the way she wanted to.

Then his cock was pressing inside of her and she couldn't catch her breath. She bit her lip, teeth grazing at the skin as she tried to keep from whimpering at how good it felt. He went slow until he was all the way in. And he pulled out even slower. She couldn't stop the little moan that clawed out of her throat at that. But that was the end of slow. His next thrust has hard and fast and everything. She had to adjust the grip her thighs had on him to be able to meet his pace. His head dipped to bite at her breasts through her bra. And he brought one hand to the center of her back to keep her arched into him just right.

She could feel herself getting close. And every single stroke- every single kiss, lick, bite, had her spiraling that much closer. She tightened around him, needing to get him a fraction of as sucked in as she was. His hips stuttered, lost their rhythm for a second, and she nearly choked on air when his next thrust hit that much harder, that much deeper. Then the hand that had been at her back came around to land on her clit. He didn't rub, he didn't trace patterns, he just let his thumb press against it. And that- the steady pressure combined with the frantic push of his cock inside her tipped her over the edge.

He fucked her through it, holding her tighter to him until she couldn't take the overstimulation. Her head dropped to his shoulder as he suddenly pulled out of her. He tapped her thighs so she let go of him and let her feet fall back to the floor. The concrete was cold through her socks but she didn't care. She needed the shock to ground her- take the edge off the pleasure still coursing through her.

She leaned against the wall trying to catch her breath as James adjusted his pants and zipped up. He hadn't come. She knew he hadn't. But when her hand reached out to him, he stopped her. "No." He bent and picked up her underwear and jeans and handed them to her. "Get dressed. You're off for today. Enjoy it." His voice was strained and his words were more clipped than usual. It made her stomach clench. But she pulled her clothes on like he told her to. She stood in front of him for a moment- waiting. But he did nothing, said nothing.

She turned and left the room.

1x09- 1x10

She didn't enjoy the day off.

She spent it convincing the maid to go back to Mexico. She spent it getting ready to find the book she had left behind. Switching cars, meeting Brenda, trying not to think about how this could get her killed. She pushed the memories of dark curls and rough hands to the back of her mind. No, she didn't enjoy her day off. But it didn't matter- she got to Mexico.

Then everything went to shit.

She was held hostage by the maid's family. She was forced to make a run for her life. She ended up in the trunk of a car, knowing that she was going to die. But somehow she was still alive. And somehow she had gotten to the place where she had left the book. And by some miracle it was still there- exactly where she had left it.

Now she was here, in an apartment she had never been to before.

James was standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. She knew he was pissed. She knew he had every reason to tell Camila about what had been going on the past twenty-four hours. But he wasn't. He had lied for her- told Camila the maid was dead. It was a loose end- one she was responsible for- and he was letting it slide.

She thought she knew why. But James didn't seem like the type to let one hook-up keep him from doing his job. Teresa watched as he pushed off of the counter and came over to stand in front of her. A part of her wanted to step closer, sink into the kindness she knew he could give. But the smart side of her- the side that knew this business made liars of everyone- kept her in place.

"What happened today- it can never happen again."

It was like the other morning never happened. It was like he had erased anything that might be considered personal between them. It was a good thing. It would make it easier for her to walk away- no attachments. So she kept her face neutral and her mouth closed.

"Did you get hurt?" She shook her head. He gave her a once over as if he could see any injuries she might be hiding underneath her clothes. "Good." And just like that the mood changed. James' eyes got impossibly darker. She felt herself taking a half step closer to him. "What happened the other morning…That can't be a habit, understood?"

She took another step while she nodded. She agreed, completely. It was too dangerous- for both of them. Camila would probably force her into prostitution since Epifanio still wanted her alive. James would be demoted, or killed. It would be bad for Camila to think their loyalty was compromised. But if James was offering… Today she wouldn't say no.

His hands went to her waist, pushing her back. Her ass hit the counter and her hands grabbed the edge before going to pull off James' jacket. His hands stayed on her waist as his lips found hers. It felt different this time. Like he was trying to get as much of this as he could before something bad happened. His fingers pressed into her skin and Teresa pushed herself closer to him. Her hands pushed his shirt up and they separated so he could pull it off. Then her jacket was gone and her shirt, before his lips made their way to her throat.

It was different. Different in a way that almost scared her. Because there was more between them now- more behind the kiss than anger or meaningless lust. There was a layer of trust and concern- they had shared secrets. It still wasn't like Guero, but it was something. And Teresa didn't know what to feel about it. So she pushed it away. She let her nails scrape along the skin of his chest. She let her kiss turn rougher and darker. James followed her lead, only taking a moment to pull back and look at her- check in.

Then he was lifting her unto the counter and stepping into the space between her thighs. His hands roamed her sides and back before unclipping her bra and pulling it from her. He kissed his way down her throat and across her chest, nipping at her collarbone and letting his tongue sooth the sting. His left hand came up to cup her breast and his right pulled her closer, holding her secure on the edge of the counter. Then his tongue traced a line from the underside of her breast to her tightened nipple before he took it into his mouth.

Teresa's back arched in his hand as she pressed herself closer to James, enjoying the way his tongue played with her flesh. Enjoying the firm hold his hand had on her breast and the jolt of heat that spread through her with each flick of his thumb over her nipple. Her hands grabbed on to his hair and James pulled away pressing kisses across the valley of her breast until his mouth reached the one his hand had been occupied with. His hips jerked forward reflexively when a small moan slipped past Teresa's lips.

It reminded her that there was something else her hands could be holding on to. Leaving his curls Teresa let her hands slide down his neck to his shoulders, her grip tightening as James took her breast into his mouth. Her legs opened wider and she pressed herself closer so her core was against his abs. Her fingers trailed down to his jeans tracing the waistband as he pulled away to take her mouth again. His tongue fighting hers for dominance made her fingers fumble with getting his pants open but she did it. And she felt a thrill at the way his hands grabbed onto her waist when she wrapped her fist around him.

She could feel his pulse in her hand as she held him. And the head of his cock left a smear of pre-come on her palm as she reached the tip. This time he didn't stop her when she worked him with her hands. This time he moved with her, even as he held her tighter- carried her to a bedroom she barely saw. He laid her on a bed and followed her down. His hands undoing her pants, as his mouth continued to kiss and lick and bite at her. She knew she'd have marks and somehow Teresa didn't quite mind.

She kicked her shoes off as he pulled away to tug her pants down. She had to let go of him for a moment and the whine that left her throat brought a small almost-smile to James' lips. Her pants hit the floor, then her panties. Then James' fingers were buried inside of her and Teresa's back was bowing off of the bed. The way he crooked his fingers inside of her, the pace of his thrusts, it was so good. His other hand feathering along her sides and teasing her breasts- it was so good.

She could feel herself getting close. She could hear her breathing change and feel the tension in her legs, arms, everywhere. James kissed a path from her shoulders to her jaw before claiming her mouth. Somehow his kiss had gentled even though nothing else about what they were doing had. It made Teresa grab for the bed sheets beneath her. She was so close…right there…

Then his fingers were gone and she wanted to kill him. Her head jerked back, breaking their kiss so she could figure out why he had stopped. But her eyes slammed shut a moment later as his cock replaced his fingers, thrusting so deep white spots danced behind her eyelids. Her legs wrapped around his waist to keep him from leaving. His head dropped to her shoulder and she couldn't keep her arms from wrapping around his neck pulling him closer, holding him tighter.

This time he went slow. This time he worked her up. She could feel every inch of him and every inch sent electricity running through her veins. One hand dropped low on her stomach, pressing her into the bed to keep her still. The other dipped even lower, his thumb circling her clit slowly, increasing the pressure with each inward rotation. It made Teresa's breath catch in her throat, made her stomach clench and her thighs shake. She clamped down on him, adding that much more friction to each movement James made within her.

It ruined his rhythm. His concentration broke. He drove into her fast for five strokes before he got himself back under control. But that was all she had needed- those few moments where James' restraint broke. Her orgasm wracked through her so hard she couldn't see. Black spots danced in her vision and her body trembled in his arms.

He didn't stop, he didn't speed up. He kept the same torturously slow rhythm. And just as she was beginning to catch her breath, he came. The feeling of his release pushed her back over the edge. The deep moan he tried to bury in her neck sent aftershocks along her nerves. Her arms wrapped around him and held him to her. She needed something solid- something safe to hold on to as she came back to herself.

James' hands went to her hips, just holding her. Then he pulled out- pulled away. Her arms fell back to the bed as she caught her breath. James stood up from the bed and walked out of the room. A moment later Teresa heard a shower come on. Then he was back. He went into a walk-in closet she hadn't noticed before and came out with a grey sweater and a pair of sweat pants.

"Take a shower. I'll wash your clothes. Then I'll take you back."

She took in the naked man in front of her. She looked at the clothes he held in his hand. Teresa slid off of the bed and took the clothes. She walked passed him and followed the sound of the shower to the bathroom. And as she washed his scent from her body and the feel of his hands from her skin, Teresa thought she should be upset. It should feel like a mistake. It should feel cold and meaningless. But it didn't.

Because as cold as his words were, James' eyes were warm.

1x11- 1x12

Nothing went the way she planned. They were supposed to find El Limpiador's. They were supposed to trade the book for enough money to buy real papers. They were supposed to go back to Dallas together.

But nothing happened the way it was supposed to. They found that tunnel full of dead bodies. They got caught by El Limpiador's men. He threatened Victor and Tony. He took Brenda. Nothing happened the way it was supposed to. And now she was in the back of a van with no idea where she was going.

She tried to think of a way out of this. She tried to listen and get any information she could- anything that would keep her alive. But there was nothing. Nothing but silence. Teresa was used to silence. She enjoyed silence most of the time. But not like this. It wasn't a safe silence. It wasn't a warm silence. It was cold and mean.

The thought was there and then gone in an instant, but it nearly knocked the breath from her lungs. I wish James were here. It was wrong. It was so wrong. She shouldn't want him. She should want Guero. She should want Brenda. She should want anyone but, James. Except she was used to his silence now. And she knew he wouldn't let anyone hurt her. Teresa had no clue when that stopped being something she hoped and became something she knew as fact. But it was. And she did- she wanted him with her right now.

Her head fell back at hit the back of the seat. She pushed the thought of James away. He couldn't save her. She had left. She had broken the rules. She had made her choice. Whatever happened to her now, there was no James or Guero.

She had to save herself.

1x13

The decided to stay at El Limpiador's for a few hours. Pote had gone inside with Camila. James was…somewhere. So Teresa sat beside Brenda's grave. It was too shallow. It had no flowers. There was no marker. Nothing to say that her best friend was there. Nothing for Tony to visit- to say goodbye. But she couldn't leave. The sun was setting and it felt wrong to leave her in the dark. Like they had left her in the dark- in that garage.

The day her life changed- the day she found Guero- Brenda was there. And every day since, Brenda was there. And now, because of her plan- because of her- Brenda was dead. There was no one left. No family, no friends. Guero was dead, Chino was dead. The life Teresa had before was gone. And Brenda had been her only connection- the only thing to keep that part of her alive. And she had killed it. El Limpiador had killed it. Epifanio and his cartel, Camila and her games. They had taken everything from her.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. She wanted her family back. She wanted her world to make sense again. But screaming wouldn't help. Crying wouldn't change anything. Her family was gone and her world was ash. So she sat. She sat in the grass. She ran her fingers through the dirt that covered her best friend's body. She watched the sun set.

Teresa didn't look up when she heard footsteps. She knew who it was. She didn't blink when James sat down beside her. She didn't want to see him. She didn't want him there. He was part of the problem. Teresa braced herself for whatever he was going to say. She told herself not to react, not to respond. But he didn't say anything. He just sat there.

She let out the breath she hadn't known she was holding.

They stayed that way. No words, not touching, just breathing together- silence. Eventually the tears came- silently. She knew he knew. But he didn't speak. He didn't try to comfort her. She didn't want comfort- she wanted the pain. She needed it- to remind her that she wasn't dead too. But the silence didn't last.

The first sob surprised her. The second made her angry. She didn't want this. She didn't want him to hear her pain. It was hers. And letting him hear it felt like sharing Brenda with him. So she tried to hold the rest in. She tried to keep her grief contained. But she couldn't. Her emotions overwhelmed her body. Then she was sobbing into her hands, the dirt from Brenda's too shallow grave mixing with her tears.

His hand moved to rest behind her. Not touching her- just there. An invitation. She fell into him. And he held her. His arms wrapped around her as she buried her face in his shoulder. And he didn't speak. He didn't pull her closer. He was just there.

So she cried. She cried for Guero. She cried for Brenda. She cried for her mother and father. She cried for Tony and Chino. She cried for herself. Finally, she cried for herself. Because she had lost everything to this world. Everything had been taken from her. Her blood, her tears, her sweat. Pieces of her soul that she could never get back. Parts of her mind that could never see or hear or feel or smell something without it reminding her of pain and loss.

And James just held her.

She was in his lap before she had thought about it. His arms stayed wrapped around her but she could see that same look in his eyes he had given her all the other times she had done this. "Teresa." He shook his head slightly in exasperation. But she didn't care. His hand came up and brought her forehead to press again his. "You're emotional. You're not thinking clearly."

Her hands rested on his chest as he held her. She just wanted to stop hurting. She wanted to feel better. She wanted to feel safe again. Her head dropped to his shoulder again and she let out a shuddery sigh as James held her tighter. "Please, James." She felt him tense for a moment before he pressed a kiss to her hair. It made something tight inside of her loosen a little.

James shifted so he could lay Teresa down on the grass. He kept one arm beneath her like a pillow, his hand resting on her shoulder. The other hand worked its way down her body. He undid the button of her jeans and pulled down the zipper. She lifted her hips and pushed them down a little. Just enough so he could reach where she wanted him.

His fingers slipped into her panties and Teresa's breath caught. There wasn't much room, but she knew he wouldn't leave her exposed that way while they were outside. So she shifted her legs a little wider. His index finger trailed along her folds, not rushing, just there. Then he pressed in a little to trace her slit as his head dropped to the curve of her shoulder.

She could feel her heart beating faster. Her breathing was harsher. His middle finger found her entrance and pressed in- just enough for her to clamp down on something. Enough to make her want more. "James…" she whispered. She felt him let out a small sigh. Then he pushed in a little more before pulling back out. After a moment or two of teasing he found a rhythm, easing in and out of her slowly. She was so wet, and he felt so good already.

Then he let his index finger join the other inside her. He stretched her walls even as he pushed deeper inside of her. Her hand came up to grab on to his arm. His mouth started leaving hot, open-mouth kisses from her shoulder and up to the line of her jaw. His thumb found her clit and she gasped, her thighs pressing together at how good it felt.

"Relax."

She did, letting her thighs fall apart again. Her back arching upward as James' fingers moved faster and deeper, curing up into her as he slid out. His thumb tracing circle and triangles, drawing lines back and forth. It took her to the edge almost too quickly. Then it kept her there, hanging on the edge until her breathing was shallow and her chest was heaving. Her legs were trembling and her grip on James' arm got tighter and tighter.

He flicked across her clit. His fingers brushed against her walls just right. His mouth found hers. The feel of his lips on hers shook her. She clenched down on his fingers adding to the friction his fingers were giving her. And she came. She came in waves, each stronger than the one before. It was like all of the pain and the hurt just melted away from her as James brought her over the edge. She dragged air into her lungs, James' fingers still moving within her until she had calmed back down.

Then he laid down, pulling Teresa on top of him. Her face buried itself in his neck. His hands wrapped around her. It reminded her of that first midnight drive. The way he had held her after her nightmare. She turned her head to look at him. He was already looking at her. It was too dark to see each other, but that was alright. She wasn't sure she could handle what she might see in that moment. James tilted his chin up just a little- enough so his lips touched hers for a second.

"Get some sleep, Teresa."

They both knew she wouldn't, but she closed her eyes anyway.