Konichiwa everyone, this is just a one shot of Hinata, its extremely depressing and has been lying in my story folder for a while now. Lets just say I was in a dark mood when I decided to write this but I think that Hinata would've fit this character in this scenario. Review and tell me what you think.
DISCLAIMER; I do not own Hinata and other characters of Naruto.
Not GoodEnough For Society...
I looked at my reflection in the mirror and hated what I saw. I had dark bags under my eyes, from staying up until midnight, crying. Wondering why I just wasn't good enough.
My hair was straight, but too flat. Too greasy. Not pretty enough, despite how hard I tried every day just to make it look OK.
My clothes: dark blue skinnies, converse, a tank top and a Lilac purple hoodie. Not good enough.I gripped the sink as tears swam down my cheeks, leaving stinging tracks running down my body. Not skinny enough. Not good enough. NEVER good enough!
My hand went crashing straight into the mirror in an outburst of fury, blood from my hand creating a scarlet maze between the cracks as my distorted image stared back at me, a hopeless wreck, each shard reflecting my broken image.
There was no one there for me to tell me I was fine...that I was just overeacting...
I heard footsteps and ran into the toilet, lifting my feet up and closing the door behind me. There was a sigh from someone and they hurried away to get a janitor to fix the shattered mess. I stayed in the toilet, staring at the enclosing walls around me. Everyone's name was written all over them, words and insults written beside names in a mess of different coloured ink.
Then I found my name. Right at the back, behind the toilet in small, uncertain letters 'Hinata?'- probably heard it in the register and wanted to know who it was.
More tears ran through my eyes as I saw what someone had put beside my name, in a red sharpie, taunting me from the wall.
Who?
Not even on the bathroom stall with all the other rejects did I find my place.
Sobs shock me and I hunched over, crying into my hands silently, leaving smears of blood across my cheeks from where the mirror had cut them.
What had I ever done to be this unnoticed?
Pain twitched through my hands, and they oozed with blood from where I had smashed the mirror. I poked my finger into the blood and turned to my name.
Next to it, I wrote 'INVISIBLE' in a shaky hand, the red letters glistening softly in the dim lighting of the disinfectant smelling bathroom.
I walked out and washed my hands and face silently, ignoring the sting shooting through my body, from the pain not just on the outside but inside of me too. I pulled my sleeves down, hiding the painful evidence, and walked through the deserted hallways to my lesson.
I felt so weak today. I had already cried before my first lesson, and I knew I would probably cry again. I don't even know why I bothered moving to the bathroom; even if I'd completely broken down in the middle of English no one would glance my way. Maybe if the person next to me got a tear on their work, or if my sniffing got persistent they'd shoot me a glare...
The only thing I received once I arrived was a dirty look from the teacher for being late, and a work sheet shoved into my stinging hands. One person glanced at me, Uchiha Sasuke, the most popular boy in Konoha High but he looked down once he realized that he didn't know me. Even though I had been going to the same High school as him for three years. Of course he wouldn't know me… I remembered my first day of high school, the day we had to introduce ourselves to the class.
"H-Hello E-Everyone, My name is H-Hyuuga H-H-Hinata and I-I Like ", I shut my eyes closed in frustration, I hated my stuttering . Despite all of the extra social classes Father had sent me for, it never helped and I always ended up disappointing him. This was my first school and I so badly wanted to make a good impression but in the end I felt like an embarrassment to the prestigious Hyuuga name and I knew that father held me as such.
A Disappointment
"SPIT IT OUT CHILD!", my homeroom teacher,Anko Sensei screamed and the class burst into laughter while I flushed bright red from mortification.
"Next!", I shakily made my way to a seat at the very back of the class, away from everyone while trying to ignore the snickering from my fellow classmates.
"Freak", a red headed girl with glasses perched on her nose whispered to me and woke up to introduce herself as Karin. I felt tears prick at my eyes and looked around to see Naruto staring at me in mild curiosity. The fact that Naruto Kun had witnessed my embarrassment made me feel like crying even more, my childhood crush probably thought of me as a freak, just like everyone else...
I walked to the back of the room and took a seat next to him.
I had liked him ever since I was a child, ever since the day he stood up for me against those petty thugs, being a mere five years old, I began to admire this golden haired boy ever since.. He had spiky hair that seemed to radiate the sun, bright blue eyes, a cute smile...he was gorgeous. And even though we'd never spoken,I listened to his voice, the views he shared with his friends, the conversations he had...and I'd fallen hard.
But of course, my curse of invisibility meant that he had not spoken a word to me. Ever.
'Erm...w-what's the a-assignment?' I asked nervously, looking at him. He didn't even look up from his paper. Tears stung at my eyes.
I reached forward and tapped on his shoulder.
'What?' he said irritably, turning to face me. Ok, tears threatening to overflow now... Keep it together.
'What do we w-write about?' I asked again, a little louder but still stuttering. He rolled his eyes and shrugged, pretending not to know the answer even though he'd almost started his second page.
I looked down at my empty sheet of paper, not knowing what to do. The teacher wouldn't answer; he'd just tell me that I should've been on time and to ask the person next to me. Which I had done.
My hair hung infront of my face as the page began to distort, the tears filling in my eyes until one overflowed and splattered onto the paper.
They fell faster then. Streaming down my cheeks as I looked at him through blurred eyes, wishing he'd just look at me- acknowledge me. Anything...
He could hear me crying. The soft sounds of tears hitting the sheet and my little sniffles occasionally was enough to tell anyone , his shoulders seemed to tense But he never looked up. Just ignored me like EVERYONE did.
My head slammed into the desk, the pain not even close to the one in my heart, my arms wrapping around me, shielding me from a world that clearly didn't care.
What had I done? It wasn't like I wanted to be alone every second of my life- I wasn't even allowed the privilege of one fucking friend! Not one. I had lasted three years in this school, but now it was becoming too much.
Too much for me to carry on, always unnoticed...
I tried. Every day I tried to fit in- I talked to people I sat next to, but they just dismissed my words with a shrug or a one worded answer before talking to their own friends in a desperate attempt to avoid me.
Maybe because I was ugly? Too fat, too quiet? Not good enough for them- But why? I had always been limited to about two friends my entire life, Kiba Kun and Shino Kun, but now even they had left me behind in the social struggle.
It wasn't like I was infectious- so why? What the hell had I done? If they would just tell me...just LOOK at me, for once in their fucking lives...maybe I could change for them...stop being invisible...
Forever in their Shadows
After the lesson was over the teacher asked to see me, and I watched sadly as he left, not even looking behind at me. Even though it was his fault I was staying. Because he couldn't tell me a single thing- not even a brief WORD- to describe what we had to do. Because he never spoke to me...but I loved him so much and I knew I always would...
'You show up late to my class, then you refuse to work? Are you asking for a detention? HUH?' the teacher yelled angrily at me. I looked down and shook my head.
'Speak.' Danzo Sensei demanded, glowering at me.
'I-I'm sorry...I d-didnt know what to write...' I stammered. My voice was a bit croaky since I never spoke to anyone. Since I didn't have anyone to talk to...
'Then ask your neighbour.' he said sharply, looking irritable.
'I did, but he w-wouldn't say...' I muttered, my eyes still glued to the floor, for once truly wishing I was invisble, just so he'd leave me alone...
'Whatever. Meet me after school Megan.' he said, scribbling the name down somewhere.
'Hinata.' I said, quietly.
'What did you say?' he said sternly, looking up.
'My name is Hinata!' I said, my voice louder and more powerful than before. I had been in his class every day for three years! He read it during registration every day!
I turned and ran out before his words could make me feel any worse, ending up in the great hall, the stage standing tall at the front, chairs lined up in neat rows. It was completely deserted. I wondered behind the stage, where it was quiet and dark. No one ever came here, so I usually spent lunch times here, just to avoid the large social gathering that I was never accepted in...
At least, it was usually deserted. But not now.
I saw a shuffling in the darkness, heard a giggle. And a chuckle. Oh god no...
They shifted a bit, the line of light between the two curtains highlighting their faces. It was him. And some girl- a cheerleader no doubt from her girly clothing.
And they were kissing. Just as I was deciding I should leave, he grabbed her hand and they ran STRAIGHT PAST ME. He even bumped straight into me. But he never looked at me. Never and I watched as Sakura and him went away. Sakura was gorgeous with her bubblegum pink hair and forest green eyes, why would he ever want me?
Tears burned my eyes, stinging and pouring over. My last shred of hope was gone, as I fell to the floor, my heart shattering, my brain exploding into complete pain. That was the last straw- the final push.
Why had I been so fucking stupid? I'd never talked to him. He never noticed me. I wasn't good enough- never, ever good enough for anyone!
I clutched the ground, trying desperately to find something to hold onto- anything to just hold on to. But the rubber surface provided nothing, my nails clawing hopelessly at the ground, scratch marks being etched into the surface.
Why did I think he could ever fall for me? Was it some deluded dream that he might look at me one day? Become my first friend? Help me through the invisible torture I faced every day?
Tears fell now, not because of my broken heart from someone who would never look at me, despite love me back, but stupidity that I could ever be good enough for someone, ever. Especially not for him...
Because I was invisible. I was there, but no one noticed me. Even now, as I continued to claw the ground, sobbing uncontrollably into the darkness, nobody heard me. It was kind of ironic, how I was here in the darkness, behind the stage. The stage was where everybody else was, and here I was. Behind the curtains, behind them all. Forever in their shadows- forever invisible.
The Final Decision
My breaths were coming in short hiccups, pain running through me. I had given up a while ago at clawing at the ground, my eyes fixated on the deep scratch marks embedded into the flooring. One of my nails had ripped off in the process, blood tainting the ground, the pain only a mere distraction from my reverie.
I was missing my lesson- maths, I think with Iruka Sensei. Would they notice I was gone? No. The teacher would probably look at my name and think I was a new student or something, then carry on with the lesson like nothing was wrong.
I had no friends that would come looking for me- and the idea of him coming back for me had been thrown aside almost as soon as it entered my head. That was stupid; he'd never come back for me. Ever. Because I was just the girl that annoyed him by crying, or the girl that he ignored so he'd look cooler to his friends. That girl that he'd never care about...
My breathing was becoming a bit better now- not brilliant, but better. I was beginning to get into the rythm of getting the air into my lungs, but it felt wrong. The air felt cold, like it shouldn't be there, and I gasped occasionally. A cool breeze froze the teary tracks on my cheeks until they stung, but I didn't bother wiping them off my face.
My parents were good people. They had raised me right, encouraged me to keep struggling on. I lied to my father and little sister every day about having friends. Told them that my boyfriends name was Uzumaki Naruto- the same name as him. I usually pretended I was going out with him and he's group of friends, the popular group with Sasuke, Gaara and Sakura, when in reality I was just sneaking into the field behind my house and sitting there for hours on end, trying to figure out what I had done wrong, why I wasn't good enough for anyone to even look at me and why I didn't have any actual friends to go to.
I didn't want father to think he had raised a failure even though I knew from the way he silently compared me to my cousin Neji, that he thought I was nothing but a failure of the Hyuuga name. That all their hard work, trying to get me things I wanted, my mum even working three jobs to cover the bills when she was alive, when I had to have surgery when a car had hit me. Didn't NOTICE me. Like everybody else...
And the worst part was, the only ones to come and visit me in hospital were my parents, sister and a teacher. The teacher was there to hand me my homework since they couldn't find any one that knew me to bring it in. Luckily I had managed to convince my parents they'd been after they left the other day...but in reality, I was left alone, wondering why the car couldn't have just killed me...
But I didn't want them to care. Because if they cared, then it only made me try harder to please them, to find an actual friend to take home instead of lying and saying that they never had time to come round.
Them caring only made it harder for me to let go, because I knew I had something to leave behind...
I sighed and looked down. Now was time to decide. Should I carry on, living in a world where I didn't fit in? Where nobody noticed me? When no one cared enough to simply smile at me when I walked down the school hallway? Or should I just end it? Stop lying to my parents. Stop hoping for something that I knew would never come true? Stop taking up space that was already full? Stop being alive...
Hanabi would inherit the family company rather than me, I preferred it that way, she was always better and this way when she did enter high school next year, she wouldn't have to witness just how much of a failure her older sister really was.
I leaned back and closed my eyes. Now was the time to make the final decision; invisible?... Or dead?
How High Can You Fly With Broken Wings?
*TOLD IN 3RD PERSON*
A teacher walked into the Grand hall, hoping to set up the stage for the drama students who needed to practise for a production next week. The lights were low, and the room was eerily silent...something seemed to be in the middle of the stage, dangling from the curtains. She shuffled towards the lights, flisking them on carefully, though what ever was on the stage was still unclear; most likely some kind of prank from the younger kids.
Kurenai walked towards it, putting her glasses on and adjusting her ruby eyes as she went. As she reached the bottom of the stage she gasped and froze for a second, before turning and running in shock, to find somebody who could help her escape from this heart wrenching sight.
Up on the stage hung a girl. She looked beautiful; pale skin glowing in her death, midnight indigo hair falling around her face softly, the strands capturing every ray of light that entered the room...and her face. Her beautiful, beautiful face. Blank lilac eyes staring, unseeing, into the distance, bloody tears running silently down her soft cheeks.
Her arms dripped sticky crimson liquid on to the stage from the deep gashes on her wrists , pale skin contrasting with the red liquid. A piece of paper was cellotaped across the front of her dangling body. The blood glinting from her wrists was the same that tainted the paper, shaky letters spelling out words on the thin sheet;
Do you see me now?
-
Uzumaki Naruto walked up to his locker, waving goodbye to his friends as he spun in the familiar combination. A freaked out looking teacher ran by him in shocked tears, but he dismissed it boredly- probably just got fired or something.
A note slipped out of his locker and he plucked it off the floor, thinking it to be just another love letter from that annoying Sakura girl he'd been with earlier- he didn't really like her, he knew she was inlove with his best friend Sasuke and he remembered when he was young, Sakura was his crush, she was beautiful but after entering high school he realized she had a horrible personality and he hated people who lied like her. he still let her hang out with his group even though it was unwillingly. But he needed the status. His mind flicked to the girl in English, feeling a slight pang of regret for ignoring her. She'd been crying...but everyone else ignored her, right? So it was ok. Besides, if he was caught talking to a loner like that, surely he'd loose the social status he'd been building since day one. She was dark and weird but he thought she was more beautiful compared to Sakura, gentle and angelic and if it didn't compromise his reputation, he would have definitely pictured them as close friends, maybe even more... It went against his nature to ignore someone who was obviously in pain but the memories of his childhood, the loneliness being at stake was too much to put on the line.
As a child, he'd been an outcast to society, always being picked on and blamed so when high school came, all he wanted was to be acknowledged and accepted so he used this new school as a means to start new, he knew how it felt to be a reject and he's heart secretly wished to say something to the Hyuuga girl, anything, but he didn't because he was scared to loose his popularity. It didn't matter. She'd live.
However, his mind changed as soon as he looked at the blood stained note in his hands. It wasn't a love note. Or a piece of homework, or a phone number. It held much more than simple words on the page. Ruby red liquid dripped from it, still warm. Dripping away life onto the ground.
Why? She wasn't bullied, she wasn't teased...everyone pretty much left her alone. Why would she do this?
And suddenly he felt the pain growing in his heart, tears attacking his bright blue eyes. It was his fault. Always his fault. And this was what he deserved for being such a jerk.
The note slipped from his hand, dropping lightly to the floor, as he turned and ran to the great hall; where he'd last seen her.
Pushing through the crowd of people, he made it to the front.
"Who was it? I don't think she went to this school..." Similar mutters fled through the hallway, and he stepped onto the stage, the words clear in his mind.
"Hinata. Her name was Hinata, and she was beautiful. And she should have been noticed!" He yelled to them all, the words, forever burning into his mind.
I'm Sorry...
But she didn't need to be sorry. It was them who killed her. They'd all practically put the noose around her neck and told her to jump. Who would be there at her funeral? Who would be there to explain why to her parents? Who'd actually care enough to cry for her death?
No one.
Because sometimes, being ignored is worse than everybody staring at you and calling you names. At least you have something to cry about, to verify as a reason. But being so alone, that your own warped image of who you are and what you look like take over, imprisoning you in a shell, that nobody is there when you cry, that nobody cares, or sees who you really are?
Well.
You might as well just be invisible...
well this one shot fiction is done, I hope readers enjoyed it despite the plot line. Review!
-Ally