Neverland used to be a colorful place full of idiotic innocence. There were always chubby little lost boys to menace and kidnap and mermaids to tease and Indian territories to take over.
Captain Hook used to be the ultimate evil villain."Run! Here comes Hook and his mustache!" his victims would yell before he caught them and made them walk the plank.
Hook looked around at his current surroundings. He was alone in the cave he'd been hiding in for the past ten hours. He should move soon. They'd find him within a couple days if he stayed.
Everything changed after Peter Pan left.
That little bitch Wendy convinced Peter Pan to leave Neverland and grow up. Once he left, the joy of Neverland left as well, and the darkness started setting in. The sun went out. The ocean iced over. And they came.
The vampires.
They took over his ship and began by turning the lost boys, who were the weakest. After that the Indians turned. Then, they turned to the sea and the mermaids fell as well. Sometimes they killed.
Everyone was terrified. How Hook missed the day when he was the one that made them all tremble. Now he appeared no more threatening than a kitten.
Had they always been here? No one had seen them before.
He knew what he had to do. He had to bring the sun back.
Peter Pan had to return to Neverland.
"Peter! Peter Pan! Will you sign my baseball?"
"Sure, kid!" Peter said, and bent down to sign the little boy's baseball. He tousled the kid's hair. "See you around!"
"Gee whiz! Thanks, Peter Pan!" the kid bounced away back to his mom.
Peter Pan was a major league baseball player. He was famous and an idol to kids everywhere. And the best part of all? He was being paid to play games.
Leaving Neverland was the best thing he'd ever done.
He'd forgotten a long time ago, of course, that it was Wendy who had convinced him to leave the island. In his mind, he was the one with the brilliant idea, who was ready to move on and grow up.
He drove his fancy red car home, speeding the whole way and running two stop lights (He'd never gotten the hang of rules). Then he entered his condo and kicked off his shoes, grabbed a beer from the fridge and gazed out the window over the view of the city and pondered which of his lady friends he should call that night.
Suddenly, a deep, slow voice said, "Hello, Peter."
He spun around. "What are you doing here?"
Captain Hook was polishing his hook. He gazed around, bored. "What a…grown up home you have."
"Look, Hook," Peter said, and wondered absently whether he should write that rhyme down, "I don't know what you're doing here, but I'm done fighting you. I'm playing the big leagues now."
"I don't know what that means. Listen, Pan. I don't like this anymore than you do. But we need you back in Neverland."
Peter laughed. "Ha! Ha ha ha! You need me? What for? Do you need me to put your lackeys in line again?"
"Hardly. Vampires have taken over Neverland."
"What?"
"Vampires."
"Vampires?"
"Yes, Vampires. After you left, the night came to Neverland and never left. The entire island has become evil. Thus rendering me purposeless," Hook sighed. "No one is scared of me anymore."
"Well, why should they be with a mustache like that?"
Hook rolled his eyes. "Pan, you must come back to Neverland."
"Um, let me think. No."
"Excuse me?"
"This place is such a party! I play games all the time and run around and I have loads of women and money! Why would I ever leave?"
Hook smirked. "Yes, Pan. You have loads of money and women and you get to play games...for now. But what happens when you can't play games anymore? And then, you won't make any more money. And you'll be too old for beautiful young women."
Peter frowned. "Women will always love me."
"You are 25 now, Peter. Yes?" Peter nodded. "It's the prime of your life. But it won't be like this forever. If you stay here, it is all downhill from now on. You've finished growing up, Peter. From now on, you'll just grow old. Old, injured, and decrepit. You'll become less healthy, more susceptible to diseases of the body and mind. And soon...you'll die."
Peter paled. Hook was right.
"But Peter," Hook said oily. "You know where you won't get older? Do you know where you could go to stay this age forever?"
"Neverland," Peter breathed.
"Come back, Peter," Hook said. "Come back to Neverland."
There was a short pause while Peter pondered his decision. Then he shrugged.
"Okay."
Neverland was very dark when Peter arrived. He'd never seen it so black. "See," Captain Hook said. "Neverland is the pits now."
"Don't worry, Hook. I'll fix this. Where's Tinkerbell?"
"Tinkerbell is a vampire."
Peter started. "What? Was she kidnapped?"
"Please," Hook rolled his eyes. "That little minx was one of the first to turn. Willingly. She's the leader of a pixie vampire gang and is responsible for infecting half of the island."
"Well, I guess I'm not surprised," Peter said, shrugging. "Well, let's stop these things! How do you kill vampires?"
"With a wooden stake."
"Oh yeah!" Peter said. "Hey, Hook. We need to get some wooden stakes. That's the only way to kill vampires."
"Your cleverness astounds me," Hook said drily.
They collected wooden stakes. Vampires came from the dark crevices of the forest and attacked them every two minutes. Peter, who had possibly grown quicker in the past few years, killed each one that they encountered.
"Ha! This is easy!" Peter said. "You made it sound like it was hard killing vampires."
Hook seethed a little.
Peter continued to slay vampires long after Hook retired to his hiding cave, tired and bored. Peter's energy, on the other hand, was seemingly infinite, which is probably why he was so well suited for fast-paced baseball games.
After a few hours, he had arrived at the old tree which had served as a home to him and the lost boys. Now, it was swarming with vicious vampires fairies that snapped and pinched and snarled at Peter. Oddly, however, they did not attempt to bite him.
He walked slowly to the entrance. Peter was no fool. This had clearly been transformed into the vampire fairy cove. He had come to the conclusion that Tinkerbell obviously was the leader.
"Hey, Tink!" he called.
A tinkling sound answered him, and the door opened. Out darted a little ball of light in the form of a tiny woman. Peter! Peter! Peter! the tinkles said.
The tiny woman smiled widely, seeing him. Her pointed fangs were bared.
"I see you've been making new friends since I left," he said.
Tinkerbell tinkled that she had made many new friends. She'd turned all the fairies into vampires. The mermaids turned the fish into vampires, the crocodiles...everyone and everything was infected.
Peter sighed. "Gee whiz, Tinkerbell. I'm proud of you. You little minx," he gave her tiny cheek a nudge with his knuckle and winked. "But you gotta stop. I'm moving back and I don't want to be a vampire. I have a sunkissed complexion that complements my hair perfectly. Imagine me with skin like yours," he shuddered. "Now, the sun is going to come soon, so I gotta kill all the vampires."
Tinkerbell glittered in panic.
"Look, Tink. There's no need to get nasty. You've had your fun as gang leader, but I'm back now. And I'm the most powerful person in the world. That makes me the ruler, which means I make the rules, and I say no more vampires. They smell gross. Like...dead things."
Angry sparkles.
"Except you, of course. You smell like fruity dead things."
Tinkle tinkle glitter.
Peter frowned. "What do you mean I'm not the most powerful person in Neverland." Then he laughed. "Oh! You're joking! Of course!"
Tinkle.
"It's not a joke? Well, gee, Tink. Who are you talking about?"
"She's talking about me, Peter." a small voice said behind him.
Peter spun around.
"Wendy?!"
She was smaller than he remembered. Her face was still round and pretty and her golden tendrils were tied back into a blue ribbon, just the way it had been years ago when he'd watch her at night in London.
Everything else had changed. Her nightgown was dirty and ripped. Blood and dirt was smeared across her pale face, and her blue eyes glittered at him.
Wendy's small, sweetheart shaped mouth curled into a half smile. "Yes, Peter. I am the ruler of Neverland. Why do you think I convinced you to leave? I'd heard stories of Neverland...from my mother…" she gazed wistfully into the distance. "What a wonderful place it seemed. I wanted to be the queen. I had to get there. But of course, there was sun. Lot's of sun in Neverland. How was I to get there?" She looked mournful as she reminisced.
"Why should the sun bug you? Do you sunburn real bad or something?"
"No, you adorable idiot," she rolled her eyes. "I'm a vampire. I've always been a vampire, even before I came to Neverland. I knew you'd been coming to hear my stories, Peter. My mother told me all about you and how you can't resist a good story."
"But Wendy, how did you get here if it's so sunny in Neverland?"
"Fairy blood, darling Peter. Fairy blood makes us immune to the sun for a short time. I had to eat three fairies that I found in London before I could even stand the sun long enough to go through the star and come to Neverland. But I found them...and I ate them. Soon after I ate them, you came to bring me and my brothers to Neverland. Then, I ate more fairies while I was here. You don't remember all the fairies that went missing after I arrived?" she asked, eyes wide and innocent.
No. Peter had forgotten.
"Were your brothers vampires too?" Peter asked.
"Of course not. Sweet, dumb boys. They couldn't hurt a fly. And remember? They went home before you did. Oh, silly me," she chuckled. "You probably don't remember. Your memory always was like a big stick of beef jerky.
"I followed you to Neverland and pretended to be in love with you, and seeing as you are a smug, stupid boy, you believed me. Later, I convinced you to leave Neverland. However, just after you left I returned and began infecting everyone. And of course, as their creator, they all answer to me now. Especially Tinkerbell. What a sweet fairy she is," Wendy smiled happily at Tinkerbell, who darted around her. "I told her not to hurt you. I wanted you all...to...myself."
Peter Pen stared blankly for a moment. Suddenly, "Vampire! You're a vampire! Of course," he cried as though he'd just thought of it.
"Wh-You weren't listening to me? I've been giving my evil monologue explaining how suddenly, vampires took over Neverland and you don't even have the decency to...UGH. You drive me crazy, Peter Pan!" Wendy shrieked, seething. She rolled her eyes. "Oh, Peter. I'm going to turn you now."
"Turn me? But I'm already facing you."
Her fangs bared. She charged.
Then...dawn broke.
Hook stretched and uncurled himself, waking up. He stumbled out of his cave, amazed.
The sun was rising.
The island was quiet.
Peter found himself surrounded by dust.
"Well...shit."