Memento Mori
A One-Shot by Ellipsis the Great
Summary: Bones is on the bridge when the call comes.
DISCLAIMER: Star Trek and everything affiliated with it belongs to JJ Abrams and all those other people who own it. All I own is the plot…
Rated: K+
Bones is on the bridge when the call comes. It's not really a call—they are too far out in space for that. It's more like a video-mail, or something.
In any case, he is on the bridge when it comes. And even though it's from Jocelyn, and that always means lawyers and a further drain on his wallet, McCoy figures they've all seen each other in enough embarrassing ways in the past two years of their five year voyage for it not to matter all that much if they finally meet his ex-wife.
He doesn't expect her eyes to be red and swollen, or her cheeks to be tear-streaked. He hasn't seen her like this since the day she told him she wanted a divorce, and in spite of himself it kind of scares him, a little bit.
"Leonard…Len…" She begins, obviously struggling to get the words out. Her use of the old nickname makes his stomach do that jumpy clenching thing it does whenever he rides a shuttle. "By the time you get this…oh, God, it'll all be over. Len, there was an accident. Joanna was…" She reaches up and covers her eyes, bottom lip trembling. "Joanna was with her friend Karen and her mom, and…and some drunk…hit their car."
Bones' hands, on the back of Jim's chair, tighten enough to create tiny little tears in the lining.
"I'm at the hospital, now, but…the doctors say all they can do is…is make her comfortable." She says, her hand shaking. "She's…she not going to make it, Len." And then she starts crying in earnest, like saying the words has finally made her realize the truth of them. "She's going to die. Our baby's going to…to…" And then she crumples to the floor, crying and screaming Joanna's name until a man—who Bones recognizes vaguely to be Clay Treadway—comes over and grabs her and hisses at someone off-screen to turn off the camera.
The screen goes black, but then comes back up again a few seconds later with an add-on from Clay about how Bones is too far into space to make it back in time for the funeral, but that they're going to put Joanna in the McCoy plot, and send Bones a video of the whole thing along with copies of as many videos and pictures as they can find of her. Then the transmission ends.
Someone orders the lights back on full. Bones is and isn't aware of everyone's eyes going to him.
"I'm." The words are getting stuck on a lump that's appeared in his throat, and he coughs to try and clear it; it only works a little, and when he speaks his voice is hoarse and strained and so soft that Jim, who is sitting right in front of Bones, can hardly hear him. "I'm going to my room, now."
"Bones." Jim says, but Bones has already turned and is walking stiffly toward the turbolift.
Then he stumbles on nothing at all and falls to his knees on the floor. The sudden movement tears a broken sob out of his throat, and after that he can't get a hold on himself and he cries, and cries, and cries.
Uhura gets to him first, probably because everyone else is too shocked at seeing strong, gruff Doctor McCoy crying uncontrollably to move. She wraps her arms around him and leans his head onto her chest and whispers in no less than ten languages that it's going to be alright even though everyone knows it isn't going to be alright at all. Somewhere between Vulcan and French she starts crying, too.
Jim is next, stealing him away from Uhura and carding shaky fingers through his hair and telling him to cry, Bones, it's okay to cry, just let it all out.
And he does cry; he cries for a long time. Long enough for Jim to order, in whispered tones over his head, for Sulu to set a course back to Earth, and for Spock to actually offer to send an explanation and a request for emergency personal leave to Starfleet.
The next day he is acting like he usually does, but there is something subdued about him that has the entire crew (even people Bones is sure he's never done so much as a routine physical on, before) somber and quiet. And every once in a while someone will do or say something that forces him to lock himself in his office for a few minutes to collect himself. If they try to tiptoe around him, though, he jabs hypos into their neck a little harder than is necessary (they suspect that some of the hypos he's using aren't necessary, either, but not even Jim is stupid or suicidal enough to comment).
One day, Bones puts a hand on Jim's shoulder while they're all on the bridge nearing the end of their shift. He squeezes, as if drawing strength from him, and—in that surly, I'm-pretending-I-don't-care-even-though-you-all-know-I-do way of his—invites them all to watch the newly arrived vids with him. They go (of course they go, how could they not go?), and even manage not to ask why he invited them.
So they get to watch the day Joanna was born (and, for the love of all that is holy, unholy, and somewhere in between, how could Jocelyn have done such a horrible thing as hardly ever letting him talk to his daughter to a man who looked that damn blissfully happy holding his baby girl?), and the day she was the flower girl at someone's wedding (Bones danced with her standing on his feet, and how absolutely adorable was that?), and countless other little moments that make even the ever-logical Spock tear up the tiniest bit.
The last packet of vids were apparently made by Joanna, herself; she explains to the camera that her mother suggested making a video-diary of herself, and she words them like they are letters to her father. There are a lot of them that have her doing things that make them absolutely positive that Bones had just cloned himself as a girl (as if she didn't look just like him already, with those dark curls and brown eyes, now she is regaling them with a story of how Charlie Valentine had tried to flip up her skirt so she had 'socked him right in the kisser, Daddy!' and called him a dick head, and 'if I can't call people what they are, I don't want to be a lady! I'll be a gentleman like you instead, Dad'). And then they get to one that is being taped right after she has gotten home from the hospital for a broken arm, and she is crying ('and you weren't there to kiss it all better, Daddy! I know you and Mommy don't love each other no more but I still love you lots, and you gotta love me, too, Daddy, you just gotta. So why'd you have to go all the way out into space? When are you comin' back home, Daddy? I want you to come home'), and it's all they can do to pretend they don't notice the tears streaming down Bones' cheeks. In the next video she is all smiles and apologies ('because I got to talk to you yesterday, Daddy, and I know you love me as much as I love you, and you'll come home as soon as you can. Besides, it sounded like Mr. Kirk needed you more than I did; you better look after him, for now') and tells him about her trip to the lake with Karen next week and how amazing and wonderful and fun and cool it'll be.
The next video is of the funeral, and this time they don't have to pretend not to notice Bones' tears because they're all crying, too, and even Spock allows himself to be drawn into the hug that Jim initiates with the doctor.
Back on Earth, Bones insists on going to the graveyard by himself. Of course, Jim and the rest of the command crew sneak along after him, all of them wearing their nicest dress uniforms. They wait until he has finished putting flowers on her tombstone to join him, and he (surprisingly) doesn't say anything about it. Just leans into Jim a little when he puts an arm around him, and lets Chekov hold his hand.
When they get back to the ship, Bones studiously ignores the way almost everyone's cheeks are rosy from the cold, even though they are supposed to stay onboard until their shore leave officially starts tomorrow.
And if the next day he visits the grave again and finds all of the flowers and cards that each and every one of the Enterprise's crew have left there, he doesn't mention it to anyone.
The End
A/N: What a way to break into a fandom. I've recently (read: finally) seen the new Star Trek movie and fallen in complete love with it. And even though I have a few other things already in progress for this fandom, this is the only thing that has come completely to fruition.
So, uh, hi, everyone! I promise I'm not usually this angsty. Maybe. I'm just every once in a while overcome by this strong urge to make myself (and as many other people as possible) cry.
See you guys around!
-EtheG