Torn
She sat there, not quite sure what to do, what to feel, or as it happened, what to think. It just didn't actually seem real. She felt as though she was just in some kind of bubble, with the world going on around her, and not actually being apart of it. She had tried to get herself out of the bubble, but it hadn't really worked and she still felt sort of invisible, just being swept along with it all. There was so much to do, and yet she didn't really know what it was that needed to be done.
She thought about it again, still not sure how to feel. She never actually thought it would happen. She was excited because it was a great opportunity, she knew that, and she had always wanted to go to America. She had applied for it after all, but in the back of her mind she didn't think she would actually be offered the place in the end. And now, between bursts of excitement, she felt scared, nervous and not completely sure that she wanted to go after all. She felt secure where she was. She knew what she was doing, what was expected of her and, most of the time, what was happening. She knew people here, had friends, and for once in her life, felt comfortable with the people around her. She liked that, and didn't want to give it up. She knew that the intention to keep in contact with them would be there, but it never really happens does it. It's never the same, she thought. She knew that she would probably find new friends in America, but she didn't want to have to start again, trying to find people she liked and could trust, that took time, and it just wouldn't be quite the same. And, although she hated to admit it, even to herself, she didn't want to not be able to seem him anymore.
Although he didn't know it, he was her rock. He always made her feel happy and warm inside, as though anything was possible. She liked that. She liked him, even though deep down inside, in her heart of hearts, she knew that nothing would ever happen between them. It just wouldn't be possible. They were too different, too many years between them. They had different worlds, different lives. And now it was time for her to live hers. He didn't even know how she really felt about him, for Gods sake, she thought. This was stupid. She would just have to get on with it. Everything would turn out all right in the end, she thought, wouldn't it?
She sat there, not quite sure what to do, what to feel, or as it happened, what to think. It just didn't actually seem real. She felt as though she was just in some kind of bubble, with the world going on around her, and not actually being apart of it. She had tried to get herself out of the bubble, but it hadn't really worked and she still felt sort of invisible, just being swept along with it all. There was so much to do, and yet she didn't really know what it was that needed to be done.
She thought about it again, still not sure how to feel. She never actually thought it would happen. She was excited because it was a great opportunity, she knew that, and she had always wanted to go to America. She had applied for it after all, but in the back of her mind she didn't think she would actually be offered the place in the end. And now, between bursts of excitement, she felt scared, nervous and not completely sure that she wanted to go after all. She felt secure where she was. She knew what she was doing, what was expected of her and, most of the time, what was happening. She knew people here, had friends, and for once in her life, felt comfortable with the people around her. She liked that, and didn't want to give it up. She knew that the intention to keep in contact with them would be there, but it never really happens does it. It's never the same, she thought. She knew that she would probably find new friends in America, but she didn't want to have to start again, trying to find people she liked and could trust, that took time, and it just wouldn't be quite the same. And, although she hated to admit it, even to herself, she didn't want to not be able to seem him anymore.
Although he didn't know it, he was her rock. He always made her feel happy and warm inside, as though anything was possible. She liked that. She liked him, even though deep down inside, in her heart of hearts, she knew that nothing would ever happen between them. It just wouldn't be possible. They were too different, too many years between them. They had different worlds, different lives. And now it was time for her to live hers. He didn't even know how she really felt about him, for Gods sake, she thought. This was stupid. She would just have to get on with it. Everything would turn out all right in the end, she thought, wouldn't it?