Disclaimer & other such comments:
I do not own Legolas. I am not really obsessed with
Legoman, nor do I hate him. Enjoy?? Please review,
and give input.
PS: forgive me, elf-experts, I screwed up on the
immortality thing a bit. Plus, it's my first post.
LEGOLAS' TALE OF WOE
Oh it's not my fault all the girls like me
It's not my fault as far as I can see.
I didn't try to be cute or hot
But I just am, and they love me a lot!
I have more things to do than hand out autographs
Life's gone so bleak, there's no more laughs
Everywhere I go
Girls tearing and grabbing at me and my clothes
Who knows who knows
That I can no longer peacefully doze
Without fans whispering and pointing at my features like my nose
I didn't ask for them to love me
I didn't want the other guys to be jealous of me
I thought it was good to have immortality
But now you see, it's a wonder that even THAT can't make the death of me.
What a life filled with horror, terror, and hate
All these girls I don't know, pestering me for a date!
The trees seem to giggle
As fellow tree-elf maids wiggle
And squirm with delight
But I fear they will tear and bite
Oh what horror! Alas, woe is me!
Depressed and insane I shall be...
So frightening is Reality...
Oh why oh WHY can't they leave me be?!
Their eyes probe deeper than THE Eye
The atmosphere around me is filled with obsessed sighs
Sometimes I wish I was mortal and would die
To escape their wicked, probing, watchful eyes!
You have no idea of such a miserable fate
Doomed to me, only too soon but unfortunately not late.
Posters up everywhere featuring me--- no more privacy,
All females have memorized EVERY inch of me and my body
I only play a small part you all can see-
Small enough for them to learn every word I've said by memory!
Again I've tried and I've tried
Commiting suicide
But I never ever die
No never, Immortality does not lie!
Oh this wretchfulness! this torment!
Why can't I be ugly, and bent?
Why not covered with scars and dents?
Why am I born smelling like I wear the best cologne scent?
When I take a stroll or a walk I see others drool
I have to hop over the flooding pools
And when I hop
The sighing doesn't stop!
Every breath I take
Every move I make
Every blink I blink
Every wink I wink
They watch me with a keenness
And remark on my cleaness
Goodness knows
How far my hygiene privacy goes!
I hope they don't follow me to certain places I go
It must seem to them a great show.
I can't even go into a pool and swim or wade
Or even go and take a bathe
Without fans screaming and trying to get near
And then I call my bodyguards loud and clear
But my bodyguards got so scared they fled from the mob
Then all of my obsessed fans tried to apply for the job
I tried to be a badboy and make them sad or mad
But they just called louder, we want that buffbadboy Legolad!
I tried to act nerdy and geeky and stuff
And tried to be crazy and took a some pipeweed and puffed
But they just liked me even more
They found out where I lived from the smoke rings and knocked down my door!
Oh please Gandalf please help me
And you too Frodo, Aragorn, and Gimli!
And you Boromir, Bilbo, elf-brothers, and Great Elrond
Please stop them from being so fond!
Must I go to my last chance and take away
What will disgrace myself to the end of Middle-Earth's days
And cut my beautiful, blond, elfy, attractive, (sexy) hair
And free myself from this miserable snare?
Again I implore, must I have to go bald and bare
And cut away my prrrreciousss hair?
No one cares about who I am inside
They only want me because of my exterior and what's outside
They don't know my mind, or what they will find inside
Only me and my looks
Not what knowledge I've gained from books
You see, you see, that it turns out my eternal doom
Is all due to my looks, not for who I really am: Orlando Bloom!
I do not own Legolas. I am not really obsessed with
Legoman, nor do I hate him. Enjoy?? Please review,
and give input.
PS: forgive me, elf-experts, I screwed up on the
immortality thing a bit. Plus, it's my first post.
LEGOLAS' TALE OF WOE
Oh it's not my fault all the girls like me
It's not my fault as far as I can see.
I didn't try to be cute or hot
But I just am, and they love me a lot!
I have more things to do than hand out autographs
Life's gone so bleak, there's no more laughs
Everywhere I go
Girls tearing and grabbing at me and my clothes
Who knows who knows
That I can no longer peacefully doze
Without fans whispering and pointing at my features like my nose
I didn't ask for them to love me
I didn't want the other guys to be jealous of me
I thought it was good to have immortality
But now you see, it's a wonder that even THAT can't make the death of me.
What a life filled with horror, terror, and hate
All these girls I don't know, pestering me for a date!
The trees seem to giggle
As fellow tree-elf maids wiggle
And squirm with delight
But I fear they will tear and bite
Oh what horror! Alas, woe is me!
Depressed and insane I shall be...
So frightening is Reality...
Oh why oh WHY can't they leave me be?!
Their eyes probe deeper than THE Eye
The atmosphere around me is filled with obsessed sighs
Sometimes I wish I was mortal and would die
To escape their wicked, probing, watchful eyes!
You have no idea of such a miserable fate
Doomed to me, only too soon but unfortunately not late.
Posters up everywhere featuring me--- no more privacy,
All females have memorized EVERY inch of me and my body
I only play a small part you all can see-
Small enough for them to learn every word I've said by memory!
Again I've tried and I've tried
Commiting suicide
But I never ever die
No never, Immortality does not lie!
Oh this wretchfulness! this torment!
Why can't I be ugly, and bent?
Why not covered with scars and dents?
Why am I born smelling like I wear the best cologne scent?
When I take a stroll or a walk I see others drool
I have to hop over the flooding pools
And when I hop
The sighing doesn't stop!
Every breath I take
Every move I make
Every blink I blink
Every wink I wink
They watch me with a keenness
And remark on my cleaness
Goodness knows
How far my hygiene privacy goes!
I hope they don't follow me to certain places I go
It must seem to them a great show.
I can't even go into a pool and swim or wade
Or even go and take a bathe
Without fans screaming and trying to get near
And then I call my bodyguards loud and clear
But my bodyguards got so scared they fled from the mob
Then all of my obsessed fans tried to apply for the job
I tried to be a badboy and make them sad or mad
But they just called louder, we want that buffbadboy Legolad!
I tried to act nerdy and geeky and stuff
And tried to be crazy and took a some pipeweed and puffed
But they just liked me even more
They found out where I lived from the smoke rings and knocked down my door!
Oh please Gandalf please help me
And you too Frodo, Aragorn, and Gimli!
And you Boromir, Bilbo, elf-brothers, and Great Elrond
Please stop them from being so fond!
Must I go to my last chance and take away
What will disgrace myself to the end of Middle-Earth's days
And cut my beautiful, blond, elfy, attractive, (sexy) hair
And free myself from this miserable snare?
Again I implore, must I have to go bald and bare
And cut away my prrrreciousss hair?
No one cares about who I am inside
They only want me because of my exterior and what's outside
They don't know my mind, or what they will find inside
Only me and my looks
Not what knowledge I've gained from books
You see, you see, that it turns out my eternal doom
Is all due to my looks, not for who I really am: Orlando Bloom!