TWILIGHT'S FEELIN' IT! WHOOOO! HAHAAA!
WARNING! SEXUAL IN CONTANT! AND IT IS WRONG! TURN AWAY NOW LITTLE ONES!
CHAPTER 1 - POOR, POOR TWILIGHT
The six main ponies (you know who they are) were enjoying themselves at the hottest night club in Ponyville. Hell, it was the only night club in Ponyville. And it just opened up recently. Rainbow Dash laughed when Pinkie Pie was gettin' it on. She danced and danced while the pianist was playin' it hot! All the stallions whistled loud at the sight of Pinkie's swaying hips and shaking ass! That's right! Doctor Whooves, Big Mac (or the Maxter, as they like to call him), Caramel, Gramps, Golden Delicious, Lucky/Clover, Rainbow Dash (who had a sex change). All them dirty sons a' bitches! And the Mares were getting drunk as hell. Eeyup! Everyhorsy was having a blast! All except for… Twilight Sparkle.
Rarity approached the depressed Mare. "Hey, Twi- *hiccup* Twi- *hiccup* Miss Sparkle. Why do you down so look?" Twilight reluctantly answered. "Well, I've been watching Pinkie Pie Dancing, showing off the whore side of her. Everypo… everyone seems to be loving her sexy body. But nopo… no body ever takes interest in my ass."
Rarity felt her. "*hiccup* Well, I think your ass is feelin' fine. Try to enjo- *hiccup* enjo- *hiccup* get down with your bad self."
"I guess I just don't know how to present myself. Because I'm just not feelin' it. Sigh."
Rarity took her hooves off of Twilight's rear. "Just give it a- *hiccup* give it a- *hiccup* give it a- *Barf!* you can do it!"
"Thanks Rarity. But I just don't have what it takes."
"Well then screw you asshole! I'm gonna go for some stallion nipples."
It was past midnight, and Spike had a curfew. So Twilight told him to stop playing the piano and go home with her. Poor emo Twilight and horny Spike walked home drunk, while the other mares and male ponies stayed at the club making asses of themselves.
When they were back at the library, the baby dragon was having a hang over in bed while the purple horned mare just stared at the ceiling all sad and stuff. It was hopeless. Would she ever make a stallion's cock hard? She thought not. But she suddenly had an idea. "I now know what I must do." She said sternly. She immediately got out of bed, and went downstairs into her basement lab. Ignoring the pleas for escape from her captive pony test subjects, due to be experimented on tomorrow, she said, "I will invent a magic position, ur, potion that will get everyone to notice me."
And so she worked on it for the rest of that night. No longer would no one not give a shit… only the opposite of that… I think. Anyway, it's not like they could've taking a shit anyway, ever since Princess Celestia made it against the law for any life form to have the bodily functions of pooping, farting, and urinating. Yeah, Celestia was really vexed when Luna took a long blue sparkly dump in small pieces into Celestia's cereal bowl, then filled it up with piss, and served it to her as revenge for making Luna get a game over in The Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time, when Celestia prevented the sun from rising, allowing the redeads to suck the life out of Link, whom Luna named Chuck Norris.
That's why the troll pony had Twilight Sparkle genetically alter all living creatures in Equestria, so that their and their offspring's bodily functions allow usage of the food and drinks they consumed to be 100% for the nourishment of their bodies. Thus they would have no need for kidneys, large intestines, or anuses. So Twilight got rid of them. Any resistance would be dealt with on the spot. Orders of her supreme majesty. Which is why Twilight had to wipe out all life in Manehattan. The Manehattans loved to poop. I mean they had a real passion for releasing feces from their hairy shit stained anuses. It was a part of who they were. Only not anymore… cause they were dead.
Back to the present, Twilight worked hard and long in the science room place thingy. And, after a course of tests and failures, and beating her test subjects out of frustration from the failures, she finally gave up. Giving a badly hurt pony test subject one last kick to the nose, she climbed up stairs, and sat on her couch, watching TV all depressed and stuff. When a documentary about the rising of the third reich in Equestria cut to the commercials, the 152nd commercial was advertising a brand new product. It was a shot full of an unknown, untested substance that, eerily convenient for Twilight, boosted one's ability and confidence to act erotically around other Ponies like a goddamn whore. It was named Seksy Shot! They named the address of where to buy it. And like that, she bolted out of her home, ran to a donut shop, bought a chocolate pastry, ate it, dashed to the nearest rest room, realized that she no longer had those bodily functions, galloped to the border line of Mexico, bought the Seksy Shot and some marijuana while she was at it, raced back to the donut shop, bought two donuts, one for her and the other for Spike, zoomed back to her tree house, ate her donut, wrapped up Spike's and placed it on the kitchen counter, fell down the stairs to her basement with the seksy shot, injected herself with the unknown and untested substance, smoked marijuana, and fell asleep on the floor. *Inhale* *Exhale* *Inhale* *Exhale* *Inhale* *Exhale* *passes out* ….
To be continued! Duh-Nuh!