A/N

Hi, so I have no idea what I am doing here. I am out of my mind to post this but I'm living risky. Be warned for tons of errors because I have no beta and this is kind of a spur of the moment thing. I have been a hidden lurker on this site for 4 years and finally have the balls to come out from my cave. I am literally shaking in my pants right now.

I guess I'll see where this goes from here, when I see your reviews… If I see reviews.

This is my first thing I have ever posted or showed someone so please be nice.

Disclaimer: Just have to read my writing to know that I do not own twilight.

Enjoy!

PROLOGUE

I'm walking through the hallway, blurs of bodies' thrashing past me. I can't see straight, can't feel anything. Finally facing the real world, rather than hiding in our bullshit fantasy world.

A place unknown without you by my side, the warmth of your body next to mine, like a part of me is missing without you next to me.

It makes me feel empty; broken. It feels like you have ripped my heart and my soul from by body like a grim reaper. I feel dead on the inside. But on the outside, I am a shadow with either people passing through me like I'm nothing or watching me out of pity; like I'm an outcast. Nothing like I use to be.

When I met you I felt like I had a whole new meaning to life, that I didn't know what it meant to love and live until you. But you stole that from me or as you would say I stole that from you.

I can't get your image out of my head. I think I am losing my mind. I see you everywhere.

I wake up in the middle of night, with your tall, lanky but built body hovering over me, leaving me waiting and panting to feel your touch, your warmth. But it's all an illusion in my fucked up mind.

Now I think I'm having this illusion again but this time I see a vision of your defined, strong jaw that looks like it was carved from marble, like a Greek God. Now it's covered in fresh stubble, which you get when you get in those moods where you just don't give a fuck about anything. But I love it; I love the feeling of it when I feel the mixture of it with your soft lips against my cheek, neck, lips, breasts and thighs.

I see your untamable, rich hair that is a masterpiece on its own. With its natural mixture of reds, browns and gold's. I didn't even think it could be messier than it was, but today it is a disaster from probably not being washed in days; twisting and turning all night in bed and now from running your long fingers through it non stop from your nerves. These flashbacks are running through my mind, gripping and pulling your hair, screaming out in ecstasy from the pleasure you gave me.

I know it's not an illusion anymore when I see your penetrating eyes. I am transfixed in my spot, feeling this burning deep within my chest seeing you the first time in flesh in weeks. The longest time I've been without you.

Your deep emerald eyes that are usually full with seduction and secrets, now look dull, empty and swollen from your tears.

Just by glancing at you can tell you're broken, but you're still as beautiful as ever.

You haven't slept in days. You're irritable and just need someone by your side holding you, saying the smallest thing to make you smile, flaunting your perfect white teeth and full soft lips.

I was the only one who did that for you. The only one, who no matter what never left your side. Even when you warned me, nothing scared me away. Because you were the one, you were worth it all. Just like you made me believe I was all you needed.

I was there for the little things, when we would spend hours on the phone, you pouring your heart out from the songs you would sing to me. To things that almost destroyed us. To when you started giving up on life and drank yourself to a stupor when your mom passed away. You called me your angel is disguise, your goddess, telling me you wouldn't know how to go on without me. That I was your guardian angel who saved you from the pits of hell. I promised you I would take care of your heart when you told me that is was in my hands, like mine was in yours. I trusted you knowing that with one little action, it could be crushed.

But here we are, apart with everything destroyed and nothing that can be re patched. We put ourselves in a hole we cannot get out of together. I wish it would be so easy like before, where we would hide under our bed sheets together hiding from the dangers from the world, safe in each others hands. Touching and kissing, feeling like we were in another universe. But this is reality and in reality you don't get a happy ending.

I hear you calling out to me in your quiet, raspy voice that use to make me fall to my knees, but now trying to explain an unreasonable excuse as to why you broke my heart. But it's too late and this time I don't turn back and run into your arms forgetting about all the hurt. I try to block out your voice the best I can and walk and never turn back.

I am letting go of your heart like you did to mine.

I just hope I can stay away, because you are a drug to me. The strongest drug that ends up killing, and I can't fall in again because there will be no way out.