CHAPTER 1

Emma couldn't help but smile at the ridiculousness of the situation. The man was full of surprises, certainly, but this was beyond even her wildest expectations. His book was definitely something else. The effect it had on her shocked her every time she read it, despite having lived much of it. She couldn't help but feel a little sorry for any woman who didn't get to experience the dashing leading man in the bedroom! Not that she would be admitting that to anyone!

Still, it would be easier not to have to try and explain a 300 year old pirate to his adoring fans. A pen name and a bit of mystery seemed best. And frankly, if people got a look at the man who could write sex scenes like that…..there would be a riot!

She could tell he was worried she didn't think it was a good idea. To prove he was wrong, she decided to have a bit of fun with him. Thankfully, the need to use another name on his book was something they agreed on – although they had yet to come up with something that worked. So she set to work making a list of possibilities, sending them his way when they were particularly clever.

The phone messages had started coming in far quicker than he expected. It began with a particularly colourful text from Ruby shortly after he had received the letter from the publishers – even he had blushed at that – and continued with the incessant beeping of his phone from that moment forward.

He had had no doubt that the She Wolf would be unable...or unwilling...to keep his secret, but he had envisioned at least a day of relative anonymity. At least that infernal dwarf had kept his peace…though he imagined it would only be a matter of time before that particular foghorn rang out.

It wasn't that he was embarrassed by this turn of events...on the contrary he was quite proud to think his command of the English language (not to mention his ability to create particularly erotic word pictures) was something that could put him in a position of gainful, if unconventional, employment in this world without magic. Or pirates.

Reliance on Emma in this part of his life was something he had quietly despaired of. Years of hard work, be it in the King's employ or as master of his own vessel had not prepared him for a life of idleness. The doubloons would dry up eventually and he felt strongly that he needed to be a partner to Emma in all parts of their life together, including the day to day expenses.

This opportunity had arrived in a timely manner and he was quietly excited to pursue it. The issue was not yet knowing exactly how comfortable Emma was with his new career. Before the Storybrooke gossip mill hit its full and impressive stride, he would need to find out.

EMMA: Captain Vocabulary?;-)

Killian grinned at his phone when he saw the message. She may just have used that one before today to great effect. Perhaps Swan was comfortable with his writing career after all. But she should perhaps leave the word play to him, a sentiment he returned via text immediately. Over the next few hours, he received several more suggestions, each more racy than the last. He was enjoying the banter immensely, one of the few things he appreciated about the bloody phone was the added element of flirting it allowed him.

Until the next message came from Dave.

He had to admit it made him slightly uncomfortable to have Emma's father sending him "creative" name suggestions. But not nearly as uncomfortable as when the next one came from Mary Margaret. He tossed the phone aside quickly, unsure how to respond to any of it. He would just let Swan choose and avoid any further discussion.

Emma sat in the loft, shoulders shaking with laughter as she sent texts from her parents' phones. The mental image of her cool and charming pirate confused and horribly, horribly uncomfortable was strangely appealing. She would put him out of his misery later at home, but for now she called him to get the full effect.

"Swan?" His voice had a decided quaver as he answered.

"Everything ok, Killian?" she asked innocently, "You sound a bit rattled."

"You choose, Swan. I will be pleased with whatever you choose."

She heard him take a deep breath.

"Just no more text messages."