Almost Had'em

I decided to toy with an idea floating around my head while trying to crank out the next chapter of 'Family'. This is a somewhat parody of the Batman: the Animated Series episode of 'Almost Got'em', where instead of just Gotham's rogues, it's also the heroes telling their stories. So, here we go, I obviously don't own Batman, or the Justice League. Enjoy.

Was it wrong to say that she was excited for poker night? Every last Friday of the month, barring attacks from aliens, natural disasters, and megalomaniacs trying to make a name for themselves, they would get together to play a few hands, have a couple drinks, and generally try and forget all the insanities they have to deal with the other 364 days of the year.

It had been a pain in the ass to try and get Ollie to realize that, 'I have plans,' didn't mean, 'Sure, you can come along.' He was a nice guy, a little left-wing obsessive sometimes, but that was tolerable. She owed him enough for helping her with her mentor, and that had turned into a few dates, and soon, they were seeing each other outside of the tower.

Walking to what could be called the kitchen, when it was really just a dorm fridge and microwave, she was glad to see the beer and, ugh, bottles of wine were cold enough to serve. Don't get her wrong, wine was fine, if you were eating at an uppity restaurant, but not for a blue-collar poker night. She couldn't wait to see her face when the only thing to go with the drinks were chips and pretzels.

She heard her door chime, and surprise surprise, Shayera was the first to the game. "Hey, beers are in the," the girl was already at the table, dropping the poker chips and heading to the fridge for a drink.

When she was officially with Lantern, the girl would always be early, must've been a side-effect from dating a military man. But now that things were on the rocks, and with the way those two were dancing around each other, she was either obscenely late or extremely early. Granted, Dinah wasn't sure how good of shape she'd be in if one of her exes popped up and tried to destroy the earth. And the less said about the Grundy incident, the better. She was doing better, but the fact that she was still treated as a traitor by most of the league, still caused her to act like an outsider.

Hearing the bottle pop, she turned and saw her pulling a chair out and started to shuffle the cards. Dinah noticed when she first invited her to the game, that shuffling the cards were almost calming to her. The fact that she knew some of the best tricks when passing them out made Shayera the unspoken dealer on these nights. "How are you doing?"

"Alright, still trying to wrap my head around a few things." She was at the table then, and the deck was passed to her, Dinah gave it a tap, and Shayera picked it up and shuffled again.

"We're still waiting on a few people, want to talk about it?" All she got was a shrug and the sound of cards snapping against each other. Trying to get the Thanagarian to open up about her problems was like pulling teeth, and that was on a good day. "So, still wondering about how you and John can have a kid when you're not even together?" The cards flew into the air, and she didn't stop the snort that turned into laughter.

"How did you…"

Getting her laughter under control, she got up and went to the fridge, grabbing a beer and coming back to the table. The pale face and wide eyes told her to start talking. "Any secret that a person tries to hide, besides their identity of course," she gave her a nod when her face seemed to look like a normal color.

"The whole league knows?"

"Not necessarily, only those who know what to look for." A giant cloud, of, oh-dear-god, pink smoke saved them from the conversation when the third player showed up. Trademark fishnet stockings, dinner jacket, and top hat, the only thing that made it better was the cigarette she had pinched between her teeth.

Zatanna was new to the game, she only got an invite when Diana had to run home for something. She couldn't remember the details, but it had something to do with her Dad. It was weird considering she was made from clay, but who knows. "Anna, I thought I told you, when you're here-,"

"I know, leave my smokes behind. But this," she turned the smoke towards her and pressed her tongue to it. She pulled it away and showed only wet, pink skin. "Its electric, just nicotine and water vapor." She waved her hand towards the table, and when a chair slid out, she sat down to the right of Shayera. "So, when's Helena and Diana getting here?"

"Huntress is already here, she's with Question helping him with his physical therapy." Dinah was staring at her beer thinking about the nut, the faceless one. Sure, he was more than a little weird, but no one deserved to go through what he did when CADMUS had him. She already respected him, that he was able to talk Huntress out of sparing the life of that giant albino, aka Mandragora. But the fact that after seventy two hours of constant torture that he didn't tell CADMUS anything about league; that was just impressive. So, she could even admit that she enjoyed talking to him in the mess hall, when he was having his more lucid moments of course.

"Oh, I figured that he'd be knee deep in some conspiracy, maybe that Coca-Cola was trying to control us through hypnotic suggestion," she could only shake her head at the show girl's smirk. "Or maybe Nike was planning something that involves the little plastic thingies on the ends of shoelaces."

"They're call aglets, and he already spends enough time obsessing over them." They turned and saw Huntress striding into the room, a bottle of water in one hand and a plastic bag in the other. She started to pull two plastic containers out, and popped the lids off, moving them to a folding table next to the fourth chair. "Homemade Salsa and onion dip anyone?"

Huntress was her request to be in the game. They both came from Gotham, and the fact that she was always down to earth made her a great addition to the game. The others were a little concerned about her being allowed to join them, given the fact that she had been kicked out of the league, and that she had no qualms about spilling blood, but a few hands into the first game, and she won them over. That, and the fact that she cleaned out Diana with two hands might have had something to do with it.

"Homemade? Why the occasion? And just what are you wearing?" It was Shayera pointing at the newest girl that really pointed her wardrobe out. A white button down blouse and gray pencil skirt. Her black thin rimmed glasses and pen stuck in the bun on the back of her head completed the look. "What are you supposed to be, a librarian?"

"Or a naughty librarian to assist Question with his… 'Research' and 'Therapy'?" It was Zatanna who couldn't help but say what they all were thinking. With a glare to rival a certain founding member, the girl just sat down and pulled her hair free, letting it settle around her shoulders.

"No, I'm supposed to be Helena Bertonelli, third grade teacher at Gotham city public school number 66." She fished a couple of spoons out of the bags and dropped them into the containers. "I got out of class late, had to supervise detention, and didn't have enough time to get up here and help Question with his therapy."

She just sat and glared at each of them, daring them to say anything about her 'day job'. She reached for a chip and scooped a healthy amount of salsa onto it before eating. "And if any of you know what's good for you, you'll never say the word 'librarian', around him. He's convinced that they're all a part of the illuminati."

"Really?"

"Yes," she looked away, and they could see her starting to blush. "I've seen his notes, and the sad part is, he's starting to convince me that that rumor might be true." Silence. That was all that could be really said about that.

"Okay then," only Shayera could try and move them onto a safer topic. "What's the deal with the dips?"

"Again, blame my boyfriend. He claims that major corporations are trying to control our minds via sodium and aspartame. I make homemade because it tastes better and gets him to eat it on movie night besides pointing out plot-holes." They could all accept that. Question saying that about salsa, him sitting down and watching a movie, not so much. "Anyway, where's the Princess? We need to start playing, and I need to forget the last two hours."

"His therapy was that bad?" It was Shayera who said this. She had helped Lantern when he was in rough shape, and was one of the few who could sympathize.

"Not really, but when I got to his room, he was asleep. He doesn't know it, but the guy talks in his sleep." She got quiet, but no one could miss the small smile on her face. "He was dreaming about me."

"So, why do you need a beer," Zatanna this time, she was waving that damn wand of hers around and the cards started shuffling themselves. "I figure that would be a good thing, after all, you told me the other day that you didn't think he was that interested yet."

"The problem is that, according to his doctors, he can't perform any, 'long strenuous activity,' for another three months. And after hearing what he said," she took a long drink from the bottle and stared at the others' smirks. "Three months is a really long time." She didn't mean for it to come out sounding like a whine, but, it did anyway. "Forgetting my personal problems, when is the princess going to get here?"

"She cancelled, apparently she was going to Gotham, said something about finally getting something squared away with the Bat."

"Why is it that he always seems to ruin something?" Dinah had to agree with the others. Bruce, even though he didn't mean to, usually ended up ruining or destroying anyone's plans whenever his name or the Bat came up.

"I'll tell you why, he needs a woman in his life, just not the city." It was Shayera who brought that up. It was true enough. Every single hero, when they met someone, seemed to mellow out, or at least make them more tolerable. Superman had Lois Lane, Green Lantern had had Shayera, and now Vixen, heck, the Flash even had something going with Fire. The Martian didn't count though, his people were gone and he seemed happy enough to be how he was around humanity. Bruce though, he was the problem, he needed someone.

"Let's figure out a fifth player, then we can talk about tall, dark, and broody."

"That's hard enough as it is, almost all the other females here are either part timers who we don't know-,"

"What about Super's cousin?"

"That girl," Dinah didn't even humor her with a look. "Is like all the others, still going through puberty, and I have no desire to deal with that."

"So, we can just play with four," Shayera finally got sick of watch the cards and grabbed them out of the air and started to deal out a hand to each of them. "Unless we pull someone from lock up."

"Why not?" They weren't ready when Zatanna muttered something and they found themselves all sitting down in the holding area of the tower. The cells were empty, every villain had be laying low, surprisingly, except one. Bruce had grabbed her from Gotham, she was driving a truck out of Ace chemicals, mostly stuff that would split a person's DNA any way they wanted it to. That was probably why she wanted it.

"Really, you want her to be the fifth?" Shayera just gave her a cold look. Dinah wasn't about to admit that she liked Zatanna's choice either. Maybe it was because she called herself a 'canary', and the fact that Shayera had wings like an eagle, but she really didn't like the look that she was getting from that damned cat.

Most of the league knew Cheetah's story, she had been a scientist, needed money for research, money ran out, decided to do her little experiments in a rundown apartment, and one injection later, you've got a five foot nine inch cat-human hybrid with PhDs in chemistry and human anatomy. A little cliché, but what are you gonna do?

"So," she couldn't help but stare at the woman, if she could even be called that, as she walked over to the glass dividing them. "What brings four of the league to see me?" Her yellow eyes narrowed as she dragged her claws down the glass, leaving five thin lines. Ignoring the scream the glass made, Zatanna floated the table, and everyone else, over to the dividing window and tuned to face the doctor.

"We need a fifth for poker night, interested?" Dinah counted to ten before Cheetah had stopped laughing. She could see the absurdity as well. Four people who lock you up expect you to play cards with them, yeah right.

"And then what?" She was pacing now, and Dinah couldn't help but notice how it resembled the lions at the zoo. "Will we braid each other's hair afterwards? Maybe talk about our boyfriends?"

"If you want, mostly, we just complain about how shitty life has been lately."

"How would I even get my cards? You'll drop them in the food tray?" Whatever Cheetah was expecting, it wasn't the cards popping up on the floor in front of her.

"Any you discard I'll just pop them back out." She noticed then that a folding table and chair, better than the hard plastic ones left in her cell appeared next to the glass. "If you want something to eat," a little paper plate with chips and dip sat next to the cards. "Something to drink," a bottle of beer was next. "All you got to do is ask."

"What if I want something other than beer?"

"You can split the wine with Huntress," she turned then and saw the other, firing a glare at her. It took her a minute to figure out why. She was in street clothes and wasn't wearing a mask.

"Fine I'll play, just five card stud though," she turned to look at Huntress and couldn't help but smile. "Don't worry, I don't care who you are. I'm not one of those people who insist on destroying anything wearing a cape." She grabbed the glass replacing the beer and didn't stop the moan after tasting. It had been so long since she had had wine that didn't come out of the box. "All I want now is to change back."

Five or maybe six hands later, they were actually having a decent enough time. The first hand was tense, until someone, she suspected it was Zatanna, noticed that Cheetah had started to purr when she had picked up her two new cards. Those cards had completed a royal flush, and revealed her major, if only tell. Eventually, after the laughs settled, they had started onto the topic that brought them all together.

"I'm telling you, he has to be a machine. I once watched him stay awake for sixty five hours straight, and he only slept after the mission was over." Sure enough, the magic user was the first one well on her way to being drunk. In fact, if she continued to wave her beer around, it was just going to be an empty bottle. "I'm not even sure he slept afterwards, he just left the tower, a five o'clock shadow on his chin was the only thing different about him from when he came in."

"No, he's not a machine, I've seen him bleed too many times. I'm pretty sure he's human, but not completely, he's probably a meta." To hear Shayera talk, it sounded as if she had known for sure.

"Either way," they turned to the window and saw Cheetah holding up an empty glass. When it was filled again, she took a swallow. "That man, human or otherwise, has one hell of a body." Her smile turned sinful as she stared at her glass. "Is he seeing anyone?"

"Nope."

"He isn't married or with any other cape?" When all she received were shaking heads, her smile turned into a smirk. "Now that's interesting."

"You wouldn't have a chance." At that point, Zatanna found herself without her drink, holding a bottle of water.

"I think you've had enough," Dinah couldn't stop the smile when she threw the bottle into the trash. "Besides, if there really was anyone who almost got the Batman, it would have to be me."

"I doubt that," All eyes turned to Shayera. She was simply smiling and gave her wings a small flap. "I was the closest."

"The hell you were," Zatanna was marching back and forth down the hall, waving the water like an orchestra leader's baton. "I've known him the longest, I was the closest."

"I don't know, I like to think that I almost got my claws into him, figuratively speaking of course." Cheetah only grinned when the water bottle hit the window.

"Ladies," they all turned to face Huntress, who until now had been silent. "I think it's safe to say that we've all got an, 'almost got'em' story. Hell, even I do." She waved her hand at the chairs and everyone sat back down. "I don't really care about him that way anymore, but I was younger once. Hell, if I wasn't with Question now and he gave me the time of day I'd say yes in a heartbeat. But that doesn't matter now. Like I said, we all have a story and I like to think that I was the closest, but why don't we just see." She gestured to the cards and Shayera got the hint.

Soon, another hand was dealt and everyone was quiet. "Since none of you are brave enough to go first, I will and give me two." They turned to face Cheetah whose smirk was entirely too feline. "It all started back…"

So, how was that for a start up? I'm planning on giving everyone their own 'almost got'em' story here, with a surprise at the end. Yes, someone will get the bat. The question is who? I will be continuing Family, I just have to get this out of my system first. Enjoy, -N.