No more!
No more of this.
I won't!
I won't do it again!
I can't.
Do I want to hurt myself?
But how can I not?
It is my indulgence.
I must allow myself.
Must let myself.
Express myself.
Through you.
You are my outlet.
My escape.
I can't survive without you.
I tried once.
Remember?
'Member what happened?
I ended up a hysterical sobbing mess.
And then you recued me.
And I let you.
And I let you in.
Was that wise?
Am I ready?
I think not.
I cant let you take hold of me again.
It did not end well, last time.
Do you recall?
Harsh words screamed at me.
Admonition and indignence reigned.
And me?
Mortified at what I had done.
And to have my words thrown back at me?
Like it was stupid to feel what I was feeling.
To do what I was doing.
Oh, that was the worst thing I have ever endured.
I can feel them.
Those words.
Choking me.
Slowly.
Killing me.
To survive all?
And be vanquished by words?
This shalt NOT transpire!
I will rise from my ashes.
Anew.
Because I am.
Wash away the blackness, wash away the pain.
Wash away the darkness, let myself reign.
I am light.
Light on my heart.
Light on my feet.
Light in your eyes,
I can't even speak.
Do you even know?
How you make me weak?
I am reborne.
From the rubble I have risen.
You have filled the empty husk of the me
That used to be
With me again, with light again.
I don't want to be a dark void agin.
You fill me with smiles, laughter and happiness.
Why would I let you go?
No. You aren't going.
I'm pushing you away.
But no longer.
Come to me.
I welcome thee wth open arms.
You are my savior.
My outlet.
My escape.
And I won't push you away again.
I won't let you go again.