Too Much!
The small, innocent looking artifact sat on Daniel's desk, amidst the usual muddle of papers and books and archaeological rubble.
Sam eyed it warily. "That's it?"
Vala nodded. "Yes."
"That little thing there?"
"Uh huh. And it might be a 'little thing' but it most definitely is the culprit. I tell you that for everything."
"Nothing." Sam grinned at her. "You told me that for nothing."
"I did?" Vala looked a trifle put out. "I thought that you were interested."
"I am. I mean – you said everything when you should have said nothing."
"I should?" Vala looked puzzled now. "I should be quiet?"
Sam took a breath and smiled. "Let's start again. That is the little thing that caused all of the problems, right?"
"Yes. And like I said…"
"Let me stop you there." Sam patted her friend gently on the arm. "So, you just turn it – you twist it in it's bowl?"
"Mm hmm. And it works straight away." Vala nodded, eyes wide and interested. "I mean, there's no hanging about. They're gone, as quick as a blink."
"Wink."
Vala winked.
"No," Sam began to laugh. "I mean…"
"Oh – right! I see. I said blink, and it's wink. As quick as. Your funny Tau'ri sayings – it's so easy to muddle them up."
There was a brief pause.
"Can I pick it up?" Sam stepped closer to the desk.
"At your own peril, Samantha darling." Vala began to back away. "Daniel thinks the range is about twenty feet – let me get that far away at least before you start twiddling it."
"I'm surprised at you," Sam rebuked her, in jest. "I thought that you'd be up for anything."
"Well, yes I am, normally," Vala was at least twelve feet away by now and heading backwards up the corridor. "But there's only so many clothes that a girl can lose in a week. If it carries on like this I'll be turning up to mission briefings naked! And we all know that General Landry has to be careful of his blood pressure. I mean, I'd hate to startle him like that, turning up stark naked in the conference room."
Sam chuckled loudly. She waited until Vala was well off down the hall. "So, you turned it to the right, yes?"
"Yes." Her friend's voice floated back. "Every time. Including when we were in the gate room. Oh dear," Vala smiled reminiscently. "That caused quite a stir, I can tell you."
Sam didn't answer. She'd heard all about that particular incident from Jack, who'd actually lost the power of speech briefly as he passed on the tale. The little artifact had now been classified as too unstable for common Air Force hands, and was to be taken away and stored at Area 51.
"Ready?"
"Just a minute." Vala had stopped just outside the elevators. "Okay, turn it!"
Sam took a deep breath, gingerly picked up the small artifact and held it for a moment or two in her palm. A clear, perfectly spherical crystal, of bluish white appearance, sat in a small brass-like dish. It was a pretty little piece, well polished. Its previous owner had obviously looked after it.
"Have you done it yet?" Vala called anxiously.
"No. I'm turning it now," and Sam twisted the little gem in an anti-clockwise direction.
All Vala heard, down by the elevator, was a muffled squeak and the sound of clattering. "Sam?" She raced back along the corridor, to be confronted by the sight of piles and piles of – things.
There were three SGC rucksacks – fully equipped, one with what looked like Daniel's compass hanging off of the bottom. Four P-90's plus assorted cartridges – full and empty, lay scattered across the floor. Among the carnage of unclaimed MRE packs and water bottles Vala could see several complete outfits which belonged to herself. Plus her fuschia pink hand towel – last seen around Daniel's midriff - as well as her favorite cherry red bra. There was a duvet which belonged in one of the guest quarters, and a large potted shrub. Numerous other items of clothing, belonging to diverse members of the SGC, were tangled together among the debris. On top of the desk was balanced General Landry's coffee machine.
Sam sat in the middle of the carnage, a large beach ball in her lap and one of Carolyn Lam's stethoscope's hanging haphazardly over her shoulder. More importantly, however, were the number of alien artifacts which the little device had regurgitated along with all of the SGC items. Staff weapons, Zat'nik'tels, a Ribbon Device, two Gou'ald communicators and many, many crystals of differing size and color. There were bundles of parchments, a dozen or so stone tablets, a huge tapestry and what looked like the round, red center of a DHD.
"Wow!" Vala's eyes were huge and sparkling with excitement. "Did we just make all of these things re-appear?"
"It would seem so." Sam shrugged off the stethoscope, and tossed the beach ball aside. Standing, she looked around at the mayhem. "I guess that it's not just clothes which disappear. Anything which the device perceives to be 'in the way'."
Vala began to pick her own possessions out of the muddle. "General Landry will be pleased," she told her friend, conversationally. "He really wasn't happy when Daniel made his coffee machine disappear. Oh – that's mine too!" She yanked up a pair of tiny black lace panties and twirled them about on the end of her fingers – just as Daniel came into his office.
"What – what – on earth are you doing?" his jaw dropped and he gesticulated vaguely around at the wreckage of what had been his office. "What in the name of the gods…."
"Ah, Daniel," Sam pulled a small crystal out from down her bra and handed it to the archaeologist. "Now, before you start…"
"Before you start, remember that it wasn't me who made the mess this time," Vala told him, continuing to pick up various items of clothing. "Ooooh – mine!" she wrapped up what looked like a pair of pink handcuffs inside the lacy knickers and tucked them into the crook of her arm.
"…I just had a theory," Sam continued, shifting the coffee machine to make room for the beach ball and what looked like a large square copper wok. "Vala was telling me about the little gadget, she seemed to think, well in discussion I picked up – that is, anyway…"
"We turned it the same way. Every time. And again in Landry's office. Always to the right." Vala handed Daniel the panties parcel and winked. "Look after those, darling."
"Wha – what?" Still confused, Daniel glared at the alien and tossed them back at her. "Why? Just tell me – why my office?"
"Well, the artifact was here." Vala looked at him as if he were mad. "General Landry said that we mustn't move it, until you packed it up for Area 51."
"But – picking it up and turning it, that's not moving it – how?" Daniel screwed his eyes up in exasperation. He grabbed at Vala's hand and pulled from it a small tapestry that she'd just picked up. "What's this?"
"It came back when we turned the stone." Sam eyed him warily, but Daniel's demeanor had changed. He turned the little piece over, beginning to mumble under his breath.
Vala handed him another small canvas, which she'd tugged out from beneath the coffee machine.
He grinned a 'thanks' at her, before moving over to his desk, mesmerized by all of the historical goodies before him. "It's Furling, I think." Daniel told them, excitedly. "See – the script is different to most everything else we have here. I'll need to find those translation books and that program we downloaded from the Odyssey."
Sam shifted the coffee machine.
Vala hefted the largest of the rucksacks out of his way.
Grouchiness rapidly dissipating, Daniel sat down at his desk.
Sensing victory, the two women began piling up as many of the interesting alien objects and parchments that they could find around the edges of Daniel's desk.
He nodded his thanks, pulled Vala in quickly for a hurried kiss, then started scribbling away in one of his notebooks, oblivious to the carnage around him.
Sam pursed her lips, smiling faintly. "Well?" she whispered to Vala. "What do you think we should do first? Find out who owns the rucksacks, give Teal'c back his beach ball or take the General his coffee machine?"
Vala wrinkled her nose. "None of them. I think the mess hall is calling me, Samantha. I need a nice cup of tea and some chocolate before I even contemplate trying to sort all of this mess out. Besides, how are we going to explain all this to Landry?"
Sam grinned. "Don't worry about him. The safe delivery of his coffee machine will put you in his good books for weeks."
"Really?" Vala looked thrilled. "Shall we have another go then?"
"What do you mean?" Sam asked. Before she could stop her, the alien had picked up the little device and twisted it anti-clockwise again.
"No!" yelled the Colonel, as an entire super-soldier suit materialized on Daniel's desk.
Vala's eyes lit up immediately. "Oooooh!" she whispered, memories of the Prometheus springing into her mind.
"Nice," Daniel remarked, appreciatively.
"Later," Vala winked cheekily, as Sam dragged her away hurriedly in the direction of the elevator.
Grinning, Daniel waved his pencil in the air. "I'll hold you to that!"
The End!