I don't know how many people still care about my DNGG/TSNB!Peeta and Katniss, but I'm hoping that giving the question "did Katniss and Peeta adopt another baby?" an answer might help motivate me to start writing again. This takes place almost four years after the epilogue.
As always, I own nothing. Notes will be at the bottom.
Two
''It's that—the thought of the few, simple things we want and the knowledge that we're going to get them in spite of you know Who and His spites and tempers—that keeps us living I think.''
Dylan Thomas (1914-1953), Welsh poet. Letter, late 1936, to Caitlin, later Thomas's wife. The Collected Letters of Dylan Thomas (1985).
The water crashes against the white sand in a rhythm as steady as the ticking of a clock. It crashes and then is swallowed back up by the current only to swirl and crash again. The ocean has fascinated me since the first time I saw it, when I went with my parents to move Leaven into his dorm at the University of Miami. I had grown up in a landlocked state and at that point I hadn't traveled much. The only time I'd ever gone out of state, and really out of Miner Falls, was when we moved Rye into his dorm at Virginia Tech, and Miami was an entirely different world than Blacksburg.
At the same time as the ocean fascinates me it also terrifies me. It stretches out as far as the eye can see, into some sort of abyss, a meeting of the earth and sky. There is nothing scarier in life than the unknown and that is all the ocean is – the deep dark crevices we can't explore, the place where the sun disappears into the horizon.
So my heart is beating out of control every second that Prim and Lucy spend at the edge of the shore.
My daughter, as it would be, loves these moments our family spends at the beach. Every year, around the time school lets out for me, our clan sets out to spend a week relaxing and enjoying each other's company. We know that time is not our friend, so we plan all year just to take a few moments out of our busy schedules to be together. This year, Rory made all the reservations for a rental on Hilton Head Island and we've been on the water ever since we arrived.
And, of course like every child does, Lucy seems dead set on giving me an aneurysm. She is having the time of her life stomping in the wet sand after a wave breaks, looking up at Prim after every jump and tugging on her aunt's hand to try and go just a little bit further. I haven't even cracked open the beer Haymitch handed me an hour ago just in case Lucy somehow breaks free from Prim's grasp and I have to take off after her before she gets swept away.
It's ridiculous really. The water is shallow enough by the time it gets to Prim and Lucy that it just barely tickles their toes. Lucy is jumping in the sand more than she is the water. And, as hard as it is to realize, Prim is an adult and one who understands the workings of the water better than myself. But those types of thoughts are never far from my mind now and haven't been since we brought Lucy home almost four years ago now.
It's such a cliché, but I never realized I could love someone in the way I love my daughter.
Katniss stirs in the chair beside me. It has to be close to ninety out and she's covered head to toe with a big straw hat Hazelle found at a shop, a long-sleeved cover-up and the shade from a gigantic umbrella. I've asked her multiple times if she wanted to go back up to the rental, but the answer is always the same. Katniss loves being outside and no speaking to a dermatologist will get her to give it up. She'd rather sweat to death than miss the squeals Lucy lets out with Prim down by the water.
"You too hot yet?" She lifts the rim of her hat and I use my finger to press lightly on her exposed calf. My thumb leaves a small light circle against her skin. "You're starting to burn."
She shrugs and grabs a towel from the ground, placing it over her lower legs. "There." I give her a look. "I'm fine, trust me."
There's a small part of me, deep down in my gut, which knows I'm going to outlive my wife. It's not that Katniss isn't healthy per say. She's been in remission for over a decade now and the doctors are confident that it won't be the leukemia that gets her in the end. It'll be complications, long term effects that no one really knows too much about. One of those long-term effects is that her body was pounded with radiation off and on for over a decade. As a result, her skin is as fragile as Lucy's, if not more so. Her olive skin, once so much like Haymitch's and the Hawthornes', just can't take the same beating as it could have if she had never been sick.
She sits up in her chair and pulls her knees to her chest so she can rest her chin. "She's having such a blast."
I look back down at Lucy. She has a piece of seaweed in her little fingers, waving it around as she clings to Prim with her other hand. Today is our last day at the beach and she is definitely going to be unhappy about leaving tomorrow, partially about the actual beach and mostly about Prim. After this week, Prim will head back to Boston and we'll go home and Lucy will have to wait until Thanksgiving before Prim comes back.
The vacations we take together always fly by so quickly. It feels as if we've just arrived and in a few hours we'll be going our separate ways. We'll say goodbye to Rory and Prim at the airport. Prim still lives in Boston, still loves her job, and I don't know if she'll ever move back home. Rory's living in New Hampshire now and is working for the Department of Health and Human Services. The rest of us are headed home. Vick works for a company in Charleston now and it's hard to believe that Posy is almost twenty. She's going to be a sophomore at State this year. And, of course, it seems like just yesterday that we adopted Lucy and now she's almost four.
"Yeah she is," I say. "I just wish she liked making sandcastles more."
Katniss laughs. "You're such a dad."
I'll take that as a compliment.
When the latest wave crashes at her feet, Lucy spins around and sprints as fast as she can on her little legs back to our spot. Like a rocket, she launches herself on Katniss, wrapping her arms around her mother's neck. The brim of the hat is so large it covers them both.
"Did you have fun, Lu-bear?" Katniss coos, her hands running through Lucy's soft honey curls. Lucy nods her head and yawns, the heat of the day catching up to her. "I think someone's ready for a nap."
"No, Mama," she insists, her fingers clawing into Katniss's cotton cover up. "I'm not tired."
People who don't know us often say that Lucy takes after me. It's something of a bittersweet moment that affected us more when she was an infant than it does now. But, on first glance, I can see how the paleness of our skin would act as a unifier for our family. Her personality though is so similar to Katniss's that our own friends and family sometimes forget that Lu isn't biologically ours.
I stand from my chair and lift Lucy off Katniss and into the air. She squeals as her feet kick and her arms flail. "You're not tired?" I ask, trying my best to sound flabbergasted.
"No!" she squeals.
I pull her face down so our noses are practically touching. "Mama's a little tired though," I tell her. "Don't you want to go nap with her?"
"Nap with Mama?"
I nod.
Lucy thinks for a moment and then breaks into a grin. She reaches out to pat my cheeks with her hands and I rub her nose with mine. Finally, she tells me okay and I hand her back to Katniss so I can get our things packed up. Just as I finish with folding one of the chairs, I can feel Katniss's lips on my ear.
"You must think you're really sneaky."
I turn and wink at her. It's not my fault that Lucy is in a phase where she'll do anything if Katniss is doing it too. If I can get Katniss inside and out of the sun and get Lucy to take a nap, I'm not going to waste an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.
Katniss adjusts Lucy on her hip and I kiss both of their cheeks. "I'll be up soon."
She rolls her eyes but leaves nonetheless. Lucy continues to wave at me until Katniss turns out of sight.
When I go back to our things, Prim is sitting in Katniss's chair ringing seawater out of her hair. She smirks and rolls her eyes, looking too much like her sister while she does it.
"You two are sickeningly adorable," she says.
Most of our party has left. Hazelle and Storm are wandering the shops while Rory and Vick are throwing a football around down the beach. Vick's wife is watching. Haymitch is snoring away in a chair next to us and Posy disappeared for fries a while ago.
I stick my tongue out at her and she chuckles. I know she's joking. Prim might be our biggest fan and has held the position since she was twelve.
"You're going to break my daughter's heart, you know," I say.
"Maybe I'll just bring her home with me. She'll fit in my luggage, right?"
I play along. "Sure, you just need to grab her bag and you're all set. We'll see the both of you at Thanksgiving."
Prim laughs and I kneel down to pick up Lucy's sand toys. Once I have everything set, I trek back to our cottage. Katniss is sitting on the back porch, Lucy resting in her arms, and looking out at the water. I kiss the side of her head as I fall into one of the seats beside her.
"She fell asleep as soon as we sat down."
"Did you sing?"
Katniss nods. Lucy, much like myself, can't contend with Katniss's voice. We're both goners when we hear it. We sit like this for a moment, with no noise but that of the beach just beyond us. I couldn't ask for a more peaceful few minutes.
With the hand that's not rubbing Lucy's back, Katniss slides her fingers into mine and I squeeze her hand gently. She turns to look at me.
"This might be the last time it's just the three of us," she says.
We activated for a second adoption on Lucy's third birthday. It could be any day that we get a call and, I'll admit, I've had my phone on the loudest ring setting for the majority of this vacation. However, we do know that it might not be in the coming days or weeks or even months that we get notified. We may not get notified at all. As nerve-wracking as it is to wait and wait and wait, this time hasn't been so terrifying. Part of it is because we know we have Lucy and there is nothing that can take that away. If Lucy is what we get we are more than blessed.
In fact, it was Katniss that had to wear me down to the idea of activating again. She's the one that wanted our daughter to have a sibling. She couldn't imagine growing up without Prim and therefore couldn't imagine not giving that opportunity to Lucy. The most arguments we ever had were surrounding the issue of if we would adopt again because Katniss was so adamantly for it and I was so steadfastly against it, but I didn't quite know how to explain it. It got so bad that I went to talk to a social worker because I wasn't going to ruin my marriage over something I couldn't put into words.
It took seven sessions but ultimately the two of us made sense of the situation enough for me to broach the topic with Katniss. While Katniss couldn't imagine what her life would've been like without Prim, I could imagine what my life would've been like without my brothers. Somewhere, deep in my subconscious, were my fears of becoming my own parents, of not loving this new child of ours the same way I loved Lucy.
I'm still terrified and I think I always will be, but Katniss tells me that's a good thing. She tells me that it shows that I already care about our children enough to be afraid. I hope she's right.
I turn to look at Katniss. She has turned back to Lucy and is humming softly as she rocks gently in the chair. Lucy's eyelids flutter as she dreams. A year from now our little family may be different, but right now, it's perfect.
It's only a month after that when we get the call. When the phone rings, our son is already a week old and living with foster parents in Akron, Ohio. An interstate adoption is much more involved and we have to stay at a hotel for fifteen days while we wait for the legal go-ahead to travel over state lines with our son.
The entire drive I'm shaking – both from excitement and anxiety. Despite remembering every detail of the day we picked up Lucy, I don't know what to expect.
Just as every birth story is different, every adoption story is unique and exceptional in its own ways. Whereas we arrived at the hospital before our daughter was born, we don't even go to the hospital for our son. The first time we meet him is when he's passed from his foster mother's arms to ours. Rather than load him up in the car and take him home like we did with his sister, we load him up and bring him to our hotel, where we have to wait for all the legal work to go through.
Our hotel room becomes our little sanctuary as we get to know our son. We memorize his ten little toes and kiss every one of his tiny fingers. He loves being held and cries when we set him down. Whereas Lucy was born bald, this baby has a head of dark hair.
While we're in Akron, we leave Lucy at home with Posy and Haymitch watching her. Posy comes by during the days since she doesn't go back to school until the end of the month and she watches our daughter until Haymitch comes at night after work. We call Lucy every day that we're gone, hoping that she won't resent us for leaving her for so long. I'm so proud of how strong she's being with all of this. We talk to Posy and Haymitch and they tell us that she cries, but she tells them that she knows we're getting her brother and that we need to show him that we love him too.
And, while it's nice to have this time alone with our son, by day fifteen we're ready to go home and start getting everything back to normal.
As we pull in the driveway, I can see Lucy with her face in the living room window, obviously staking out our arrival. As soon as we park, the little girl in the window is gone, nothing but the swish of the curtain left, and the front door is being thrown open. Our dog Hemy barrels right past her, knocking her off her feet, but my Lucy is one of the most determined little girls I know. She hops back up, even as Haymitch goes to pick her up, and runs toward us, pumping her arms to make her go faster.
I intercept Hemy while Katniss takes the baby carrier out of the back. Lucy runs right to the door, sticking her head in under her mother's arm to get a peek at her new little brother.
"Your kid's a hurricane, boy," Haymitch says as I pull Hemy toward the door. She doesn't want to go and she tries to stand her ground. She's waiting for me to lose my grip so she can go to Katniss. "I dunno how this house of yours is still standing."
I smirk and hear Katniss walk up behind me, Lucy hopping up and down around her. "You better not have left any mess in my house, Haymitch," Katniss says.
Haymitch laughs. "You said, and I quote, watch my kid. So that's what I did." Katniss gives him a look and he rolls his eyes. "Learn to take a joke, sweetheart."
"I want to hold my baby!" Lucy squeals, clearly impatient as she tugs on Katniss's leg. Katniss pushes by Haymitch and Lucy follows after her. Haymitch goes back inside too, so it's just the dog and me left outside.
"Everyone's going inside, Hem," I say and she stops resisting, so I let her trot into the house herself.
There is a banner in our kitchen that looks like it's been a finger-painting project. It reads: WELCOME HOME MOMMY, DADDY, AND BABY ELI! I side eye Haymitch and wonder if he's getting sentimental in his old age, or if this was Posy's doing. I'm thinking it was probably Posy.
"Go sit on the couch and you can hold Eli, okay?" Katniss says. Lucy nods and runs into the other room. I chuckle when I hear her shout that she's ready.
I put Hemy's leash on her. She's five now and not quite as rowdy as she was when we brought Lucy home, but I'd still like to be in complete control when we introduce her to Eli, especially with Lucy's squeals feeding her excitement. We walk in just as Katniss is setting Eli into Lucy's lap.
"Be gentle," Katniss says. "He's just little."
"Hi, Eli, I'm Lucy. I'm your big sister," she whispers.
I can't help the grin the spreads over my face as I watch Lucy talk to Eli with Katniss sitting beside her. This is my family. My daughter. My son. My wife. It's everything I ever dreamed of having, everything that Katniss and I thought had been taken away from us. Lucy leans down and gives Eli a quick kiss on his forehead.
Katniss turns to look at me, her eyes sparkling, her mouth unable to fight the grin just like mine. There were times when I never thought we would get to this moment. But, now that we're here, it's like nothing I could have ever imagined. I'm sure that raising two little munchkins will be harder than just one, but we'll do it together because that's what Katniss and I do.
The quote at the beginning, from Dylan Thomas to his (later) wife Caitlin, was chosen to keep with using Dylan Thomas poetry – the titles for Do Not Go Gentle and They Shall Not Break come from his poems.
The first scene at the beach and the final scene at their home were inspired by photos I found on pinterest. You can find them on my tumblr (Dracoisalooker76).
The name I chose, Eli, comes from the bible. The prophet Elijah ascends to Heaven in a whirlwind after God sends chariots and horses of fire, which has more to do with Canon Peeta and Katniss than in this universe, and Elijah preformed many miracles, which I think this Peeta and Katniss would definitely appreciate. It is also the name of a little boy in my hometown who lost his battle with cancer when I was younger. Another little girl who battled cancer inspired the name of Lucy.
Eli's birthday is August fourth – it was chosen because eight and four equals twelve, just as eleven and one (Lucy's birthday November 1) equals twelve, for District Twelve.
Thanks for reading!
