This is a short story based on a video by Ziver92 on you tube. It will only be a few chapters long and I take no credit for the idea. I also do not own NCIS or any of the characters in this, except maybe a few that I made up.

"Grab your gear!" Gibbs hollers across the bullpen, "Missing child of a petty officer."

As always, my heart contracts at the word "child". It has done for the past five years and probably will continue to do so. I bend down to grab my bag, staying under the safety of my desk for a few more seconds, enough time to wipe away the tears.

"You okay Ziva?" Tony asks, pausing on his way to the elevator.

"Yes, I am fine." I say, standing up and swinging my bag on my back. Inside, my head is flooding with memories and secrets. Secrets that will never come to light.

Gibbs assigns me the role of photographer, taking photos of the scene of the crime. I'm about to protest,-surely Tony could do that while I interview the parents or look for leads- but then I think better of it. He would surely ask me what's the reason and I can't tell him.

I gently push open the door of the baby's room, taking in the bright colours of yellow and the rainbow stuffed animals on the dresser and changing table. There are animals painted on the wall and the curtains have the exacts same animals on them. In all, the room has a cosy atmosphere to it, the parents didn't even turn of the nightlight.

I begin to take pictures, holding the camera right up to my eyes to hide the tears that threaten to roll down my cheeks. I take pictures of everything from the closet to this little stuffed animal for which I cannot remember the English word.

Gibbs comes in when I have just packing away the camera. He looks at me and I can sense he's confused, or maybe wondering something. I am not as good as I was at reading people. I sort of lost it when I came to NCIS, deliberately. I was too good at reading people.

"You ever thought of having kids, Ziva?" he asks, moving past me to look into the crib.

How can he expect me to answer the question? "No," I say, my voice more a stutter, "No, I have never thought of it." I'm about to ask why, but he has already left the room.

Back at NCIS I lock myself in the ladies room. I do not care if people need to use it, they can use the ones next to Abby's lab. The tears start to fall. I run the tap and splash water over my face, so the tears just look like water droplets. Tali didn't have a room like that, Tali slept in my room for the five years we had together. At first in a crib and then next to me. She said it was scary without me, that she needed me to keep the dark away. To protect her. If only I had done a better job.

~Flashback~

"Mami, Mami, look what I found!" Tali yells, tripping over herself to get to me. Automatically I scan around, looking for anyone that might have been alerted by her voice. But then I remember that I am not on a mission. But this is still Israel, where danger lurks at every corner.

"What my little perach ?" I say, picking her up and bringing her inside. She giggles a little at her pet name, which leads me to believe it has something to do with the item she has found.

I set her down and she unfurls her fist, inside is a delicate rose, a rare thing to find in Tel Aviv. "Ah," I say, "So it is a perach?"

Tali shakes her head vigorously, "No Mami, you know a perach is a flower, this is a rose." she says with a sigh, as if I should know better.

"Ah, well I think it is time for us to go to bed." I say.

"But it is still light outside Mami." she protests.

"I know but in Israel, it almost never gets dark." I explain patiently, squatting down beside her. "And it is almost 10pm."

She cocks her head quizzically, "Is that late?"

I laugh, "Yes, my little perach, it is."

"Okay then Mami," Tali giggles and runs off to get changed. I watch her go, wondering when she will have to grow up.

Later that night we are lying in bed. Tali is curled up next to me, her long her spreading over the pillow, mixing with mine. We have the same colour, I cannot tell where mine ends and hers begins.

Tali stirs and wakes up ever so slightly. She looks at me bleary eyed. "You will always protect me Mami, won't you?"

"Yes my darling," I say, bending down to kiss her forehead "I promise."

~ End of flashback~

But I couldn't. I couldn't protect her. "I'm sorry Tali." I sob out loud. "I am so so sorry." There is no point connecting that room with Tali. Because that room we slept in isn't here anymore, and neither is Tali.

XXX

I step out of the bathroom and bump into Tony. "Oh, sorry," I mumble, keeping my head down, trying to move on as quickly as possible.

"Ziva, are you sure you're okay?" he asks gently, grabbing my arm.

I jerk away from him, "I am fine."

But I am lying, and we both know it.

I apologise if that wasn't very good but the video is so please go check it out. : ) ~ Never-give-up-hope2