Surrender

by xRogan

Songfic to Billy Talent's Surrender. As Rogue gets older, many things begin to grow between her and Logan. Logan explains from his POV his own feelings about the situation at hand. Takes place years after X2. First fanfic.

She reads a book from across the street,

Waiting for someone that she'll never meet.

Talk over coffee for an hour or two,

She wonders why I'm always in a good mood.

I watch her from across the road in a local pub, brooding to myself over a usual accompanied beer. I don't usually do this, but whenever she plans on meeting a stranger from some friend of a friend or some dating service, I always get anxious and the protective part of me feels responsible for the girl.

I shouldn't say she's a girl anymore. She's a woman now. She just turned nineteen a week or something ago. But it's not only her age that gives her away, it's everything about her; her curves, the way she smiles, that different, more mature glint in her beautiful brown eyes. She's growing up so fast, (too fast for my liking) right before my eyes

I take another sip of my brew and lean back in the chair, keeping a wary eye on her relaxed figure. She's currently reading some novel that I've never heard of, waiting for this guy to show up for a cup of coffee. She's been there for half an hour already, and I'm beginning to think that the supposed guy's gonna stiff her.

But, as usual, I'm proven wrong and a young lookin' guy with brown hair and sunglasses swaggers into the coffee shop, looking around for a second before moving towards her. She smiles, her lips mouthing a greeting, and sticks out her bare hand for him to take. But instead, he grasps it and gives her a light peck on the top of it. I hate'm already.

Each orders a coffee (personally, I don't know how someone could drink the stuff) and they begin to talk. He was acting all pleasant to her, and by the looks of it, she was thoroughly enjoying it. For some strange reason, that guy was really pissing me off. I get another beer and continue to watch with a scowl obvious in my features.

Killin' time before she struts her stuff,

She needs support and I've become the crutch.

She'll never know how much she means to me.

I'd play the game but I'm the referee.

Their so called 'date' lasts about an hour or two, all of it consisting of boring chatter, and even with my enhanced senses, I can't hear a thing. After a while of talking and obvious flirting, he seems to ask her something. She nods and then he slips off his dark sunglasses, and she gives a surprised yet amazed look. From where I'm sittin', I can't see a damn thing, so I remember to ask her what the hell he showed her.

There're a few more minutes of mindless chat and then they each say goodbye, the brown haired guy walkin' out one door to his car and driving off, while she lingers with her coffee and then slowly leaves the café out the same door.

I finish the rest of my beer in one swig and leave some bills on the table, then hurry out, shrugging my leather jacket over my shoulders as I leave. I fish around in my pocket for the keys to my truck, then hop in and start the engine, keeping my trained eyes glued to her. I pull out of my parking spot and drive towards her on the empty street, then slow down once I'm right beside her. I roll down my window and stick my head out as she glances over.

"Need a lift, kid?" I ask casually, like I had just been on a leisurely drive and found her there.

She glances over at me and I can smell her change of scent when she flips her skin 'on'. But as soon as she recognizes it's me, it flips 'off' again and she relaxes. "Of course, sugar." She smiles and walks around the front of the car and crawls into the passenger seat. "So, were you waiting around the corner this time?" She asks quietly, staring out of the window.

I clear my throat and nervously glance at her. "What? No. I was just goin' through and—"

She laughs quietly to herself and interrupts. "Logan, I spotted you across the street in the pub. You were drinking a beer and watchin' me, sugar. I saw you."

"What? I—"

"Logan, you gotta stop this." She says, her voice suddenly sounding tired. "I can protect myself. They guys I'm seeing aren't a threat, okay?" She glances over at me with her large, dark brown eyes and gives me a somewhat sincere smile. "I really enjoy your company and how ya wanna protect me all the time, but some things…" She pauses and sighs. "Some things I wanna do on my own." She gives me that sad smile again and reaches' over, patting me lightly on my jean-clad thigh, then withdraws her hand back to her own lap.

I swallowed a growing lump in my throat and stared at the road ahead.

Surrender… every word, every thought every sound.

Surrender… every touch, every smile, every frown.

Surrender… all the pain we've endured until now.

Surrender… all the hope that I lost you have found.

Surrender… yourself to me.

I tried to come up with a reasonable sounding excuse, but seconds passed and nothing sounded good enough for her, so I just shut up completely. Neither of us made a move to turn on the radio, which was slightly awkward; the silence between us was almost deafening.

Even though I know what I'm lookin' for,

She's got a brick wall behind her door.

I'd travel time and confess to her,

But I'm afraid she'd shoot the messenger.

"So, who's this guy yer seein'?" I ask her casually, trying not to sound too intrusive.

She sighed, still slightly fed-up. "Why do you care, Logan?" She glanced over at me with those big eyes of hers and I almost forget to look back at the road.

I shrug and stare through the windshield. "Curious." Is all I answer.

She sighs again and shakes her head, although I can see a very faint smile lingering over her alluring lips. "His name's Remy, okay? He's Cajun. He's a very nice guy who's polite and pleasant."

I nod as if it was no big deal, but my insides are burning with jealousy. What the hell does this 'Remy' kid have that I don't? But I mentally shut myself up before I can go any farther, since I know Rogue's way out of my league. We're friends. Good friends. A sort of father-daughter friendship. Nothing more. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

I inwardly make a sound that's something between a sigh and a growl and notice that the driveway to the mansion is coming up, so I hit the gas pedal for some reason. Maybe it's 'cause I don't want to have any more awkward silences between her and me. Maybe I'm just a jackass. Yeah, the latter's probably the answer.

"You gonna tell me anything else about this 'Remy' guy?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"No." She answers. I can hear the cold creeping into her voice. She shifts as we pull up to the mansion and hurriedly undoes her seatbelt when I park and pull out the keys. She opens her door and is about to get out when I reach over and grab her arm lightly. She looks over her shoulder tiredly.

"Kid, listen –"

"Dammit, Logan, I'm not a kid anymore!" She cries out, looking at me with those pleading eyes of hers.

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry," I quickly recover. I hate how pathetic I sound. The Wolverine apologizing. Hah. What the hell happened to me, anyway? "Marie," Her expression changes slightly when I use her real name. Is it sadness, or is it satisfaction? "I'm really just trying to help here. I'm worried 'bout ya." She opens her mouth to say something, but I'm quicker. "I know you hate it when I… y'know, wait around when you're out and stuff. It's just that…" I struggle with the right words but she continues to stare at me, which doesn't help. "I still feel responsible for ya, darlin'." I offer her a small smile that I reserve especially for her, but she doesn't return it, causing mine to fade quickly.

"Logan, I know you feel protective of me, and you know how much I really care about you, but hon', this has got t'stop." She took my hand in her bare one and gave it a squeeze, then pried it off her arm. "I'm nineteen and I can take care of myself. I'm not that little girl you found in Laughlin City anymore, Logan." She sighed. "Thanks for the ride, sugar." She said, then left the car, swaggering towards the mansion.

Surrender… every word, every thought every sound.

Surrender… every touch, every smile, every frown.

Surrender… all the pain we've endured until now.

Surrender… all the hope that I lost you have found.

Surrender… yourself to me.

I sigh to myself and close my eyes, my hands clenched in fists around the steering wheel, so tight my knuckles were white. How could I be so stupid? She would never want a guy like me. I'm the opposite of the guy she pictures; I ain't got smarts or got class, I'm always on the run. No person in the right mind would want to stay 'round me. Especially Marie.

It's clear now that she's the only thing that's keeping me grounded. Scott's always up my ass about everything I do, and besides the occasional flirting with Jean, this place can really be the most boring place on earth. Our teachin' staff is sorta low, so much to a point where the Professor's offering me a position to teach Gym or somethin'. Like I'd ever teach. Maybe if he made me feel guilty enough, sure. But I just don't fit it. Anywhere. I don't teach, I ain't a student, and I'm most definitely not a bad guy. At least, I don't think so.

But back to the point. Marie would never ever want someone like me, and it's very clear. I don't know why my thick adamantium-laced skull won't let me get it through my head. Marie likes me as a friend. Maybe even less so now, since I've been followin' her around.

I sigh heavily and rub my eyes, trying to calm my stressed nerves. I open the door of the car and step out; slamming it shut so loudly a bunch of birds from a nearby tree cry out in distress and flutter away to someplace else that's safer. I can't even be around the school without causing havoc.

I think I found a flower in a field of weeds,

I think I found a flower in a field of weeds.

Searching until my hands bleed,

This flower don't belong to me.

Months pass and she's really hittin' it off with this guy, 'Remy'. There's rumours 'round the school saying they're dating, but I don't think she's officially said they're together. I don't even have a clue to why I'm payin' attention to this shit, especially since she's blown me off more than once. I've tried to apologize to her, but she just cuts me off and gives some lame excuse to not hear anythin' I say. So after a couple a'times, I just shut the hell up and watched from a distance. Creeper, I know.

But I can't help but just look at her and think, She's mine. I might be going crazy, but I think… I think… Goddammit, Logan, pull yourself together. It's a fucking word, not some life or death sentence. I think I'm in… love with Marie. I can't keep my eyes off of her, and every time I look into those brown eyes of hers, I swear to God I would do anything for her.

I've never felt like this for anyone before, and that's the truth. Well, from what I remember. It's always been a simple fuck, nothing more. No love, no caresses, no kisses. Just plain and uncomplicated lust. But with her, it's a whole other story. She's not afraid of me, for one thing, and she let's me hold her. She even used to hold me once, back when I was having those shit-awful nightmares from Alkali Lake.

I had thought I had loved Jean, but I think now, it was just the idea of taking her away from Scott just to piss him off. Sure, I liked Jeannie, but I had never thought of stroking her arm, just plain talking, or listening. I did a lot of that for Marie, and I think, I hope she's grateful.

I think I found a flower in a field of weeds,

I think I found a flower in a field of weeds.

Searching until my hands bleed,

This flower don't belong to me.

This flower don't belong to me.

Why could she belong to me?

She's the only one I'll ever care about, and that's that. But if she can't see me the way I see her, then I'm gonna have to move on. She needs the most normal life she can have, and I won't give her that. I'll never be able to give her that.

So that's why I've been avoiding her. She hasn't been seeking me out, so I'm guessing that she's satisfied. I still can't get over that Remy guy and her together, but I keep telling myself that I'm a sick bastard to even think of such things with Marie. It's not right, and I know it, but it kills me every time I see her. I think I need to get outta here. If I stay, there'll be trouble, and I don't' want to hurt her more than I already have.

Every word, every thought every sound.

Every touch, every smile, every frown.

All the pain we've endured until now.

All the hope that I lost you have found.

I've packed my things and I'm sitting on my bed, my face in my hands. I'm having second thoughts if I should go or stay, but I've already made up my mind. I have to go, no questions about it. I sigh heavily and stand up, slipping on my plaid button-up shirt over my usual white wife-beater and then my leather jacket over top that. I solemnly grab my black duffel bag, carrying everything I have, and open my door that leads into the hallway.

I don't look around or look over my shoulder. That would only lead me to memories I quickly wanted to forget, and people I wanted – no, needed – to get out of my life. These stupid things would only make me want to say goodbye, and I would never say goodbye. The Wolverine doesn't say goodbye.

I walk briskly down the empty hallway and then jog down the stairs, making my way towards the front door. I'm almost there, almost at the door of freedom. I'm almost out of this constricting, stupid place I used to call home. But something stops me. It's a voice. Her voice. I freeze in between steps, but my mind's telling me to go, to leave this awful place. But I can't. Her voice is pleading, a hidden message telling me to turn around to just take a look at her. So I do.

"Where ya goin'?" She asks innocently. She sounds like she did years ago when I first picked her up in Laughlin City.

"Leavin'." I answer curtly. I don't want her crying. If anything, she should be angry. Then this whole 'goodbye' thing would be so much easier.

Surrender… every word, every thought every sound.

"For… good?" She asks again, taking a step closer. She must've been either really quiet or I musta been really lost in my thoughts, cause she's quite close. Maybe a few feet away, and closing in. Shit.

Surrender… every touch, every smile, every frown.

"Yeah." I clear my throat and nod, not making eye contact. This is getting harder.

Surrender… all the pain we've endured until now.

"Oh." Her voice wavers and she looks up at me with those beautiful deer-like brown eyes. I want to tell her how gorgeous she is and how much I love her, but I can't. I just can't.

Surrender… all the hope that I lost you have found.

"Well, see ya, kid." And I turn around to reach for the doorknob. Her soft hand on my arm stops me in my tracks, once again.

"Please… Don't." She whispers. I can smell the tears brimming in her eyes, but I don't dare to look back. "Please don't leave me here, Logan."

"I'm sorry, Rogue, I have to." I don't look at her, and I don't use her real name. This is to keep our distance. I can't hurt her. Not again. Not after everything she's done for me.

"No, no, you don't." She pleads, gripping my arm a little tighter. "You can't leave. Not now."

"Why the sudden change, Marie?" Her eyes widen for a moment when I speak her name. "Just a week ago you were this close to strangling me just for passing you in the damn hallway. I couldn't get a decent sentence in with you without it breaking out into a fight. You don't want my company anymore, so ya know what? I'm leaving." It all comes out in an angry blaze that I've had simmering in my mind for months. Her face softens and I watch as tears begin to pour down her ivory cheeks.

"Remy dumped me." She chokes, wiping her face and covering her mouth. My anger-powered adrenaline won't let me sympathize for her and the words tumble out of my mouth before I even register what I'm saying.

"Oh, so as soon as that dipshit Cajun boy leaves you, you come running back to me after you told me, to my face, that you didn't want me around or 'in your business'? What a load of bullshit Marie. Don't come back crawling to me with that fucking lame excuse."

There's a silence so quiet, I swear to God I could hear the molecules around us moving. Then her sobs grow louder and her whole body starts to shake from her bawling.

It's then I realize how cruel my words were. My expression changes instantaneously from rage to a sympathetic horror.

"Oh shit, Marie, I'm so sorry…" I say, reaching out towards her.

"Don't touch me!" She cries out, snatching her arm away from my outstretched hand. She's slowly backing away, her face in the most depressed, shocked expression I have ever seen. "You bastard!" She half whispers, half moans.

"No, Marie, stop, that's not what I meant…" I continue to reach for her and then wrap my large calloused hands around her thin wrist. I bring her close to me, so that we're inches away.

"Fuck you!" She screams, jerking her wrist away from me. But I have a stronger grip, and I hold on to her tightly.

"I'm sorry for what I said!" I take her other wrist and make her face me fully. "You don't understand what I'm going through here, kid." I say huskily to her.

"You have no fucking idea what I'm going through, you insensitive bastard! Let me go!" She squirms, jerks, and even kicks me once, but its nothing. I feel nothing. I'm absolutely numb from all of this. I just want this to stop.

"I'm leaving, Marie, because I care about you." I say in a low voice, trying to calm her down. "You looked so happy with that Remy guy and it didn't seem like you needed me around. I didn't want to fuck up your life even more than it already is."

"If you cared about me, you wouldn't be leaving." She sniffs, and then continues. "Now Remy's gone…" She murmurs, halting her movement. "And now there's no one left. No one left who cares." Marie looks up at me and my insides melt.

"That's not true." I retort, loosening my grip on her arms. "There are lots of people who care about you. Who love you." She stares at me for a few moments then breaks her eye contact to stare at the ground.

She then slides her arms around my shoulders and neck, holding me tightly and closely. I cautiously and warily slip my arms around her middle.

"Please, Logan. I'm begging you. Don't go." She whispers in my ear, her lips brushing against my skin. It takes all my control to not shiver.

"I can't. You have to let go." I whisper back to her, not talking about the arms wrapped around my neck, but of our internal connection. She can't be this close to me. It's not safe, it's not fair. "Let me go, Marie. Let us go."

"How can you ask me to do that? It would kill me. Don't ask me to forget everything that we had. Everything we have." She lowers herself but her arms were still around my shoulders. She stares at me, as if she's staring right into my adamantium-covered soul. I hate it, yet I can't get enough.

(Surrender) I never had the nerve to ask,

(Surrender) Has my moment come and passed?

I sigh heavily and close my eyes and try to think of something to say. Nothing comes to mind and I'm forced to open my eyes and look down at her. My mind is completely blank as I stare at her, looking over her features that make her Marie. I have no idea what my life would have been if I hadn't picked her up back in Canada. As soon as I made eye contact with those large brown eyes and that pure, innocent face, I couldn't just leave her there.

(Surrender) I never had the nerve to ask,

(Surrender) Has my moment come and passed?

"This isn't right. It never will be. Please Marie," Her eyes water again and her hands recoil back to her sides, yet I do nothing to comfort her. I'm being such a bastard, and hate it, but I have to.

"Logan, please, don't do this. If you walk out now, you're walking out forever." She says softly, voice quavering.

(Surrender) I never had the nerve to ask,

(Surrender) Has my moment come and passed?

"I'm sorry." Is all I say, and I turn around, slinging my duffel bag up onto my shoulder and opening the door. I hear her sobbing after me, muttering something about not leaving, but I ignore it. I have to.

I can't surrender to her. If I do, we're both doomed. There are so many things wrong with our picture, and there are so many people who'd object. I already know the Professor, Jean, Storm, and obviously Scott would protest. Many others would as well, and that's why I had to do this. I absolutely loathe myself for it, but it's for her and my own good.

As I continue my somber journey to my bike, I think I hear the front door opening. I glance over my shoulder a moment later, and to my surprise, I see Marie running full speed towards me. I have barely any time to react, so the only thing I can do to not hurt her, is to let her jump into my open arms.

But the next thing she does is the most shocking thing of all. Her full and luscious lips press fiercely against my own, the force sending me backwards slightly. I use one of my hands to hold onto her and the other to balance myself.

She pulls away quickly and stares at me, smiling. She's so close that I can see the different shades of brown in her brilliant eyes.

"I couldn't ever let you go, Logan. I love you." She says, eyes watering.

I'm speechless and still astonished by what had just happened. Marie… had just kissed me. Did that mean she felt the same way I did? It had to be. There was no other way to explain it.

But before I could utter another syllable, she forces herself against me, her body perfectly matched against mine. Both her hands are cupped around my face, holding me tightly against her lips, while I let one of my hands wander to her hips and the other to tangle in her hair. She shifts so that both of her legs around wrapped around my waist.

Before I knew it, we were stumbling up the front stairs, groping at each other. I couldn't get enough. Her scent was enveloping me and the feel of her silky-soft skin was ecstasy against my own rough skin.

We had somehow made our way into the main hallway and up the stairs without anyone seeing us, which was a miracle, but I had to freeze in my position when I caught a certain scent that was too familiar. I swiftly pull away from Marie and take a quick glance around. My room is all the way at the end of the hallway, but hers is just a few doors behind us.

"Logan, what're you d–"

I grab her without saying anything and drag Marie to her unlocked room, shoving her in and closing it behind her. There was a large window across the hall so I hurried over to sit on the ledge and stare out, and then quickly pulled out a cigar from my pocket.

Just a moment later, Scott rounds the corner humming quietly. I continue to stare out the window with the cigar propped in my hand and wait until he says something. He always says something.

"Logan, you know the Professor doesn't allow you to smoke in the school." He says pausing to frown at me.

I slowly turn my head from the window and glare at him. "It ain't lit, Cyke."

"Then what the hell are you doing up here?" He retorts angrily.

"Thinkin'." I reply.

"Think somewhere else then, Wolvie. This is the student's dormitory."

" Bite me, One-Eye." I say defiantly and turn my head again to stare out the window.

Scott takes a deep breath as if to say something, but only mutters something under his breath and stalks off. As soon as I lose his scent, I shove the cigar into my coat pocket and walk back to Rogue's door, opening it lightly.

She's sitting on her bed and whips around, looking bewildered. "What was that all about?" She asks.

"Cyke was pesterin' me, that's all." I say, locking the door behind me. I take a few steps into the room but don't sit on the bed beside Marie. Instead, my hands find their way into my jean pockets. "So," I begin, letting some air out between my lips. "Why all of a sudden, huh?"

"What do ya mean?" She asks, drawing her legs up into a crossed position on her bed.

"After Popsicle, the Cajun, why me? Was I your last resort?"

"What? No! No, of course not, Logan!" Her face changes to a shocked expression.

"Then why now, all of a sudden, when I was gonna leave? Why not weeks ago? Months?" My hands, in a desperate attempt to control my fidgeting, leave my pockets and cross in front of my chest.

She sighs and looks down at her hands, which are now clasped together in a knot. "You weren't my last resort, Logan. You're my first." She looks up and gives me a nervous smile. "Since the first time I saw you, I… I really liked you. I mean, sure," She shrugged. "You seemed gruff and anti-social, but to me… You were really… I don't know, nice, I guess."

I raise my eyebrow and lean against the wall. I stay silent and hope she goes on. I want to know everything.

"You took me in and stayed by my side wherever I went. You even promised to protect me. Tell me how that would make you my last resort." She offers me a warm smile and then gestures for me to come sit down beside her on her bed. I oblige and lay down to stare up at the ceiling.

She sighs, resting her head on my chest and begins to trace her finger in random swirls on my t-shirt covered stomach. "I tried dating other guys, y'know, like Bobby and Remy, but it was only to get my mind off you. I thought that if I fell in love with another guy, I'd move on." Marie snuggles closer towards me, her chest now pressing up against my side.

"But I never did. I wanted to push you away, to try and forget you, but the more I pushed, the more you filled my thoughts. You were always there, in the back of my mind." She gives a short chuckle. "And it doesn't help when I've got you inside my head, either." Marie then sits up and leans over me to stare into my eyes. "What about you?" She asks so innocently.

I shrug and glance down at her hand that's supporting her weight on my chest. "At first, when I saw you in that bar, I thought you were some crazy kid who wanted to get killed or raped. You were cute, but as I usually am, I made no move to do anythin', and left after the scuffle with Baldy." Marie raises her eyebrow but lets me continue.

"When I found ya in my trailer, I felt sorta… torn, I guess you could say. I mean, I never had anyone – and I mean anyone – close to me before, especially the likes of a girl your age. I guess that's why I wanted to seem harsh and angry, to maybe scare you off. I had no intentions of takin' you with me to wherever I was goin'." I give her a smirk and lightly touch her cheek with my finger.

"But you were persistent, and as I watched you just standing there, bag in hand, in my rearview mirror, I just couldn't leave you there. And I've been addicted ever since, darlin'." I smile and she smiles back, lying back down beside me, although this time, her face is much closer to mine. Her lips are barely touching my cheek.

There was a good few minutes before she said anything. The silence was really comfortable and I just found it so peaceful, lying there. I wish we had done this more often.

"Why didn't you ever ask?" She whispered, slipping her small hand into mine. I take it happily and give it a squeeze.

I frown. "What d'ya mean?"

"Y'know, about us. Why'd you never ask about me and how I felt? Why did you never… confess?"

I shrug and stare up into the white ceiling. "I thought you were happy with the other guys you were with. You sure seemed happy. I never wanted to spoil that for you. I wanted you to have a normal life. Or maybe 'cause I never had the nerve." I say.

"Me too, I guess." She answers. "I was scared you were gonna reject me." There's another long stretch of silence and once again, she breaks it. "So, you're alright with this? With us?" Marie sounds nervous so I turn over onto my side and stare her right in the eye while gripping her arms lightly.

"Of course I'm okay with this. I…" I had never really said the word before, nor felt what I was feeling now, so it was strange trying to say it. It felt as if I was speaking another language. "I love you, Marie."

"Me too, Logan."

(Surrender) I never had the nerve to ask.