A/N: This Chapter is a bit short, but the others will be longer. I left it off with a cliff hanger on purpose. If I get a positive response than I shall continue with it. WARNINGS: Trigger Warning for Self-Harm and Mental Illness.
It had been six months since the accident and Jeff seemed to be getting better physically. All of his fractured bones were healed and most of his scars were healed. But mentally, that was a whole other story. Recent nights Jeff found himself lying awake at night remembering the accident, the car accident that had killed his parents and his baby sister. Jeff laid down in bed that night, his head rested against the pillow, cheek pressed firmly against the soft fabric of his pillowcase and his comforter pulled up over body and held tightly against his chest. Jeff closed his eyes but after a few minutes of having his eyes closed there was a flashback of the moment another car had collided with theirs. Jeff could see it in his head and remember it like it was yesterday. His eyes shot open and the tears instantly flooded his eyes, rolling down his cheeks and dropping onto his pillow leaving small circular wet marks on his pillowcase.
Jeff sat up, pulling the covers off the top half of his body and resting them on top of his lap. He could feel the panic arise in his chest and his chest started to rise and fall rapidly as it became harder and harder for Jeff to breathe. The pain in his chest hadn't started right away, but it quickly came as Jeff found himself gasping for air as if someone had their hands wrapped tightly around his throat. But there was no one there, he was panicking. Jeff pulled the covers completely off his lap and sat with his knees up against his chest. His arms were wrapped tightly around his knees, hugging his knees and pulling them up to his chest closely. Jeff hid his face against his knees and let out a sob. He hated this, he hated the constant flashbacks and the constant nightmares. The constant reminders that his parents and sister were dead. He wanted it to stop but right now, there was no stopping it. His mind was racing with constant thoughts and pictures in his memory. The memory that as far as he knew would never fade. "Stop, please stop," he whispered to himself over his soft sobs. He just wanted to stop reliving that moment over and over again.
Jeff knew a way to make it stop, only temporarily but at least it was something. At this point he would take anything, even it if were to just stop for a few minutes. Jeff turned his body and reached into his pillow case. Just below his pillow was a book, he pulled the book out and placed it in front of him. Jeff opened up the book, going straight to the middle of the book where he would find what he needed. His slowly ran his fingertips over the page before picking up the object that laid in the middle of the binder. The shiny object danced at his fingertips, the silver metal seemed to have a slight glint in the moonlight that came through his window. The sharp edge seemed harmless as he eyed the razorblade at eye level, but when he pressed it against the skin of his forearm, harmless was hardly the case. Jeff dragged the sharp edge across his forearm, applying enough pressure to create a pretty deep cut. He didn't even wince at the pain, he had no reaction, he just stared at the razorblade as he dragged it along. Crimson beads instantly rose to the surface and blood ran down his arm and Jeff let out a sigh of relief. It hurt, but the pain helped him forget. Jeff had so many self inflicted scars down his forearm that he had trouble finding room to make the next self inflicted wound. He found another unbroken patch of skin, but that was soon to be destroyed. He placed the blade against his skin and did the same as he did before. And again and again until blood was dripped down his arm, a few drops falling onto his sheets.
Jeff quickly got up and quietly ran into the bathroom, he was careful to be quiet as his aunt was sleeping. He slowly closed the door behind him and locked it to be sure that no one would walk in on him. Jeff walked over to the sink and ran the water, making sure it wasn't too hot and wasn't too cold. The second he placed his arm under the water, the water in the sink instantly turned orange from his blood as he cleaned his arm. His arm felt fine until he had grabbed a wash cloth to used it to wipe off the dried up blood. Jeff bit down hard on his bottom lip and winced from the pain. His arm felt like it was burning and he was close to screaming out in pain. But he was able to hold back, until his arm was completely clean. Jeff carefully dried off his arm and pulled his sleeve down before opening the door and making his way back into his bedroom. He tiptoed across the hall and into his bedroom, closing the door behind him. Jeff was quick to place the blade back into it's home before shoving the book back under his pillow before climbing back into bed, pulling the covers back over him and pulling them up to his chest. He laid back, his head falling back onto his pillow but he didn't sleep. He knew that if he slept than the nightmares would come back.
The next morning Jeff's aunt had just finished making breakfast. It was a Saturday morning so she figured Jeff would still be sleeping. Once she had finished making breakfast she made her way out of the kitchen and up the stairs to wake Jeff up so he could have breakfast before it got cold. When she reached the door, she knocked softly. "Jeff honey..." she didn't wait before opening the door but what she saw shocked her.
Jeff was sitting on his bed, a babydoll held in his arms. He was rocking the babydoll and singing softly to it. Jeff's aunt wasn't sure what to make of the situation, usually boys did not play with dolls, and Jeff was not one to play with dolls. She slowly walked toward him and sat beside. "Jeff sweetheart, what are you doing?" She asked, looking over at her nephew who was still singing to the babydoll in his arms. "Shhh, Jessie is sleeping." Jeff said quietly. Jeff's aunt's eyes widened and her mouth dropped. "Jeff, Jessie is dead." She said quietly, although she didn't want to bring it up, she had to. She couldn't just lie to Jeff. "No she's not," Jeff replied as he continued to rock the babydoll. "She's right here, Mom asked me to take care of her, before she died."
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