Baby Talk
By Jenevieve
Summary: Written as a holiday gift for a friend who requested a little Jolie with a hint of maternal instinct. When Jessica has to leave town unexpectedly Natalie offers to watch Bree, opening her and John up to dreams that neither have been brave enough to voice aloud to the other.
Rating: PG for fluffy sappy goodness
Disclaimer: I sadly do not own any of the characters. They are all the wonderful creations of Agnes Nixon and the writers of One Life to Live, and I am only taking advantage of my love of the show to play with them for a little while.
Dedicated: To Manda (lj user scarsproach) – Merry Christmas, sweetie!!! I hope you enjoy the story. It's not quite what you were thinking but I hope it makes you happy just the same
Spoilers: The story was written around Christmas so it follows the basic current storyline of "One Life to Live" at the time, skipping ahead a few months following John's release from the hospital.
A/N: Lyrics used in this fan fiction are from "It's About You" by Train.
This ain't about the things you say
Or how you make me feel this way
Stand on your corner a thousand times
Lose what I got, keep what I find
It's about you
It's about you
And I could be
That everything you need
And I know this could be
That free fall back to me
-----
"We're here," Jessica's sing-song voice called as she poked her and Bree's head around the corner of the door.
"Hey guys, come on it," Natalie beamed rising from her spot on the couch and placing the book she'd been reading on the cushion behind her. "Hey Bree," she cooed, her face a brilliant smile.
"Can you say hi to Aunt Natalie?" Jessica's smile held her daughter's gaze as she shut the door behind them with her free hand. Bree just let out a gurgle of gibberish.
Natalie laughed. "Close enough."
"So I grabbed her a few changes of clothes and her winter stuff incase you want to take her out in the snow at all. I left her stroller and the portable crib downstairs with Roxie. Oh and this…" She turned so Natalie could help her take the large overstuffed duffle bag from her shoulder. "It's got all of her favorite toys, diapers, wipes, and a couple of different bottles and jars of baby food. We started giving her a little juice, OJ or apple juice, every now and then so if you guys have it and she sees it she may want some. There's a sippy cup in there for that."
"Jess," Natalie placed a staying hand on her sister's wrist but Jessica continued on.
"She just started teething so there's a bottle of cream to rub on her gums if she cries a lot but the pink teething ring in there usually does the trick. She can be particularly finicky when you put her down but she has a bear in there somewhere that sings and that usually helps; otherwise I'd read to her. There's also a bottle of baby Tylenol if she gets a fever and a contact list for me, Antonio, and Nash as well as all her doctors at the hospital, and…"
"Jess," Natalie gave her sister's arm a tighter squeeze forcing Jess's eyes up from the bag before her. "Everything will be fine I promise. Besides Michael's just down the hall, ok?"
"Ok?" Jessica's anxious eyes moved over her sister's face. "Ok," she finally smiled, letting out a heavy sigh. "I know you and John will be great, it's just…maybe I should leave her with Mom or Carlotta."
"And deny me the opportunity to spoil this ankle-biter rotten," Natalie crossed her eyes at Bree and the little girl squealed with laughter.
"Antonio should be back from New York tomorrow night. He said he'd call before he swung by to pick her up."
"Mommy is a worry-wart isn't she? Yes she is," Natalie sang at Bree whose huge eyes stared back with interest.
"Yeah well when you have a kid of your own you'll understand," Jessica shot back with a half-smile. Behind her the door opened and John came in, stroller in one hand and the folded up crib in the other.
"Roxie said these belong to us?"
"Yep," Natalie grinned at the confusion on his face. "Bree's staying with us for the night."
"Oh, ok." John blinked with a slight shrug. "Hi Jessica," he added with a smile walking passed the two girls and into the bedroom.
"Hey John," Jess smiled back before lowering her voice at Natalie. "He didn't know?"
"I forgot," Natalie shrugged.
"Are you sure he's ok with this? I mean I could talk to Grandpa…"
"Its fine, Jess, honestly, now you better get going if you're going to make your flight." Stepping forward she embraced her twin.
Jess stepped back still looking a little uncertain but the look on Natalie's face made her relax a little and she smiled back.
"Bring me something back from California and don't let Nash try anything," Natalie winked as Jess turned to leave.
"Uh Jess?" Natalie's voice stopped her halfway out the door.
"Yeah?" She turned to find her sister fighting to hold back a laugh.
"You planning on actually leaving Bree with us or just her stuff?"
Looking down in her arms, Jessica was surprised to see her daughter still tightly wedged in her arm.
"Oh, geez, I'm sorry," she reddened placing her daughter in Natalie's waiting arms.
"Your Mommy just can't bear to let you go," Natalie giggled letting Bree wrap a tight fist around her extended finger. "But she has nothing to worry about right? You're going to have so much fun with your Aunt Natalie and Uncle John, aren't you? Yep we'll have you running the pool table by the time your Daddy picks you up. Oh and maybe a little poker, and some good old Irish drinking songs. Can you say 'booze hound'? No, that's ok we'll work on it. I bet Roxie would love to give your hair a little tease, and maybe some acrylics. You'll be the prettiest baby this side of the Boardwalk."
A wave of panic washed over Jessica's face.
"I'm kidding," Natalie laughed. "Acrylics are too expensive anyway."
"I promise Roxie won't touch the kid," John's voice called from the adjoining bedroom, before coming into the room himself.
"Thank you," Jess smiled at John, before kissing Bree on the top of the head. "Don't worry, Daddy will pick you tomorrow, sweetie, but until then don't listen to a word Aunt Natalie tells you."
"Hey!"
Jessica let out a warm laugh before hugging her sister again. "Thanks again guys," and turning she left John and Natalie alone with Bree.
"So Mommy thinks I'll be a bad influence on you, well she has no idea does she?"
"Are we corrupting her immediately or do we have time for lunch first?" John moved around the couch so he could look at Natalie and Bree.
"What are you thinking, Rodi's?"
"Well Michael and Marcie called me on the way in to see if we wanted to join them."
"Perfect! Bree can spend some time with Tommy." Reaching down she pulled the duffle up on her shoulder as she held Bree on her hip.
"I can carry that," John offered as she watched Natalie struggle under the heavy cumbersome load.
"And ruin your tough guy rep with little pink ducks," Natalie smiled turning so John could view the baby pattern on the side. "I don't think so. How are you going to get your job back at the station if the guys see you toting one of these things around?"
John smiled slightly but she could see the dark cloud in his eyes. He'd been out of the hospital for a few weeks now but he still hadn't been cleared to start working again. A few more sessions of physical therapy and he'd be all set but in the meantime the waiting was driving him nuts.
"You can hold her while I get my coat," Natalie touched his hand.
He nodded and she handed him Bree. The little girl yawned and nestled against John's chest, her thumb stuck firmly in her mouth. One little fist gripped the fabric of his shirt tightly. John just looked down at her sidelong, shifting his hold on her until she closed her eyes content in her position. Natalie just watched the pair with a smile as she pulled on her winter coat.
-----
"Your brother is crazy!" Natalie grinned as John let them into his hotel room.
As she crossed the threshold Natalie let out a deep breath. Ever since Roxie had given back John his room in the hotel she found herself holding her breath every time she stepped inside. It was silly really, but a part of her still felt the fear and the pain she'd nearly drown in within the room's four walls when they had all thought John was dead. Coming back, even with John by her side, still shook her with the memory. At least he'd promised to find them a new place once he started working again, and she took comfort in the fact that soon the fear and pain would be nothing but a distant memory.
"Hey I've been saying that for years," John smiled back.
"How about you rag-a-muffin? You think Doctor Mike is crazy?" Natalie sat Bree on her lap as she began to peel off the little girl's coat. Bree just babbled and Natalie bounced her up and down a bit until she was laughing.
"Will you be ok if I play with her in here?" Natalie placed Bree on the floor with a few of her toys and moved over to John who was stooped over his desk putting together a pile of files.
"Yeah," he glanced up momentarily his gaze meeting hers than moving to Bree. "Just have a few cases to go over."
"Uncle Bo wants you back badly," Natalie reached up and squeezed his shoulder. "And you'll be there soon, John, really soon I know it."
For a moment John didn't move, his head bowed, but slowly he turned his head and smiled at her sidelong. "Thanks."
"Well we promise not to be too loud, don't we?" Natalie smiled scooping Bree back up into her arms and twirling her around. The little girl laughed and clapped her hands.
John just shook his head with a smile. As he arranged the pile of files on the bed and settled down, Natalie sat on the floor with Bree and began spreading her toys all out around them.
Two hours later John found his mind wandering. Reading case notes and going over crime scene photos and evidence forms was one thing, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get a real feel for the different cases. He needed to hold the evidence in his hands, walk the scene, talk to the witnesses; it was the only way to get a real idea. With a frustrated sigh he dropped the notepad he'd been scratching away on into his lap and let his eyes wander to Natalie and Bree in the room across from him.
Natalie was lying on her stomach on the floor building some sort of block monstrosity before Bree's amazed eyes. Higher and higher she added blocks each time giving Bree an excited look until finally the whole thing came crashing down on top of her red hair. Bree exploded with laughter and John couldn't help but smile as Natalie laughed, grabbed Bree, and rolled on to her back, bouncing the baby up and down on her stomach so it looked like Bree was dancing.
As he sat there watching the two of them laughing and smiling he found himself shaking his head in amazement. Natalie was unbelievable sometimes, and he found his mind wandering to images of a child of their own. A red-haired baby girl and a brown-haired boy clinging to Natalie, laughing with her, tackling her, their little fingers caught among the strands of her red hair. A strange warmth began to fill his chest as the visions played before his mind's eye and he found himself slipping deeper into the daydream.
Suddenly a sharp shrill cry broke him from the daydream and he blinked to find Bree howling in Natalie's arms.
"Shhh, it's ok, honey," Natalie cooed rubbing the back of Bree's head and bouncing her up and down in her arms. "I know that really hurt."
"What happened?" John was off the bed and in the room in two seconds flat.
"She bumped her head on the side of the table there," Natalie pointed to the coffee table off to the right. "Guess I should have pushed it farther away."
Bree just screamed louder, big wet tears running down her face.
"Bree, sweetie, it'll be ok," Natalie soothed but her eyes were worried. "Maybe we should call Michael or Marcie?" She looked fearfully up at John.
Without a word John moved over to the radio that sat on his desk and flipped it on. After a few seconds of tuning the soft smooth strands of jazz began to fill the apartment.
At first Bree screamed louder but slowly she calmed down.
"Good idea," Natalie mouthed at John before turning back to the sniffling baby in her arms. Wiping the tears off her cheeks she smiled warmly at Bree. "Wanna dance?"
Bree let out a strangled sniffle.
"Oh I'm not that bad I promise." And Natalie began to twirl around the room to the music with Bree in her arms. Before too long Bree was happily gurgling away.
"Guess music really does calm the savage beast or crying baby," Natalie smiled at John as she danced by. "Nice thinking, McBain."
"Eh!" Bree cried pointing at John. "Eh! Eh!"
"I think she wants you to dance," Natalie giggled.
"Oh no, not me," John put up his hands in protest.
"Eh!" Bree howled her face twisting up, threatening to cry.
"Oh come on, it won't kill you," Natalie rolled her eyes and took John's hand in hers. "Here, see you dance with the two of us." Around and around the room they spun, John reluctantly at first, but soon he was twirling and dipping the two girls together until they were all laughing at how ridiculous they looked.
The rest of the evening passed rather uneventfully. John ran out to pick up dinner for him and Natalie while she fed Bree and gave her a bath. A few short hours later Bree was fast asleep in her crib and John put down his last case for the night.
Shutting off the bedroom light he crawled under the cover beside Natalie who was already fast asleep, his arms encircling her waist. Natalie moaned slightly in her sleep, snuggling back against John's chest. Lowering his head to the pillow he buried his face in a sea of her hair and was instantly enveloped in the familiar scent of vanilla and jasmine. Maybe it had been his brush with death but sleeping with Natalie tucked tight in his arms had become something he looked forward to from the moment he awoke each morning. He breathed in her familiar, comforting scent and was surprised to notice something else there just beneath the surface. Something softer more vulnerable, the sweet subtle scent of baby powder. Breathing in deeply, John inhaled the new aroma that clung to Natalie's hair and skin, and his fingers splayed out slowly across the soft smooth skin of her stomach beneath the t-shirt she wore. He loved falling asleep in a cloud of her but this new mix of scents it was intoxicating, and as John drifted off into a sleep filled with dreams of children he realized this new smell, this woman in his arms, and the new warmth in his chest it was the essence of family he was drowning in.
-----
John slept solidly through the night, waking up for a few minutes here and there when Bree would cry, but Natalie just patted his arm and told him to go back to sleep. When he finally awoke for good he found the bed beside him empty. Sitting up his eyes fell on Natalie's sleeping form. She sat up right in an armchair they had moved into the room beside the crib the night before, Bree awake and cooing away in her arms, but Natalie was out cold. Smiling John, gently lifted Bree out of her arms, and pulled the comforter off the bed, draping it over Natalie's sleeping form.
"What do you say you and I go get some breakfast for Aunt Natalie?" John whispered to Bree, carrying her into the adjoining room.
When Natalie awoke the hotel room was quiet, and at first she stretched lazily, confused why she was sleeping in the armchair.
"Bree!" She leapt to her feet, fear gripping her. How long had she been asleep? Where was Bree? Her eyes moved frantically around the room, from the made bed to Bree's missing stroller and finally to the note taped to the door.
N-
Out grabbing some breakfast with Bree. Be back soon.
-J
"Oh thank God," she exhaled with a smile. "Well I guess I have time for a quick shower."
The hot water of the shower sent shivers up and down the bare skin of her back as the water began to warm her skin, and leaning back she let the water pour over her face and hair. Turning, she pressed her palms against the tiled wall beneath the shower head so the water poured over the muscles of her shoulders, back, and down her legs. She was surprisingly sore from all the dancing and bouncing and running around she'd done with Bree the day before. As the clouds of steam began to billow up around her, Natalie was surprised by how exhausted she was. How did Jess do it? Who knew babies could be such work?
"Never, not me," she exhaled heavily; pushing back and letting the water run down her chest.
And yet as the words left her mouth she found herself wanting nothing more than to take them back, and suddenly she remembered the momentary panic she had felt when she had woken to find Bree gone. Was that what it was like to have a child? A constant state of worrying? Images of her playing on the floor with Bree, of dancing around the room with her, of splashing in the bath tube, and rocking her in her arms to sleep flashed before her mind's eye. And suddenly she was floating in a haze of baby powder and laughter. The way Bree would snuggle beneath her chin, the way her little fists would cling to the folds of her shirt as if she were saying 'I trust you completely'; the way when she held the little girl against her chest, rubbing her back to try and get her to fall asleep, Bree's little hand had started rubbing the back of Natalie's shoulder. The beautiful, delicate, unconditional love of this little person…
"Natalie?" The sound of John's voice in the other room broke Natalie from her thoughts, and she hurriedly finished her shower. "I'll be out in a minute," she called as she pulled on the clothes she'd carried into the bathroom with her.
"Egg and bacon breakfast sandwich," John tossed a wrapped package at her as she entered the main room. Catching it with ease, Natalie began to unwrap it.
"Thanks," she smiled, sitting down on the floor beside Bree. "And what did you have this morning?"
"Carlotta made her some thing or other," John replied dropping down onto the couch next to her. "Looked pretty nasty to me but she loved it."
"Well hey you eat raviolis out of the can uncooked so you're one to talk about nasty food," Natalie teased and was surprised by the size of the grin he graced her with.
"So what's the plan for today?" He pulled a stuffed penguin from under his leg on the couch and handed it to Bree.
"Is it cold out?" Natalie munched away on her sandwich as Bree tossed the penguin back at John.
"Not too bad," he replied, retrieving the stuffed animal and giving it back to Bree. Bree laughed and threw it again.
"Kids got a future in the major leagues," Natalie giggled.
"Don't know, Antonio might push for the NFL," John smiled running a hand through his hair.
"Oh yeah, Jess will love that!" Natalie nearly choked on a mouthful. "Her little angel playing linebacker for the Eagles."
John just laughed as the penguin went flying over his head.
"How 'bout we stick with a walk through Angel Square and a little time at the playground?" Natalie purposed, reaching over and taking a long drink from the Styrofoam cup of coffee John left sitting on the table beside her.
"Sound good to me," he replied.
-----
The rest of the day flew by and by the time John, Natalie, and Bree got back to the hotel Antonio had called and was already on his way over.
"Well munchkin, looks like it's back to the Vegas with you," Natalie zipping up Bree's winter coat as John broke down the crib. "But you had a good time with us right?" She held Bree's little hands in hers running her thumbs over her brightly painted nails.
"Did you really need to paint her fingernails each a different color?" John asked as he carried the remainder of Bree's stuff over to the door.
"Don't forget her toenails too," Natalie grinned. "And yes. Roxie would be proud."
"Since when have you ever been a fan of Roxie's parenting methods?" He raised an eyebrow at her.
"Hey I'm not saying Roxie deserves parent of the year but occasionally she gets it right or at least as close to right as she can ever get, and a little color, a little flare never hurt anyone!"
John just shook his head. "I'm sorry Bree."
"Oh don't listen to cranky Uncle John," Natalie stuck her tongue out at John. "Now you're officially the most beautiful baby in the whole world; Even more beautiful than Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's daughter."
Bree just reached out a grabbed a chunk of Natalie's hair and gave it a pull.
"See payback for the nails," John grinned.
"Hey, anyone home?" Antonio popped his head around the door. "There's my angel!"
Bree let out a squeal of joy as Natalie scooped her up and handed her over to Antonio.
"How was she?" Antonio beamed at Bree.
"She was great," Natalie smiled as she straightened out the hood on Bree's jacket. "Perfect."
"That's my good girl." Antonio kissed her on the top of the head. "I've missed you so much."
"Well if you ever need a babysitter again…" Natalie started.
"John, did you get a chance to look at those cases I sent over," Antonio interrupted seeing a pile of folders by the couch.
"Yeah." John replied noting the hurt look on Natalie's face.
"Good, 'cause man I know I could really use your help. This arson investigation we're working with New York, it's rough one."
"Well John should be signed off soon," Natalie added trying to be helpful.
"Good good," Antonio nodded. "Well we better get going. I still have to pick Jamie up from Mommy's. Thanks again guys."
"Any time," Natalie nodded.
"I'll help you carry that stuff down," John offered pulling on his coat.
"Thanks, man," Antonio smiled, shouldering Bree's duffle.
"Hey Antonio, when you talk to Jess ask her to call me," Natalie called after him. "Just want to know how the investment meeting goes for you guys and Nash. I think it's really great he's keeping you guys included in his vineyard."
"Well it is our money that's backing its building," Antonio replied matter-of-factly, "So I would expect that he would, but yeah I'll have her call you."
"Bye Bree," Natale waved as John closed the door behind them.
For a moment Natalie stood frozen in place staring at the closed door before sliding silently to the couch. She suddenly felt empty, hollow, and she had no idea why. It wasn't until she felt something wet on her hands which she had folded in her lap that she even realized she was crying.
"Hey," John's voice broke through the cloud of silence she had slipped into and she raised her eyes to find him stooped beside her. "What wrong?" He pressed gently, a hand on her shoulder.
"I don't know," Natalie shook her head, wiping violently at her face. She was suddenly embarrassed and pushed up off the couch and passed him roughly.
"It must be something. It wasn't the way Antonio was acting? Because I'm sure he's just tired after traveling so much this weekend…"
"It's not Antonio," Natalie interrupted him, her voice soft but strong. She folded her arms across her chest and walked into the bedroom.
John followed her. "Come on, Natalie, don't do this. Talk to me."
"I don't know why, ok!" Natalie snapped at him dropping heavily onto the bed. "It's just…I want…I don't know."
John's arm was around her waist and she found him pulling her against his shoulder. "Ok."
"Ok?" She turned and looked up at him.
"Ok," he replied. "You don't know. That's ok."
She blinked at him for a moment before settling her head in the crook of his neck. They sat in silence like that for several minutes.
"John?" Natalie's voice was soft.
"Yeah." She could hear his voice reverberate against the side of her head.
"Have you ever thought about having kids?" She bit her lower lip nervously waiting for him to answer.
"Uh, I don't really know how to answer that," he stammered. "Have you?"
"Before yesterday, not really," Natalie sighed. "Being raised by Roxie, I think pretty much killed any maternal instinct I ever had."
"But you were great with Bree," John moved back from her so she was forced to look up at him.
"Babysitting is one thing, I can do that. Having a kid is completely different."
"So you never thought about it?" John's eyebrows furrowed.
"Once or twice when I first married Cristian, and then after I thought you were dead I thought about a lot of things that would never be for us," she blushed slightly and turned her eyes towards her hands in her lap. "I don't know. Never thought I'd be any good at it, or find someone who I'd feel safe enough with." She glanced back up at him. "How about you? You ever talk about it with Caitlin?"
John sighed, running a nervous hand through his hair. "Caitlin was a school teacher, kids were sort of a given but we never did talk about it and honestly I never really thought that far ahead. As a whole I'm not a big fan of kids. Guess I'm not really comfortable with them. Don't really know how to deal with them."
"You're good with Tommy, and you were great with Bree, figuring out how to get her to stop crying." Natalie shot back.
"I guess…"
"So never?" Disappointment slid across Natalie face.
"I've thought about it," John finally admitted, glancing at her shyly. "I've thought about kids with you, yeah."
"With me, really?" Natalie stared back at him with genuine surprise.
"Yeah," he reached out and tucked a stray piece of hair back behind her ear. "I've thought about it a lot lately."
"What do we have?" Natalie smiled, leaning back so she could watch John's face more clearly.
"A boy and a girl," John replied, his face a bright shade of red.
"Sounds about right," Natalie nodded in agreement. "A princess for me and a future quarterback for you."
"I was thinking more of two little pool sharks," John grinned.
"I like that," Natalie smiled back, absentmindedly twirling her engagement ring around her finger. John had officially given it to her on New Years Eve and they had already set a date for the next month; quick, simple, and informal, their sort of thing.
Suddenly her demeanor changed and she dropped her gaze back to her hands. "I lied before," she whispered.
"About what?" He reached forward with his right hand, turning her chin back up towards him.
"About not knowing what was wrong," she sighed, her eyes locked on his. "I miss Bree."
"I know," he smiled, his fingers still tucked under her chin. He rubbed the side of her cheek with his thumb. "I knew."
"I want a baby, John." There she said it. The big deep dark secret she'd been denying herself since she could remember. She said it out loud to the one person she felt the safest with. To the man she loved.
"Then I think we should get right on that," he grinned slyly back at her, as he leaned forward and kissed her long and deeply.
Fin.
© 2006
Ok well that's it…a bit cheesy and fluffy perhaps but I hope you enjoyed it just the same. Remember, all feedback is welcome of course! It's the only way I'll get any better so feel free to drop me a comment at divine. (Just be sure to say something about "fanfic" in the subject so I don't mistake it for spam!