Piece By Piece
A Josh & Maya Story
By Brown Eyes Parker
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Rate: T
.
Piece by piece he collected me up off the ground where you abandoned things
Piece by piece he filled the holes that you burned in me when I was 6-years-old
.
Dad,
It's been a long time since I've had contact with you, I know. But I'm engaged now and I thought you should know. Not because I want you to give me away or have a father-daughter dance with me. That honor is going to mom.
I just wanted to tell you a little bit about my fiancé. . . Joshua Matthews. Yes, his last name is Matthews. Josh is Cory's little brother. No, he's not old and gray and creepy. He's three years older than me. He jokingly calls himself a mid-life crisis baby.
He is nothing like you. . .
When I was younger, I worried I would fall in love with somebody just like you because I am my mother's daughter and girls like me usually gravitate towards what they know. Or maybe girls like me have a desire to reform men who remind us of the fathers who never stayed. I don't know. I'm not a physiatrist.
There were a couple of boys like that. They were the kind of guys I shouldn't have been pursuing in the first place. Riley's boyfriend Lucas. He wasn't like you. But he was the kind of person that I shouldn't have gone after. My best friend's first (and only) love. I knew he wouldn't actually think about me in THAT way and I didn't even like him like that, not really.
He chose Riley.
It hurt really good.
Because it was all the proof I needed. I was easy to walk away from! But that wasn't the truth. He didn't walk away from me because he didn't love me. He just loved somebody else more, he loved us differently.
That was the first time he picked up the pieces.
Josh. . .
.
"You okay?" Josh asked, sitting down next to her and they both watched Riley and Lucas go off to get hot chocolate or something.
Maya sighed. "Maybe. I don't know. . ."
"It isn't because he didn't love you," Josh told her. "I think he did just not in the same way he likes Riley."
"I think I've been looking for proof," Maya admitted.
"Proof?" Josh repeated, frowning and taking her chin in his hand so he could force her to look at him. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm looking for proof that I'm the kind of person who's easy to walk away from. Like my father. . ."
"Yeah, well your father was an idiot!" Josh told her, holding onto her firmly and shaking his head. "You know you weren't the problem Maya. He was selfish. He didn't know how to love you or Katy."
"But he got another family," Maya answered. "He didn't come back when he finally was able to be the kind of father and husband he was supposed to be from the start. What does that say?"
"He took the coward's way out," Josh said. "It's easy to get a new family. It's harder to go back to the one you abandoned. Lucas is not your father. I am not your father. Don't hold either of us to such low expectations. It isn't fair of you Maya."
"It's all I know."
"No it isn't! You have so many people in your life who haven't left you."
"You left," Maya pointed out.
"I broke both my legs!" Josh answered. "It kind of wasn't my fault that I was MIA for so long. Putting me aside, you still have your mother and she isn't going anywhere. You will always have Riley, no matter what. And her family too. I'm even pretty sure that Farkle and Lucas won't be going anywhere either."
"And you? What about you?" Maya asked.
"I'm going to be here too. For as long as you'll let me stay," Josh replied. "The only way you'll get rid of me is if you push, fight and scream."
"There might be some of that even if you stay," Maya told him.
"Okay then. Unless you tell me to get lost, I'll stay forever."
.
"Maya!" Josh called, barging through her apartment door. "Maya! Where are you!? It's been days since the last time we had coffee!"
"Go away Josh!" Maya called, her response a little muffled.
Her bedroom door opened and she let her hair fall in front of her face like a blonde curtain.
"There you are!" Josh said like they had been playing a game of hide & seek. "What's going on Maya?"
"Nothing," Maya muttered, avoiding his eyes because he could see straight through her.
Josh sat down next to her on her bed, invading her personal space. She flinched, hoping it wasn't visible. "What's going on?" he asked.
"Nothing," Maya lied.
Josh pushed her hair out of her face and she flinched as his fingers brushed her bruised cheek. "Maya?"
"It's nothing Josh."
But her words sounded flat and unconvincing even to her own ears.
"He did it, didn't he?"
"It doesn't matter. We're over," Maya said flatly.
Josh was looking at her in shock but he pulled himself together quickly and pressed a kiss against her purple and blue cheek. "How'd it happen?"
"I don't even know," Maya replied, sighing. "I think he was jealous of you."
"Jealous of me?" Josh repeated. "What?"
"It was stupid."
"No it wasn't! There's no reason for you to be in that sort of relationship!" Josh told her. "I don't need to tell you that."
"I know that!" Maya said defensively. "No matter how bad my father was, he never hit me or my mother. . ."
"Wait. This still goes back to your father?" Josh asked, frowning. "Maya, this has got to stop!"
"What's got to stop Josh!?" Maya demanded. "WHAT!?"
"Accepting the love you think you deserve," Josh replied.
Maya wrenched herself from his grasp and went over to the window, staring out at the gathering storm. "I don't accept the love I think I deserve."
Josh sighed wearily and she could tell he was fighting the urge not to bring up any of the examples in her dating life thus far. He wasn't like that. All he did was pick up the pieces after everything went wrong.
"Stop!" Josh said, getting up and going over to her. "Just stop!"
"Stop what exactly?"
"You can't change them," Josh answered. "You can't force them to stay and you don't deserve to be in that kind of relationship."
"Maybe I do."
Josh shook his head. "Really? You're taking that road!? Men leaving aren't all you've known, Maya! We've already been through this. I'm getting sick of it!"
"Nobody's asking you to stick around!" Maya retorted.
"Oh, you'd love it if I walked away, wouldn't you?" Josh asked angrily. "You'd be able to add me to that long list of men who've disappointed you."
"Don't be like that!" Maya protested.
Josh sighed, rubbed the back of his neck. It was one of his nervous habits, something he did especially when she was around him and she hated it. But it would be just nitpicking if she called him out on it and he was already upset enough as it was.
"I'm not going anywhere!" He announced after a pregnant pause. "But I'm done watching you try and makeover guys who clearly aren't good enough for you. I love you too much for that!"
Maya's heart stopped. "You love me!?"
"Yes."
"How?"
"Ask me again later," Josh answered, kissing her on the forehead. "Do you mind if I stay with you?"
"You're asking?"
"I told you, I'd only stay if you wanted me to."
.
I wanted him to stay.
He didn't leave after that. Ever. It doesn't sound like you think. Besides, I'm sure no father. . . no matter how absent he is wants to hear about his daughter's "sex life".
(Let me assure you, we don't have one. I know you're wondering because I brought it up. So, I'll clear it up. We're roommates, yes. We're engaged, yes. But we're waiting. Guys like that still exist! But I digress. . .)
Dad. Do you remember that night the thunder shook the apartment? I was five and I thought the lighting was so bright, I thought the world was on fire. I'm all under my covers crying and you came flying into the room and peeked under the covers. . .
.
"Maya?" Josh whispered as he came into her room and knelt down beside her bed. "Are you okay under there?"
"No!" Maya replied, her voice obscured by the blankets she was cowering under. "I hate thunderstorms. Go away Josh! I don't want you to see me like this!"
"Too late," Josh answered, pulling her covers back without fanfare and slipping into bed beside her.
She turned and curled up into him. On instinct, he put his arms around her and pulled her closer to his chest. She could hear his heart beating in her ear, calmer and steadier than the storm raging outside her window.
"Are we going to pretend the lighting is the Northern Lights and we're mining for gold in Alaska?" Maya asked. "My mom used to do that with me when I was a kid and afraid of the thunder and lightning."
"We're mining for gold in Alaska," Josh said, pressing a kiss onto her hair.
Maya breathed in deeply and then exhaled. "Tell me something nice, Josh. Please."
"I love you."
.
The storm wasn't so bad with him in bed with me. It was different than mom. But a good kind of different. He was there. How many guys in their twenties would climb into bed with a girl who was in her twenties? We are supposed to be past being scared of storms and face them like troopers. Riley and Lucas are married and have three-year-old twins. They face scary weather like the grownups they are, turning the thunder and lightning into a game. Telling them that the angels are having a party in Heaven.
And maybe one day that will be me and Josh. Helping our own kids face their fears while we paint pretty pictures for them with our words.
He's going to be a great dad one day. He's already a wonderful uncle and a fantastic great-uncle, which is a weird label for somebody his age. But he embraces it with the same sort of love and pride that his brother Eric does.
Would you do that? Or are you the kind of person who's going to complain because you're too young to be called grandpa? Are you even going to be here when I have my first child?
I don't know why I'm asking. Because you haven't been here. Maybe that's my fault for not forgiving you. But you never came back either and as my father and a grown up (at the time), you SHOULD have come back! You SHOULD have kept trying. Maybe, just maybe, we would have worked out.
I don't blame you. One time I went to the Presbyterian church down the street from our apartment and the pastor said eventually we have to take responsibility for our actions. We can't blame our parents when we grow up. So, I'm not putting all the blame on you. I'm shouldering some of it because I'm grown up and I could have reached out to you. I could have forgiven you but I didn't.
But I'm not good at saying the things I'm supposed to say. It took me forever to tell Josh that I loved him. He kept saying over and over again and he didn't question or push me when I didn't say "I love you too!" to his "I love you".
If you're worrying about that I eventually said it. It just took me a while. If you're worried I'm blaming you for my inability to say something that comes so naturally to other people, I'm not.
It was all me because once upon a time ago, I'd been able to tell people exactly how I felt about them. I even snuck into a college party to tell Josh that I liked him. I think being unable to express how I felt came when Riley thought I'd put my feelings for Lucas aside. How stupid is that? I could have really used you back then to help sort me out. If I'd bothered to bother you with my boy trouble.
Mom says when it came to Josh and the "L" word, I was like you. It took you forever to say I love you to her. Was it special and magical when it happened? Mine wasn't. . .
Except maybe it was because it was the two of us and it was right.
.
"I love you."
They were feeding stale bread to the ducks at the pond in Central Park when she said it.
Josh smiled. "I know."
"You know!?" Maya repeated. "But I haven't said it to you!"
"I'm still here, aren't I?" Josh asked. "Besides, you were always in it for the long game. Right? You never retracted it even when you liked those other guys. Besides, I wouldn't stick around if this wasn't love."
"You're lying."
"About what?"
"Not staying around if I didn't love you."
"No. But I'd always hope this was love," Josh answered.
Maya tossed the remaining Wonder Bread at the ducks and looked at him. "Josh. . ."
"Yes?"
"I was wondering if you were ever going to kiss me?"
"Oh. Is that all!?" Josh asked.
"I've been waiting a while," Maya admitted.
"Well then, who am I to keep you waiting?"
.
It was the most perfect first kiss I'd ever had, dad.
Achingly sweet and beautiful. I felt it shoot down my spine and into my toes. It was the kind of kiss you only get to see in movies while you think "Wow, I'm never going to be that lucky!" or the age old adage, life isn't like the movies.
But sometimes there are exceptions to the rules. And funnily enough, I am an exception!
I don't know why I'm telling you all of this. Maybe to show you that I'm not the kind of person I expected I would be.
You can do what you want with this.
Come and see me or not come and see me. I don't expect anything from you. But I would like you to know that I forgive you. After all of these years, I forgive you.
I am finally whole again.
Maya
.
Piece by piece he restored my faith that a man could be kind
and a man could be great. . .
.
Author's Note:
I don't know what this is exactly. It was inspired by Kelly's performance on Idol last Thursday night more or less and a conversation with my pal, boymeetsgmw. I hope you enjoyed this and that you will tell me what you think. I'll be back with another one-shot next Friday.
Until Next Time!
Lots of Love,
Holly, 3/4/2016