10 seconds

Dean's asleep, we've spent the last three days locked in a motel room.

I made sure my body was impressed on his immortal soul. And in turn I know I'm never going to take a breath without feeling, tasting him on me.

9 seconds

I stare at him for a long moment, I can actually feel the seconds fading away.

I told him I'd do anything for him, I meant it. I think he thought I meant books and studying, granted I let him think it. I wanted these last few months to be in peace.

If I told him the truth it wouldn't have been.

8 seconds

I love him, which makes this hurt so much. I don't want to be apart from him, I did it once and hated every second of it. And now that we've finally given in, finally accepted that we were lovers as well as brother, I know being part is going to be worse then before.

7 seconds

I rest my naked body next to his. He's body's moving up and down with each breath, I lay my body across his back and snuggle into his neck, I press a light kiss to it. I taste sweat, and the musky sweetness that seems to seep from him. I'm suddenly fighting the desire to wake him with a kiss and use our last few seconds together well.

6 seconds

He mumbles my name and I drape a leg over his. I know he loves it, he's never admited it but I know he loves when I put my body over his. I know I love it when he does it to me. It makes me feel so protected, like nothing could break through the armor that is him. Yet at the same time it makes me giddy, the feeling of his body flush against mine. I know that's the real reason he does it.

5 seconds

I take a moment to remember our life together. It was full of so much shit, so much useless arguing, so much pointless fighting. It makes me want to scream, we spent to long apart. I'll regret to the end of the world that I left him for any amount of time. I regret that we didn't embrace our deepest desires as soon as we felt them. I'm suddenly filled with so much anger over all the time we wasted.

4 seconds

I kiss him again, another to the neck then to a bare shoulder. I love the feeling of our skin together. I can't believe it's almost over. I can't believe we're at this point. We're suppose to live and love together, we're the Winchester brothers, we're never suppose to be apart.

3 seconds

I lift myself off him then slowly move off the bed. I stand staring, how are we suppose to say goodbye? We tired to say goodbye with our bodies, but we never got around to say goodbye with words. Neither of us think it's possible. So we just didn't.

I move to the bathroom, I said I would save him. I told him that I owe him more then he owes me, he's been saving me all my life. It's my turn.

2 seconds

I pick of his favorite gun on the way to the bathroom and close the door behind me. I can still see all the evidence of our activities, it brings a sad smile to my face.

I lift the gun and look at my reflections and it's in the mirror. I give myself a silent salute.

Here's to life without Dean.

1 Second

I press the gun to my head. I take a deep breath, I can smell, taste him in the air, in my mouth. I hope that follows me to hell. I hope that while they torture and change me, with each gasp I take, that his taste always stays with me.

I smirk, it's a part of Dean, of course it's with me.

"Sammy?"

I know he knows what I'm doing, so I do it quickly. Pull the trigger and end my life with his taste in my mouth, my body still red from his,my ears still ringing with his voice.

"Dean,"

And then it's over. I saved him.