Jennifer Ever: No Need for Reality!
By Zero
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5:00 Friday! I'd been waiting all week for it...too bad it was all snowy and crappy out. That means I can't go up to Ft. Collins...dammit. But still, it was the *weekend*! I was down the elevator and out the door in no time. I opened the driver's side door, put the key in...
*whrr...chkchkchk...* -nothing-
"Damn." I tried again, remembering the choke this time...my car fired right up! "Good Ava! Just for that, I'm puttin' gas in you tomorrow!" I must be glad to go. I'm talking to my car. I grabbed the snowbrush and started the painstakingly annoying task of clearing off my car. She is *not* compact, a 1975 Chevy Malibu hooptee.
"mrreow?"
Huh?
I took a look around, but couldn't quite place that sound. So, I just shrugged it off, hopped in the car, stuck my hands over the defroster...aaahhh...and after me and the car were warmed up, I took off. I had to park in the back of the building that day, so I was going at least a good twenty miles an hour by the time I got near the driveway...and the biggest rabbit I have *ever* seen darted out in front of my car!"Jeezus Christ!!" I slammed on the brakes...it was icy out, so I ended up spinning my car and sliding sideways into a curb. I heard something pop, so I got out to check my tire...and whether I ran that damn rabbit over.
"Meeow?" I looked down...my tire was ok...the rabbit was ok...wait a second...that's not quite a rabbit. Ohh CRAP. It hopped over to me and tried to grab my leg! I screamed and jumped back, but it just sat there, meowing at me. It hopped over to the median in the parking lot, and I saw a little girl huddled under a tree. Ok, this is too strange...poor thing, she must be freezing!
"Hello..." The girl's voice was weak. Her hands were bright red from frostbite. I took off my coat and held it out to her, and she took it...she was so short that it dragged on the ground.
"Hi. Are you lost?" I couldn't think of anything else to say.
"Yeah. I was at ... home, and then, well...I don't know how I got here." She stuck her head down inside the coat. I pulled the hood over her head...god, her hair is so *blue*! I wish mine woulda came out like that when I dyed it! I looked down and saw that big rabbit-thing laying down on her feet.
"Well, you can't stay out here! Listen, I can take you home and you can call for a ride. My mom and her boyfriend are out of town, my brother's at a friend's...so nobody will mind." I started walking toward my car, I was a little paranoid because it was still running.
"Thanks!" Sure enough, she followed me!
"Does that rabbit have a problem with cars?", I asked.
She just giggled. "Ryo-Ohki? No, he'll be fine!" She didn't say...Ryo-Ohki...did she? Maybe she just thinks he *looks* like Ryo-Ohki.
"So...what's your name, anyway? I wouldn't want to talk to a stranger!" I thought I would have to help her with that big, heavy door...but she finally got it.
"Sasami." No!! Well, that does it, reality is now destroyed.
"Sasami...I'm Jennifer...hey, put your seat belt on. It's slick out here, and I still haven't gotten snow tires."
"All right." She snapped the seat belt on, I could tell that it was uncomfortable for her. But that was the least of my worries. The poor girl must have been freezing her ass off! Ok, her clothes are soaked, she needs new ones...she needs a shower, food, something to do until she gets a ride, dammit! I kinda wanted to go out tonight, too! Oh, well, maybe I'll just get some movies or something...poor kid! The whole time, she was looking out the window, looking worried. I have a feeling she's never seen anything like this! Never seen snow, I know she wasn't dressed for it...If I were her, I'd be freaking out right now! Bawling my eyes out and everything!
"So...what kind of music do you like? I can change the radio if you want..." I was trying to make conversation...she seemed so quiet.
"Doesn't matter."
"Ok...I'll leave it. I like this song."
"Ok."
"Do you know who you're gonna call for a ride?"
"I...don't know. Either my sister, or Mihoshi," she said.
"Ok, so you do have someone lined up? I know you don't wanna stay here too long..." I gave her a little laugh, wishing I didn't have to stay here too long either. Just to make things worse, all I could see on the highway I wanted was a sea of red brake lights. I settled in for an uncomfortable silence and a very long traffic jam. The snow just kept coming down, harder and harder the closer we got to home.
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"Welcome to my humble home. It's a mess." I opened the door and showed her inside.
"Well...thanks." She stepped inside, giving my parrot a cautious glance. Ryo-Ohki timidly slinked inside, his ears pressed flat to his head.
"Ok, first order of business, you need some warmer clothes!" I took another look at the thin dress she was wearing, then tried to remember what I had in her size. "I need some clothes too, this suit is starting to get on my nerves...come on back." I walked her to my bedroom, the biggest room in the house. She must be tripping out! I could see how she looked at all my posters...she liked the Pokemon one, I guess she recognized it. The rest of them...she was clueless. I grabbed her a big, boxy grey sweatshirt (the one I was planning on wearing until she came over), and my smallest pair of jeans. I warned her that they would be a little big, but she didn't seem to mind.
"Where can I go to change?"
"Just use the bathroom. Right out this door, down the hall, first door on the left."
"Thanks, Miss Jennifer." I like this kid!
I grabbed my black jeans and my ZERO shirt, threw them on, and waited for Sasami. She came back in, fidgeting with the jeans because they were way too big.
"Not too bad?"
"No," she said, "Just…big!" She giggled a little.
"So…you still need to call your ride…that'll probably be long distance…so I have a calling card that you can use. Just dial this number," I said, pointing to the back of the card, "then dial this number," I explained, pointing to an access code, "then the number you want to call, and you'll be good to go."
"Ok…thanks…" She took the phone and the card, and started dialing. After a few seconds, she hung up, almost in a panic. "Nobody's home!! Oh, I hope I can get ahold of Miho's radio, otherwise I might be stuck!" She nervously dialed again, nearly in tears. "Come on, pick up," she whispered. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I don't want to have to stay too long… -- Oh! -- Hello!" I knew it would be ok when I saw that great big smile!
I could only hear bits and pieces of her conversation. "How did you get the radio? – Oh. – Where are you? … You thought I was on Jurai! But Ryo-Ohki can't fly, remember? … I'm at…some girl's house. Jennifer. She gave me a ride, and some dry clothes. … 'Cause it's snowing." I listened to her explain for a little while, and then she held the phone out to me. "Tenchi wants to talk!" Oh, this is gonna be too good!
+++
"Hello? This is Jennifer…"
"Hello, this is Tenchi Masaki. I take care of Sasami…kinda…"
"Well, she's doing just fine. Does she have a ride home?" Maybe that was a little direct, I don't want to sound like I'm trying to get rid of her!
"Yes…tomorrow morning. It'll be me…" Sweet. "…and Ryoko and Ayeka…" Ok… "And Washu, and Mihoshi." I hope I don't have to feed 'em all! "We thought she took off for Jurai! Well…where are you?"
"In Aurora, Colorado…kinda by Denver."
"On…Earth, right?" Ohh man…
"Yep, North America…on the east side of those big, obnoxious mountains…" God, I suck at directions. "Hey, I know, is there any way to track me, like something in my computer?"
After about half an hour of planning and arguing, talking to Tenchi, Washu, and Ayeka, we finally figured out to track the IP address in my computer. I learned that she doesn't have a bedtime, because she's a princess, that Ryo-Ohki is a Cabbit and he eats carrots, and that none of them know how to pilot a spaceship in the snow. Well, this should be interesting.
+++
"Well…Sasami…you look bored outta your skull…is there anything you want to do, watch TV, play video games…I think I have some coloring books…"
"Can I color?"
Oh, crap, she called my bluff…I hope I still have those coloring books.
I just gave her a warm smile. "Sure, let me look for those books." I went back to my room and searched through my drawers. Out in the living room, I heard Ryo-Ohki meowing. I finally dug out my coloring books and grabbed a handful of crayons. Score one for Zero!"Ok, I've got Barbie, Looney Tunes, and Lisa Frank…and here's all the crayons I could find." I set her up at the kitchen table. She flipped through each of the books, looking a little confused at the Looney Tunes, and grabbed the Barbie book. I went to the living room and turned on the stereo, hoping she wouldn't mind. She seemed nervous…but then again, I was nervous too. And I was hungry…now what would Mom do in a situation like this? Call Pizza. I grabbed the phone and dialed up Pudge Bros..
"Pudge, this is Chris."
"Hey, I'd like to place an order…" I went into the hallway.
"Can I start with your phone number?" He checked my number and my address. By then, I was back in the bedroom. "Ok, now what would you like?"
"A large pizza, double-extra-cheese."
"Any wings or salad?"
"How about…a half-order of wings, please." Maybe I should have gotten a full order. I wonder if Sasami likes hot wings…I wonder if she's ever heard of hot wings!
I finished the order and went back out to the kitchen. She was absorbed in her coloring book, coloring a Barbie with pink hair and a Ken with black hair and Tenchi's war makeup. I couldn't help smiling. "All right, Sasami. Dinner's on the way."
"Oh, I can cook if you want, Miss Jennifer." She didn't just say… hehehe…
"Don't worry about it. You're a guest in my house, just relax. There should be a hockey game on later tonight, and I've got movies, cartoons, video games, a hot bath, anything you want." I sat down and grabbed the Lisa Frank coloring book to keep my mind off how hungry I'd gotten. "So…how *did* you get here, anyway?" I looked over to Sasami, and she let out a little sigh.
"Well, one of the people I live with, Miss Washu, has a lab in our house. I went back there to find her, but she wasn't there, and the door locked behind me. I tried to get out, see which button was the lock…but I guess I pushed the wrong button, and then I ended up out in space, just flying there. I had this little bracelet on," she says, holding out her hand to show me a little band around her wrist that was full of semiconductors and wires, "so I pushed the button on the top, and then I fell. It didn't hurt when I landed, it was just cold! I was out there for about an hour…" her voice trails off, and she shows me the coloring book with a little smile. "See this girl? I colored her like Washu, she has pink hair."
"Are you gonna make a Sasami?" I pushed the book back toward her. "That one on the next page, she would look cute with blue hair." Hey, that Ken doll… "Who's the other boy? What's that under his eyes?" Even as I was asking, I saw her get all kinds of little stars in her eyes.
"That's *Tenchi*!," she squeaked, "we all live at Tenchi's house. He's so … cool! My sister has a crush on him. And so does Ryoko. And don't tell anybody, but so does Washu, I think. Do you think he's cute?"
Nice guess, Princess Obvious.
"Well, I can't say that…I already have a boyfriend.""Meow?" Is that one of my cats?
"Ryo-Ohki's hungry."
"Ok, let me see what I have." I opened the fridge, crossed my fingers, went down to the veggie rack, and found…carrots! I grabbed the whole bag, spread them out on a paper plate, set the plate on the table, and smiled. "Ok, Sasami, he can come up and eat the carrots…I don't wanna pick him up because he doesn't know me."
"She's a girl. And she says thank you!" She picked up the cabbit and set him on the table. Ryo-Ohki munched down on the carrots. It was so cute! I tried so hard not to laugh. We spent the next half-hour coloring and making whatever small talk we could think of. I showed her all my pets, she told me about how much of a bubblehead Mihoshi was, I told her what we were having for dinner (and substantially confused her), and she told me all about life in the Masaki household.
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*Knocknocknock*
"Dinner's here!"
"Yay!"
I got the pizza and brought it in. I tried my best not to make it look too ghetto, even though I did use paper plates and paper towels. I got two cokes from the fridge, a bowl of water for Ryo-Ohki, and served dinner.
"Thank you, Miss Jennifer."
"You're welcome. Want some hot wings?" The moment of truth…Eehehehe…
"Hot wings…I'll try one." She reached over and grabbed one, dropped it on her plate, and shook her hand off because the sauce was still hot. She's so cute! She tried her hardest, I could tell, not to make a face when she ate the wing. She didn't like it…Sweet, more for me. Between the two of us, we went through the whole pizza. She loved it! I scarfed all the hot wings. By then, I had killed the stereo and put on the Avalanche game. I sent her out to watch while I cleaned up dinner, then plopped down in an armchair. She was on the couch, taking up one little tiny corner.
"Go on, stretch out if you want." She just looked at me like I was crazy.
"Ok…" She scooted over a little bit, then looked back to the TV. "What's going on?"
"Ok!" This is gonna be like explaining *hockey* to an *alien princess*…whoo. "See the guys in red? Those guys are the Colorado Avalanche. We want them to win. The guys in the green are the Dallas Stars. Now, what they're trying to do…that little black thing is the puck. The guys in red want to get the puck into that net," I said, pointing to the TV, "to score a goal. Every time they get a goal, they get a point."
"Oh. Shouldn't someone push that big green guy away from the net, then?"
Yeah, would be nice.
"They can't do that. The goalies, the big guys with the cool helmets in front of the nets, have to stay in that little box painted on the ice. That's why hockey is so hard.""Oh, ok…" She leaned forward, resting her chin on her hands. Surprisingly, she seemed a little interested in the game. She would ask what happened whenever there was a fight, or a power play, or when somebody got hurt. But by intermission, she seemed a little more distant. She was stretched out on the couch, looking out the window. Oh, man…
"Sasami…are you ok? Are you tired?"
"No, I'm not tired," she answered weakly, "I just…wanna go home. I miss Tenchi and Ayeka. What if they don't come?"
"Oh, they'll come. They know exactly where you are, and they're anxious to see you. They're worried about you! Tenchi said they all miss you…"
"Really?"
"Yeah! When we were on the phone. Ayeka wants to see you too, she's worried about her little sister."
"But what if they crash?"
Think quick, Jen.
"They have Mihoshi's radio. They have my number, so they can call me. Then, we'll drive out to wherever they crashed, get them, and take them and the ship back here to get it fixed up. I've got tools, and you said Washu is a genius…one way or another, everything's gonna be alright.""I hope so…I think it will, too." She snuggled into the arm of the couch to watch the second period.
I was impressed! By the end of the second, she knew all about face-offs, power plays, icing calls, penalties…and she still seemed interested. She kept asking if I thought the players were cute, she said she liked Mike Modano (which is a hangin' offense), and was glad that the Avs were winning. I told her about the first season, when they won the Stanley Cup, she liked that…but the poor kid was getting so sleepy! I snuck back to my room and grabbed a little pair of sweatpants for her. I came back out to hear her cheering and clapping!
"Go Avalanche! Didja see that? They got a point!" Sure enough, the score was 3-1.
"Right on! Who scored the point?"
"We did."
"No, I mean which player?"
"Um……Deadmarsh. He got in a *fight*, too, you missed it!" She clapped and laughed.
"Did he win?"
"Of course!", she giggled, stretching out. I tossed the sweats over the other arm of the couch.
"You can wear these to bed. It's gonna be cold tonight!"
"Ok…thank you." She grabbed the pants, but didn't want to get up and change.
"See, you can tell all your friends about the game!"
"Ryoko would like it. So would Tenchi…Ayeka, probably no, and Washu wouldn't like it either."
After that, she was silent. She got up and changed, then bounced back to the couch and laid down to watch the third period. About two minutes in, she was asleep. Just out like a light. I could move her to my bed, I probably should…no, I can't wake her. Maybe after the game… I went to my room, grabbed my little brown quilt, and covered her up. I saw her smile, and I could have sworn I heard her say something, but I couldn't quite figure out what. Ryo-Ohki hopped up on the couch and slept at her feet.
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"Miaow?" Ryo-Ohki's ears perked up and woke him from his light slumber. Sasami and I had been sleeping for hours on the couch, her sleeping across my lap, me leaning on the arm of the couch. I slowly blinked my eyes open, shifting uncomfortably because I was still in my jeans. Ryo-Ohki hopped onto the back of the couch and pawed at the window. I saw a bright light, shining right into my living room!
*Ding-dooong!*
"Huh? Was I asleep?" Sasami scratched her head. Her pigtails were coming loose.
I softly moved her out of the way, peeking out the door before I opened it all the way. It was Washu, Tenchi, Ayeka, and Ryoko!
"Come on in. You're early…it's the middle of the goddamn night," I said, letting out a yawn, "Didn't expect you so soon…"
"Well, technically," Washu countered, showing me her watch and stepping inside, "it is the morning. 1:37 in the morning, to be exact."
"Sasami!!" Ayeka grabbed her little sister for a hug. I couldn't help smiling, but I shyly moved out of the way so Ryoko and Tenchi could squeeze in. For some reason, they were all giving me an expectant look. I sighed…yawned again…and sat down on the armchair.
"Ok, guys…Sasami is fine. She was perfect, just…a little princess! Ryo-Ohki's ok, too, but I don't know if I fed him enough. The Aurora Police are all over tonight, so you might wanna take off soon and get that spaceship out of my front yard, it would really save me some trouble." Man, I'm being a bitch, I need some sleep! "I'll get her stuff from the back room." I went back to my room, wanting so bad just to fall down into bed and sleep…but instead, I grabbed Sasami's wet dress and put it in a plastic shopping bag. Sasami was already talking a mile a minute, trying to explain hockey and why the Avalanche should always win. She had torn the pictures she colored out of the Barbie book, and Ryoko and Ayeka were fighting over them. After what seemed like an eternity of talking and fighting and thank-yous and goodbyes, they were *gone*! I waited at the door for the ship to load. The engines powered up…and then Washu hopped out of the ship! She walked back to the door and held out a freezing-cold hand for a shake.
"Thank you, Miss Jennifer. My name is Washu, by the way. We were all worried sick about Sasami! What can I do to repay you?"
A couple hundred bucks should do the trick…
I smiled warmly and shook her hand. "Well, Miss Washu, just promise to drive safely…and tell Sasami thank you for being such a nice guest."+++
"No, seriously! Sasami was at my house!"
"You don't mean…*Sasami* Sasami, do you?" My sister still couldn't believe it.
"Yeah, and then Tenchi and Ryoko and Ayeka and Washu showed up."
"Ryoko's cool."
"She was actually being pretty quiet…"
After a good night's sleep, I lived happily ever after! As for Sasami…I never heard back from her. I found my calling card so I could call my friend in Ft. Collins to brag, but I was unpleasantly surprised.
"Hello. Your remaining balance is -zero- hours and -three- minutes. Thank you."
I'm gonna sprout wings, fly to the Masaki shrine, and get midieval…