A/N: Please forgive me for this bout of silliness, but my fellow X-girls Jeannie-Redd and Russia's-little-Kiska inspired me for a humorous debut, which is totally against anything I have ever done before. This is for you, fellow slushies. Drinks some more Coke…

-

Anastasia: Hello! And welcome to our very first episode of the RedRogue show! (Waits for applause to die down) Alright, here we shall interview some of our favorite X-girls, Jean Grey, Rogue, and Kitty Pryde, and hope that the catfights don't break anything.

Kitty: I make no promises.

Anastasia: Kitty! Thanks so much for volunteering to be our first one interviewed.

Kitty: But I didn't.

Anastasia: Great! So, the first thing on everyone's minds is: What up with the Petey fetish?

(Jean snickers. Kitty seems confused)

Kitty: Pardon?

Anastasia: (Counts on fingers) Well, according to my sources (which is really only Jean), there is Peter Wisdom, Peter Parker, Piotr Rasputin…

Kitty: Okay, that last one is even a real Peter! It's pronounced Pee-oh-ter, people!

Rogue: I say it still counts.

Kitty: (indignantly) Oh, you want to get in on this, Rogue? At least I can count all my lovers on one hand.

(Rogue turns up her nose)

Rogue: I can't help it. The men-- they love me, sugah!

Kitty: Love your rack, that is.

Rogue: At least I have one!

Anastasia: Girls, girls! We're not even two minutes into the show yet! Save it for the commercial break… Alright, let's move onto Jean, who fortunately was able to make it here with us today after another miraculous resurrection from the dead… again.

Kitty: Why can't she just stay dead?

Jean: My, aren't we vicious today? Not enough catnip?

Kitty: (Smiling sweetly with a bit of a twitch in her left eye) Love ya, Jeannie!

Rogue: (to host) She has to be on Jean's good side cuz she's her 'sugar' supplier, if ya'll know what I mean.

Jean: (glaring) That's it, no more alcohol supplied for you, Rogue.

(Rogue pouts)

Anastasia: MOVING ON! The question for Jean is: Why Scott?

(Rogue and Kitty lean in, interested)

Anastasia: Sure, he's handsome, smart, loyal, charming, and loves you dearly, but other than that, what in the world could you possibly see in him?

Jean: Because it drives Logan crazy.

(Rogue and Kitty nod, as if finally seeing the light)

Rogue and Kitty together: Ahhhh…. That makes sense.

Anastasia: No, it doesn't. If you want to be with Logan, why don't you just go with Logan?

Jean: It's not in my contract.

Anastasia: Well, that sucks…

Jean: Tell me about it. Talk about 'abs of steel'… or in his case, adamantium…

Rogue: Well, if you don't want him, I'm takin' Scott.

Kitty: It's just like you to, like, take a girl's man without even asking first. No, you just take, take, take!

Rogue: Are you still whinin' about my fling with the Russian? Can I help it if he happens to be one of the only men in the world I can touch? I'm in love with Remy anyway, so relax.

Kitty: Remy only loves your rack.

Rogue: That's so not true!

Kitty: Oh, my bad… He loves your ass too.

(Jean leans to host)

Jean: Kitty has rack envy.

(Anastasia nods understandingly)

Anastasia: If Rogue says he loves her for her personality, I swear I'll split a side.

Jean: Ditto.

Anastasia: There is a good point being made here, though, ladies and gents. No matter how voluptuous Rogue is drawn, if she can't touch Remy, why does he keep coming back?

Rogue: (applauds) Amen!

Jean: A mystery that has plagued the comic world for decades.

Kitty: It's definitely beyond me.

Rogue: Isn't it obvious? He loves me for my personality.

(Anastasia blinks twice, looks at Jean, and both burst out laughing)

Kitty: I don't think this is fair. If Rogue wants Scott, I get Remy.

Rogue: No way! Gambit wouldn't go for a half-pint like you anyway.

Kitty: Why not? He does everything else female. I'll bet he has STD's by now.

Rogue: He does not! He's an invincible sex god.

Jean: No one's that invincible.

Rogue: And he gets checked out every Sunday.

Anastasia: AHA! The truth comes out… I swear, I'm better than Barbara Walters.

Rogue: I'm tired of bein' degraded here. Let's attack 'Misses Perfect' little Jean for a while.

Anastasia: What about?

Rogue: Well, for one, she's datin' two men at the same time.

Jean: Ro, we've talked about this…!

Rogue: Oh, sorry, Sugah… each of her split personalities is datin' one of them at a time.

(Kitty giggles)

Kitty: (sings) Jean is a schizo, Jean is a schizo…!

Jean: I'm taking medication for that! It is not politically correct to make fun of the insane psychos in the cuckoo's nest… such as me.

Rogue: Careful, Kat, or she'll lose her temper and go all 'evil' on us again. Don't forget, you're the most expendable one here.

(Kitty stands up angrily)

Kitty: LIES, I say! I am NOT a side-character! I've had a band named after me! And a fifties cartoon!

Jean: If you're not a side character, then explain why you always have a new uniform in every new comic series?

Rogue: Or why ya always stay the same age?

Jean: Or why you're the first of us to die and stay dead?

Rogue: Or why—

Kitty: --OKAY! I get it! (cries)…Must we be so cruel?

Rogue: You started it, sistah. Someone get her some catnip so she'll be cute again.

Kitty: I'm ALWAYS CUTE!

Jean: (to Rogue) Give her that point. It's all she's got left.

(Rogue nods obligingly)

Kitty: NO… I've got Piotr too.

Rogue: You can keep him. He was horrible in bed…

(Silence)

(Cricket chirps)

Kitty: (charging at Rogue) WHY YOU LITTLE--!!!!

Anastasia: (looks at her watch) Well, looks like we're off for a short commercial break… (Something breaks behind her) Someone's paying for that! Alright… when we come back: More with our lovely X-girls and we reveal the scandalous meaning behind the word… 'slushie'? We'll be right back, folks!

-

Wow. I need to lay off the Coke. If any of you have questions you would like to see asked on the show, feel free to throw them at me.
Signed,
--RedRogue