Wangsty Wizardly Woes
Disclaimer: If I owned the series, Dean Thomas would be the main character. He's brappp gangst-ah!
AN: This story is super pointless, sorry.. Review anyway!
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"FUCK!" screamed Voldemort. He started punting his homemade Harry Potter action figure all over the room and in his anger, knocked out Nagini.
"What is it, my lord?" The sniveling voice announced the arrival of Wormtail.
"Piss off, Pettigrew," the Dark Lord answered moodily.
"Is it Potter, my lord?" Wormtail slavered into the ground.
"Potter, this! Potter, that! Enough with bloody Potter! Don't you think I get tired of discussing the little brat?!" Voldemort spat, spraying the room with saliva. Wormtail wiped off the spit with his four-fingered hand and returned to his groveling.
"Lucius! Come here, darling, I need to talk to you!" Voldemort cried before Wormtail could interrupt again.
"Ye-es?" Lucius apparated in the room almost immediately, his long blonde hair swishing in the moonlight.
"What is it? Is it Potter, my lord?" Lucius asked, thinking it was the right thing to say. It wasn't.
"BLOODY...FUCKING…POTTER!" The Dark Lord drooled maniacally, his eyes rolling around faster than the Knight Bus. He then proceeded to drop to the ground and seize dramatically, even pissing his pants for the full effect.
Lucius sighed. This was going to be one of those days.
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Miles away in the Gryffindor common room, a dashing boy with dark, windswept hair and eyes as green as freshly pickled toads was crying.
He was crying because he had just been rejected by his truest love, Severus Snape.
"Sevvy…come back to me…" he moaned to himself. Tears welled up once again in his sparkling eyes. So many girls had tried to throw themselves at him over the years, but he had only ever cared for the greasy-haired professor. And then he had to leave! Harry angsted sadly. Why had Severus even wasted his time killing that idiot, Dumbledore? If he hadn't, he might still be here, admiring Harry's wand and tasting Harry's potion. As it were, Snape was off god-
knows-where, doing god-knows-what; probably applying more hair product, though, thought Harry wisely.
"It's alright Harry, just lean on me and cry away your worries," Ronald Weasley entwined his arms through Harry's and kissed his head gently, like a mother lion kissing her troubled lion-child.
Harry sighed in contentment. If Severus wasn't going to comfort him tonight, he'd just have to settle for the next best thing.
He wrapped his arms around Ronald and gave him one of his earphones, so they could watch Sabrina the Teenage Witch on his video iPod.
Ginny Weasley burst into tears at the sight of her long-time object of lust and her own brother canoodling next to the fireplace.
The pain was too much to bear, so she suicided with a steak.
"Page 394," Severus Snape whispered somewhere in the darkness.
FIN