Refrain:
Mr. Collins, Mr. Collins
You're the ultimate nerd
Mr. Collins, Mr. Collins
Don't you know that you're absurd?
Verses:
I
Don't you know that it isn't proper
To introduce yourself to a gentleman?
Even though it is within your power
To inform him of his relative's health?
II
Don't you know that young ladies who say no
Mean no, nyet, N-O?
Even though the advantages you offer
They thereby foolishly overthrow?
III
Don't you know that the beauties of nature
Cannot be quantified
By counting the number of maples
Even those of your patroness' pride?
IV
Don't you know that a letter is not better
Just because it is extremely long?
Don't you know that Fordyce, in his sermons,
Was absolutely wrong?