The Second Chronicle of Cinnamon's Sailor Moon
By The Cinnamon Chaos
Disclaimer: Well, excuse me! I can't believe you are all so paranoid that you
have to force me to admit I don't own these people! (Cinnamon begins hiding
his secret plans to steal the Sailor Moon industry.)
P.S: I own the fucking hippo! The hippo is mine and you can't have him!
Back you fucking ass cannibals! AHHHH!!
Hello! I am BAAAAAAAACK! Ignore the explosions! They don't mean
anything! In answer to the Princess of the planet HyPe's request, I have done
another Sailor Moon fanfic. I promise nothing. But I guarantee it will
be............................ well I don't know. Enjoy!@
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a villainous violinist, the sun rose and everyone saw that during
the night, the sun had turned white and the sky had turned black. The terror
spread from horizon to horizon, as everyone saw the sun rise in white and
black. People were scared. President Bush announced an announcing national
announcement, announcing that his announcement needed to be announced
or else it would not be an announcement, and therefore he couldn't announce
it. So he just did it anyway. The president ordered that everyone in the
airforce be shipped home, all scientist put on AIDS curing research, and all
housewives under the age of thirteen bathe until they had more wrinkles than
Mother Theresa. The hours turned into more hours, and those hours turned
into even more hours, until finally, the power of Pantene Pro-V Ultra Firm
hairspray shined through the darkness like a true hero.
Serena was standing in front of a hippopotamus, trying to transmutate it into
a giant mirror by using the powers of magic hairy dust. When she threw the
hairy dust it went into the hippo's eyes, up its nose, and down its throat. The
hippo was allergic to the Yeti hairs and silicon fragments the dust contained
into it went into recoil. The hippo started expanding and shooting fat girls out
of it's nose. The fat girls chose a leader and made a military formation. The
head fat girl, Treodosia VonFatsteen, ordered the fat girl army against
Serena.
Serena panicked and began crying. "LUNA!" she wailed. "COME HERE
AND SAVE ME! I'M WAITING! I'M CHECKING MY WATCH! LUNA,
YOU'RE LATE! LUNA, I'M GETTING BORED! LUNA THIS! LUNA
THAT! GAWD DAMMIT! LUNA LUNA LUNA! COME SAVE ME YOU
FREAKIN' HAIRBALL! WHY THE HELL DO I FEED YOU?!
LUNA!!!"
The fat girls and Serena waited in anticipation, awaiting Luna's expected
heroic rescue. They stood there for a while. Finally, Luna flew by overhead
in an ARMY jet and threw a white flag down at Serena and shouted, "Ah ah
ah ah, stayin' alive! Stayin' alive! You go girl!" The white flag hit Serena in
the forehead and Serena vomited right then and there. Luna started making
out with the handsome army commander who was flying the jet and
whispering sweet fur into his ear.
Serena stamped her foot. "Well hell," she muttered. She pulled out the broach
that contained the Moon Crystal and shouted, "Moon Crystal Flour!" Serena
was surrounded by bright lights and transformed into a bag of flour wearing a
sailor dress and a tiara. Treodosia and the fat girls marched forward.
Treodosia picked up the Sailor Flour Bag and dumped it out into her mouth.
She swallowed the flour that had once been a Sailor fighter and chomped it
down her massive stalk of a throat. The other fat girls got jealous and hungry
so they jumped Treodosia from behind and began eating her like castrated
termites. As Treodosia's stomach was devoured, Sailor Moon popped out and
screamed, "Never send a baking ingredient to do a superhero's job!" Serena's
fist began flying at the fat girls, and there was mass keeling over everywhere.
That was when Sailor Mars showed up. Mars was wearing her sailor suit, but
for some reason she was dancing the Irish jig while singing the Swedish
opera, and she was being followed around by the committee of national
differentiation.
The Klu Klux Klan showed up not long afterwards. A horde of high Jewish
people rushed out into the streets and began cracking jokes at the KKK
people. The hippo--who was feeling left out--started hitting on Sailor Moon.
Moon and the hippo teamed up and began slapping control collars across the
neck of every Sam, Joe, and Nazi. When the hippo pressed a shiny red button
on a shiny metal remote, the KKK people's shiny heads exploded into a shiny
whirlwind of shiny red blood. The Jewish people began cheering and
whipping out their bongs and joints and smoked up a massive purple cloud.
Since the fumes surrounded the entire city of Tokyo, everyone became high.
The committee of national differentiation became so happy that they attacked
each other with throwing stars. Sailor Mars whipped out a bucket and began
puking in it.
Sailor Mercury showed up next, arriving in a tornado that also carried a large
house and a redhead named Dorothy. Mercury and Dorothy breathed in the
pot smoke and started experiencing lesbian sex. As Dorothy was preparing
the dental dam she accidentally slipped and swallowed it. The dental dam
caught in her throat, causing poor Dorothy to suffocate. Dorothy's face turned
blue and she keeled over and died. The hippo walked over and sat on her. The
dental dam rocketed out of Dorothy's mouth and flew the air.
Sailor Venus had just arrived on the scene, strutting around and shaking her
head like a stuck up movie star, when the flying dental dam crashed into her
head and killed her instantly. Artemis was with her and he started laughing
his furry little ass off. But then Venus fell on top of him and squished the life
out of him.
Mercury got up and called up Sailor Jupiter on her cell phone. Jupiter agreed
to come on over, but the cell phone exploded at Mercury's ear and blew her
brains out.
Jupiter showed up riding a pogo stick. But as everyone had a closer look,
they realized that she was humping the pogo stick. That explained why
Jupiter was screaming, "Oh, ride me like a pinball!"
Serena sat down at a local diner and began to eat a mean cheesecake.
Mars snatched the pogo stick away from Jupiter and began beating her
senseless with it. Jupiter counterattacked by eating the pogo stick. Mars
slipped and fell into Jupiter's wide open mouth and was swallowed whole.
Well, Jupiter had been eating a very unwise diet lately, so she decided to top
it all off by rapidly consuming Serena's cheesecake. Serena watched in tears
as her beautiful moist luxurious cheesecake went down the throat of the
bipolar cow she called a friend. But it didn't end there.
The hippo, who was having a lovely Thanksgiving dinner with it's mother-in-
law and her secret lesbian lover, was sucked into Jupiter's gaping mouth,
genital warts and all.
The load of food Jupiter had just eaten migrated to her large intestines and
began to swell. Jupiter had to crap so badly that all she could think about was
dinner and dancing at Taco Bell. Jupiter took a shit in the middle of the street.
The force of the crap that erupted from her butthole was so powerful that it
tore Jupiter's ass apart and the rest of her body was turned inside out. That
was when Jupiter died of embarrassment.
Now only Serena was left. The Jewish people thought it would be funny to
set her hair on fire. They were right. The flaming meatball head ran around
screaming for Luna.
But Luna could not hear her, for the cat was on a tropical island in the
Carribean, laying in a hammock while dozens of hunky male strippers
violently competed for her affection by attacking each other with homosexual
glazed hams.
Serena instead shouted for Darian, who came in an instant because he was a
pussy whipped bitch who couldn't stand up to a Madagascaran prostitute, let
alone a Japanese whore like Serena.
"DARIAN!" Serena screamed, pointing to her infernal hairdo. "FIX MY
HAIR OR I'LL TORTURE YOU AFTER SUPPER! THE POPE IS
COMING OVER AND HE'S BRINGING THOSE WHIPS YOU LIKE SO
MUCH!"
"Yes mistress," Darian whimpered. "I'll fix you're hair mistress." Darian
pulled out a bottle of Pantene Pro-V Ultra Firm hairspray and doused
Serena's hair with it, all the while smiling with glee.
Serena's head exploded like an agitated volcano. Darian and the Jewish
people were obliterated instantly. But the blast continued to sear the whole
world. Once the fire had destroyed all life on earth, it spread out into space
and destroyed the moon. God/Spirit/(whatever you may believe in) realized
that the sun had not turned white, it was just the moon. The sun was a little
ways over to the left and doing just fine.
And so boys and girls, that is how Darian and Serena saved the sun with the
power of hairspray. But still many questions are left unanswered, Questions
like: What happens next? What is the origin of man? Does this story have a
sequel? Why does Serena style her hair like a pasta? Did the mailman come
today? Did the cranberry I shoved up my nose dislodge my brain and take its
place? All the answers to these questions and more, on the next episode of
Squirky the Wasted Traveling Salesman! Same fucking time, same fucking
network! Happy Turkey Day!
*This ends our broadcast day*
*bleep*
By The Cinnamon Chaos
Disclaimer: Well, excuse me! I can't believe you are all so paranoid that you
have to force me to admit I don't own these people! (Cinnamon begins hiding
his secret plans to steal the Sailor Moon industry.)
P.S: I own the fucking hippo! The hippo is mine and you can't have him!
Back you fucking ass cannibals! AHHHH!!
Hello! I am BAAAAAAAACK! Ignore the explosions! They don't mean
anything! In answer to the Princess of the planet HyPe's request, I have done
another Sailor Moon fanfic. I promise nothing. But I guarantee it will
be............................ well I don't know. Enjoy!@
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a villainous violinist, the sun rose and everyone saw that during
the night, the sun had turned white and the sky had turned black. The terror
spread from horizon to horizon, as everyone saw the sun rise in white and
black. People were scared. President Bush announced an announcing national
announcement, announcing that his announcement needed to be announced
or else it would not be an announcement, and therefore he couldn't announce
it. So he just did it anyway. The president ordered that everyone in the
airforce be shipped home, all scientist put on AIDS curing research, and all
housewives under the age of thirteen bathe until they had more wrinkles than
Mother Theresa. The hours turned into more hours, and those hours turned
into even more hours, until finally, the power of Pantene Pro-V Ultra Firm
hairspray shined through the darkness like a true hero.
Serena was standing in front of a hippopotamus, trying to transmutate it into
a giant mirror by using the powers of magic hairy dust. When she threw the
hairy dust it went into the hippo's eyes, up its nose, and down its throat. The
hippo was allergic to the Yeti hairs and silicon fragments the dust contained
into it went into recoil. The hippo started expanding and shooting fat girls out
of it's nose. The fat girls chose a leader and made a military formation. The
head fat girl, Treodosia VonFatsteen, ordered the fat girl army against
Serena.
Serena panicked and began crying. "LUNA!" she wailed. "COME HERE
AND SAVE ME! I'M WAITING! I'M CHECKING MY WATCH! LUNA,
YOU'RE LATE! LUNA, I'M GETTING BORED! LUNA THIS! LUNA
THAT! GAWD DAMMIT! LUNA LUNA LUNA! COME SAVE ME YOU
FREAKIN' HAIRBALL! WHY THE HELL DO I FEED YOU?!
LUNA!!!"
The fat girls and Serena waited in anticipation, awaiting Luna's expected
heroic rescue. They stood there for a while. Finally, Luna flew by overhead
in an ARMY jet and threw a white flag down at Serena and shouted, "Ah ah
ah ah, stayin' alive! Stayin' alive! You go girl!" The white flag hit Serena in
the forehead and Serena vomited right then and there. Luna started making
out with the handsome army commander who was flying the jet and
whispering sweet fur into his ear.
Serena stamped her foot. "Well hell," she muttered. She pulled out the broach
that contained the Moon Crystal and shouted, "Moon Crystal Flour!" Serena
was surrounded by bright lights and transformed into a bag of flour wearing a
sailor dress and a tiara. Treodosia and the fat girls marched forward.
Treodosia picked up the Sailor Flour Bag and dumped it out into her mouth.
She swallowed the flour that had once been a Sailor fighter and chomped it
down her massive stalk of a throat. The other fat girls got jealous and hungry
so they jumped Treodosia from behind and began eating her like castrated
termites. As Treodosia's stomach was devoured, Sailor Moon popped out and
screamed, "Never send a baking ingredient to do a superhero's job!" Serena's
fist began flying at the fat girls, and there was mass keeling over everywhere.
That was when Sailor Mars showed up. Mars was wearing her sailor suit, but
for some reason she was dancing the Irish jig while singing the Swedish
opera, and she was being followed around by the committee of national
differentiation.
The Klu Klux Klan showed up not long afterwards. A horde of high Jewish
people rushed out into the streets and began cracking jokes at the KKK
people. The hippo--who was feeling left out--started hitting on Sailor Moon.
Moon and the hippo teamed up and began slapping control collars across the
neck of every Sam, Joe, and Nazi. When the hippo pressed a shiny red button
on a shiny metal remote, the KKK people's shiny heads exploded into a shiny
whirlwind of shiny red blood. The Jewish people began cheering and
whipping out their bongs and joints and smoked up a massive purple cloud.
Since the fumes surrounded the entire city of Tokyo, everyone became high.
The committee of national differentiation became so happy that they attacked
each other with throwing stars. Sailor Mars whipped out a bucket and began
puking in it.
Sailor Mercury showed up next, arriving in a tornado that also carried a large
house and a redhead named Dorothy. Mercury and Dorothy breathed in the
pot smoke and started experiencing lesbian sex. As Dorothy was preparing
the dental dam she accidentally slipped and swallowed it. The dental dam
caught in her throat, causing poor Dorothy to suffocate. Dorothy's face turned
blue and she keeled over and died. The hippo walked over and sat on her. The
dental dam rocketed out of Dorothy's mouth and flew the air.
Sailor Venus had just arrived on the scene, strutting around and shaking her
head like a stuck up movie star, when the flying dental dam crashed into her
head and killed her instantly. Artemis was with her and he started laughing
his furry little ass off. But then Venus fell on top of him and squished the life
out of him.
Mercury got up and called up Sailor Jupiter on her cell phone. Jupiter agreed
to come on over, but the cell phone exploded at Mercury's ear and blew her
brains out.
Jupiter showed up riding a pogo stick. But as everyone had a closer look,
they realized that she was humping the pogo stick. That explained why
Jupiter was screaming, "Oh, ride me like a pinball!"
Serena sat down at a local diner and began to eat a mean cheesecake.
Mars snatched the pogo stick away from Jupiter and began beating her
senseless with it. Jupiter counterattacked by eating the pogo stick. Mars
slipped and fell into Jupiter's wide open mouth and was swallowed whole.
Well, Jupiter had been eating a very unwise diet lately, so she decided to top
it all off by rapidly consuming Serena's cheesecake. Serena watched in tears
as her beautiful moist luxurious cheesecake went down the throat of the
bipolar cow she called a friend. But it didn't end there.
The hippo, who was having a lovely Thanksgiving dinner with it's mother-in-
law and her secret lesbian lover, was sucked into Jupiter's gaping mouth,
genital warts and all.
The load of food Jupiter had just eaten migrated to her large intestines and
began to swell. Jupiter had to crap so badly that all she could think about was
dinner and dancing at Taco Bell. Jupiter took a shit in the middle of the street.
The force of the crap that erupted from her butthole was so powerful that it
tore Jupiter's ass apart and the rest of her body was turned inside out. That
was when Jupiter died of embarrassment.
Now only Serena was left. The Jewish people thought it would be funny to
set her hair on fire. They were right. The flaming meatball head ran around
screaming for Luna.
But Luna could not hear her, for the cat was on a tropical island in the
Carribean, laying in a hammock while dozens of hunky male strippers
violently competed for her affection by attacking each other with homosexual
glazed hams.
Serena instead shouted for Darian, who came in an instant because he was a
pussy whipped bitch who couldn't stand up to a Madagascaran prostitute, let
alone a Japanese whore like Serena.
"DARIAN!" Serena screamed, pointing to her infernal hairdo. "FIX MY
HAIR OR I'LL TORTURE YOU AFTER SUPPER! THE POPE IS
COMING OVER AND HE'S BRINGING THOSE WHIPS YOU LIKE SO
MUCH!"
"Yes mistress," Darian whimpered. "I'll fix you're hair mistress." Darian
pulled out a bottle of Pantene Pro-V Ultra Firm hairspray and doused
Serena's hair with it, all the while smiling with glee.
Serena's head exploded like an agitated volcano. Darian and the Jewish
people were obliterated instantly. But the blast continued to sear the whole
world. Once the fire had destroyed all life on earth, it spread out into space
and destroyed the moon. God/Spirit/(whatever you may believe in) realized
that the sun had not turned white, it was just the moon. The sun was a little
ways over to the left and doing just fine.
And so boys and girls, that is how Darian and Serena saved the sun with the
power of hairspray. But still many questions are left unanswered, Questions
like: What happens next? What is the origin of man? Does this story have a
sequel? Why does Serena style her hair like a pasta? Did the mailman come
today? Did the cranberry I shoved up my nose dislodge my brain and take its
place? All the answers to these questions and more, on the next episode of
Squirky the Wasted Traveling Salesman! Same fucking time, same fucking
network! Happy Turkey Day!
*This ends our broadcast day*
*bleep*