Who is dating Katara, anyway?

By: Tropicwhale

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Warnings: Do not read if you have issues with slash, random jokes about sex, incest, and emo-ness.

Notes: I found this while looking for my research paper (which has gone MIA for some reason). I am very vague about when I wrote this, but it definately has my and my friends' jokes about AVATAR in it so thought it would be fun to post as tongue-in-cheek humor fic. There are referances to Avatar: the Abridged Series on YouTube, voice-actors, and general crack humor of people who ingest too much sugar while watching Avatar. Please read and review with a grain of salt and a blow to the head. Thank you.

The cast of characters of Avatar: Last Airbender gathered together to discuss a matter of great importance. Who was Katara dating anyway? Everyone first turned to Aang who blushed a red so bright it clashed with his arrow and shook his head 'no.' "I wish" he mumbled.

Next everyone turned to Zuko who growled and said "NO WAY IN HELL WOULD I DATE HER!!" to which a random fangirl replied

"I wish you would, come on date Katara I'll give you a cookie and a Prozac or group hugs." before she was escorted from the premises.

Next the group turned to look at Haru who said "I'm too sexyfine for my shirt or to date Katara, plus I'm lovers with Jet who I never meet in the series but am always with in fandom or in my own head"

Next everyone turned to Jet "A vote for me is a vote for necrophilia but I'm not dating Katara (not for lack of trying)."

Azula growled "Well I am not dating the whore of Avatar land, I do have some stadards."

"A little guilty there, Azula?" Mai said.
"No, besides what about you, Mai?"
"No, I'm too busy slitting my wrists out of boredom."
"And although I think she has a very pretty orange aura, and is motherly and sweet, but I'm not dating her either." Ty Lee said. (her fanboys sighed)
"Of course not your male harem wouldn't allow it." Zhao said. "Also, I'm too busy being in Harry Potter to date her"
"I am not dating her either, however my vote is for her brother." Ozai stated. "Besides, I have my own emo problems ever since I had my sister's tongue down my throat"
"See ZuZu, it runs in our family." Azula stated.
"NO, and please stop with the weird incest vibe Azula, I'M GAY if only for that reason." Zuko stated. Leave it to the author to turn Zuko gay.
"I'M NOT DATING MY SISTER!!" Sokka shrieked and started singing about RESPECT by channeling Aretha Franklin. "And I bet Iroh is dating her because he is the orginal pimpmasta and is awesome"
"Why thank you Sokka, and although i'm not dating your sister would you like some jasmine tea? It's very good." Everyone looked at the cabbage man.
"NO! and stay away my cabbages. My vote is on Bumi!"

Bumi cackled "Nope, yes, maybe" He cackled again and stole the cabbages "THE EARTH KING!!" he shouted as the cabbage man chased him around in a vain attempt to rescue his produce.
"Nope, Bosco?" The bear growled a negative and looked at Oppa and Momo who also gave negative answers. Hawky admitted to cuddling but not dating. Her father also stated that he would never touch his daughter "that way" and neither did Grand-gran, and Judee just smiled and said "No" as did June, Smellerbee (translating for Longshot) and herself, all the other minor characters whose names the author does not know or does not care about like "The Boulder". Everyone then turned to the Moon.

Yue smiled down at them "I allow her to bloodbend but that is about all I do for Katara, my lover is the ocean now." Sokka sniffed. "Sorry Sokka"
"Its okay, I understand." He looked at Suki.
"Yeah...although I have lots of orgies with the other Kyoshi warriors, I'm not dating anyone...except maybe Sokka. But even that is off and on. Mostly because his first love is meat"
"I do love meat." Sokka scratched his chin and had a dreamy look on his face.
"Circumsised or uncircumsised?" Zuko sniggered.
"What?"
"Nothing. What about her master from the north pole?" the fire prince asked.
"Nope." Master Takau(Pakku?) said. Suddenly everyone fell silent as Katara entered the room in obvious post-coital bliss and walked out the other entrance. "But it has to be someone. Unless she's pleasuring herself"
"EWW!! I DON"T WANNA HEAR THAT ABOUT MY SISTER!!" Sokka shrieked. Toph started to laugh.
"What's so funny?" Aang asked, finally recovering from the blush of doom.
"Nothing, Twinkle Toes, just this entire situation"
"Who do you think the slut is dating?" Azula asked.
"Me."
"Uh?" Azula made a confused and surprised sound which was probably meant to be a retort of some kind neutralized by Toph's off-handed candor and bad-assness. Which was more then could be said for the rest of the group as their mouths hung collectively open with the shock.
"You're all are idiots. I earthbended in when Katara walked through to distract from my entrance. How can any of you hope to win the war if you're all blinder than I am when flying on Oppa, and that's pretty blind. Of course its all for nothing now you all know. Which is sad because half the fun of dating the Suger Queen was sneaking around behind all your backs"
"Uh?" Azula said again, looking more and more disturbed. Toph laughed again.
"KATARA, HONNY-KINS!! THEY KNOW!"

Katara popped back into the room "Really?"
"Yup, come here and sit with me...Babe" Katara moved to join Toph.
"YOU'RE GAY?" Sokka shrieked.
"Sokka, don't you have another volume level other then supersonic?" Katara asked.
"Yeah we're gay, and anyone who has a problem with it I'll Earthbend boulders up their utheras." Toph punched the ground, leaving a small crater to punctate her point.
"Wow, butch much?" Azula said.
"Yeah got a problem with it?"
"No, but you seem to be overcompensating for something."
"How? It's not like I have a penis or a complex about my self-worth like the emo twins here." Zuko and Sokka blushed.
"HEY I DON'T QUESTION MY SELF WORTH!! I HAVE A SWORD and BATTLE PLANS!" Sokka shouted, obviously in denial.
"I haven't questioned my self-worth since last season, where have you been? Under a rock?" Zuko added.
"Can't we all just get along?" Katara asked.
"No" The entire cast minus the Avatar intoned.
"Do I have to steal the friendship speech from Anzu from Yugi-oh?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" the entire cast cringed in horror.
"So we can all get along...or else." Everyone nodded their agreement.
"Peachy. And yes I've been dating Toph. Did you all not see the mud-wreasling episode?"
"The friendship speech? Would you like to replace Mai on Ozai's Angels? You're obviously adept at torture." Azula offered.
"Whatever." Mai said.
"...I'll pass." Katara cringed away from Azula. And the all lived happily everafter. BLEH.

End notes: I had forgotten the insanity Avatar has caused. I actually do not care if you review or not. I'm actually quite scared that I managed to write this. Review if you like, its not required.

Tropic