Man Crush: A Phil Coulson Fanfic
"I might be straight, but no one can overlook that ass," Phil commented to his fellow SHIELD colleagues sitting at the table. They had been discussing the Avengers and May had brought up Phil's fascination with Captain America. Bobbi and Daisy agreed that he was cute, and Phil had to make that comment about the Captain's butt. It wasn't his fault that Captain America had a nice, and very appealing ass.
Daisy burst out laughing, while May covered her face with her hands. Melinda couldn't believe that the man she had recently gotten engaged to had just blatantly admitted his man crush for Captain America. She loved that Phil held onto his childhood love of his hero, but sometimes he was a little bit weird about it.
"What?" Phil asked. "Do any of you disagree with me?"
The ladies shook their heads while the men in the room just looked uncomfortable about the whole situation. Phil threw his hands in the air.
"Exactly, see? You all agree with me that Captain America is attractive. And that isn't even the best part about him," Phil said.
"Alright everyone, now you've let out Phil's man crush on Captain America," Melinda said. "Thanks for that."
"Melinda, are you embarrassed by my man crush on the greatest American in the history of our country?" he asked, wrapping his arm around her waist.
Melinda sighed and shook her head softly. "I think it's adorable," she said. "But sometimes it does sound weird to people that my boyfriend talks about Captain America more than he talks about me."
"Well, Melinda no matter how much I love you, I've still loved him longer," Phil commented. Melinda glared at him lightly. He wasn't funny in the slightest, and he should know it by now. Phil got the hint from her look and backed up a bit. "Sorry darling. I love you much more than I have ever loved Captain America."
Grimacing lightly, Melinda nodded and bid their friends goodnight before leaving. Phil followed her lead and the pair walked to their shared room in the base.
When they arrived, Melinda locked the door behind them and looked at him sharply.
"I'm sorry darling. I do love you much more than I could ever love Captain America," he said, moving towards her and touching her shoulders.
"Prove it. Go a week without talking, reading or writing about him, and without using your Captain America stuff. I dare you," she challenged. Phil straightened up.
"I- I can do that. When do you want to start?" he asked. "Cause I'm wearing Captain America underwear and socks right now."
"Tomorrow morning. And you'll need to change your alarm tone as well, since it's related to Captain America," she said.
"What if there's a big news story this week about him?" Phil asked.
"Ignore it beyond what relates to our work," she replied. "It's only a week Phil, it's not a year or anything."
"Fine, what do I get if I win this challenge?" he asked.
"You remember that night we dressed up as Director Carter and Captain America?" she asked, getting a nod from Phil. "We'll do that again. And I'll buy you one piece of Captain America merchandise to praise you as well."
"And what if I lose?" he asked.
"You'll sleep alone for a month," she replied.
Phil nodded. "Challenge accepted. But you do know I'm going to win, right?"
"I hope you do, because I've gotten used to sleeping next to you," she replied.
The couple kissed and went to bed, looking forward to the beginning of the challenge.
When they woke up the next day, Phil rolled out of bed and left his bathrobe and slippers by the bed when he went into the bathroom to take his shower. Thankfully, he remembered the challenge or he would have lost right away.
Pulling plain towels from the shelf, he turned on the shower. It occurred to him that it was a good thing they had regular bodywash, because if they didn't and he didn't want to smell like flowers, he'd have been screwed.
Damn it, he thought. This challenge is going to be much more difficult than I thought.
Melinda walked into the bathroom and smiled, pulling back the shower curtain to see Phil holding the bottle of regular bodywash.
"I want to win this Melinda. How about you join me?" he asked.
Melinda nodded with a light smile playing at her lips. She pulled off the shirt Phil had discarded the previous evening and climbed into the shower, pressing a kiss to Phil's lips. She hoped he won as well, she enjoyed sleeping beside him too much, and if she was honest with herself, she would even admit that she enjoyed when they dressed up as her old mentor and his idol.
After all, who didn't like to spice up their love life sometimes?
As Phil helped her wash, she became increasingly aroused, but she managed to restrain herself since they were due for a briefing in just under an hour, and they still needed to eat breakfast.
Once they were both washed and rinsed, they stepped out of the shower and towelled themselves off.
Arriving at their briefing, Phil was still doing well with his challenge. Fitz leaned over to May and asked, "why doesn't he smell like his man crush on Captain America?"
"I'll explain to the team in a moment," she replied.
Once Phil was finished talking, she stood up. "Sit down Phil. Everyone, I need a moment of your time." Once everyone sat back down, she cleared her throat and spoke.
"Phil is currently participating in a challenge that I have set up for him. Basically, he can't use or do anything related to Captain America for a week. If you see him, or hear him, do this, please inform me. Also, if I catch any of you covering for him, you won't like the consequences. Nor will you like them if you push him to fail the challenge. Thank you, dismissed."
Scattering from the room, the team left Phil and Melinda on their own. "Did you really have to tell them? Don't you trust me?"
"It's not that I don't trust you, but I want you to succeed, and I'd prefer if they knew your pain like I do," she replied, "might make it easier. Besides, it might add some fun to it. And if they try and trip you up, let me know, and like I said, they won't like the consequences."
"I love you May," he whispered, leaning in to press a kiss to her lips.
"I know you do Phil," she replied, deepening their kiss.
Over the next six days, Phil managed to do very well in his challenge, depsite Melinda upping the ante by also checking his browser history. He considered himself lucky that there had been no major news story related to the Captain throughout the week, otherwise he wasn't sure if he'd have been able to shut up about it.
Getting ready for bed, he was glad that the challenge would be over in the morning, and he would be getting his girlfriend dressed up like Director Carter and a piece of merchandise as a prize. He still thought Melinda was the best prize of all, whether she was dressed like the SHIELD director or not.
He fell asleep happily. He had won the challenge, and no one on his team had tried to trip him up out of the fear they had for May.
When he woke up the next morning, he smiled as he rolled over to see Melinda standing by the bed, dressed in the costume he had picked out for her that made her look like the former SHIELD director.
"Good morning Captain," she said, "congratulations on completing your challenge."
She held out a small box and Phil opened it, revealing a brand new, mint and signed Captain America trading card from that year.
To Phil, it read, I hope you succeeded in your challenge. Take your girl out for a dance, she's wonderful. Thanks for everything. -your friend, Steve Rogers AKA Captain America
Phil felt tears come to his eyes, it was the best present he had ever received. "Thank you Melinda," he whispered.
Melinda sat on the bed and pressed her lips to his cheek, leaving a small lipstick stain. "Today, you can call me Peggy, Captain."
finis.