I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that you died alone. I'm sorry that you, for whatever reason, couldn't reach out to the fellowship. I'm sorry that treatment didn't give you what you needed, and that your disease outsmarted you. I'm sorry that the fight was just too much, but surrender was not an option. I'm sorry that you forgot that you didn't have to live like that anymore.
I know what it's like to live with that demon inside of you, hell bent on destroying you and everything you love. I know what it's like when the pain overwhelms you and the drugs seem like the only answer. I know what it's like to live the lie, to keep the dirty shameful secrets and tell everyone what they want to hear, praying the truth won't come out. I know what it's like to truly believe that you can have that one more time.
I wish you could have reached out. I wish that you had found a phone list and called a sober support instead of a connect. I wish that you had found a meeting and shared your burning desire instead of letting it consume you. I wish that you had given yourself the chance to pick up your black and white tags instead of picking up the needle.
Let's get a moment of silence for all of the still sick and suffering, and the addict who will die tonight never knowing that help is out there.