A/N: Hey Everyone! I'm trying a new fandom (woot woot!).
There is something here that I would like to clarify. In this fic, Tony is dealing with having ADHD. This is strongly based on my own experiences. It will take me a while to write, not only because of the subject matter (and well, me having ADHD), but because it is important to me that everyone here is portrayed with dignity.
A lot of people do not know what it is really like to have ADHD or other neurological disorders. It is not a matter of problems being confined to the disorder, but having them spread throughout your life and learning to deal with them.
This is not what every person with a neurological disorder goes through (or maybe it is, how would I know?) I can only speak for myself. Most of these situations have been drawn from my life and adjusted the details to fit the story.
Relevant plot points:
Pepper and Tony are not together, but they are friends and work together.
Steve being from the 40's
Focus: Bruce/Tony friendship (not slash)
R/R- constructive criticism welcomed
-Avengers-
Side Effects
-Avengers-
"You're a fuckin idiot, you know that?" he tells himself.
Tony is looking in the mirror in his room. Its about 4:30 in the morning. That was when he had given up trying to sleep. His guilt ridden mind not granting a moment's peace, repeatedly making him relive a moment he would do anything to escape.
He examines the man in the mirror. Almost some weird out of body experience. The man looks tired, worn down. There is a 5 o'clock shadow that needs attention. His hair is flat, except for where he's been playing with it ( ya… playing with it. You just keep telling yourself that. More like grabbing it- pulling it- all but ripping it out- anything to make the scene in front of his eyes stop replaying).
One fucking night.
He couldn't manage one fucking night on his own.
Tony buries his head in his hands as the scene plays itself again in front of his eyes.
-(flashback)-
He was at a party- more like a gala actually. He had on one of his best tuxes, he was having a spectacular hair day, and he had just closed a big deal. At this moment he encompassed every aspect of the Tony Stark that the public expected. This feeling right here, he was on top of the world. He wanted to dance-talk with everyone-make some over the top monetary donation.
In retrospect, that should have been his first clue. He never felt this good. And Stark hated people. He always acted the part of the party animal, but he was never really into it.
He was in the moment- dancing with this smokin' hot reporter chick. He even agreed to grant her an interview; this was against his better judgement, but he was feeling generous. They managed to get off the dance floor and into a table on the quieter side of the room.
"So, Mr. Stark—" she began professionally
"Tony, please" he interrupted.
"Alright, Tony" she said with a giggly emphasis "what has Stark Industries been focusing on lately?" the reporter, Kaitlyn, asked- pen and paper in hand.
"Lots of environmental impact reduction, you know, 'save the glaciers' 'save the polarbears' 'save the cheerleader, save the world'" Kaitlyn giggled at the reference. "We have been making great progress in solar energy"
The interview went on like this, easy conversation. He felt comfortable talking to her. They had all answered these questions a million times. He could do it in his sleep.
"Alright, last question, so we have all heard different things about your new SIGMA project, what is the goal of SIGMA?"
He was not expecting that. Tony had been avoiding all questions about this new initiative. Rumor of the project had leaked out somehow but it was still in early stages of development. Too early to release anything to the press and pigeon hole themselves. Their goal for SIGMA was liable to change and then the press would throw a hissy fit about SI "lying to the public" or "misrepresentation of funds". While the accusations would of course be baseless, it was in everyone's best interest to keep any possible ammunition away from the press.
"Too early tell" he answered in a practiced tone "once we have settled on details we'll release them." Tony replied with a grin, but a look that said 'don't push it'
"But doesn't the public have a right to know?" she maintained.
"We want to make sure the public has accurate information about company endeavors, so until we are sure about the path we are going down, we don't release anything" Tony said, clearly indicating this was not open for discussion.
"But if you have some details, why not release them?" she demanded.
If she was going to be difficult, so was he.
"Because we like money" he said sarcastically.
Tony regretted those words the second he said them. Those words, while sarcastic, were bad PR and journalistic gold. Tony hadn't meant to say them. He didn't mean it. Well, he did like money, but it was not his motivator. SIGMA was a completely humanitarian effort to build schools in 3rd world countries.
"I would like to rephrase that…" Tony said turning red, desperate to correct his impulsive words.
"Oh, I don't think you need to" Kaitlyn said, writing fervently. "I think I've got what I need". She stood up and packed her notepad away. "Thank you, Mr. Stark"
He tried to chase her down and explain what he really meant but she had already left the party. Tony soon followed. He thought through everything that happened that night. He was so ashamed of himself. He doesn't usually do that. Well- not anymore, not since he started-
Then he felt his stomach sink.
He had forgotten his meds tonight…
Fuck.
-(End flashback)-
He shook his head, pulled his hair, dug his nails into his palms, anything to get this video to stop playing in his head.
In his defense, he hadn't so much 'forgotten' his meds as they had worn off. Usually he would take another pill if he had something at night. That is the one he had forgotten. Pepper was usually there to remind him.
He pulled himself back together. He was over reacting, right? I mean people say things they don't mean all the time! It's not that big of a deal. It was just a mistake.
"Ya" he interrupted his own thoughts darkly "But most people learn from their mistakes"