What Is Not Understood
by Kadi
Rated T
Disclaimer: Not my sandbox, just the one I love to play in most!
A/N: There are 3 chapters written for this, but since chapter 1 could well be a stand-alone, I'm posting it now. Enjoy!
Chapter 1
As Andy pulled his car into the driveway he drew a long breath. After finally putting it in park and turning off the engine, he let it out on a long, weary sigh. His head fell back against the headrest and he closed his eyes. There was a headache beginning to pound a rhythm behind his eyes. He wanted a shower, and then he wanted to pour his tired body into bed. First he was going to have to drag his aching bones out of his car. Andy sighed again as he pushed the door open and did just that. As he made his way up the walk, he took a look at the yard. Major Crimes had earned itself a free weekend, and unless something came up that could not be handled without them, he had a list of chores that needed to be completed. The thought brought a small, tired smile to his lips.
They had been living in the house for a few months now. It was their house, his and Sharon's, and after months of searching it was the place that they had both wanted the minute they saw it. Household chores weren't new to Andy, but having someone to remind him that it really couldn't be put off much longer was. He didn't mind it at all. As he put his key in the lock, he glanced toward the empty space that stretched the front of the house toward the east side. The last of the planting needed to be done, and he had promised Sharon they would take care of it this weekend. They had hired a lawn service for the general upkeep and landscaping maintenance, but this they wanted to do themselves, together, to put their own mark on their new home.
They had already spent a few free weekends putting their home together. They had devoted hours to browsing and research, and had painstakingly picked every item that had gone in to it, from the bedrooms to the patio they had blended their lives and their home and made it a reflection of themselves. They had included Rusty wherever they could get the boy to help. His room had been his priority, and beyond that, he was happy to let them do whatever they wanted. Landscaping didn't interest him at all, although he had showed an interest in getting the pool ready for use and entertaining. They had managed to get him to show some excitement as they had put together the kitchen. For that Rusty had pulled Gus in to the activity, and what Sharon and Andy had started, the boys had gladly finished while the older couple was otherwise busy with work.
Andy pushed the door open and stepped into the house. There was a light glowing in the foyer. He dropped his keys in the tray on the table beside the door and reached back to flip the locks. He shrugged out of his leather jacket as he made his way down the entry hall. He stopped to hang it in the closet and turned to key on the alarm system; he flipped the outside and foyer lights off and made his way into the large, open family room. The lamps that Sharon had brought with her from the condo were casting the room in soft light. There were several pieces of furniture in the room that had once been found in her condo; she had kept the end tables and her writing desk and several decorative pieces. The large, dark oak wood cabinet that took up most of one wall and seemed to be built around a widescreen television had come from Andy's place, along with the TV and surround sound system. There was a set of matching tall bookshelves that sat against the opposite wall, with a plush reading chair and lamp positioned between them. With the exception of his recliner, the rest was all new. They had chosen the pieces together and the room had been decorated around all of it.
Unsurprisingly the television was off. Andy found Sharon curled in a corner of the sofa, a blanket covering her legs and a book in her hands. She looked up as he came into the room. She closed the book in her hands and straightened on the sofa. A warm smile curved her lips. "How was it?"
Andy grunted at her. He walked past the sofa and into the kitchen. A granite-topped bar separated the two rooms. Andy filled a glass with cold water before walking back into the family room. Sharon was watching him with an entirely too amused expression. He grunted at her again as he took a seat on the sofa. He leaned back and scrubbed a hand over his face. As his body settled into the sofa he exhaled another tired sigh; he could feel the tension draining out of him. He had only gone out tonight because Sharon had insisted on it. Andy wanted to give the whole thing a pass, but Sharon wouldn't let him, or more to the point, her sense of occasion wouldn't. It was Buzz's birthday, and while they had a quiet, group celebration at the office, the boys wanted to take him out for a better celebration. It was Julio's idea, but Provenza had gotten on board almost immediately, albeit with a good show of grumbling about it. Amy and Cooper were going to be joining them, and Mike said that he was open for stopping for a drink on his way home. Rusty and Gus had been invited too, but the boys already had plans. They were supposed to stop by Joe's, the bar that the division, and many others in the department, liked to gather at after a long day, if they wrapped up their plans before the night ended.
To Andy's way of thinking, he had cake, he toasted Buzz with the sparkling cider they had at the office, and he helped Sharon put the balloons up around the younger man's desk. He had celebrated. Andy had every intention of going home at the end of the day and spending a quiet evening with his other half, in their home, and not in some crowded and loud corner bar. Sharon had given him that look though, the slightly sad one that indicated she wasn't disappointed in him, but he could have chosen better. Then her lips had pursed, her lashes fluttered just a bit, and in a voice that was entirely too sweet, she told him that she thought that he could really use a night out with the boys. Andy was proud of himself for still standing tall at that point.
They were in her office, well out of view of the others, and so she had gone in for the kill. She tugged on his tie and smiled up at him, it was that sly, crooked smile that he could never ignore. While her fingers were stroking his tie, Sharon told him that she was hoping that he would keep the others from getting Buzz into any trouble. She wasn't going out with them, they had invited her, but Sharon knew that they would all have a lot more fun if she was not around. She spent time with her team. There had been dinners, games, and other outings, but there was always that underlying knowledge that she was the boss. They could never relax completely, and so Sharon knew when she should accept their offers and when it was better to decline.
At that point there was nothing that Andy could do but groan. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had muttered an aggrieved "Dammit Sharon," but he had agreed to go with them. Now Andy was kicking himself for giving in and decided it was all Sharon's fault. Andy slumped on the sofa and allowed his head to rest against the cushioned back. His head rolled toward her. His dark eyes were hooded and tired. He gave her a bland look. "Terrible."
Sharon hummed in sympathy and leaned toward him. She laid a hand against his chest and moved closer. Her nose itched and wrinkled as an unfamiliar scent teased it. She drew up short. Sharon took another whiff and then she leaned back again. Her brows arched in curiosity. He smelled of cheap perfume, the sickly sweet kind that teenagers liked to bathe in. "Indeed."
Andy grunted. He frowned at her response. Like most establishments in Los Angeles, the bar hadn't allowed smoking. There had been a couple of guys standing around outside with cigarettes but he didn't think that he had gotten close enough to smell like stale nicotine. Andy picked at his shirt, the brown, casual button down that he wore over a plain white t-shirt. When he got a good nose-full of what she had smelled, he rolled his eyes. Andy groaned. He let his head fall back again and grumbled unhappily. "Damn that Davidson."
"Detective Davidson?" Her brows had risen even higher. Sharon's lips pursed. It wasn't like Andy to come home smelling like cheap perfume, so she was giving him the benefit of the doubt. The officer that he mentioned was from the Hollywood Homicide division, but had once been with Robbery-Homicide. There was no love lost between him and Andy. "Has Detective Davidson taken to dunking himself in cheap perfume and rubbing himself all over you?" Now that she had smelled it, he practically reeked of it.
He snorted at her and rolled his eyes. "No, that bastard would be so lucky." Andy let his eyes close and relaxed on the sofa again. "This was the idiot's idea of a joke. He decided that he needed to help me out. He's worried about my love life." Andy decided to leave it at that and not tell her any of the more demeaning or hurtful things that the Detective and his pals had said. "He got a woman to come over and hit on me. She came on pretty strong; my guess is that she was a hooker and thought she was going to get a good payday. I got rid of her and we left." What he didn't say was that they had all left, and that it had almost come to blows with the other officers. Provenza and Mike had cooled things down, and comically enough, Amy had been right in the middle of it with him, wanting to kick the crap out of those guys while Julio and Cooper had been holding everyone back on both sides. They had decided that it was the better part of valor to let the incident go and so to not ruin Buzz's birthday they all left the bar.
"Mmhm." Sharon tugged on his collar. She flicked it with her fingers and then gave his neck a hard nudge. Both were smudged with lipstick. "It looks as if the detective was very helpful." Sharon stood up and rounded the sofa without another word. Her attempt to give him the benefit of that doubt had come to an abrupt when confronted with the evidence that another woman had, not just her hands, but her mouth on him. Sharon wanted to put some distance between herself and that situation before she said something that she might regret later.
"What?" Andy lifted his head and watched her go. She was moving around the room, turning off lamps. "What does that mean? Sharon?" She didn't respond, and did not even look at him. Andy reached up and ran his fingers over his neck, and then his collar. They came away with a faint, red smear. He groaned out loud again. "Dammit, Sharon!" He pushed himself up off the sofa and followed her. He watched her move up the stairs that led to the second level of their home and flung his arms up in exasperation. "Nothing happened!"
"Hm." She hummed again and continued moving up the stairs. "That nothing can get itself out of your shirt then." She couldn't put her finger on why, exactly, she was upset with him, but seeing the lipstick on his skin and his collar had definitely set her off.
"God almighty!" Andy ran a hand over his face and into his hair. He started up the stairs behind her. "Sharon, she was coming on to me. I didn't lay a hand on her, I swear. Well, I did," he added, "to push her away. You can ask anyone. I didn't want her."
"I do not need to ask anyone, Andy," she responded in a cool tone. "If you say that nothing took place, then that is all that I need to know." It was not that she wanted to believe that anything untoward had happened, but it was an entirely different matter to have him come home smelling like cheap perfume and covered in another woman's makeup. It was bothersome.
They gained the top of the stairs and started down the hall. Their bedroom was at the back of the house. There was also Rusty's bedroom, a guestroom, and two bathrooms on that level. A second guestroom and small bathroom was on the first level. It was probably more space than they really needed, but they told themselves there would be no reason for her children to take turns sleeping on the sofa when they all visited. Andy snorted and kept talking as he followed her. "And it was not because she didn't look great," he explained, "because she did. Davidson knows my type. I just wasn't interested."
Sharon stopped in the hall and turned slowly. Her eyes narrowed and she gave him a long look. "Really?" She spoke using carefully measured words. "Tell me, Andy, what exactly is your type, or rather, what does the rest of the world think that your type is?"
He watched her fold her arms across her chest and realized quickly that he had said the exact wrong thing. "Uh." His mind had gone blank. Andy gestured helplessly with his hands. "You know what my type is," he said.
"Do I?" Sharon turned on her heel again. "I think the more important question here, Andrew, is whether or not you know what your type is." She stopped at their bedroom door and looked back at him. "Or whether or not you even still have one."
Andy jumped when she shut the door. Sharon didn't slam doors, that was not her style, but he was surprised that she had closed it on him. He looked a little confused until he heard the sound of the lock clicking into place. "Oh come on!" He threw his hands up in exasperation. He walked over and leaned against the doorframe. "Sharon, I think we both know that you are my type. Sweetheart, this is stupid, you know what I meant. Nothing happened tonight, I swear."
"Yet for some reason, I am beginning to wonder if it was for lack of interest or whether or not you believed that you would get in trouble," she replied, speaking at him through the closed door. He could very well sleep downstairs as far as she was concerned. Sharon was reminded of another man that she had this argument with, and although she had always been very steadfast in not comparing the two, she was also reminded of Andy's reputation. She was reminded, too, of fact that people always seemed to be surprised at the idea that he had given up his bachelor lifestyle and settled down again. She was not an insecure person by nature, but the fact that this bothered the hell out of her could not be denied, or ignored.
"Oh my god." Andy groaned. He leaned his forehead against the cool wood of the door. He wanted to bang his aching head against it, but didn't. He had a pretty good idea of what he'd done wrong, but that didn't change the fact that this whole argument was the dumbest one that they had ever had. Not that they argued very often, and this was definitely the first time that he had ever found himself locked out of the bedroom. "Sharon," her name left his lips on a sigh. "Honey, I would never hurt you like that," he said quietly, truthfully. The idea of ever being with another woman had never crossed his mind. It had been years since he thought about being with anyone but Sharon. She had occupied his thoughts for a long time before he ever got up the courage to ask her out.
Her eyes closed. She leaned her head back against the closed door. Her arms were still wrapped tightly around herself. There was a large part of her that believed him, but it was that small voice in the back of her mind that was giving her pause. She had completely changed her life, sold her home, and done something that she had once promised that she would never do again. She had combined her life with another person's with a level of permanence that was as frightening as it was exciting. She had stopped listening to her head and followed her heart instead. It was her head that was speaking louder than her heart now. She sighed as she attempted to silence it. "Andy, were you even going to tell me what happened tonight? Or would you have pushed it aside as unimportant."
"It is unimportant, Sharon." He tipped his head back and looked at the ceiling above them. "It was a dumbass joke. I wanted to knock the hell out of Davidson and his pals. Hell, I didn't even want to go out tonight. You made me," he reminded her. "I might've told you about it tomorrow, but tonight all I wanted to do was take a hot shower and lay down next to you."
It wasn't necessarily the words, but the way that he said them. Just when she was tempted to open the door again, she felt her temper rising. "So this is my fault?" Her eyes widened at his audacity. He was implying that none of this would have happened if she had not forced him into the situation. "I asked you to keep the others from getting Buzz into trouble," Sharon reminded him. "I didn't think that I needed to send a babysitter with you too!"
Andy couldn't take it anymore. He pushed away from the doorframe with a frustrated growl. "I don't need a damned babysitter, but it would be a hell of a lot easier to keep strange women from crawling all over me if I had a ring on my finger!" They hadn't talked about marriage, not yet. Andy wanted to, but as usual, he was letting Sharon set the pace. Just like he had since the very beginning of this relationship. They had gone slow because she needed to, and he would wait for her forever if he had to, but there were times… like now, when it was just damned frustrating.
It wasn't like he thought that they never had arguments, because Rusty knew otherwise. It was just weird to come home and find Andy standing outside his and Sharon's bedroom talking to the door. He had been privy to a few of their more… heated discussions in the time that his mother had been dating the Lieutenant. He had even known about them before they started actually dating, back when they thought they were just very good friends. Typically it was because one of them usually said or did something that the other did not agree with. Normally it was the Lieutenant, although Rusty knew that his mother was not completely innocent in some of those encounters. Still, they were not the kind of fights that he was used to people in a relationship having. They were not the screaming and fighting matches his biological mother had with her boyfriends while he was growing up. No, when Sharon and Andy were arguing it was usually pretty quiet, and often pretty comical. Mainly because neither of them ever wanted to be the one to give in and that usually meant whoever was at fault tended to make the situation worse.
Rusty was smiling as he moved down the hall. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "What did you do this time?"
Flynn stared at the kid. Then he shook his head. He threw his hands up in disgust. "Why does it always have to be me?" He asked. "She's impossible!" Andy turned away from the door. He walked past the kid and headed back downstairs.
Sharon stood with her eyes closed and her fingers pressed to her forehead. She took a deep breath and tried to let it calm her. She could sense that she was being irrational. It was almost as if she was stuck on the outside of this situation, watching every irrational behavior that she was engaging in, but unable to stop it. Without meaning to, or even being the least bit at fault for it, Andy had triggered something in her. She thought that she had dealt with all of her insecurities about being in a relationship again, but apparently she was wrong. She did not, even for a moment, truly believe that he would ever be unfaithful to her. If she had ever entertained those doubts they would not be together now. She could not be with someone that she did not trust, and she did trust him, but her response tonight was not one that she could have foreseen and it seemed that it was not one that she could easily stop either.
A soft knock drew her attention. Sharon sighed. She knew that she had angered him, and quite possibly even hurt him, but she needed to understand exactly why she was having this response before they could talk about it. "Not yet, Andy. I need a few minutes." She needed to get her thoughts and her emotions back in order and then they could approach this as the more rational adults that they usually were.
"Mom, it's me." Rusty's voice came through the door. "Are you okay?"
Sharon moaned quietly. The last thing that she wanted or needed was for Rusty to be witness to this argument. Not when he was finally comfortable with them and accepting all of the changes in his life. Sharon pulled the door open and plastered a smile in place. "Everything is fine. You're home early," she said, and tried to deflect his concern. "I thought that you and Gus were going to stop by the bar on your home?"
She wasn't crying, but her eyes were definitely wet. Rusty gave her a knowing look. She wasn't fooling him. "Well, we were going to, but everyone left because some guys were being idiots." Rusty leaned against the now open doorjamb with his hands still in his pockets. He shrugged at her. "I guess stuff got kind of heated and they got out of there. Something about not getting in trouble with the boss," he teased.
A frown drew her brows together. Sharon's arms had moved to being more loosely folded across her chest. "What do you mean?" Andy hadn't told her that. Her eyes narrowed. She had the impression that he had not really planned on telling her any of it. On the one hand she wanted to know what all of them had done, but on the other, she was questioning why he was so reticent to clue her in. She went back to her earlier question. If not for the lipstick on his collar would he have mentioned it at all? Now she wanted to know if there was a bigger reason for that. "Rusty?"
She drew out the syllables of his name in a way that made him wince. Rusty shrugged again. He and Gus had gone to see a play with some friends, which was why they had not met everyone at the bar earlier in the evening. "When our show was over," he told her, "I called Buzz to see if they were all still at the bar. We were going to swing by and hang out with everyone. Buzz said that he and Julio had gone to get something to eat, but everyone else had gone home or out to do other things. He told me that there were some other police officers there and they were being jerks. They were trying to start an argument, I guess one of them used to work with Andy?" Rusty pushed away from the door and followed Sharon when she moved further into her room. She sat down on the bed and pulled a pillow into her lap. He sat on the cushioned bench at the foot of it, facing her.
"Detective Davidson," Sharon filled in for him. That much she already knew. Her head tilted. "Did Buzz give you any details on what actually happened?" Was the fact that they had all gotten into some sort of situation the reason that Andy wasn't going to tell her what happened? They walked a fine line. There were some things that she simply couldn't ignore, and she knew that made it harder to separate their personal and professional lives. There were things that he might tell his girlfriend that he simply could not, or would not, tell his boss and vice-versa. Sharon was beginning to feel a lot worse about their argument and the way that she had behaved.
"Just that they were making some noise about Andy and you." Rusty gave her a small, sad smile. "He wouldn't tell me all of it. He said it was mostly inappropriate and that it made Andy mad. I guess that he and Amy almost got into a fight with the other officers over it. They decided it wasn't worth it, though, and that they were in a bar full of cops so they all just left."
"I see." She did now. It would not be the first time that she or Andy had taken some negative or inappropriate remarks about their relationship. The problem with dating within the law enforcement community, and the reason that she had so carefully avoided doing that for so long, was because it was so small and news traveled so quickly. Once she and Andy began dating, there were not a lot of people who knew them both who hadn't known about it… or had an opinion of it. There were those who didn't like them and had disparaging things to say on the matter. Sharon was constantly reminded of Andy's previous reputation as a troublemaker, a drunk, and a womanizer. Likewise, she knew that Andy had taken some ribbing from other officers about sleeping with his boss, getting in to bed with the Ice Queen, and dating the Dragon Lady. Sharon wasn't blind to the reputation that she had from her days with Internal Affairs. The things that others said never bothered her, and she knew that Andy typically ignored it too. On the whole these were not the officers that they dealt with on a daily basis. Most everyone they worked with was professional enough to keep their opinions to themselves, if they even had one. Still, it had bothered Andy in the beginning, when their relationship was still new and he believed that he would never be good enough for her. They were past that now, but it seemed that others were not.
Sharon could well imagine the things that must have been said for the incident to escalate as it had, including the woman that Andy told her about. She placed the pillow that she was holding aside with a sigh. "Thank you, Rusty. You can go to bed. Everything is okay."
Rusty wondered if that was really true. At the same time, he knew that he wasn't supposed to get involved. Not that it always stopped him. He stood up. "You know, Mom. He doesn't mean to be an idiot." Rusty grinned at her. That was something that Lieutenant Provenza had said to him a long time ago, back when Andy and his mom first began dating. The Lieutenant warned him to go easy on the other guy. He didn't mean to be an idiot; it just came out that way sometimes. Although the Lieutenant hadn't been too keen on the idea at first either, he told Rusty to give Andy a chance, that he was crazy about his mother, and he would do anything for the opportunity to make her happy. Rusty had seen that now with his own eyes. He still thought it was all weird and gross, but his mother was happy, and she seemed to know what she was doing. Andy wasn't so bad. He was a bit of an idiot at times, but then, Rusty figured he was an idiot with Gus too sometimes, so it wasn't a big deal. "Goodnight, Mom."
She smiled as he left the room. "Good night," she called after him. Sharon shook her head. Her son still had the capacity to surprise her. She looked around the now silent bedroom and groaned. She covered her face with her hands. She was still upset, but at least she understood it a little better after speaking with Rusty. Her reaction was a wholly irrational one and triggered by events of her past and not by anything that Andy had actually done. Sharon sat on the bed for another moment before finally rising. She made her way from the room and back down the stairs. The lights on the first level were still turned off and a glance through one of the front windows showed her that Andy's car was still parked in the drive beside Rusty's. She didn't really think that he would leave because they argued, at least not without telling her that he was going for a drive.
She took a moment once she was downstairs to look around. The lights in the kitchen were not on. She looked through the double doors that led out onto the patio and found that the yard was only illuminated by the security lights along the tall privacy fence that surrounded their property. Sharon left the family room and moved to the back of the house. To one side of that wide, open room was the kitchen and a formal dining room, to the other, a wide entryway led into a den and from there a short hallway would take her to the back of the house. There was a small half bath just off the den for guests, but the den was still standing empty as they had not decided yet what to do with it. Sharon didn't want an office, she sat in an office all day, and Andy had no use of one. Any business that was handled at home was done at the writing desk in the family room, which Sharon had strategically placed near the double, patio doors so that she would have a view of the outside. They had talked of adding a couple of couches and filling it with books, but no final decisions had been made just yet. Beyond the den and down the hall was the laundry room. It was much larger than the little closet that she had at the condo. Sharon rather enjoyed the shelving and cabinetry that had been built into the room. The laundry room also opened into the backyard, and there were two wide windows on each side of the door that provided the room with a lot of natural light.
They had worried, when they first began discussing buying the house, that there were a lot of ways into and out of the structure. As police officers their concerns came naturally, an occupational hazard. There was also still the lingering threat of Phillip Stroh, even if they were certain that he was still abroad, he was always there, in the back of Sharon's mind. That was a place that he would remain as long as he was alive and free.
There was the main entrance at the front of the house, the double patio doors in the family room, and the single patio doors in the laundry room and kitchen. In addition there was also the door that opened into the house, just across from the laundry room, from the attached two-car garage. It was a garage that was currently serving as storage for everything that had come with them in the move that had not yet made it into the house or to a donation bin. By unspoken agreement between the men in her life, Sharon's car was parked in the remaining space while they left their vehicles in the driveway.
They had the security system installed to alleviate their concerns. It had come with the lights that bordered the bottom of the privacy fence and those at the front of the house, strategically placed within the flowerbeds that lined the front walk.
Sharon reflected, again, as she moved down the hall to the small, first floor guest room, that the house was much too large for just the two of them. It didn't seem like too much with Rusty there, but he would not live with them forever. They had talked about that when they saw the house that first time. It was huge. Easily triple the size of her condo and twice the size of Andy's house. That hadn't changed the fact that they had both immediately loved it. Rusty had liked it too, when they came back for a second look and brought him with them.
There was something else that they had considered, though, when seriously discussing whether or not they should make an offer on it. It wasn't only their lives that they were combining. They both had children. Nicole already had children. At some point there would be more grandchildren. If they were going to make a home together they had to stop thinking of things in terms of her family or his, but rather, as their family. Already the pool was a big hit with Nicole's stepsons, Ricky would be visiting soon, and there would be no reason now for him to sleep on the couch or for Rusty to give up his room. Emily would not have to question that there would be room for her, if she was able to finalize plans to visit when her brother was there. There was going to be enough room for everyone. The final deciding factor had come when Andy had looked at her, and said simply enough, that Rusty would never have to question that he had a home to come back to. There would always be a room for him there.
Sharon could not have loved him more than she had in that moment. A man that would so easily plan for a future, not just for himself, but for all of them was not a man that would hurt her in the way that her insecurities had wanted her to believe. There were still, it seemed, obstacles to be faced in this relationship, some of them were just buried far deeper than others.
In the small guestroom Sharon found a single lamp casting the room in soft light. There was a bathroom attached to it. It was little more than a shower stall and a toilet, with a very small vanity wedged into it, but it was functional. Sharon could hear the shower running as she moved into the room. There were clothes on the bed, a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt that she knew he would have gotten from the basket of clothes in the laundry room that was waiting to be put away. Sharon picked the items up and then sat on the edge of the bed. She held them in her lap, idly picking away at the seams of the sweat pants while she waited for Andy to finish his shower. She didn't look up again until she heard the water shut off a little while later.
He pulled the towel tiredly over his body before finally tying it around his waist and walking into the bedroom. Andy stopped when he spotted Sharon seated, waiting for him. He was a little surprised. He figured since he was in the doghouse that he might as well get comfortable for the night. She looked tired and sad; her face seemed to reflect the way that he felt.
She didn't say anything when he stopped beside the bed. Sharon stood up and held out the clothes that he had laid out for bed. He took the t-shirt and let the sweats fall to the bed, beside where she had been sitting. He watched her for a moment, and then he looked away and shook the shirt out. She moved behind him. Sharon laid a hand against his back and enjoyed the ripple of muscles beneath her palm as he sorted out his shirt. Her hand moved, sliding down his back and was replaced with her lips. Her arms moved around his waist and she leaned against his back. "I'm sorry," she said quietly.
Andy held the t-shirt in his hands for a moment longer. He exhaled quietly. "I'm not Jack," was all that he said. He thought about it while he was in the shower, while the hot water was chasing away the tension in his body. He was left aching and tired, and not at all sure why they had argued, save one reason. Jack. He cheated on her, more than once, and before he finally left her. Andy had heard the story from her point of view. The first time she caught him at it, she was about eight months pregnant with Ricky. Andy wondered if she knew that the rumors went back to well before that. Knowing her, she probably did, but it was the facts that she preferred to deal with. She had forgiven Jack more times and for more things than she probably should before finally separating herself from him. It had taken her a long time to rid herself of him completely.
"I know." She pressed her lips against his shoulder. For the first time in their relationship, going all the way back to when they had only been friends, she had treated him as though he were anything like her ex-husband. Andy wasn't Jack; it was why she had been able to let herself love him. Yes, they were both alcoholics that had blown their lives apart, but those were actions they had in common, and an illness, not personality traits. When he moved to pull the t-shirt over his head, Sharon leaned back and let her arms drop.
It was not until he had pulled it on that he reached for her. Andy reached back and caught her arm. He tugged her around in front of him and wrapped his arms around her. He turned his face into her hair and held her just as tightly as she was clinging to him. Her thirty-year marriage had left its marks on her. "I'd never—"
"I know." Sharon pressed her fingers to his lips. She didn't want to hear anymore. He didn't have to say it. She knew better. "The difference is, Jack would have taken her up on the offer. He would have laughed with Detective Davidson, and all of his friends, about how lucky he was to have someone looking out for him. He would have agreed that I was a frigid, hard ass and that he was only staying with me because of what it could do for him professionally." She spoke quietly, sad because they had argued, but not because she gave the insults any thought or power over her. "Jack would have made a few crude jokes at the expense of our sex life, and exaggerated every point until he was the center of attention and had gained everyone's sympathy. What he would not have done," she continued, "is put the detectives in their place, remove himself to avoid a more serious altercation, and then come home to me." Her gaze dropped then. Her fingers tugged at the hem of his t-shirt. "The jealous shrew that put him in that position to begin with."
"Don't." He tipped her chin up. His eyes burned dark in the dimly lit room. Andy didn't know how she had found out what all had happened that night, but he wasn't surprised by it. "If I really didn't want to go, I wouldn't go. It wasn't a bad night until those idiots showed up, but you didn't force me to do anything. I went because it was the right thing to do, and because you asked me to go." He would do anything for her, but that was his choice, not something she was pushing him in to. "They're assholes. They wanted to pick a fight, and they almost did. It wasn't about you, Sharon. It was me that they were trying to piss off. It was me that they were trying to make a fool of. If they thought they could cause trouble between us because of some cheap bimbo in trashy stilettos, then that was just a bonus for them. I wasn't interested, and the joke was on them, because yeah, I have you to come home to." He leaned close, his tone lowered, growing raspy and thick. "You are my type," he told her, repeating what he'd said earlier during their argument, but with far more meaning.
Sharon turned her face into his neck. Her hands slid up his back as she held tightly to him. There were tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered. She might not have been able to fully anticipate or prevent how she had reacted, but she could regret it, and did.
"Me too." A hand moved into her hair to cup the back of her head. His other arm remained firmly wrapped around her, holding her close. He had gotten defensive and said all the wrong things when he could have just told her what happened. He didn't want to hurt her though, didn't want her to know how people still thought of them. He didn't want Sharon to feel torn between getting involved as their CO and being upset about it as his girlfriend. Andy knew that it was a lot harder for her to keep their personal and professional lives separated than it was for him. He didn't want to make it harder on her. He did that anyway, on the personal front.
"I love you," she murmured. "Andy, I have never believed that you are capable of behaving that way," she said of their argument. "I knew that my reaction was wrong, I just couldn't stop it."
"You were married for over thirty years," he reminded her. "You've only been divorced for two. We'll figure it out." That was at the heart of why she had wanted to move slowly in their relationship. It, and the fact that she was worth waiting for, were why Andy had accepted her pace. He wondered now if maybe, just maybe, he rushed her a bit. It was too late to go back now, and he didn't want to, but he would be more careful. He reminded himself to think about what emotional pitfall she might be coming from before he let himself get frustrated with her or lose his temper… or before he decided to protect her from something that she could more than handle.
Sharon only hummed in response. She was content to remain in the circle of his arms until she realized how uncomfortable it might for him to be standing there in only a t-shirt and his towel. It was with some reluctance that she stepped back. "Come to bed," she said, and gave the towel a light tug.
"Yeah." The bed in the guestroom was her old bed. They had bought another one when they moved in to the house, one that suited them both. Andy wasn't too thrilled at the idea of sleeping on this one. It killed his back. He wanted his own bed, but more than that, he wanted her curled up beside him. That was all that he had wanted all night, to come home and go to bed with the woman he loved. Andy finished getting dressed before he let her lead him out of the room. His arm wrapped around her as they headed upstairs.
Once they had gained the sanctuary of their shared room, Andy turned down the bed while Sharon changed. When she crawled in to bed beside him a few minutes later she wore a pair of cotton pajama pants and a plain, white tank top. She got comfortable on her side and settled close to him with her back pressed against his chest and his arm around her waist. Her eyes closed and she gave a contented sigh. This was really all she had wanted all evening too.
They lay beside each other, both tired, but neither sliding into slumber just yet. There was still a sense of discomfiture in the air. Finally Sharon rolled on to her back and looked up at him. In the moonlit glow from the windows she could just make out his features. His arm was still around her, but when she moved, his hand slipped to her stomach. Sharon's fingers stroked his forearm in a simple, relaxing caress. "What you said earlier," she began carefully, not quite sure how to put the question in her mind to words, but knowing that she needed to, "about a ring on your finger. Is that… Andy, I didn't think that option was on the table for us."
Marriage was not something that they had ever discussed, at least not where it pertained to them together. They had discussed the matter. Sharon recalled a conversation they had a couple of years ago. They had been out to dinner on one of their non-dates. Andy was telling her about his most recent guys night out with Provenza, or as he sometimes called them, nights when Provenza wanted drinks and someone to drive him home. At that time the other Lieutenant had only been dating Patrice for a few months, but Andy had laughed as he told her that Provenza had started making noises about this one being the one. Andy had told her that he had to give Provenza props; when it came to marriage his partner kept trying it on for size, even when the marriages didn't fit. He, on the other hand, had tried it the once and that was enough.
"You said that you would never get married again," she reminded him. If she was completely honest about it, she wasn't ready either at the time they made the decision to combine their households. They had been living together for a few months now, though, and the thought was there before he planted it. When he said that he wanted them to live together, Sharon had accepted that it was his way of committing to her, to their future. She had known who he was when she fell in love with him. She wouldn't try to change him. She did not want to change him.
Andy lifted his head and propped it in his hand. "I didn't plan on it," he said, and could recall the conversation that she was referencing. That was a long time ago, before he thought she would ever consider going out with him. His thumb stroked her stomach. Andy shrugged. "But I never expected to be with you, either." After his divorce, and once he got sober, he was more than happy to live the single life. Yeah, he had a reputation. He had gone through women like they were cheap suits for a while. When he got tired of that, he went out when he wanted to, when it suited him. He didn't date seriously. He always kept it casual. That was until Sharon. He had known, from the very beginning, that she wouldn't be a fling. He just never let himself believe they would get this far.
"Are you thinking about it now?" The question was a little more breathy than she had intended, but Sharon thought that this was a door that was firmly closed. He hadn't brought it up before, but that didn't mean that he was never going to.
Andy didn't answer immediately. He lay beside her for a few moments. He didn't want her to think that it was an off the cuff response, or just some idea that he had because they were arguing. His lips pursed. She was watching him, wide-eyed and curious. She looked surprised at the idea, but not spooked by it. Sharon had never mentioned marriage either, but if she thought it was off the table, that would be why. Still, he had to know that the idea would have occurred to her. She did like her rules.
When Andy sat up and moved from the bed, Sharon leaned up her elbows. He had tapped the lamp on his side of the bed, turning it on to its lowest setting. It was just enough light to fill the room with a soft enough glow that he could move easily and she could track his movements as he crossed the room. She watched him move to the closet. He opened one of the double doors of the large, walk-in structure and stepped into it. There were shelves on both sides, and from where she lay, Sharon could see him reach up and pull something down from one of the high shelves in the back. Andy was as much of a clotheshorse as she was, and just as organized. It was one of the many ways that they simply fit easily together.
He returned to the bed a couple of minutes later and regained his spot beside her. This time, he arranged his pillows behind him and sat with his back propped against the headboard. There was a small, dark pouch in his hand. Andy turned it over between his fingers a couple of times before he finally opened and let the contents tumble out into his palm. "I bought it the day after we closed on the house."
A simple gleaming band and a well-cut stone caught the faint light from the lap and sparkled up at her. Sharon sat up beside him and studied the ring in his palm. The tips of her fingers itched and she gave in to the sensation. She lifted it carefully. Although her breath caught at the simple beauty of it, and all that it meant for them, her heart was beating a steady rhythm in her chest. Warmth filled her. "You never said anything." She looked up at him again and found him studying her carefully.
"We weren't ready." He was, but Andy had known that she wasn't. He watched her and the delight in her eyes was a relief. One of his shoulders lifted in a shrug. "I was going to do it at Christmas. It's your favorite time of year," he explained. "I know it's corny, but I thought your sense of occasion would appreciate it." Unless something happened to stop their plans, they were going away for the holiday this year. They weren't joining the rest of her family, not this time; they weren't ready for that yet. It was going to be her kids, though, and his, and Gus was joining them. They hadn't decided between Colorado or the mountains of New Mexico yet, but Sharon wanted it to be some place cold, with snow.
A smile curved her lips. She held the ring for just a moment longer before placing it back in his hand. "Yes it would," she agreed. Sharon inclined her head at him. He spoke in the past tense now. She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before she asked quietly, "And now?"
Andy shrugged again. "I guess my big mouth ruined the surprise." He studied the ring in his hand. He worked it through his fingers before reaching for her hand. "This is not how I planned it," he said, voice growing low and raspy with emotion. "We were gonna have dinner, maybe go for a walk in the snow." He missed a good winter scene. He liked living in southern California, but he could recall just how magical the snow could be beneath a bright, full moon. That was the vision he had in mind when he thought about how he would ask her to marry him.
Sharon laid her chin against his shoulder. She watched him slide the ring onto her finger. Moisture filled her eyes. It fit just perfectly. Once it was in place, their fingers clasped together. "I don't need grand romantic gestures to make me happy, Andy. You make me happy."
She lifted her head when his turned and he looked down at her. "Right here with you, that's where I wanna be, for the rest of my life, however long that is. I didn't have a reason to get married again, Sharon. I didn't have you. It's on the table, if you want it to be."
She drew her bottom lip between her teeth. For a man who didn't think that he had a way with words, he usually said the right things, in just the right way. This might not have been the proposal that he imagined, but it was the two of them, in the most honest setting they had. That was the life that she wanted with him. Even with all of the ups and downs and missteps. It wasn't their mistakes that would define their life together; it was how they handled them. A smile lit her face, her eyes shined at him with utter joy. "Fine."
Andy curled an arm around her and pulled her down onto the bed with him. "We are going to have to find you a new word," he decided. He reached out and tapped the lamp again until the light was extinguished. He found her lips in the dark and her laugh had him smiling against her mouth. "I love you."
She hummed as he settled against her. She drew her legs up along his body as they both got comfortable and their smiling, open-mouthed kisses began to linger and grow more passionate. "I do," she whispered against his mouth, in answer to his proposal. "I most definitely do." She had not expected to love again, but she did. She had not thought that she would want to share her life with another, but she did. She never thought she would want to get married again, but this man, he had taken her by surprise. He moved in to her life until she could not imagine moving forward without him in it. She wanted him, all of him, and more than that, she wanted to give him all of her.
Andy lifted his head before things could become too heated and gave her a very serious look. "We'll tell everyone that it was really romantic though, right?"
Sharon stared up at him. He looked so very worried and adorable. She snorted a laugh and wrapped her arms around him. As his arms circled her, holding her just as tightly while they both laughed at the utterly ridiculous image they must paint, having just agreed to get married while laying in bed, dressed in their oldest and most comfortable pajamas, Sharon thought that while he may not be perfect, and neither was she, he was perfect for her.
-TBC-