A one-shot challenge. I do not own any characters except Fifi, M, and Big C.

WARNING: This fan fiction is rated NC-17 because of the epic breakdown.

Meet the contestants:

Sam

Fifi

Owen

Ezekiel

Dakota

Anne Maria

Eva

Izzy

Staci

M

Big C

Gabumon

Bmo

Princess Bubblegum

Fluttershy

Spike

Sunset Shimmer

The Great and Powerful Trixie

Snips

Snails

Rarity

Gwen

Cindy Vortex

Jimmy Neutron

Trent

Professor Ratigan

Discord

B

Battle of the Bands: Post-merger

"Today's challenge is a battle of the bands," said Chris McLean. "The first band to perform today will be Owen, Eva, Gabumon, and Fifi."

"I still don't know what I'm doing," said Owen. Fifi started playing blues guitar.

"Fuck!" yelled Eva, as her voice crashed as loudly as her drum kit.

Then Gabumon started singing.

Troubles coming for the free men.
We shake them, shake them with the free hand.
So stand tall, shout out with me.

Do your dirty work without me.
Say you're best when no one can see.
Stand up, catch fire with me.

"This kid, this kid, this kid, this kid, this kid," repeated the band members.

This kid's not alright.
This kid's not alright.
This kid's not alright.
But this kid's not alright.

I've been sleeping with these,
I've been sleeping with these thoughts, man
I've been contemplating singing them.
So stand up, catch fire with me.

(This kid, this kid, this kid, this kid, this kid)

You can follow them to hell.

This kid's not alright.
This kid's not alright.
This kid's not alright.
But this kid's not alright.

I'm scared, I may derail.

You can follow them to hell.
You can follow them to hell.
You can follow them to hell.
You can follow them to hell.
You can follow them to hell.

This kid's not alright.
You can follow them to hell.
This kid's not alright.
You can follow them to hell.
This kid's not alright.
You can follow them to hell.
But this kid's not alright.

Gabumon slid on his knees as the contestants cheered wildly.

CONFESSIONAL:

"Wolf boy was right," said Izzy. "One of those kids isn't all right."

"I have a bad feeling about this," whined Big C.

"This story is about to go downhill on a tangent," said Jimmy.

"Okay, now Trent, Spike, Discord, Anne Maria, and Sunset Shimmer will perform..." said Chris.

Trixie started muttering a curse in Latin. After reciting the chant, her horn glowed.

"I belong with you, you belong with me in my sweet home..." sang Trent as he strummed his guitar.

"We don't want that folk crap, you know?" suggested Anne Maria.

Spike then cleared his throat as electronic rock music started playing behind him. Then he started singing...

It's bugging me, grating me
And twisting me around
Yeah I'm endlessly caving in
And turning inside out, 'cause...

Instead of singing "I want it now", Spike was roaring and screeching brutally.

"Am I shrinking?" wondered Izzy. "Or am I deaf?"

"No, look!" said B-MO as he pointed at almost everyone. "Everyone's growing into hideous monsters!"

Ezekiel, Dakota, M, Bubblegum, Spike, Sunset Shimmer, Snips, Snails, Jimmy, and Ratigan were indeed transforming extremely painfully.

"And there's another nigger!" said Snips the demon. He was talking about M, who was now a 234 foot tall slime monster.

"Look, a bigger nigger!" screamed Snails, who was also a demon. He was talking about Princess Bubblegum.

B bitch slapped Snails.

"Change my pitch up, smack my bitch up!" cheered Rarity. "WAH!" Then Spike clutched the pony, squeezing her guts out.

Jimmy was now orange Hulked out, repeatedly smashing Cindy's head onto a giant boulder.

"Neutron... YOU... ARE... ONE... DEAD... MOTHERFUCKER!" screeched Cindy, whose skull was bleeding profusely. Then he bit her head off. Chef Hatchet threw shuriken stars at Jimmy, cutting off his throat.

Spike picked up Eva and snapped her spine like a piece of celery. He then threw her dead body into the lake, then the savage dragon swallowed the Gollum Ezekiel in one gulp.

M picked up Staci and started fucking her.

"Ride me like a cowboy, muthafucka!" said Staci. "Did you know my parents invented sex?"

Gabumon spit out a blizzard, forming a block of ice to trip any monsters. Princess Bubblegum tripped over the ice, fell into the lake and drowned. Then Fifi stripped naked, showing off her big tits and hairy pussy. Then a motorboat crashed on her head, and she bled out.

Gwen returned from the restroom, carrying a boombox that was blasting out Third Eye Blind's greatest hits. She dropped the music player on Professor Ratigan, who was now foaming out the mouth, crushing him to death.

M stomped on Chris and Chef. Big C was shocked, so he recited an Ancient Chinese chant. He slowly grew bat wings and his hands were holding blowtorches.

"Shit just got real!" said Big C. "Now that I'm host..." he burnt Sunset Shimmer and Dakota to a crisp. "I'm going in for the kill." Then he handed Gabumon and Fluttershy the blowtorches.

"Ow," said Gabumon. "This is heavy."

"I know, right?" agreed Fluttershy.

"Hold on, I've got an idea," said Sam as he set down his 3DS. "Let's throw oranges at M, and swords at Snips and Snails."

"NO!" yelled two voices.

"You can't do this! M was like a son to me!" insisted Discord.

"And I need those retards to be my bitches," warned Trixie.

"Who cares," said Anne Maria. "If you need them? They're freaks of nature that don't deserve to live!"

She threw an aerosol can at the three remaining mutants. The one that hit M was orange scented, which caused the giant to implode, covering everyong in slime. Since Snips and Snails were allergic to this slime, they died of a massive heart attack.

Back at the stage, Trent was still playing his acoustic guitar to entertain Owen.

"I guess you win the challenge by default, Trent," said Owen. "You stayed on stage the longest."

After a very long funeral, Sam, Owen, Anne Maria, Izzy, Staci, Big C, Gabumon, Bmo, Discord, Fluttershy, Trixie, Gwen, Trent, and B gathered by the campfire.

"Who started this?!" yelled Big C. "If I don't hear an answer in the next 30 seconds..."

"I heard Trixie reciting a Latin omen!" yelled Gabumon. "I couldn't understand her, but when her horn started to glow, Spike started singing brutal death metal like Paris Hilton!"

"Uh... Paris Hilton isn't even a death metal singer," said Gwen.

"Trixie, give me your hat, cape, wand, pendant, and spell book," commanded Big C. "You've been eliminated from the island."

Just as Trixie stripped herself, the surviving contestants heard what could be best described as a parakeet crossed with a tyrannosaurus rex.

"Jason Kreis, Spike's still alive!" yelled Izzy.

"Hey, you can't take the Son of God's name in vain!" said Anne Maria.

"No, she took a soccer player's name in vain," explained Discord. "Let's go!" The draconequus snapped his fingers and teleported everyone to the stage.

Back at the stage, the Beatles (Bret Michaels, Adolf Hitler, Waluigi, and Riolu) were fighting Spike. Then the dragon burnt Riolu with a lime-green flame.

"Du hast unser Schlagzeuger getötet!" yelled Hitler.

Bret tried to electrocute Spike with his microphone, Hitler smacked Spike with his burning guitar, and Waluigi, being Waluigi, tied Spike down with his bass guitar strings.

But this all failed, and Spike broke free.

"Quick, play Dio's greatest hits!" said Bret Michaels. Waluigi pulled out an iPhone and selected an album by Dio. But it wasn't the heavy metal Dio. It was some shitty ass Dutch rapper.

Ze kijken me aan, zeggen dat moet hem zijn. Jep precies wat je had moeten zijn en bij deze wil ik iedereen mn excuses aanbieden, ik had nooit zo'n fackin dope rapper moeten zijn. Maar het spijt me, homie begrijp me, als jij het niet doet, doe ik het voor ons beiden.

Ik ga veel te hard, schatje blijf bij me, anders ben ik weg, anders ben ik pleite. PEACE. Whattup, hoeisset, wie wie wie is het?
Fans in de game die kunnen me niet missen, rappers in de game die kunnen me niet dissen en als ik me niet vergis, dan kan ik me niet vergissen. Ik ben aan, jep ik ben moeilijk. Ja ik ben een bom en ik doe niet eens moeite. Baby bevoel me, maar raak me niet aan. Dus gap pak je spullen, nigga laten we gaan. En daarna ben ik weg!

"ScheiBe!" yelled Hitler.

And yes, Spike was raging everywhere now, with no sign of slowing down.

"Nice job, Adolf!" snapped Bret.

Just then, Big C and the contestants arrived at the scene of the crime.

"Who are you?" said

"Wir sind die Beatles," said Adolf Hitler.

"No, you're Adolf Hitler," said Izzy.

"What seems to be the problem," said Trent.

"We trying to kill dragon, but muthafucka no listen!" said Waluigi. "Dumbass Hitler wanted play heavy metal, but Waluigi picked shit rapper."

"Wait the fuck up," said Big C. "What did the dragon look like?"

"I'm blind," said Bret Michaels. "He was about two feet tall, looked like a lizard, red and yellow, long whiskers, sounded like a nigger."

"That's not fucking funny!" said Discord. "Tell the truth."

"About two stories tall, purple and green, all spiky and shit, didn't speak English," said Waluigi.

"Ja, er ist es," confirmed Hitler.

"Well gang," said Gabumon. "We've got to kill a dragon. Big C, read us one of Trixie's spells."

"Please?" begged B-MO.

"Well, all right," said Big C, who was dressed as the great and powerful pony. (Trixie was now on her way back to Equestria on a motor boat) Big C cleared his throat, and started to recite the first spell.

"Tell me, do you think it'd be alright if I could Just crash here tonight? As you see I'm in no shape for drivin', and any way I've got no place to go. And you know it might not be that bad. You were the best I ever had. If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago, I might not be alone. Tomorrow we can drive around this town, and let the cops chase us around. The past is gone but something might be found to take its place. Hey jealousy!"

At first, nothing. Then Big C turned into a skunk.

"Goddamn it!" he said. "B-MO, you're our only hope! Hurry, because I hear booming steps!"

Fluttershy pulled the spell book up to B-Mo, who then started reading another spell.

I would swallow my pride, I would choke on the rinds, but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside. Swallow my doubt turn it inside out. Find nothin' but faith in nothin'. Want to put my tender, heart in a blender. Watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion. Rendezvous then I'm through with you.

Bret, Hitler, and Waluigi turned into real beetles. Then Timon and Pumbaa showed up from out of nowhere and ate them. Staci was annoyed, so she grabbed the gun that her grandfather had invented. She riddled them with bullets until they bled out.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Yipe," said Fluttershy, who hid behind Discord.

"Fuck," said Gabumon. "Trent, did you do that?"

"Mmm, no," said Trent. "I think it's Spike."

"SPIKE!?" screamed everyone who was still alive.

The frightening dragon was on his way, destroying, raping, pillaging, murdering, and burning everyone and everything in sight. Soon man and beast came together.

B signaled for everyone to hide in random places, as Spike took everybody's belonings.

"Here's the game plan," said Big C, who was now a human again. "Discord creates some airplanes for us to lead an air assault against Spike. Then we have him and Trixie arrested."

"I'm on it, cunt," said Discord. He and Fluttershy took to the skies, shooting at free will.

"Fuck! Why the fuck isn't he fucking hurt!?" yelled Discord. He waved his arms in a gesture. "Oh shit..." He instantly turned to stone, then Spike smashed the stone statue into smithereens.

"It is because dragons are impervious to magic," explained Sam. "I heard so in Dungeons and Dragons."

"What?" said B-Mo.

"That means that magic will never work on a dragon," expressed Fluttershy.

"So that means that Spike can't be a cute baby anymore?" gasped Owen.

"Yup," said Anne Maria sadly.

"Guys," said Big C, reading Trixie's spell book. "I think I've got a fool-proof master plan."

"Last time, you got Spike growing even taller!" hissed Staci. "Gimme that!" She then started to read a chant...

Staci: Avada Kedavra! What a wonderful curse.

Sam: Avada Kedavra! They don't get any worse.

Staci: It means no Spikey, better call him a hearse...

"Okay, he's a hearse," said Owen.

Staci: It's my trouble-free, artillery...

Everyone: Avada Kedavra!

Staci picked up Trixie's wand, which started to glow. "I wish for... all the inventions my ancestors have ever made!"

Bad idea. Spike saw Staci's hoard, then he swallowed her whole and grew even taller and scarier.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

"I hear thunder... but there's no rain..." said Gabumon. Then he and Fluttershy were struck by lightning. They survived, but were knocked unconscious.

Just then, Snips and Snails came back from the dead, as normal ponies again.

"Snails, make your horn grow," said Snips.

"Finally, I don't need to listen to those bitches," said Snails. His horn started to glow as it grew to 50 miles long. Sam fashioned the horn into a sword, killing Snails again.

CONFESSIONAL:

"But it was a mercy kill," insisted Sam. "He was a zombie!"

"Okay, it's time for me to save the world," thought Sam. Holding the world's longest sword, he piggy backed on B-Mo, and threw the sword right through Spike's gut. Spike started coughing up blood, which spewed all over Big C's body. Spike fell to the ground, deader than dead.

"Uh-oh..." said Big C. "I'm gonna owe my broadcasters billions for the brutal property damages! How can I wish away the dead bodies and debris?" He picked up the spell book, which was already falling apart. "In order to set everything back to normal, you must kill a unicorn and drink its blood."

So Big C killed Snips for the second time by ripping off his front hooves. He licked Snips' bleeding legs, and sent him to the glue factory.

It was a very sad day at Pakhitew Island, said the narrator. Fluttershy was devastated that Discord mercy killed himself. Although Sam saved the day, he would never get over the loss of Dakota.

The Great and Powerful Trixie was arrested for inciting chaos, but she was cleared of all charges because there was no photographic proof.

Epilogue:

Gabumon woke up, with a massive pain in the ass. It was Fluttershy, who was sewn to his asshole like the Human Centipede.

"NO!" screamed the Digimon.

Fates:

Alive: Sam, Owen, Anne Maria, Izzy, Big C, Gabumon, Bmo, Fluttershy, Trixie, Gwen, Trent, and B

Dead: Fifi (crushed by a motorboat), Ezekiel (vored by Spike), Dakota (burnt to ashes by Big C), Eva (spine snapped by Spike), M (exploded after being hit by Anne Maria's aerosol can), Bubblegum (drowned by Gabumon), Sunset Shimmer (burnt by Big C), Snails (mercy killed by Sam), Rarity (suffocated by Spike), Cindy (bleeding head bitten off by Jimmy), Jimmy (throat slit by Chef Hatchet), Ratigan (crushed by Gwen), Bret Michaels (eaten by Timon), Hitler (eaten by Pumbaa), Waluigi (eaten by Timon), Riolu (burnt by Spike), Timon and Pumbaa (shot dead by Staci), Discord (turned himself to stone, then smashed to bits by Spike), Staci (eaten alive by Spike), Spike (impaled with brutal justice by Sam), Snips (made into glue)