Gone, Still
Preview
"Whenever I see you around with your friends and you're smiling, it makes me so happy because you're so beautiful, and it lets me know that you're happy and enjoying life. But then it comes to me that I'm not the one causing that smile, and I haven't been the cause for a very long time, and then I grow sad, sometimes I cry. Isn't that strange that someone's smile could cause someone's tears? I make mistakes, that's what I do. I'm human. I told myself that I wouldn't cry in front of you. Seems I'm letting everybody down, huh? Because let me tell you, I'm pretty disappointed in myself right now for letting you see this. But I'm broken now. You've broken me. I miss the way you smile and laugh, I do. I miss the way your face looks when you see something stupid on TV. I miss the way your voice grows louder and louder when we debate about politics or something. I miss the way you eat your food. I miss the way you sleep. I miss the way you cuddle next to me during a thunderstorm or in the morning right before the dawn. I miss the way your warm legs wrap around my cold. I miss the way your breath feels on the back of my neck while we're falling asleep. I miss the way you look when you're angry, when you're confused. Fuck, I even miss the way you look when you're sad. These looks you give me now, these looks of indifference and apathy…I can't take them. I miss the way you lay across the couch when we're watching a movie late at night. I miss the way we'd listen to music together for hours. I miss the way your toes curl when we make love. I miss…I miss everything, it seems. There's so much I remember about you, so much I don't want to remember. It makes it so hard to let go, to move on. Look at me! I'm in ruin! I don't know how to live without you. I've never had to. I don't know the world anymore. I can't remember it before you. Please don't abandon me."
"You abandoned me first."
Coming Late 2012