The Identity Theft

by samanddianefan10

Based off the Cheers episode, the Bar Bet, which guest-starred Michael Richards. Jerry finds out a startling revelation about Kramer, which leads him to wonder just how well he knows his friend after all. With thanks to Iloveromance, who in a round-about way inspired this little fic.

"So you said your name was Eddie Gordon?" Jerry asked as he took a sip of his Snapple.

"Yep. So close. I almost had me a bar. A bar! Can't you just see me as an owner of a local establishment?" Kramer asked as he helped himself to a banana.

"What on earth would possess you to do such a thing?"

"I don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Jerry raised his eyebrow. "A good idea? Conning some poor lush out his own livelihood seemed like a good idea to you?"

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"Everything. For one thing, you don't know the guy..."

"Sam. Sam Malone," Kramer responded.

"Sam Malone, the ballplayer?"

"Yep. The one and only. You don't have to worry about him, Jerry. Guys like that bounce back all the time, a cat with nine lives, I tell ya!"

"Kramer, but what if he didn't bounce back? What if he became, you know..."

"What?"

"What if he became a bum or something? Then what would you do?"

Kramer thought about it for a minute. "You know, I bet I could do something for the guy. I know. Maybe I could buy him a big salad or something!"

Jerry chortled. "You toss the guy out on the street and all you can do is offer the guy a big salad? Come on."

"What do you want me to do? It's not like I know the guy."

"Yeah. It's usually those kinds of scams you save for your friends. Thanks, Kramer."

"You're welcome."

Jerry sighed. "Look, so what if you got the bar, gave the guy a big salad, then what would you do? Would you really give your live away for Boston? What's Boston got that we don't?"

"The Sox! The Sox, Jerry! One of these days they're going to win the pennant, I tell you."

"Yeah, keep dreaming. Boy, Kramer...You think you know a guy and then you find out he cooks up a scheme to con a guy out of his bar. How do you keep topping yourself?"

"I don't know how I do it," Kramer grinned ."What can I say? It ain't easy being me."

For once during this whole conversation, Jerry found himself actually agreeing with Kramer. There was only one of his friend, for which Jerry was sure the world would breathe a collective sigh of relief.

The end