"I just can't do this anymore, Joel."
The man's girlfriend of a year and three months had sat him down with a sympathetic face and determined eyes. "You lost your job two months ago and still haven't even tried to get a new one. And I was understanding when your mom died last month, I really was, but you need to get over it! All you ever do is sit around watching stocks and complaining about the government!" She wailed, looking at the man in front of her, almost pleadingly.
"I just don't love you anymore." She whispered, biting her lower lip. She waited for Joel to reply, for the forty-two year old man whose life was crumbling around him to do something; yell, scream, break something, cry, ANYTHING.
"Okay." He said simply.
The woman puffed out her cheeks angrily, her face reddening as she stood. "Over a year with you and all you can say is okay?! I will never understand your crazy mind, Joel Heyman!" She yelled, snatching up her purse. "I'll be back for my shit next week." And with that, she was gone, slamming the door behind her.
Joel only sat there, dead, weary eyes still set on where she last sat. He sighed heavily, raking fingers through his black hair, making it stick up even more than it normally did.
"Okay." He whispered again as he shoved his keys into his pocket; he left his now-empty apartment at a leisurely pace, climbing into his car and driving to the only place he knew to go, the only place he WANTED to go.
The cliff loomed in front of him and he parked his car, leaving the keys in the ignition and the doors unlocked; maybe someone would find it before the battery died, and it wouldn't go to waste.
He took slow, long strides to the edge, peering over into the grey water, speckled black with sharp, jagged rocks. Joel scrunched up his forehead.
People always described looking off a cliff as beautiful, but to him, especially with the clouds overhead, it just looked dismal; then again, he was dismal. It would only make sense that he died that way.
He removed his shoes, tossing them by the car for whoever found it, digging his socked toes into the earth at the edge.
He wasn't having second thoughts; no, that's not how he worked. Once his odd mind decided something, he was set, and it had decided to jump off the cliff.
His feet left the earth and he felt his heart jump to his throat, pounding painfully as air whisked past him, filling his ears and brain.
But that wasn't all he heard. He could hear a faint yelling, a curse even? And then he was colliding with something hard.
Ray flipped his long, maroon tail lazily, gliding through the ocean at an even pace as he slid between rocks. His dark hair flattened to his head as he broke the surface of the water, brown eyes scanning for any people on the shore. Seeing none, he grinned, stretching into the cool Texas air and looking up to the clouded sky.
A speck caught his attention and he followed it curiously, squinting to see what it was. A bird, maybe? No, it was too big.
He swam a bit closer until limbs came into focus and it clicked. "Oh what the fuck?!" He yelled, quickly swimming down to shoot back up, jumping into the air and wrapping his arms around the torso of the man mere feet away from a sharp rock. They slammed into the water meters away, the dark water smacking against their skin and stinging slightly.
The man went under and Ray dove after him, pulling him to the surface and holding him up by his arm as he coughed and spluttered. He waited until the man was done, resulting in over ten minutes of holding the shocked man, before turning to reprimand him.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK YO-"
"No." The man choked out, his eyes staring at the flippers on either side of Ray's head. Ray stopped mid-sentence, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.
"What?"
"No." The man said more firmly, shaking free of the merman's grasp. "No fucking way. Just no." He began to swim away and Ray flicked his tail to catch up, completely bewildered.
"Wait! Where do you think you're goi-"
"I know this isn't a dream. And there's no fucking way I'm dealing with the fact that my suicide attempt was somehow just stopped by a fishman. Not today." He drawled out as he waded to the shore, trudging across the sand until he was out of view, leaving the stunned merman behind.
"What a fucking asshole! Unbelievable! The guy finds out mermaids exist and just fucking leaves." Ray pouted, swimming back to his little cave home. He peeled back the weeds he'd woven together to form a curtain covering the entrance and made his way inside, the small scales on his spine bristled with his irritation. "He should be freaking out right now! Or at least a little bit excited!" He whined, resting his head against the wall. "Stupid, pretty human. What an asshole. I don't even know why I like those things." He grumbled, grooming his flippers absently.
Ray awoke the next morning with a nagging feeling still sticking to his scales, the human's nonchalance taunting him. He went for a swim, hoping to clear his head, but returned just as annoyed.
He was lounging on the edge of the shore, half of his body on the sun-warmed sand, when he heard footsteps. His ear flippers perked up and he made to leap into the water.
"Wait!" He heard a voice say and paused, narrowing his eyes as the man from the day before rounded the corner.
"Oh. It's you." Ray spat, flaring out his fins.
"Um, hi." The man stepped forward timidly, waving a hand. "I'm Joel."
Ray puffed out his lower lip, still annoyed. "I'm Ray." He finally huffed out, returning to where he had been laying.
"Hey. Err…" Joel sat down beside Ray's head, his eyes trailing down his long, sleek, maroon tail in amazement. It made Ray feel a little better to get the attention he finally deserved. "Thanks for... saving me yesterday."
"Even though you were a total asshole about it."
"And sorry I was an asshole. In my defense, I was kinda trying to off myself only to be saved by a mythical creature. Do you mind?" He had a hand halfway stretched towards one of Ray's pectoral fins. The merman shook his head, outstretching the striped appendage for inspection. Joel ran his hand over the silky appendage, feeling it between his fingers curiously. "Wow." He murmured and Ray grinned.
"Speaking of which, why the fuck were you trying to kill yourself anyways?" Ray threw him an accusatory glare, one that Joel returned with genuine confusion.
"I didn't want to live anymore." He said simply, as if that cleared everything up. Ray paused, frowning, before shrugging.
"And why are you not more freaked out over the whole 'mermaids are real' thing?" He twisted his tail to emphasize, splashing the water slightly.
"Well, at first I was just kinda pissed, as you know. Then I went home and thought about it. You're real, and that's really awesome. I don't see why I should get all freaked out though. It's like discovering a new species of animal, isn't it? It's been there; we just didn't know. Now that I know, I can file it under information I have discovered and continue on with my life. I came back here to thank you, though. For saving me." He smiled and it made his eyes sparkle with a passion and youth that made him look much more beautiful.
"Oh! Um, it's fine. It was just natural instinct, y'know?"
"You went all Ariel on me." Joel mumbled, smirking to himself.
"Does that make you my prince Eric?" Ray cooed and Joel looked at him in surprise.
"You know The Little Mermaid?"
"Yeah, man! I know a few of the classic movies. I used to know this old man, super chill guy, and we'd hang out. He showed me a few movies." Ray shrugged, flopping onto his back. Joel was messing with his tail, rubbing the translucent material there.
"So are you exactly like them or…?"
Ray chuckled, shaking his head. "Nah. A lot of us like to kill sailors and stuff, like in the legends. Not me of course!" He added, glancing at the look of horror on Joel's face. "We have two pectoral fins and a dorsal fin on our tail, which the movie lacked, and scales on our spines. Also our ear flippers." He waggled them, grinning. "Um, we have these little scales on our arms as well as another fin on each, and our hands are webbed. Oh, fuck, and our eyes are different. Besides that, I guess we are sorta similar. We come in different colors and breeds and stuff." He stretched out his arms and the fins spread out, captivating Joel's attention.
"That's incredible." Joel breathed out, making Ray shake his head.
"Nah, humans are way crazier. The old man used to tell me about you guys, and your cultures. Cities and wars and murder. You guys are badass. Mermaids are nomads, unless we're packing up to bring down a ship or something. And your years are so weird. Like, how old are you?"
"Um, forty-two?"
"See? That's so weird!" Ray exclaimed, propping himself up on his elbows.
"Well how old are you?" Joel frowned, his gaze raking over the mermaid's face.
"Fourteen, approximately."
"No fucking way!" Joel dropped the tail, scooting back.
"Shut up. In human time, I'm twenty-four. See, mermaids judge one year on the rotation of Venus around the sun, which takes a shorter amount of time than Earth." He explained as Joel returned to where he had been.
"That's dumb. We live on Earth. Why judge it on another planet?" Joel asked, leaning in to examine a particularly sparkly scale.
"I dunno, I guess it's like, our token planet. Mermaids are a lot different than humans when it comes to Gods and worship and such. We all just feel a connection to Venus. It's impossible to explain."
"Okay." Joel nodded understandingly. "Hey, is it okay if I come back here tomorrow?" He asked suddenly, his gaze not breaking from where he sat watching the ripples on Ray's tail from the light.
"Sure, if you want."
And he did. In fact, he came back every day that week. He would sit and listen, usually playing with one of Ray's fins, while the young merman told about his culture, where he'd been born, and the peaceful history of the mermaids (peaceful within them, not with humans). In turn, Joel would tell Ray about his life. He talked about his good friend Jack, new movies, and the internet. Video games particularly interested Ray, and he would make Joel tell him every detail of his experience with them.
"I'd like to show you where I live." Ray said one day, flicking a grain of sand at the older man.
"How's that possible?" Joel chirped, batting it away with a playful scowl.
"Well, I know you feet people can't breathe underwater…"
"Feet people?"
"But I have a way to give you air when you need it. All you'd have to do is tap me when you need air, okay?" He continued, flipping his tail around as he slid farther back into the water. Joel paused, wary, before nodding and stripping off his shirt.
Ray watched curiously as Joel took off his clothes until he stood in nothing but his boxers, shuffling on his bare feet rather awkwardly. "No scales of any kind? You humans are seriously weird." Ray remarked, his fish-like pupils widening slightly.
"Shut the fuck up. How's the water temperature?" Joel asked, looking down at the grey ocean warily.
"Pssht I dunno dude. I have a totally different blood system than you, remember? It's nice and pleasant for me." Joel dipped a foot in and shuddered at how cold it is, cursing loudly. "Stop being such a whiny bitch."
Joel glared at him before defiantly rushing in, submerging himself completely before popping his head back out, his usually-wild black hair plastered to his neck and forehead. "Fucking fuck it's fucking cold!" He yelled, voice wavering as he shuddered. Ray only grinned excitedly, his ear flippers perking up.
"Shut up. This is gonna be great!" He pulled Joel to his chest, his skin surprisingly warm, and the older man felt his face heat up. "Take a deep breath." He instructed, waiting for Joel to do so. The latter did as he was told, suddenly being pulled under water. He kept his eyes closed at first, slowly opening them as he became more accustomed. The water was murky at first, but it cleared as they delved deeper, fish of all sorts scurrying away as they approached.
He felt his lungs begin to burn and tapped Ray quickly. The mermaid turned to face him, connecting their lips and breathing into his mouth. Joel jolted in surprise, breathing out a stream of bubbles into Ray's face. The merman sighed before blowing more air into his now-empty lungs and continuing.
"We aren't too far away." He said, his voice surprisingly fine through the water. He dove down deep, breathing into Joel's mouth when necessary, until they were entering the mouth of an underwater cave, covered by an intricately-woven green mesh. He began swimming up until they were no longer under the water; Joel took deep breaths of air, inhaling it greedily.
"Welcome to my humble abode!" Ray chirped with a flourish of his hand over the cavern. Stalactites hung tall from the ceiling and the slick walls shone with minerals that Joel couldn't rightly identify.
Joel climbed onto the edge, admiring the surrounding area. "This is incredible!" He stretched out his arms as Ray smirked proudly, resting his arms beside the human.
"I know."
"Can I ask what the whole kissing thing was, though?" Joel mumbled, blushing slightly.
"…Kissing?" Ray cocked his head to the side. "Like, the Little Mermaid thing? 'Kiss the Girl'?" He sang the lyrics playfully. "Did I mention it back there or something?"
"No. You DID it to me when you gave me air. Didn't you think to, maybe, warn me?" He shrugged. "Not that I would've cared or anything; it just threw me off guard, y'know?"
"I didn't though." Ray frowned, pulling himself up to sit by Joel on the smooth rock. "I was just transferring air. Trust me; I can kiss way better than that." He bragged, flipping his tail up to spray Joel with water.
"Prove it." Joel breathed out, looking down at his hands. Ray glanced over at the man, grinning.
"Oh?" He muttered before grabbing Joel's chin with webbed fingers and turning his head to face him, connecting their lips softly. He slid his tongue into the older man's mouth, licking his teeth teasingly. Joel leaned into it, a breathy sigh escaping him as he deepened the kiss, pulling the merman closer. They only pulled away when Ray was leaning so far into Joel he nearly fell over with the weight.
"Wow. You weren't kidding." Joel whispered, still holding the merman to his chest.
"You're not so bad yourself. Weird teeth though." Ray remarked, his hand running up and down Joel's arm lovingly.
"I have perfectly fine teeth! I mean, my two front ones are a little rabbity, but I thin-"
"No, dummy. I mean they're dull. I never really knew they were like that. The old man had dentures. Then again, you guys are omnivores so I guess that makes sense." Ray mused, placing a soft peck to Joel's stubbled cheek. "Here, check this out." Ray opened his mouth, using a free hand to hold up his lip. He revealed razor-sharp teeth, running his tongue over them. "Predatory evolution." He shrugged, his hands moving to hold Joel's tightly.
"Hm." Joel frowned, his brow furrowing with thought. "So are we a thing now?"
Ray twiddled his thumbs with the human's. "I dunno. Do you wanna be? A little human/merman interspecies dating; could be fun."
"Okay." Joel smirked. "I can deal with that." He looked away, hoping the hesitation he had didn't show in his eyes as he feigned interest in a particularly large stalactite.
He was terrible with relationships; he knew this. He had a weird mind that saw things differently, and emotions were an odd thing for him to comprehend. When he was with someone, it usually didn't last long. If it did, the other person was sure to end it sooner or later. He'd accepted it, honestly, and mostly dated people simply for the show of it, uncaring of what gender they may be.
But as he glanced over to see Ray grinning happily, his fingers tracing in between Joel's unwebbed ones with joyful interest, he felt a little warmth open inside of him, like a budding flower. He rolled his eyes internally at the ridiculously cliché statement that had just passed through his mind, but he was smiling nevertheless. Ray was something completely different; duh, he was a fucking merman, but not just that.
Ray was… a ray of sunshine, he supposed. He hardly ever wasn't smiling, and his little laugh pierced right through Joel in the best way, lighting up wherever it managed to touch on its way through. And through the weeks that followed their kiss, weeks that consisted of Joel visiting every single day for hours and excavating underwater with his now-boyfriend, the human got to see how Ray interacted with the sea creatures. The merman would wave greetings to the fish and various other animals, rushing to help when a baby dolphin managed to wedge itself between two rocks. He would flip his tail around happily and talk of whales he'd met in his travels avidly, his eyes lighting up as he spoke of past friends.
"So," Joel asked over a month after their first kiss (one followed by many others of varying lengths and passion from soft pecks to sessions that left them both breathless), "How come you didn't just stay with them? How come you decided to make a little home here?" He stretched and Ray cuddled closer to him, tail wrapping around the human's legs.
"It was great, really, but I just enjoy being in one area. I guess that's weird for mermaids, because we're always moving around and most of us don't like to get attached to anyone. I guess it started with the old man, though."
"Who is this guy? You always mention him and things he taught you." Joel inquired. Ray's face fell at that, his ear flippers folding to lay flat against his head. "You don't have to tell me if you're not okay talking about it." He rubbed soothing circles into the Ray's shoulder as the merman shifted.
"No, it's okay. The old man was a good friend of mine. He found me here when I was just a little thing. My mom had sent me into the world a couple years prior and I'd traveled around for a long time, scared and alone, taking comfort in the sea creature friends I'd find. Then I got hurt and washed up on the beach nearby that cliff I saved you at. He found me, luckily, and he was totally cool with the whole merman thing. He patched me up and I stuck around.
"He had a house nearby the ocean, actually, miles away from here, and I'd always hang around it when I wasn't here. He showed me stuff about you guys, and I'd tell him things about my life. He was like my father, I guess. I used to envy how human kids got to stick with their parents and family for their lives, but he was there for me so it was okay. When he died…" Ray buried his face into Joel's chest, his voice catching. "When he died, I didn't know what to do. I would stick around his house, just waiting and hoping against hope that he'd come back out, y'know? I would try to convince myself he was just on a vacation or something. Then these men in suits came around and started hauling stuff out. I heard them say that he left everything to a guy named Ray, but they could never find me, or any evidence of my existence, so I think it all went to other people. Just knowing he'd leave everything to me, though, is amazing. He actually cared about me that much." His grip on Joel's hand tightened as he spoke. "I wish I could've gotten something to remember him by. I'll never forget though. When it was all over, I couldn't bring myself to leave. So here I stayed, made friends with the nearby marine life, and settled down for a lonely life." He bit his lip, as if debating whether he should say his next thought or not. He did, so low Joel almost didn't hear. "Until I met you."
"Hey." Joel tipped Ray's head up with his forefinger, connecting their lips gently. "I'm here, okay? And… I'm not leaving." Ray kissed him again, tears saltier than the sea prickling in the corners of his eyes as the kiss became more needy, a desperate search for validation that the human was there after years of isolation and heartbreak.
Ray smiled at him, a smile filled with so much joy that it absolutely stunned Joel that someone that had gone through so much pain could be so happy.
"You know what song you remind me of?" Joel grinned, pulling the merman to lie on top of him, chest to chest.
"What?" Ray cocked his head to the side with curiosity, resting his head in his hands.
"Mind you, I'm total shit at singing, so prepare to have this song totally butchered." He teased and Ray shoved his shoulder playfully. He cleared his throat as the merman placed his head in the crook of the older man's neck.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away."
He sang quietly, his voice low as he half-whispered the words into the merman's ear. Ray's cheeks flushed with color and he wrapped his arms around Joel, peppering his face with small kisses.
"Joel Heyman, I think you have me falling in love with a human." He mumbled, accenting the words with small kisses.
"Y'know, I think I'm already in love." Joel mused, the realization dawning on him with startling clarity. Ray kissed him again, more intensely with another motive behind it this time. His hands raked down Joel's side, making the older man lean into the touch, before resting at his hips with a firm grip.
"I wish there was some way we could always be together." Joel breathed into Ray's mouth, the words catching on the younger man's lips.
The merman froze, blinking once. "You really mean that?" He asked, sitting up.
"Yeah? That would be perfect." Joel frowned, confused.
"I mean… There is a way…" Ray mumbled quietly. Joel perked up, standing abruptly.
"Well let's do it! Why didn't you tell me this earlier? Doesn't even matter, c'mon!" He fixed Ray with an excited look, surprising the younger man.
"Um…" Ray sighed, averting Joel's gaze.
The older man's face fell into a look of worry. "Do you not… want me to?" He questioned ad Ray quickly shook his head.
"No! I mean, I do want you to! It's just… you have to die." He flatlined and Joel stopped in his tracks.
"Wait, what?"
"Well, you have to drown, actually. In the ocean. Then, I kiss you and you become a merman. At least that's how the legend goes… I'm actually not certain how much is factual."
Joel sat back down beside Ray, biting his lower lip in thought. "It's worth it." He finally spoke and Ray turned to stare at him incredulously.
"But you could die for good!" He exclaimed, as if that enough was perfect reason, and it normally would be.
"Yeah, but I could also get to live my life with you." Joel grinned, slipping into the water. "I'm not sure I can stay under by myself, though. I think natural instinct would take over. Hold me?" He said the last bit in a baby voice, hoping to bring comedy to the serious situation. Ray cracked a smile, pulling the older man to him.
"I will never understand your crazy mind, Joel Heyman." Ray said lovingly, placing a soft kiss to Joel's forehead.
"You have a lifetime to try." Joel offered, giving a nod that he was ready before Ray pulled him under.
For the first thirty seconds or so, it was no different than just holding his breath underwater; but his lungs quickly began to burn and his body began to lash out, begging for air as he tried to keep his eyes on Ray's face.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Ray yelped over and over, holding the older man closer as he struggled against his bonds. Joel only shook his head, his nose on fire as salty sea water rushed in, filling his throat and silencing any scream that may have come. His vision began to fade and the burning slowly dulled.
And, just as simply as he had been given life, he died.
Ray pressed his webbed hand to Joel's chest, the skin feeling cold, panicking slightly when no heartbeat could be found.
"It's okay. It's okay." He reassured himself, pressing his lips to Joel's. Nothing happened. "Maybe it just takes a second to kick in."
He kissed Joel harder, tongue forcing its way into the limp mouth as he tried to breathe life into the man, the tears in his eyes swept away with the water, becoming one with the ocean. He drug Joel above the surface of the water, kissing him more desperately and still receiving no result.
"No, no, no! This is supposed to work!"
He changed courses, pulling Joel onto the rocky ground and pumping his hands against his chest, breathing air into his mouth as he tried to restart the older man's heart.
"C'mon, Joel, COME ON!" He screamed, vision blurry with tears. He smacked his fist against where Joel's heart was, unmoving and cold. "PLEASE!" He wouldn't give up, he couldn't! He pumped harder, his heart racing faster than it ever had, and he wished he could give his extra beats to Joel.
"You can't leave me alone, not again! I… I can't handle being alone! I can't… I fucking can't... I won't! I can't do it again, n-never again!"
His head fell in defeat after what seemed like hours of failed attempts and he cried, sobs tearing through his body as he fell limp over Joel's body. He was alone, nobody in the world to love him, no one to know of him, and his last hope of a happy life was beneath him, lifeless at his own hand.
He screamed, clutching the cold body to him. Why had he thought a silly story would work?! Why did he let Joel try?!
He rested his head on Joel's chest, sobbing, and he sang.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you.
Please don't take
My sunshine…
Away."