Count on Me
I couldn't believe that I was thinking about this again. I swore to myself that I would never get married again after the third divorce. I had told Tony that in the beginning that I couldn't get married again or have kids. After losing Shannon and Kelly all I did was try and replace them it never worked. Nothing did till I found Tony that day in Baltimore. I knew from day one he was going to be special and a huge part of my life. Just not like this but it was everything I had wanted and needed. He was everything to me and I wanted to please him in any way I could. I knew that there was one but I was too scared to even breach the idea of asking him that question. So I called on Kate's sister she had been brought in to NCIS a few times and I knew she would listen. After hearing Tony's confession to Abby and knowing that I was hurting him and pushing him away I wanted to do something to make it right. I sent him back to work and finished for the day. I called Rachel and asked her to meet me at my house I needed to talk to her. I walked in and seen it was still early and I drank a beer waiting on her get there. I heard the knock on the door and knew that it was Rachel. I walked to the door and found her standing there I left her in and smiled.
"So Jethro what can I do for you?" Rachel asked
"Um I need your help I am confused and I need advice." I said
"Ok well let's talk." Rachel said as I started to the kitchen and grabbed two beers. I handed her one and as I took a sip of mine.
"Ok um this is hard…I don't like talking about my feeling…" I said
"I can gather I mean with the failed three marriages. Come on what's got you twisted?" Rachel asked
"Look what I am about to tell you, you can't tell anyone." I said
"Ok deal. So what's going on?" Rachel asked
"Ok. I have been seeing Tony for about a year and a half now. And I told him in the beginning that I couldn't get married again or have kids. Not after losing Shannon and Kelly." I said
"Ok so after losing them why marry again?" Rachel asked
"I thought that's what I wanted was to replace them. But I was wrong. It wasn't till I meant Tony that I knew that he was going to be a part of my life forever. Then about a two years ago he and I were talking after a long hard case and he admitted he was in love with me. And here we are a year and a half later and I may have ruined everything." I said as I got up and headed to the steps of the basement and knew that Rachel would follow me. I sat on the horse and waited till she was here.
"Jethro what do you mean you may have ruined it?" Rachel asked
"Well you know six months ago DADT was abolished and he brought up marriage and kids and I told him flat out no. Well, things were going great then I noticed that he started to get depressed and I wanted to make him feel better. But I can't get past everything." I said
"Get past everything what are you scared of, if Tony loves you why not take the next step?" Rachel asked as I looked up to her and I knew she was right but I was still scared of losing him.
"I don't want to lose him. I am scared if I take that step something going to happen like it did with Shannon and Kelly." I said
"Jethro you have to have faith in yourself and in Tony. If you keep feeling this your relationship will never go any farther. What do you want?" Rachel asked
"I want Tony with me he's my, everything and I can't imagine my life without him." Jethro said
"Then ask him." Rachel said
"I…I…I just can't." I said
"Jethro you know what you have to do." Rachel said
"I know but I just can't do it no matter how much I want to." I said
"Just try." Rachel said
"It's not in me I can't do it again." I said
"Yes you can Love makes us all do things we never thought we could. Now do it." Rachel said
"Ok here goes…I love you with all my heart and can't imagine my life without you. These past few years it's been getting harder to say no and not to act. But I am done running scared and you're everything to me. Will you marry me?" I asked
"Yes, yes I'll marry you." Rachel said "See you can do it and just keep it together and remember that Tony loves you."
"Thanks Rachel I really needed this talk." I said
"No problem. Now I must be going I have a dinner date in an hour." Rachel said as we headed up the steps and back into kitchen. I walked her to the door and as I got to the kitchen doorway I noticed the bag on the counter. Again I looked around and saw nothing out of the ordinary but the bag.
"Rachel is there a car out there?" I asked coming around the corner.
"No just me across the street. Is everything ok?" Rachel asked
"Um…there a bag from Del Rosa's on the counter it wasn't there before." I said
"Maybe Tony's here." Rachel said
"No his car would be there. I'll call him." I said as I reached to grab my phone and noticed his sitting there as well. I stopped and picked up his phone how was I going to call him now. I dialed his land line and waited and waited I got nothing.
"Gibbs." Rachel said
"He was here he brought dinner and he left." I said
"Oh god do you think he heard the conversation. Oh god you asked and I said yes." Rachel said as I started to panic. I grabbed my phone and dialed Abby.
"Hello" Abby said
"Hey Abs have you seen Tony tonight?" I asked
"No not since he left my lab why?" Abby asked
"Um he left his phone here and he's not answering his land line." I said
"I'll head over and check it out." Abby said
"Thanks Abs." I said as I hung up and turned to Rachel.
"Do you want me to stay?" Rachel asked
"No go to your dinner date. It'll be ok." I said as she left and I turned back and wondered if I had lost him cause of my selfishness. I walked into the kitchen and emptied the bag and placed everything in the fridge. I hoped and prayed that everything was ok that he was ok. I couldn't wrap my mind around everything I had overcame my fear and I couldn't wait to find Tony and ask him to marry me I was ready I wanted him to be my forever. It was well past midnight when Abby called and told me that Tony wasn't home. I was worried and barely slept all night all I could think about was what I did to Tony and how I pushed him away. He's had so much disappointment in his life and here I was adding to that. I thought back to the first time we made love. It was last winter and it was the coldest night we had lost power and the only source of light or heat was the fireplace. We had grabbed the couch cushions and the pillows from the bedroom and we cuddled in front of the fire and before long we were kissing and then striping. It was a night of many first for me but in our many conversations Tony told me about a previous relationship with a guy named Doug who was a nurse. Everything that night was so perfect and we fell asleep in front of the fire. Thinking about that was making me angry at myself for pushing him away and all I wanted was to hold Tony and tell him I love him and I did the one thing I hadn't done since Shannon and Kelly died as I laid there and cried. The ringing of a phone woke me and I looked to see it was 9 am we didn't have to be in till noon. I looked and seen it was Tony's phone that was ringing. I looked at it was lit up with Doug's name and pic. I knew I shouldn't but I had to know if he's heard from Tony.
"Hello." I said
"Is this Jethro?" He asked
"Yes who is this?" I asked
"My name is Matt I am Doug's fiancé. Um…I am calling about Tony. He's at our house in Lexington Kentucky. He came here heartbroken cause the man he loves wants to marry a woman. Tell me he was wrong?" Matt asked
"Oh god. Yes, he was wrong I knew that I was pushing him away and I hadn't meant to he's my, everything and I want to marry him. The woman he heard me talking to was a friend and she helped me see I was just scared of losing him the same way I lost my first wife and daughter." I said
"Wow he said you weren't a talker but that's a lot. But yeah he heard you ask her to marry you." Matt said
"No she told me I could do it and I said no but she pushed me to practice on her and he's the only one I want to marry." I said
"Well if you fly out here I'll pick you up and reunite you too. He was miserable when I left this morning. Call my cell 457-854-3120" Matt said
"Ok. I'll call when I land. And thank you Matt." I said as I called Vance next and arranged some time off. He granted it and then I called a got a flight to Kentucky and it was leaving in an hour. And landing in an hour. I hurried to the airport I was in a hurry to get to my heart and life. These two hours seemed to take forever it was like I was driving or walking it was taking so long. I finally landed and called Matt and let him know I was on the ground. He said he would meet me outside and take me to his house. It was only a matter of time I walked through the airport and made my way out side and there was a man waiting.
"Gibbs." He said
"Yes you must be Matt." I said
"Yeah hop in and let's get you two back together." Matt said as we pulled away from the airport.
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked
"Sure what's up?" Matt asked
"Why are you helping Tony and me?" I asked
"Because Doug told me everything that caused him and Tony to break up, it was because Tony was in love with you. He couldn't commit to Doug when his heart belonged to you. And then when I meant him 5 am yesterday morning I could see when he talked about hearing you purpose to that woman he was hurt and looked like he lost his heart. If Doug finds out I called you I might get in trouble but I had to see Tony happy. When Doug came home this morning and we kissed I saw the hurt on Tony's face he wanted what we had. And I want to give him that so here we are." Matt said
"Do you think you can do me a huge favor?" I asked
"Sure as long as it makes Tony happy." Matt said as I explained to him what I wanted to do and he was on board with the whole thing. Just as we pulled up to a house there was a guy was standing on the porch.
"Matthew Michael Miller are you crazy. And you what are you doing here?" Doug asked
"Babe listen to him first. Gibbs." Matt said
"Look Doug I know what Tony must have told you. And it is all true but what's not is me asking that woman to marry me she was helping me so I could ask Tony to marry me he's my, everything and I can't live without him." I said "I have something in mind and Matt has agreed to help, it's something that will give Tony everything he's wanted this past year."
"Well I guess third door up the steps on the left. Hurt him and marine or not I'll hurt you." Doug said as he and Matt headed to the car.
"Oh and Gibbs we'll be back in an hour or two. But we'll let you both go till morning after I talk to Doug and we have a chance to set everything up." Matt said as I walked in and headed up to the door leading to the man I love. I opened the door and there he was asleep on the bed. I walked in and saw his iPod and found a song. I knew this would get his attention it always had when I sang to him. I hit play and sat on the side of the bed and he turned and looked at me but before he could say anything I started to sing.
I know that life ain't always good to you.
I've seen exactly what it's put you through
Thrown you around and turned you upside down and so you
You got to thinking there was no way out
You started sinking and it pulled you down
It may be tough you've to get back up
Because you know that life ain't over yet
I'm here for you so don't forget
You can count on me
Cause' I will carry you till you
Carry on
Anytime you need someone
Somebody strong to lean on
Well you can count on me
To hold you till the healing is done
And every time you fall apart
Well you can hide here in my arms
And you can count on me
To hold you till that feeling is gone
I wonder why nobody's waiting on you
I'd like to be the one to pull you through your darkest times
I'd love to be the light that finds you
I see a silver lining on your cloud
I'll pick you up whenever you fall down
Just take my hand and I will help you stand
Because you know that life ain't over yet
I'm here for you so don't forget
You can count on me
Cause' I will carry you till you carry on
Anytime you need someone
Somebody strong to lean on
Well you can count on me to hold you till the healing is done
And every time you fall apart you can hide here in my arms
And you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is
Gone so you can live today
Seems so long to yesterday
Keep on counting on me to carry you till you carry on
Carry on
You know that life ain't over yet
I'm here for you so don't forget
You can count on me cause I will carry you till you carry on
Anytime you need someone
Somebody strong to lean on
Well you can count on me to hold you till that healing is done
And every time you fall apart
You can hide here in my arms
And you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is gone
Remember life ain't over yet
I'm here for you so don't forget
That you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is gone
Remember life ain't over yet
I'm here for you so don't forget
That you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is gone
"Please just listen to me. Tony I love you so much and I know over these past few weeks that second b for bastard showed up. But I love you with all my heart and can't imagine my life without you. These past few years it's been getting harder to say no and not to act. But I am done running scared and you're everything to me. Will you marry me?" I asked as he looked up to me and I could see the tears in his eyes. "Rachel was there to tell me to get my head out of my ass and take charge of what I want the most and that is you."
"But you said you never wanted to get married again." Tony said
"I know and it was for the wrong reasons I was scared that I would lose you like I did Shannon and Kelly. But Rachel made me realize that not asking you to marry me hell even moving in with me I was pushing you away and losing you anyway. And I don't want that, so will you please do me, the honors and become my husband Anthony David DiNozzo?" I asked as he sat up and kissed my lips and wrapped his arms around me.
"Yes Jethro I'll marry you only if you want to, I'll do anything to make you happy." Tony said
"Yes I want you as my husband I want you to be my husband now and forever." I said
"Ok then yes I'll marry you I love you Jethro you are my, everything and I want to share everything with you forever." Tony said as he pulled me down onto the bed with him and I wrapped my arms around him and held him close to me. He laid his head on my chest and the two of us soon fell asleep with the stress of the last twenty-four hours melted away.