Disclaimer: Is Ms. Rowling's, obviously.
A/N: Very, very random. Enjoy!
Insatiable Cravings
Harry had never been a picky person, when it came to food. He would eat just about anything.
But there was one food that Harry could barely every get his hands on, and that he had developed somewhat of a fetish for.
Cheeseburgers.
It couldn't just be a regular old burger...it had to have cheese on it. Cheese and extra cheese. And more cheese.
It started when Harry was seven, and Aunt Petunia had sent him to the convenience store to get some apple pie for Aunt Marge.
Harry had passed a food stand. He had some spare change from the pie (since he had the sense to buy the cheapest possible), and decided he would get himself a decent meal for once.
The man told him that he sold just about all the junk food imaginable, but, by chance (Harry had convinced himself that it was fate), Harry ordered a cheeseburger.
It was almost like an addiction. After that, whenever Aunt Petunia or Uncle Vernon, or even Dudley, sent Harry to the store, he would stop at that stand. And after a while, the man recognized Harry walking past to go to the store, and would always have the cheeseburger ready before Harry got back. It was an odd acquaintance, over food.
When he was nearly eleven, and went to the zoo for Dudley's birthday, Harry had a sudden urge for a cheeseburger. Which is why he sent the snake loose in the first place; it was merely a distraction, to get Harry's mind off the food that was always out of reach.
They funniest thing was, that in seventh year, Harry faced Voldemort one last time. And as he was fighting, the image of—you guessed it—a cheeseburger suddenly popped into his head. For no reason at all.
Now that he thought about it, Voldemort got finished off so quickly because he, Harry, wanted a cheeseburger. Very badly. Food could be great motivation...
And several times before that, Harry had some embarrassing and actually life-threating events that were due to his obsession with the beef on buns with some cheese...
February 14, 1996
Right after Harry's interview with Rita Skeeter, Harry stood up.
"What is is, Harry?" Hermione asked.
"Um, Hermione, Luna...are you hungry, by any chance?" Hermione shrugged, but Luna shook her head.
"I suppose I'll be going now," Luna said dreamily. "Since I'm not hungry...I need to confirm if the rumor of Crumple-Horned Snorkacks in Hogsmeade is true for Dad, anyway. See you, Harry, Hermione." She drifted away. Hermione raised an eyebrow, then turned to Harry.
"What are you hungry for?"
Harry hesitated. He had never told anyone before... "A cheeseburger."
Hermione wrinkled her nose. "You do know that cheeseburgers are death in a bun, right?" Harry rolled his eyes.
"I just really need one, Hermione."
"You would think that this cheeseburger had nicotine in it and was addictive, the way you're talking about it..." Hermione muttered.
"To me, it's exactly like that." Hermione stared at him.
"Maybe Ron will get what you mean, with his obsession for food and all that, but I am totally lost."
"Can we just go find a place that sells cheeseburgers?" Harry said desperately.
"Whatever you want, Harry. Whatever you want."
-----
After wandering the streets for a while, Harry and Hermione found a hamburger stand. Harry was arguing passionately with the woman behind the counter. Hermione was pretending she had no idea who Harry was.
"Can't you just put a piece of cheese on the top and not charge extra?" Harry pleaded. From what Hermione had gathered of the conversation, the woman (Emily, it said on her name tag) wanted to charge Harry an extra five Knuts for the extra cheese. Harry was one Knut short and desperate.
"No can do," Emily was saying, annoyed. "Even for famous people..."
"Please?" Harry begged.
"No!"
"Come on! It's just one measly Knut!"
"It already has cheese on it! Do you really need extra!"
"Yes!"
"Leave now, or I'm going to turn you in for harassing me!"
Hermione had to physically drag Harry away, after hastily apologizing to Emily. "What do you think you're doing!" she hissed in his ear. People had started to stare. Hermione's cheeks were blazing patches of pink.
"Getting a cheeseburger," Harry said weakly. Hermione shook her head in exasperation and tugged him back up to the school.
October 19, 1997
"Ron," Harry called in a strained voice.
"Harry, what is it?" Ron said softly. They were in their dormitories, and Neville, Seamus, and Dean were already asleep.
"I just had a dream that there is going to be a Death Eater attack." Ron was instantly alert.
"When?"
"Tomorrow." Ron was out of bed in a flash.
"I'm going to go tell Dumbledore." Harry suddenly felt an unwelcome, familiar urge. Oh no, not now...
"You do that, Ron," Harry said uneasily. "I have to take care of something first..." Ron gave him an odd look, but left right away. As soon as the door closed behind him, Harry jumped up, grabbing his Invisibility Cloak and the Marauders' Map, rushing out the door.
After fifteen minutes or so, Harry found himself in Hogsmeade. His memory kicked in, and his feet, with minimal help from his brain, carried him to his goal.
"Oh," Emily said distastefully. "Look who's back...let me guess. One cheeseburger, with extra cheese."
"Yes, please. Thanks," said Harry gratefully. He stowed it in a pocket of his robe (they were huge pockets), dishing over the money and ran back to Hogwarts. As he skidded into the Gryffindor common room, Hermione came into it. She eyed Harry in disbelief as he pulled the delicacy out of his pocket and began wolfing it down.
"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," she muttered. "The hero of the wizarding world, abandoning his fellow students in a time of crisis...to get a cheeseburger. The Prophet would have a field day with this one..." Harry scowled.
"You should know by now that I can't help myself when it comes to a cheeseburger, Hermione." She rolled her eyes.
"Yes, I suppose I should..." she said with a sigh.
The next day, at breakfast...
"See Hermione," Harry said cheerfully. "There wasn't an attack after all!"
Hermione grunted in assent. "But still, Harry...I'm not obsessed with any food item or—oh, look! Croissants!"
Harry and Ron howled with laughter as she and Seamus began to argue over the lastdeliciousflaky pastry.
"What about you Ron?" Harry asked curiously. "Do you have a fetish for anything?"
Ron looked embarrassed. "Um, well, when I was twelve, when I got home for the summer holidays, Mum had just gotten back from sock shopping..."
Review! The tale of Ron and his secret fetish is on its way...